30. Noah
30
NOAH
I used to consider my condo a place of refuge, but today it felt like a prison cell.
Despite the statement, the fallout from Beckett’s lies wasn’t stopping, which translated to a dozen of my clients either defecting to other agents within the company or leaving us entirely. My team and I had decided it was wise for me to take the day off so I didn’t have to try to keep up appearances with my staff. Most people would welcome the opportunity to step away during such a challenging time. I was hating every second of it.
I didn’t know what to do with myself. There was no way I could scroll through social media given that I never knew when something about me might pop up, and I forced myself to stay away from my laptop to keep from working. I had rows of books on my shelves I could read, but most of them were biographies or autobiographies written by my clients. Stories about overcoming adversity and achieving their dreams.
I scowled when my eye fell on one of the titles. The Last Home Run by Manuel Rivera. I remembered going to Manny’s book launch. He’d signed my copy thanking me for helping him get to the next level, saying I was part of his “dream team.” Yeah, right. Sure didn’t seem that way when he unceremoniously dropped PSM after the news broke.
I couldn’t even turn on the TV. All of the channels were programmed to sports networks.
I stalked around my place like a caged animal. I felt powerless, and there was nothing I hated more.
The patio overlooking the beach offered no solace. The truth was it was a space I rarely had a chance to visit. Maddy had forced me to sit outside with her on a few early Sunday mornings, but I couldn’t remember the last time I’d sat out there alone. I thought maybe the fresh air would help to clear my mind, but nothing was working. I threw myself down on a lounge beneath the shade of an umbrella and noticed a novel peeking out from beneath the cushion. The cover featured a beautiful woman with long, dark hair in a disheveled dress, glancing over her shoulder at a scowling, constipated-looking pirate. Maddy’s romance novel, A Promise of Forever . I opened it to the first page, but the words swam together.
Maddy. There were hints of her throughout my apartment. Hair ties and a small bottle of lotion in the bathroom. Her toothbrush in a cup. A book light on the nightstand by the bed. A pair of earrings in the decorative dish on my front table. Nothing was deliberate. It wasn’t like she was marking her territory; they were all the byproducts of Maddy simply existing in my space. Little reminders that she was a part of my life.
Usually, I liked discovering them.
Today they felt like landmines.
My phone rang and I pulled it out of my pocket so quickly it nearly slipped from my grip. Not the office, which was what I was hoping for, but Maddy. It was almost as if she could sense I was thinking about her.
“Good morning,” I answered.
“Hey, how was last night?” she asked tentatively. “Were you able to sleep?”
Maddy had had plans with her friends. She’d offered to cancel them to be with me, but I thought it was important for her to honor them, knowing how much she cherished her time with them. Plus, I’d wanted the time alone to clear my head. Not that it worked.
“A little,” I sighed as I finally stretched out on the lounge. Yeah, I was exhausted.
“Listen, since I have the day off too, I thought I could come over and keep you company. Have you had breakfast?”
“Nope. Nothing to eat in the place. And I don’t have much of an appetite.”
She paused. “Okay, uh, so I guess we can catch up later? Or not, it’s up to you.”
This is what we’d become, two people who didn’t know quite what to say to each other. There was an awkwardness between us that I hated, but I knew I was partly to blame. I couldn’t get past Maddy’s role in everything that had happened. It was shit thinking on my part, but I was still frustrated that she hadn’t thought to talk to me first.
“No.”
“ What ?” Maddy’s voice was a shocked squeak.
“I mean, no don’t come over later. Just come now. Spend the day with me.”
She let out a relieved sigh. “Oh good, I wasn’t sure what you meant! I’ll bring breakfast.”
“Don’t bother, I’m not hungry.” My stomach rumbled in protest.
“I’ll be there in a bit, bye!”
That chipper voice did lift my spirits a little. Seeing Maddy might be good for me after all.
I took a quick shower and straightened up my already immaculate place. I looked forward to spending time with her, but the nagging voice was still there, reminding me over and over that Maddy played a major role in everything that was crashing and burning around me. How was I ever going to get past it?
My phone buzzed an alert when Maddy punched the button for my floor on the elevator, and my heartbeat kicked up a few notches. Yeah, despite everything, I was still looking forward to seeing her.
I just needed to deal with the static in my brain.
She knocked even though I’d given her a key, and when I opened the door, she was holding out a bag from the local New York-style bagel shop.
“I know you said you’re not hungry, but I couldn’t resist bringing something anyway. If you still don’t want anything now, you can eat them later. Good morning, by the way.”
