35
Will woke up at midday. Downstairs, he could hear beer cans getting crunched and clattering together. A kettle was boiling. The sun was streaming in through the curtains he’d forgotten to close, and he could see frost on the hill behind his house. The first thing he did was reach for his phone.
Gabriel: I’m downstairs when you wake up. What do you want for breakfast?
Will rubbed his eyes. He controlled his instinct to just go straight down and made a trip to the bathroom. There was bruising on his jaw, but only a small amount. It would be gone in a few days. Only after Will messed with his hair for a long five minutes, changed into fresh clothes, and doused himself in a little cologne did he wander down the stairs. Given the mess Gabriel had seen him as last night, he wanted to remind Gabriel that Will could look good as well. Or at the very least, look human.
Leah and Gabriel were both in the living room tossing the collection of beer cans into a bin set up between them.
“Be quieter,” Gabriel was saying. “You’ll wake him up.”
Leah glared at him. “When exactly did you two become best friends?”
“Probably around the time you decided finishing an essay was more important than your baby brother.” Gabriel’s tone made Will freeze up. He’d been gentle and soft with Will last night, but clearly there wasn’t even a spec of that reserved for Leah.
“My mother needed me,” Leah snapped. “I didn’t leave because of an essay.”
“She’s a grown woman,” Gabriel said back unkindly. “Will was alone. He shouldn’t have been dealing with any of this, and he shouldn’t have had to do it with no one to support him.”
“Is that what you are then?” Leah demanded. “His support?”
“If he wants that.”
“You’re his tutor, nothing more.”
As soon as Will heard the word “tutor,” he decided it was time to step in. “Morning.”
Gabriel and Leah both flinched and turned to him. They looked oddly guilty and seemed to realise at once that he’d overheard them. Gabriel gave him an embarrassed half-smile before abandoning his bag of beer cans and approaching Will. “How do you feel?”
“Better than I expected,” Will answered honestly. Physically, at least. Emotionally, he was dazed.
“Are you able to eat?” Gabriel asked. “I bet you’re hungry after last night.”
“I could eat.” Will noticed Leah giving Gabriel a hard look and turned toward her. “How’s your wrist?”
Leah softened as she faced him. “It’s okay. You don’t need to worry about me.”
Will glanced out the window and noticed that Dad’s van was gone.
“And where is—”
“Don’t get me started on that man,” Leah muttered.
Gabriel’s expression darkened as he cast Leah an irritated look. That irritation vanished when he faced Will once more. “Come on. Breakfast first, and we can talk about the rest later.”
*
The Christmas holidays passed in a strange blur. Every day, Gabriel would be in the house to make Will breakfast and usually stayed until Leah was practically kicking him out the door. Dad approached Will once to ask if he was okay and other than that stayed away from the house. Leah went on daily trips to the city. Will knew she was going to see Mom, but he could never bring himself to ask how those visits went. All he knew was that she was out of the hospital and back at the apartment and that she wasn’t allowed anywhere near him. There wasn’t going to be any guard involvement.
Christmas Day was lonely with just the two of them, and lonelier when Leah left in the evening. Will didn’t blame her. He knew Mom was alone, and he didn’t think that was right either. But it didn’t feel like a holiday.
Will left his empty house and walked to Gabriel’s place. He was relieved to find his car parked in the driveway. He knocked and Gabriel was there in a few seconds. “Will.” His face brightened. “I was just about to call you.”
“Are you going somewhere?” Will noted the nice shirt and jeans he had on. All that was missing was a tie, and Gabriel would be dressed in what he wore to school. Since the holidays had begun, Gabriel had stopped shaving, and the dark hair that filled in his jawline gave him a rugged look. It was more casual than Gabriel’s clean-shaven appearance…or, Will might have liked it more because he only ever saw Gabriel clean-shaven when they were at school.
Will forced himself to look away, a little embarrassed by how deeply he was analysing why he liked it when Gabriel didn’t shave. Maybe he was into beards and just hadn’t realised?
“I’m just back from my sister’s. I always spend Christmas with her,” Gabriel said, thankfully drawing Will out of his thoughts. “Come in.”
“Actually…” Will had come over here for a different reason than to just hang out with Gabriel, although he knew he only had to ask and he’d get to do both of the things he wanted. Gabriel was in the mood of giving Will whatever he asked for at the moment. “I wanted to get my volleyball. I have the match next week, and I haven’t practiced in a few weeks.”
Gabriel hesitated, worry creeping into his expression. “Are you sure?”
“The bruising is gone now.” Will shrugged. And even though that wasn’t strictly true, the upcoming game was starting to worry him. He needed to practice or worry would turn to anxiety in an instant. He didn’t want to deal with more anxiety on top of everything else. “The only real damage happened to the car, and even that’s drivable again. Do you want to join me?”
“Let me change real quick,” Gabriel said.
*
“I was thinking,” Gabriel said as they passed the ball between them, “I’m going finish up the tutoring at your school soon. It was only meant to be a part-time gig to keep me occupied while I’m minding the house for Gran, and I think after this next semester I’ll call it quits.”
Will was glad his body could move with no instruction so that even distracted he could keep going. There were a dozen ways Will could read what Gabriel had just told him, but Will jumped to what Gabriel leaving his tutoring post could mean for their future. Or a possible future. It felt like he was changing his life for Will, and that made him nervous. “It doesn’t worry you, anymore?” he questioned. “Not giving me space until I turn eighteen?”
