32. Theo
32
THEO
C ould everyone tell that I was freaking the fuck out on the inside?
Somehow, I managed to smile and chat with everyone at our table like I hadn’t just gotten my world turned upside down in the ladies’ lounge.
Holy shit. Max was pregnant .
I downed the rest of my drink when I saw the waiter headed my way and signaled him for another. Someone must’ve told the staff that I was footing the bill for the entire event because while they were attentive to everyone, they were treating me like a king.
I glanced at Max. She was doing her best to stick it out until the very end, but I could see that she was fading. She hadn’t jumped up to run back to the bathroom in a while, so at least she had that going for her. But she wasn’t eating, and she looked exhausted.
I scrolled through my phone to do some quick research then beckoned the head waiter back to our table.
“Would it be possible for someone in the kitchen to make this?” I asked, showing him my phone screen.
He squinted at it. “Of course. How many?”
“Just one, for her,” I pointed at Max, who was busy listening to my uncle talk about his golf game.
A few minutes later the waiter presented the drink to Max on a silver platter. “For you, miss.”
She looked around in confusion as she took it. “What’s this?”
I leaned close so I could whisper in her ear. “A pineapple ginger smoothie. Supposed to be good for pregnancy nausea. You need to get something in your stomach.”
“Thank you.” Max stared at me for a beat then took a sip of it, her eyes widened in surprised relief. “Amazing. Just what I needed.”
I wanted to reach out to reassure her that everything would be okay, but suddenly I wasn’t sure how to be with her. It felt like she had a forcefield surrounding her, keeping her just out of my reach. I could understand why, though. This unexpected pregnancy changed everything between us. Tonight was supposed to be the official end of our contract, but now …
Well, that was exactly what we needed to discuss.
The music changed to Harry Connick Jr., and I leaned closer to Max. “Dance?”
She shook her head. “I’m exhausted. I’m barely staying awake at this point.”
That was obvious. She seemed like a shadow of the Max I knew.
The good news was we were more than halfway through the reception. Jess had changed into her second party dress, and people were starting to get drunk and rowdy on the dancefloor. I glanced at Max again.
“Do you want to leave?”
She looked shocked. “No, you have to be here, right? We can’t go.”
“That’s not what I asked. Do you want to leave, Max?”
Her eyes flicked around the room, taking in the chaos. “Yeah,” she said softly. “I do. I can take a cab, you stay and have fun with your family.”
“No way,” I said, already halfway out of my chair. “Give me a few minutes.”
I stole away to tell my mom we had to go without giving her any details, then found the event manager and signed all the necessary documents for the night, making sure to include a hefty tip for the staff. I sent word down to the valet so my car would be ready, too.
Max was essentially sleeping with her eyes open when I got back to the table.
“We’re okay to go,” I murmured. “No need to say goodbyes, we’re going to sneak out. No one will notice, trust me.”
Max fell asleep on the short drive back to my place, and I stared at her before waking her. Such a puzzle, this beautiful girl.
“Hey,” I said, smoothing my hand along her cheek.
Her eyes fluttered open, and she moved just out of my reach. I ignored the pang I felt and tried to chalk her reaction up to being in that half-awake confused state.
She kicked her heels off and walked up to my place barefoot. I tried not to visualize taking a shower together, mainly because I could tell it wasn’t going to happen. Anyway, we had too much to discuss to get distracted.
“I’m going to change and go to bed,” Max said, pushing past me.
“Hold on. Don’t you think we need to talk?”
She turned abruptly, her eyes hard. “I think I know where you stand on the subject.”
“Excuse me?”
“Fine,” she sighed. “Let’s talk. But I’m changing out of this thing first.” She plucked at the gown.
I took off my blazer and loosened my tie. I wanted to change too, but I opted to give Max some alone time rather than following her into the bedroom. I got myself some water while I waited, trying to ignore the fact that I felt nervous.
Max padded out in a t-shirt, leggings, and fluffy socks then dropped onto the couch. I sat in the chair opposite her.
“Let’s start with the basics,” I began gently. “How did it happen?”
She frowned at me, a wounded expression on her face. “What do you mean by that?”
“Well, you said you were on the pill …”
She let out a heavy sigh. “I might’ve been a little, inconsistent . So if you’re asking if it’s my fault, then the answer is yes. I take the blame.”
“Max, that’s not what I’m saying at all. I just wanted to clarify. Do you know how far along you are?”
She shook her head. “Not exactly, but I have a rough idea.”
“And do you know what you want to, uh, do?”
“I’m keeping it,” she shot back quickly. “But don’t worry, you won’t have to parent this child.”
“Wait a sec,” I put my hand up. “Why would you say that?”
She stared at me then raised her chin defiantly. “You told me that you don’t want to be a parent. Remember? All that stuff about parenthood being a crapshoot. Dealing with sacks of potatoes and chaos agents. You have a pretty depressing view of having children.”
I closed my eyes and rubbed my throbbing temples. Shit.
“I’ll be fine, Theo. I’m capable.”
