Chapter 9 Dare
NINE
DARE
Iglanced at the greaseproof paper bag and licked my lips.
The image of Zach seeing me off with a blueberry lemon curd muffin and a bright smile was too much this early in the morning.
It was too familiar when he’d only been in my house for two days.
I could get used to this. I knew I could.
And therein laid the problem. Because Zach wasn’t mine and he couldn’t ever be mine.
I sighed and looked straight into the road, out the windshield for a moment before I turned the wipers on.
The sky ahead looked gray and ominous and I was heading right into the abyss.
I made a quick pit-stop at Duke’s to hand him his order, then went into town and parked in front of Nimit’s Essentials by the waterfront.
“Good morning, Dare,” Nim said as soon as I walked in. He quickly stood up from behind the register and led me to the store room in the back.
“Two cases today, right?” I asked.
He nodded.
“Let’s see how long these last this time,” he said.
“Really?” I grimaced.
“Are you kidding?” Nim blew raspberries. “Your jam is flying off the shelf. I just hope you can keep up with the demand.”
“I’ll do my best,” I said.
If anyone would have told me five years ago I’d be a jam maker, a pie baker, a small town farmer that was part of a loving community, I would have laughed in their face.
Even though buying the blueberry farm was a conscious decision, I hadn’t planned on doing more than caring for the land and selling my crops to local stores.
I also thought I’d have Wyatt by my side to help me, but that hadn’t panned out, had it? At least he’d never even set foot in the farm when I was going through the purchase. That way he hadn’t sullied my home with his lies and broken promises. There was a silver lining to everything I guess.
We walked back out front and Nim opened the register and counted some bills before passing them to me and I handed him his invoice.
“How are things here?” I looked out the window, where Zach’s truck used to be. A black patch still visible where it once stood.
Nim shrugged.
“Same as always, I guess. Everyone’s still shocked with what happened to Zach’s truck. Some people are saying it was an insurance scam but—”
“It wasn’t! Zach would never do that. He loves his job.” My voice came out all growly and tense, making the large man standing opposite me flinch.
“I know, Dare. I’ve told them, but you know how the rumor mill goes. They might be all sweet and courteous to your face, but they won’t waste an opportunity to stab you in the back,” he said.
I nodded.
“Trust me. I’d know.”
I narrowed my eyes and tilted my head to the side, the question surely obvious in my face, but in case it wasn’t I added, “What happened with you?”
He let out a deep breath and sat down on the chair behind the counter.
“Nothing. Don’t worry.”
I persisted.
“Well, you know. Racists will be racist. It is a small town after all.”
“Really? I hadn’t noticed anything like that. Everyone seems so accepting.”
I pursed my lips apologetically.
“It’s not horrible, better than other places I’m sure. But you still have the odd ones that think I’m stealing their jobs. I don’t see any of them lining up to run a convenience store. But whatever. I learned not to let them get to me a long time ago.”
“Well, I for one am sorry you have to deal with that. I’ll try and do better at spotting it in the future,” I said.
I wondered if Zach had experienced any racism since he’d gotten here.
“Thank you, Dare. Always kind. Alright, I better get those jams shelved before the hordes come in.”
I chuckled and tipped my non-existent hat to him and returned to my car. The next stop was the grocery store at the end of the road and this time I parked in one of the designated areas to unload when someone called my name.
“Dare? Well, hello stranger.” I turned around and I couldn’t help the smile that crawled on my face.
“Warren, you bastard! Where have you been?”
I put the cases back on the trunk and embraced the young man who’d stood by me through everything in the last five years.
“Ah I know. I know. I was deployed all over the place. I’m sorry. I meant to keep in touch,” he said, and I patted him on the shoulder.
“It’s all right. I know how it is. How long are you off?”
Warren sighed.
“I honestly don’t know.”
I raised an eyebrow.
“Really? How come?”
“I don’t know, man. My heart’s not in it anymore. I want to help people. Not whatever it is we do.”
“Well, I could always use a pair of hands around here.”
Warren gasped. “Please. You think I’ll ruin these bad boys to pick your blueberries? Fuck off, dude.” He showed me his hands as if they were in pristine condition and I rolled my eyes.
“Are you visiting…him?” I huffed.
“If you’re talking about my dear brother then yes. I assume you still haven’t mended that fence yet?” He crossed his arms and stared at me.
“I’ve told you. That fence is unmendable. He betrayed me. He broke his promises. He abandoned me.”
Warren watched me for a moment or two and then he sighed and put his hands on my shoulders.
“I know. What Wyatt did sucked, but you know he’s so deep in the closet. It didn’t have anything to do with you.”
