31. Maddy
31
MADDY
“ M addy .”
Noah sounded like he wanted to scold me. I didn’t turn around, because I didn’t want him to see I was holding back tears.
“Maddy, please don’t go.”
His voice was softer than it had sounded in the kitchen. I felt a flicker of hope, but I still paused in the entryway feeling torn about what to do next. I thought we could come to an understanding about everything that had happened but that would be difficult when it was so obvious Noah valued the well-being of his agency more than me.
It hurt. Badly.
“What? What’s left to say, Noah?” I asked, adjusting my expression before finally turning to him.
“Just come back and sit down, okay?”
I threw my purse on the hall table and followed him back inside, trying to channel my sadness into anger. Maybe that would hurt a little less.
We sat down on the couch, the same couch that had been the site of our lovemaking so many times, when we couldn’t wait to get to the bedroom. Now we were at opposite ends, far enough apart there’d be no chance of accidentally touching. Funny how things could change so quickly. I no longer felt welcome in Noah’s space. In fact, how had I never noticed how sterile this place was? Everything was first class, and obviously expensive, but there was no heart here.
In a way it made sense. It was the perfect place for him.
“I feel like I need to explain myself,” Noah began haltingly. “I need you to understand where I’m coming from.”
“Oh, I know exactly where you’re coming from,” I snarked. “You’ve made that clear since day one.”
He closed his eyes. “Maddy, would you stop? Please? Let me speak.”
I let out a loud sigh.
“Yes, you followed policy,” Noah said. “Yes, you did the right thing. But that’s not the point here. My concern is that Beckett used the fact that he was terminated as a weapon against me, and I wasn’t adequately prepared for the attack. Have you seen the lies he’s been spreading?”
“Not really.” I shook my head. “I’m staying away from his social media. I’ve gotten a few calls and emails asking for me to comment, but I haven’t responded. And I told the girls I don’t want to talk about it.”
“My team is filtering it for me. Maddy, Beckett is out there positioning me as a womanizing predator. He’s taken our consensual relationship and spun it to look like I used my power and influence to coerce you into sleeping with me against your will. He’s made a point to talk about how attractive our female staff is, implying that looks are part of the hiring criteria. And worse, he’s using Zoe as an example of my so-called bad behavior too. Saying I tried to get her into bed but she refused, and I fired her because of it. Everyone at PSM knows that’s not the truth, but to dispute it gives it more air, which is the last thing we want. But the problem is, I went about it all wrong. I didn’t bother to go through the proper channels to create a paper trail proving Zoe’s incompetence, which left her firing open to interpretation. Beckett is obviously taking advantage of that.”
It was true. Before my social media fast, I’d seen one of Zoe’s posts on Instagram, talking about how she’d been victimized.
“I don’t know what to say, Noah.”
He was still talking about all the ways that he’d been wronged. Here I was, the victim of harassment, yet he’d barely acknowledged it since the day it happened. And poor Anna. She was caught in the crossfire and doing everything she could to keep her name out of the headlines. Yeah, we were all in a mess, but Noah couldn’t see the impact it was having on the true victims. All he cared about was his reputation and PSM’s.
His mouth twisted and he shrugged. “Say you see my perspective. Say you’re on my side, Maddy.”
My body went cold at his words.
“On… your side? Are you serious, Noah?”
He repositioned himself, his expression confused. “Well, yeah. We need to be a united front. Since the statement didn’t land the way we wanted, the team is going to figure out a way for us to do an appearance together, one that’ll take away any doubt about our relationship.”
“You still don’t get it, do you?” I asked as my heart started to fracture. “I’m sitting here, totally hurt by what happened—what Beckett did to me and to Anna when he was in the office with us and what he’s been doing smearing our names since he left—but you haven’t once asked how I’m doing. All you care about is PSM. I thought maybe, maybe you’d come around and give me a little sympathy. Hug me, tell me that everything will be okay, you know?” I sniffled to hold back the tears, grabbing onto my anger instead. “Nope, Noah Parker is all about that bottom line, baby. Always was, always will be.”
