Chapter Fifteen #2
Lista shook her head, but then she quickly nodded. “Of course, I would bid you farewell and thank you for your sword against the Scots,” she said. “But never did I tell my mother that I wished to bid you a private farewell. She lied about that.”
Now, Louis was coming to understand. “To throw us together.”
“Exactly.”
“And Julian saw it.”
Lista put both hands to her mouth in shock, realizing the manipulation that had gone on. “I’m sure they liked Julian well enough as a suitor until you came along, as an earl’s son,” she said. “They set the stage to chase Julian away, making the path clear for you.”
Louis shook his head at the level of deceit going on in this quiet corner of Northumberland. “Well, it worked,” he said, somewhat exasperated. “Julian is gone, he accused me of lying to him, and I played right into your mother’s hands.”
Lista’s focus lingered on him for a moment. “Then how did the permission for courtship come along?”
“I asked.”
Lista processed his reply, and the situation, thinking that it probably wasn’t her mother’s doing as much as it was Flora’s. The woman was sinister and manipulative, and now apparently out to control Lista’s life.
She sighed heavily.
“Surely you see that you were manipulated into it,” she said. “Surely you can see that this was a controlled situation. Louis, I will not hold you to your request. You were forced into making it.”
He lifted his eyebrows. “Is that what you think? That I was manipulated?”
“Weren’t you?”
Louis shook his head. “It seems so, but that wasn’t entirely why I asked to court you,” he said.
“It was something Julian said – he told me that he would not be made a fool of and accused you of manipulating the both of us. When I tried to explain, he refused to listen. It wasn’t so much the words as the tone…
so incapable of understanding and forgiveness.
So unwilling to give others the benefit of the doubt.
It occurred to me that a man like that would make a miserable husband.
He would make you miserable with his distrust. You told me once that you were fond of Julian and I respect that, but what I do not respect is the way Julian treated you.
The way he treated both of us. He does not deserve you, my lady, and that is what changed my mind. ”
Lista could see his logic. It made perfect sense and some small part of her agreed with him.
If Julian was truly so mistrustful of everyone, she would go the rest of her life with him walking on eggshells, fearing a time when she would make him suspicious.
She’d been furious at him for leaving and thinking the worst of her, but time had a way of easing that anger.
She’d only known Julian a short amount of time, but in that time, he’d given her something she’d never had before – genuine interest.
But he’d also taken something from her, as well – her heart.
The realization stumped her for a moment. She never thought of her heart as something to give, as so many young women did, but that was because she’d never met a man she considered giving it to.
That had all changed.
“I understand your position,” she finally said. “And I am unhappy with Julian, too. I told Addington so. But if I remained hard and unforgiving, I would be just as bad as he was.”
Louis shook his head. “Nay,” he said. “You would be sensible.”
“I am sure you see it that way.”
“He is not coming back, Lista.”
He used her Christian name without her formal title, hoping to emphasize his point, but Lista saw it as a manipulative move. Louis wanted her to stop thinking of Julian.
It wasn’t that simple.
“What would you think of me if I told you that I could forget Julian immediately and accept your suit?” she said. “You would think I was a fickle, ungrateful creature who could give her affections away too easily. Is that truly the kind of woman you want?”
Louis shook his head. “Of course not,” he said.
“I realize it will take time. I do not expect you to accept my suit tomorrow or next week or even next month, but I will tell you here and now that when you are ready, I shall be here. I will wait for you, Lista. I believe you are a lady worth waiting for.”
“How can you know that when you have only just met me?”
“Because I know a woman of character when I see her.”
Those were kind words, but Lista wasn’t sure she wanted to hear them. They didn’t give her any comfort. If anything, they made her feel hurt and confused because something in those words signified the finality of Julian’s departure.
He’s not coming back.
Perhaps he wasn’t, but Lista didn’t want anyone else.
Louis was a fine knight, but she didn’t even want him at the moment.
Perhaps with time that would change, but right now, her heart was with another and she wasn’t even sure she could get it back.
Her only hope was that Julian would cool down enough to realize he’d been wrong and he’d come back to her.
She could pray for that, but it would be difficult with Louis hanging around, trying to pull her into his world.
She only wanted to be in Julian’s world.
“I appreciate your candor, Louis,” she finally said. “But I will ask something of you.”
“Anything, my lady.”
“Please leave me. I must have time alone to think and I cannot do that if you are around.”
Louis didn’t want to hear that but the gracious knight in him had him acquiescing. “If that is your wish,” he said. “May I at least remain at Felkington?”
Lista didn’t want to be cruel, but she really didn’t want his interference.
“If you promise to leave me alone until such time as I am more comfortable with your presence,” she said.
“But if that time never comes, I want your vow that you shall leave Felkington if I ask it of you, with no questions.”
Louis hesitated a moment before nodding. “I will always do as you wish, my lady,” he said. “No questions.”
Lista smiled weakly, suddenly feeling fatigued and muddled. Her ankle was hurting and she wanted to lie down and think about the events the day had brought. She also wanted to think about her mother and aunt, trying very hard to orchestrate the world around them. Her world.
There was much to ponder.
“Thank you,” Lista said. “Now, if you will excuse me, I will return to my chamber. I suppose standing on this ankle is more painful than I realized.”
Louis came away from the wall. “May I lend assistance, my lady?”
Lista almost denied him but the truth was that she needed someone to lean on.
Purely for the sake of practicality because if she didn’t accept his help, she’d be hopping and limping all the way back to her chamber.
Therefore, she gave a reluctant nod and held out her hand.
But Louis bypassed her hand and scooped her up into his big arms, carrying her all the way back to her chamber.
Lista was not happy about it.
Louis was.
Somehow, Lista knew Louis wasn’t going to give up so easily now that Julian was gone.