“I wish I’d never tried to do that.” Gabriel caught the ball as it came toward him. “I really thought I was doing the right thing. You have a bright future ahead of you. I felt like it would be unfair to hold you back before you even got out of the starting gates.”
Will chuckled. “You thought you were the one holding me back?”
Gabriel crossed the space between them with a frown. The old house behind Gabriel was undoubtedly empty, but Will was very aware that there was a gap in the trees where the road was visible when Gabriel stood closer than what could be considered normal. “Nothing like that has crossed my mind even once.”
“Not even when you told me to delete your number?”
Gabriel pressed his lips together. “I’m not proud of that.”
“It was the ‘appropriate’ thing to do.” Will shrugged, averting his eyes in case he gave away it still hurt him. Especially now. When he was so close to Gabriel, the memory of being spurned had more sting in it.
“I didn’t do that because it was the right thing to do.” Gabriel sighed. “I got scared.”
Will brought his eyes immediately back to Gabriel, hurt showing or not. It had been Gabriel coming to his senses that had caused him to pull away. Of Gabriel realising that there could be serious consequences for him if he’d entertained Will any further. “It’s understandable why.”
Gabriel let out a sigh. “I’m sorry, Will. I made a mess of this from the start. I shouldn’t have been putting myself first like that and not considering how I was making you feel.”
Will’s heart hurt. He eyed the road and stepped into Gabriel’s space, pressing a quick, chaste kiss to his lips. He immediately backed away into his own space, and his cheeks burned at his own actions. “It’s okay,” he told Gabriel. “And I don’t want you to put me first. You should take care of yourself, and if you have time to spare after, then you can worry about me.”
Gabriel watched him with affection in his gaze. He smiled at Will. “I don’t think I have a choice about who comes first anymore,” he admitted.
Part of Will was delighted, because even though Gabriel didn’t want them going further physically, he was allowing at least this much.
“Let’s go back to mine. I have a Christmas present for you.”
“Oh.” Will blinked and felt guilty. “I didn’t get you anything.”
“I don’t need anything,” Gabriel said with a smile. “And it’s not much, anyway. Have you had dinner yet?”
“Not yet.”
“Perfect, I have that as well.”
They walked back to his house and Will checked the time as they went inside. “I shouldn’t stay too long,” Will said reluctantly. “Leah’s suspicious about how much time we’re spending together, and she’s going to be back later tonight.”
“Let her be.” Gabriel shrugged. “Unless the two of us do something right in front of her, she’s not going to know.”
“What about when I’m eighteen?” Will questioned. He took in a deep breath before continuing. Even imagining the future scared him most of the time. Talking about it with someone he hoped to share it with? He prayed his voice didn’t shake enough for Gabriel to notice. “What if…what if there’s an ‘ us’ then? Are we always going to hide this from everyone?”
Gabriel took his hand as they stepped inside. “That’s a good point.” He agreed reluctantly. “I’d rather have you stay longer though.”
Will let out a breath of relief. Gabriel didn’t find it weird that he was talking about their future.
He smiled. “I’d like to stay longer as well. Can I open the present?”
Gabriel chuckled. “Yes.”
It was a Fitbit. Gabriel looked embarrassed as he helped Will put it on. “I told you it was just something small. This way you can keep track of all the exercise you do, make sure you’re drinking enough water and eating enough, and—”
“I love it.”
Will read through the instructions and got it linked into his phone. Gabriel watched him like a nervous hawk the whole time.
“I sort of got one too,” Gabriel admitted sheepishly. “We can keep track of what we’re doing. And now that I’ve said that out loud, it sounds kind of…” He winced, “I’m not trying to monitor you. I thought—”
“Gabriel,” Will interrupted again. “I like it. It’s okay. Now I can see how much time you spend beating up poor One Direction.”
They put on a Christmas movie, and Gabriel heated some of his family's Christmas dinner for them to eat. It was good, and Will finished up the whole plate. During an ad, Gabriel moved forward on the couch and looked over Will nervously.
Will straightened immediately. “What is it?”
“I know you have a lot going on with your family.” Gabriel paused the TV completely. “And you’re dealing with that. But is there something about me that’s putting you off?”
Will jolted.
“I’m not saying this to start anything, or to put you on the spot. I just want to know what’s going on. You’re here with me, but…” he looked straight at Will with gentle eyes. “It’s like you’re trying to keep me at a distance and not let me see what you’re thinking. Is this about what you said before? Are you scared of me leaving?”
Will wondered if he could do this. If he could be honest with him. It was impossible to figure out whether or not talking would help because he was afraid of how Gabriel would answer him. “I don’t want you to stay with me because you feel you have to.” Will shifted so he could face the room and not Gabriel. His Fitbit betrayed the spike in his heart rate, and the number on the screen climbed sharply. “I don’t want you to treat me like this kid that’s going to break if you don’t give me what I want.”
“That’s not how I feel at all.”
Will took in a shaky breath, and he let the insecurities he’d been keeping at bay when he spent time around Gabriel come back. “Before I could tell. Even when you were being distant, I could see that you wanted me. But now I don’t know if you’re treating me this way because you feel bad for me or you want me.”
“Will.” Gabriel moved next to him on the couch. “I’m not trying to treat you like a kid.” He pressed his forehead against Will’s head and placed a soft kiss against his temple. His lips were warm on his skin, and his breath tickled Will’s cheek. “I’m trying to treat you like my boyfriend.”