“Now come on, Maddy… I’m?—”
“No, it’s too late,” I interrupted, holding up my hand to stop him. “You had the chance to say the right thing and you chose not to. But I totally understand your perspective, Noah, and what matters most to you. You’ve made that crystal clear. I hoped maybe you’d think of someone other than yourself but…” I gestured helplessly as tears filled my eyes again.
“Maddy, what do you want me to do? What can I say to help you understand? Yes, my business matters to me because I employ hundreds of people. Don’t you get that? They’re all counting on me. You might think PSM is all about me and my ego, but the fact is, my reputation directly impacts everyone who works there and our clients.”
It was true that the company employed lots of people… but he was fooling himself if he believed that was his big priority. I believed he cared about his employees—but they weren’t the ones he was so worried about protecting at the moment. And I certainly wasn’t, either.
I swiped away a tear as I tried to find the strength for what I had to say next. Because everything was about to change. I fought against the hope he’d tell me I was wrong, but I could see how it was all going to play out before I said a word.
“Noah, it’s obvious this isn’t working out.” It came out in a pained rush, like if I didn’t say it fast I wouldn’t be able to say it at all. It took all of my strength to keep from crying, but I wanted to show him I wasn’t some weak little girl. “If you can’t balance your business with what it takes to have a healthy relationship… we might as well end it now.”
His mouth dropped open in shock. “Are you serious ?”
I cleared my throat. “I am.”
He froze and stared into space. It felt like I was seeing the powerful and mighty Noah Parker dumbfounded for the first time ever. As much as I was hurting, a tiny part of me enjoyed it.
“You really feel that way? It’s what you want?”
I had to fight from shouting that no , it was the last thing I wanted. I actually wanted him to fall to his knees in front of me and beg me to stay. I wanted him to tell me I was the best thing that had ever happened to him, and he was so sorry for the way he’d treated me.
But that was a fantasy. The man I’d stupidly fallen for wasn’t capable of that kind of emotion.
“Yes,” I finally answered. “It’s what I want.”
He let out a long sigh, staring down at his clasped hands. “Okay, then. Fine.”
And that was it. No fight. No begging. Three words.
That was all it took to destroy me.
My heart fractured into a few billion more shards. He didn’t even make an attempt at saving us. He was totally okay with me ending it. I glanced at him out of the corner of my eye, hoping his face might reveal what his words couldn’t, but nope, he looked like typical Noah. He had the perfect poker face. Great for business, awful for real life.
“Fine,” I managed in a steady voice even though I felt like I was on the verge of a breakdown. “I’m leaving.”
I stood up, walking quickly past him and out the door before he had a chance to say anything.
I punched the elevator button so hard my finger smarted. There was so much to sort through, from a business perspective. I was still his assistant, after all. I still had his second phone in my car. We had a half-dozen trips planned together over the next few weeks. I knew he depended on me. We’d have to work out what to do about that—but I was in no mood to try to figure it out now.
I stormed into the hot sunshine, my sadness making way for the anger that had been there all along, just below the surface. I had to keep reminding myself he depended on me for business . And maybe sex. But when it came down to what was truly important in a relationship—standing up for each other, always having one another’s back—none of that would ever be on Noah’s to-do list. Not that I wanted to ever be part of a bulleted list.
The seats in my car were boiling, but I leaned into the heat. I felt like I couldn’t get warm after my conversation with Noah. He’d never made me any promises, but still… our relationship had felt real. Like it mattered to him. How stupid I’d been to believe Noah would ever put me first.
I merged into traffic without even looking, earning a few angry honks. Damn it, the tears were coming now. I rubbed my eyes with one hand while trying to figure out what the hell I was doing. I didn’t want to go back to my apartment. I wasn’t ready to dissect it all with my girls. I needed time to… well, to cry it out.
The next thing I knew I was parking next to Surfside Beach. There was no such thing as a truly secluded beach in Miami, but at least it was less crowded than the rest. I could cry my eyes out without having to worry about interrupting a model-influencer’s photo shoot.
I kicked off my flip-flops and speed-walked to the sand. I wasn’t wearing sunscreen and my skin had a tendency to go lobster red, but I didn’t care. I just wanted to walk and walk, staring out at the ocean until all of the jagged hurt feelings inside of me finally broke apart and drifted away.
And once that happened? Then it was time to plan. Because thanks to Noah Parker, everything in my life was about to change.