Chapter 22
MEASUREMENTS ARE NOT JUST FOR PEENS
Killian swayed dizzily on Crush’s back. “Oh no.”
This was terrible. Not just the individual attacks on everyone—but the sheer scale of it, people getting hurt because of him.
“Bunny?” Crush looked over his shoulder at Killian, concerned.
“Aww!” Hansel said. The next thing Killian knew, the butler had taken out his phone, cupping his cheek with one hand as he snapped several photos of them.
“Hansel! People are in trouble,” Crush barked.
“Yes, and a Buttler Brother is always ready to multitask. I’m waiting for my next orders.” Hansel was still holding up his phone. Was he taking a video?
Crush growled loudly. Then he flattened himself against the floor. “Kil.”
Killian shifted back into a human, scrambling off so Crush could shift too.
“Full sitrep, Hansel,” Crush said as his fangs and fur disappeared back into his human body. He hurried through the cabin, picking up his guns. Hansel followed him, rattling off names and locations at great speed. Crush returned to Killian’s side. “Bunny, you’ll stay here and watch Naddie.”
It didn’t sit right with Killian. “But this is my problem. And they’re after me, not Naddie. Naddie shouldn’t be with me right now.”
Crush’s gaze fell to the coyote pup, who was now chasing her tail. He turned to the open front door and barked, “Ottis!”
Somewhere in the forest, Crush’s omega brother replied, “Yeah?”
“You wanted a bigger part in things,” Crush said. “I have a job for you. Come to my cabin, make it quick. Bring your pup. We’re running out of time.” To Killian, he said, “Get dressed.”
Killian scrambled for his clothes on the side table, where Hansel must’ve put them. Then he grabbed the Secret Agent Gadget Bag, rummaging through it.
Ottis arrived panting, shoving someone else through the front door.
It was Mathlin.
Killian gaped in dismay. “Math! What’re you doing back here? This is too dangerous for you! We literally dropped you off so you could be brought back to safety!”
Mathlin winced, but stood straighter. “I couldn’t just sit around waiting to hear if you’d solved your problem. I overheard Doc saying you’re still in trouble. So I stowed away in Doc’s car and followed him here.”
“Didn’t he hear you?” Crush asked incredulously. Doc had sharp hearing, too.
Mathlin shuffled sheepishly. “I might have, um, broken his stereo system so he couldn’t hear us. It was too loud.”
“Wow. Respect,” Ottis said, tapping his chest with his fist. Mathlin perked up and smiled.
Crush sighed. “And you brought your baby.”
“I couldn’t leave my baby behind,” Mathlin said indignantly.
Now wasn’t the time to question Mathlin’s logic. Mathlin had his baby strapped to his back; so did Ottis.
Killian scooped Naddie up and shoved a towel into Wonder Cart’s cargo basket, before setting her in there.
To Mathlin and Ottis, he said, “This is Naddie, and this is Wonder Cart. Naddie’s a coyote-rabbit hybrid; she’ll get along with you if you do wolfy things with her.
The cloak and earmuffs will protect her hearing.
There are spells in this bag if you need them, activated by blood. ”
“Hansel will stay with you in here,” Crush added. “Your mission is to keep yourselves and Naddie safe.”
“What about you, Kils?” Mathlin asked worriedly.
Crush tucked a gun into Killian’s hand, along with two spare magazines. “He’s with me.”
Mathlin’s eyes grew so wide, they almost fell out of his head. “You know how to use a gun?”
Aaand... That was the understatement of the century.
Killian coughed. “Uh, you just point it and pull the trigger, right?”
Crush snorted.
Killian stuffed the spare mags into his pockets. He checked the one in his gun, then tucked it into his waistband.
“That’s not someone who just ‘points it and pulls the trigger’,” Ottis said suspiciously.
“And that is why he’s coming with me.” Crush gave them a vague smile.
Killian thought the alpha would just grab him and dash out of the cabin. But Crush stepped in front of him, lifting his chin with gentle, calloused fingers.
Soft, hungry lips slanted over his. In front of everyone, Crush kissed him roughly, his teeth grazing Killian’s lower lip, his tongue sliding into Killian’s mouth in a hot, hungry claim.
Killian’s instincts begged to be held down and properly marked.
Instead, Crush pulled away, licking his lips.
“It feels like you just robbed me of an orgasm,” Killian blurted. Then he remembered the people around them, and squawked. “Please tell me you didn’t hear that.”
Mathlin was blushing. Ottis coughed awkwardly. Hansel was taking a video with his phone.
Crush straightened, his eyes dark. “Stay safe, all of you. We’re heading out. Kil.”
Like he had yesterday, Crush bit down on his gun and shifted into a wolf. Killian didn’t have to wait for instructions; he threw his leg over Crush’s back and gripped his thick fur. Then they were off, sprinting into the forest.