I welcomed her in with a brief hug and kiss on the top of her head. “Thanks. I actually am hungry now, so this is perfect.”
She headed for the kitchen with a spring in her step. “I like mine toasted, so do you mind if I use your toaster oven? I brought two different kinds of cream cheese too. I couldn’t remember if you like scallion or plain, so I got both. Did I ever tell you about the time I almost cut off my finger trying to slice open a bagel? Like, blood everywhere, even on the bagel. Absolutely disgusting. I’m sort of afraid to cut them now, it’s one of my weird phobias, so I’m hoping you can take care of that for me, okay?”
Usually I enjoyed hearing all of her crazy stories, but today I wasn’t feeling it. I’d hoped Maddy would come in acting as somber as I felt, but for whatever reason she seemed like she didn’t have a care in the world. It bothered me, the notion that my entire life was imploding, and it wasn’t registering with her.
I set up the toaster oven for her in silence, then sliced open a few bagels.
“What’s wrong?” she asked me, her forehead wrinkling.
I threw the knife on the counter and choked out a harsh laugh. “What’s wrong ? Try everything, Maddy.”
“I know, of course I know,” she answered quickly. “But you seem like you’re upset with me .”
I crossed my arms and leaned against the counter. Her expression was nervous, but also a little… if I didn’t know better, I’d say it was almost confrontational.
“I’m still processing what happened.”
“What does that mean?” she asked, frowning harder at me.
I sighed. “We’re going there now? Before breakfast? Honestly Maddy, I wish you’d come to me instead of going directly to HR. I thought you knew that already.”
“Wait, wait, hold on,” she replied as she slammed the toaster oven door shut. “I don’t follow what you mean. I read the employee handbook, several times. There’s nothing in it about a chain of command that includes notifying you first when it comes to harassment issues. In fact, that could almost be considered a conflict of interest. I did exactly what I was supposed to do, and so did Anna.”
I stared at the floor and answered her in a measured tone even though I was getting more and more upset. “That handbook is written for the generic employee. You’re obviously not that. We’re in a relationship. And you also have a history with the person at the center of this controversy. We both know Beckett is a loose cannon. If you’d come to me first, we could’ve figured out a way to address it without ending up… well, without ending up here.”
“Are you saying I should’ve come to you so you could convince Anna and me not to pursue the harassment charge?”
“Absolutely not,” I shot back. “All I wanted was a chance to regroup and plan a battle strategy before firing Beckett, so we could work through the potential outcomes. Instead, you blindsided me and now I’m left dealing with an absolute shitstorm that’s upending my entire business.”
She stared at me in silence for a few seconds, her eyes wide.
“Oh my god. You’re… you’re blaming me,” Maddy said in a shocked whisper. She stared at me like I’d betrayed her.
“Stop,” I said, more angrily than I’d intended. “That’s not it at all.”
“Well, what then?” Maddy asked, folding her arms across her chest and jutting out her chin at me. “Please explain it to me.”
I started pacing around the kitchen, the only thing I could do to try to tame the wild emotions flooding through me. “I don’t like surprises. I thought you understood that by now. I don’t like being caught off guard, and that’s exactly what happened in this scenario. If you’d come to me first…”
“Then what?” she demanded. “Would you have talked us out of reporting Beckett? Told Anna it wasn’t as bad as it was? Tell me, Noah. I’d really like to know.”
I fumed, my anger getting the best of me. “No, I absolutely would not have talked the two of you out of reporting him. The guy deserved to get canned. I’m glad to see him gone. What I’m not happy about is the fact that his firing caught me completely off guard. Yes, you followed protocol, Maddy, but you seemed to forget about the many ancillary issues in this scenario complicating a clean outcome.”
She laughed at me, and the sound caused me to stop pacing. “Is that all I am to you? An ‘ancillary issue’?”
“For fuck’s sake, Maddy,” I threw up my hands in frustration. “We’re just going to keep going around and around, aren’t we? No matter how I try to explain it to you, you refuse to see my perspective. You don’t want to admit your actions directly ignited the disaster I’m currently facing.”
She made a frustrated noise. “That’s all you care about, isn’t it? Your precious business. I’ve always known it, but it’s never been more obvious than right now. Thanks for clearing it up, Noah. Appreciate it.”
I opened my mouth to respond, but Maddy had already grabbed her purse and stormed out of the kitchen.
I had no choice but to follow behind her.