“Obviously you’re capable. I don’t doubt that. But you don’t have to do this by yourself, Max. I want to be here for you. And for our baby.”
She pulled her feet up on the couch and hugged her knees, then shrugged at me. “I don’t want to ruin your carefree, bachelor life. You’ve got a good thing going.”
“Stop,” I said, sounding angrier than I’d intended. “This news changes everything.”
“It doesn’t have to,” she said, her voice rising. “I told you, I can do it on my own.”
“But why would you want to?”
She leaned forward, her eyes narrowed. “Because I don’t want to raise a child with someone who never wanted to be a father.”
Her voice was filled with venom.
“Max, stop,” I said. “You’re twisting my words.”
“Am I? Are you forgetting what you said out there?” she jabbed her finger toward the balcony.
“Of course not, but things change. People can change. I want to be a part of this child’s life. Our child. Give them everything that I never had growing up. All of the advantages, you know? Right from the start. Like, I can find out who the top OBGYN is in Miami and have them do house calls. I can turn the second guest bedroom into a nursery. I can hire a night nurse to help out once the baby arrives. I can hire a chef to prepare all homemade baby food?—”
“Do you hear yourself?” Max asked me. “It’s all ‘I, I, I.’ Have you even stopped to think about what I want for this baby?”
“Well, of course. That’s most important,” I said, feeling like I was losing a battle I had no interest in fighting. “But the truth is, I have a stake in this as well.”
Max laughed at me. “That’s a shock, given what you said the other day.”
“I’m just trying to think about what comes next, Max. This is a big deal. It’s life-changing.”
“What does come next?” she asked. “Because as of tonight, our arrangement is over.”
She fell back against the couch and crossed her arms over her chest, staring out the window.
“It doesn’t have to end,” I said. “You can move in here, that way I can stay on top of everything that’s going on with the pregnancy, and I can help you.”
Max didn’t answer.
“Say something. What are you thinking?”
She took a long, shaky breath. “‘ I can help you ,’” she repeated. “I remember when Nick said that to my mom. ‘Move in with me, I’ll take care of everything, I can help you.’ And she did. Next thing I knew, they were married with a baby on the way, and I was finding every after-school activity under the sun just to give me an excuse to be out of the house because home wasn’t a safe place to be anymore.”
For a minute, I could only stare at her in shock. “Are…are you comparing me to Nick?” I finally managed to say. “Drunk, verbally abusive, asshole Nick?”
“He wasn’t drunk or verbally abusive at first,” she said, not meeting my eyes. “That part came later.”
“Jesus.” I clutched the back of a chair, feeling my legs go weak under me. “You really think that I’m like that?”
“No,” she said immediately, and the vise around my chest loosened a fraction. “You’re not cruel like him—I know that. But you are controlling. You’re always the one in command, calling the shots. And I’m not okay with that. I need to feel like I’m the one in charge of my life.”
“You are ,” I insisted. “We’ll tackle this as a team.”
We both went silent, my heart thudding in my chest so loudly I could swear she heard it.
“I don’t think you understand the meaning of the word ‘team’ Theo. I’m sorry, but I can’t do this,” Max said in a small voice.
“Do what?”
“Us. This. We started with a lie, it grew out of control, and look what happened. Now you’re trying to step in and ‘fix’ everything because that’s what you do—but I don’t want you to fix my life or try to take it over. I need to be the one who decides what’s right for me. And I don’t want to lie any more, Theo. I’m done. It’s best if we end this now, like we agreed to.”
I felt like my head was going to split open. How could this be happening?
“Is that really what you want? Just to walk away from everything we’ve built together? And the future we could have?”
“None of it was real. Neither of us wanted something real—that’s why we made the deal in the first place.” Her voice was quiet, but the bitterness came through loud and clear. “Don’t you see that?”
Her words cut through me. Even though our relationship had started out as a means to an end, it had started to feel real to me , and it seemed like she felt the same. How was it possible I could be so wrong?
“Is this really what you want?”
She nodded slowly.
“And there’s nothing I can say or do to change your mind?”
“Theo …” she began, her eyes filling with tears even as she shook her head. “This is my decision. Are you going to respect it or not?”
And there it was—the line in the sand. If I kept trying to change her mind, I’d confirm all her worst fears about me trying to take over her life.
Anyway, it was pointless for me to push her. Max had made up her mind that there was no room for me in her life, or our child’s life.
“This doesn’t feel right,” I said haltingly. “But I’m not going to stand in your way. If this is the end of our arrangement, we have some financial details to work out.”
Max gave me an almost imperceptible nod.
“And this isn’t the time to talk about it, but I’d like to come to an agreement as to my role in our child’s life, from financial support to visitation.”
“There’s plenty of time to figure that out.” Max stood up. “I think I should go.”
I jumped up. “It’s late, you’re tired …”
“I’ll sleep better at my place. Alone.”
I watched her walk back to the bedroom to pack up her stuff. I never imagined the independence that made Max so unique would be the very thing that stole her away from me.