“Check on Gav and Bruiser first, they’re on your way to the bakery,” Hansel called after them.
“What about the rest of the pack?” Killian asked, just above the thudding of Crush’s paws.
“Split between the bakery, Gav, and the pack homes,” Hansel replied. “Doc’s staying with the pack to make sure everyone else is safe. He said you’ll want to be where the biggest action is.”
Crush grunted around his gun.
“Let me hold that so you can talk,” Killian said. “You can have it back anytime.”
When Crush nodded, Killian reached forward, carefully slipping Crush’s gun out from between his teeth.
“Thanks,” Crush said. “I’m not picking up on any trouble from the pack homes. Uriel’s new spells must’ve worked.”
“I’m worried about Titan and Gav,” Killian replied. “It sounds like the pack is stretched pretty thin, helping them and protecting the homes at the same time. Do they have any magical support headed their way?”
“Uriel, once he’s done with Bruiser.” Both of them contemplated that situation. Crush sighed. “He gave you more spells last night, didn’t he?”
Killian fished out the new spells from his pocket—written on pink paper to differentiate them from the older ones.
These spells had all been in one envelope, so Killian had assumed that they were all the same.
But when he flipped the spell sheets over, he found two different handwritings on their reverse sides.
The smaller script, written with firmer strokes and a blunt pencil, was Uriel’s. Uriel had labeled each sheet with either “ATK” or “DEF”, accompanied by a shorthand label that Killian could not understand.
The larger handwriting took up the rest of the space—looping and written lightly with a ballpoint pen. Instead of gibberish, these were actual phrases.
Fireball, 10 cocks wide.
Barrier wall, 1 cock thiccc (with 3 C’s!), 30 cocks wide, 15 cocks high.
Jizz attack! Shoots with the power of 10 giant monster cocks.
“Um,” Killian said. “What the hell?”
“What?”
“Uriel’s spells.” Killian flipped through the stack quickly. They had all been labeled by the same two people. “I think Hansel translated them because Uriel didn’t describe the spells at all.”
Crush was quiet for a moment. With a sigh, he asked, “How did he describe them?”
“‘A dangerous fuck-wall. They fuck with you, the wall fucks them back.’” Killian wanted to laugh and cry. He flipped to the next spell. “‘This pierces their armor like a sperm pierces an egg.’”
“Gods,” Crush muttered. “Do these describe the actual spells?”
Killian didn’t have an answer. But ever so faintly, he heard a yell.
“Yes! Thank me later!”
Crush huffed. “Thanks, Hansel.”
The sounds of fighting grew louder as they darted between the trees. Killian gripped Crush with his legs, hurriedly sorting through the spells. The offensive spells went into one pocket, and the defensive ones into another.
As they neared the fight, Killian clutched Crush’s fur more tightly. Was Albert Bleu there? Was he hurting Crush’s pack because they had welcomed Killian with open arms? What if Bleu had already killed someone?
Killian’s stomach clenched. Oh gods, everything is going wrong because of me. They won’t want me back when this is over.
He shoved aside those thoughts. Right now, he had to focus. He had one skill—and that was taking down people with maximum efficiency.
He would do it so Crush’s pack could go home to their families.
Crush slowed down, keeping them hidden behind some large trees.
They were near a road leading to the highway; Gavric was out of his dented car, fighting alongside a handful of large wolves.
But they were outnumbered by muscular men in sunglasses; two of the wolves were down and bleeding. Still breathing.
Killian was sliding off Crush’s back before he could think. Next to him, Crush shifted back into a human, taking his gun back from Killian.
“You’re not charging out there?” Killian blurted.
Crush shot him a flat look. “I’m not leaving you behind, sweetheart.”
Killian’s heart swelled. “Oh.”
He took aim and fired, taking down an alpha who had a knife against a wolf’s throat. Before their enemies could figure out where the silent shot had come from, Killian fired again.
Crush ducked behind a different tree, his gun steady as he fired. Between them, they mowed down half the henchmen in seconds.
The rest were too close to the wolves for them to shoot safely.
“Use one of the spells,” Crush murmured.
Killian fished out a spell. “Fireball, ten cocks wide?”
Crush moved his jaw soundlessly. “Is that ten cocks thick, or ten cocks long?”
“I don’t fucking know!”
“Just use it. We’ll deal,” Crush said. Then he lowered his voice to a growl. “Pack—incoming. Get ready to dodge.”
None of the wolves gave any indication that they had heard. Killian bit into his finger, slapped the spell sheet over his gun barrel, and activated the runes.
He pulled the trigger.
The bullet looked like any other bullet when it flew out. Then it glowed bright orange, bursting into a large fireball as it neared the fight. The wolves darted away.