“If he truly loved me, it wouldn’t have mattered,” I said.
“I still think retiring here, back home, was a bad idea. But I guess it’s too late now.”
“It is,” I huffed.
“I wish you’d just let it go at least. It’s been five years.”
“How can you say that, Warren? I thought he was the love of my life, and what he did was awful.”
“It was. But I wish you’d let go for you. It’s not healthy holding on to that much anger. It eats you up inside.”
I scoffed.
“You’ve been hanging too much with your therapist friend.”
Warren laughed.
“Not nearly enough time. But he’s taught me a lot.” He hummed. “I wish I could get you two thickheads in the same room and make you talk this out, but I’m not supposed to know about your relationship, am I?”
“It wouldn’t help anyway. There’s nothing there to fix.”
Warren nodded and dropped his arms by his sides.
“I should get back to work. Do you want…do you want to walk with me?” he said and I glared at him.
“I thought you said you’re off.”
“Yeah. I’m on leave. But I’m helping out a buddy. Come on. You should meet him.”
I locked the car and followed Warren down to the waterfront where there was a parked van with a line of people waiting outside.
Warren skipped the line and ducked inside where a tall, dark and handsome man was putting on a white coat.
“Dare, meet my very dear friend, Ari. Ari, this is Dare.”
Ari shook my hand and smiled.
“Nice to meet you,” he said, his voice deep and slightly accented.
“Ari here is doing community outreach, helping people who don’t have insurance or can’t afford their copays to get some medical attention and advice.”
“That’s amazing,” I said. “Have you been to the west side yet? I think the people there definitely need your help.”
Warren nodded.
“Yeah. The west side is bad. Though Wilson is promising to help people if he’s elected mayor.”
Ari raised an eyebrow.
“You believe a politician pre-election? They will say anything to get elected, dude.”
“I know,” Warren said. “But you gotta have hope.”
“Hope huh? What’s that like?”
Warren laughed and turned to me.
“Don’t mind my cynical Greek friend here. He’s a good guy.”
I chuckled.
“Greek huh? That explains the accent,” I said.
“What accent?” Ari grimaced, glaring at me.
“Oh. Ah…I just..”
“Nah man. I’m fucking with you.” He laughed.
“So how does this work exactly? What are you doing?”
Ari told me a little bit about his mission and how he works, including how he finds places to visit where he can do the most good. He quickly had to excuse himself to start seeing patients, so Warren and I exited the van and walked back to my car.
“Dr. Ari!” I said. “Is he a good friend?”
Warren rolled his eyes.
“Fuck off Dare. I told you, I’m straight.”
“Mmmhmm,” was all I said.
“Oh shut up. What about you? Anyone in your life? Or are you still moping?”
I jabbed him in the ribs for that, and he groaned dramatically but he didn’t stop poking.
“You’re not answering my question.”
“There’s nothing to answer.”
Warren stepped in front of me and smirked.
“You’ve got someone, don’t you?”
“You’re talking out of your ass,” I said.
“Who is it? Tell me. Come on. I thought we had no secrets. Aren’t we best buds?”
I shook my head and sighed.
“There’s no one, Warren. I told you. Now I need to go. Catch up soon?”
Warren looked at me through narrowed eyes and pushed his lips to one side.
“Why? So you can evade my questions again?”
“Fine.” I shrugged. “Be like that.”
I moved to open the trunk so I could finish my delivery when Warren spoke again.
“No. It’s fine. Yeah. We should catch up. I’ll message you later.”
I nodded and we went our separate ways.
I hated lying to my friend, and Warren was the closest thing I had to one. He’d been the only one I was able to confide in and that was because he was far too smart for his own good. Especially considering he’d been able to tell about Wyatt and me from just looking at us.
So of course I hated lying to him. Though, was it lying if there wasn’t anything going on between Zach and me?
Because there wasn’t, right?
That greaseproof paper with the muffin stared back at me when I got back in the car and it didn’t stop pestering me until I wolfed down the damn thing.
Not that it helped.
Zach was perfectly ingrained in my head, no matter what I did. And to make matters worse he was in my house, cuddling my dog, sleeping in my bed—without me in it, but still.
I knew it was the right thing to do. To help him out.
To give him shelter. But I couldn’t help but feel like an idiot for letting him get so close.
I didn’t need temptation under my roof. Because temptation led to weakness, and weakness led to horrible, terrible things like falling in love, and dreaming of a happily-ever-after and I couldn’t have that.
I wouldn’t have that.
No matter how good the fantasy was, the reality was that my heart was closed for business.