Chapter 9
CHAPTER NINE
JADE
Sometimes I almost forget why I’m here.
Almost.
Like this morning, when I walked into the kitchen, still bleary-eyed with sleep, and Niall greeted me with a steaming cup of coffee made just the way I like it—black with a metric crap-ton of sugar—and said cheerfully, “I’m making chocolate chip pancakes for breakfast. With whipped cream on top. That’s your favorite, right?”
For a second, I couldn’t speak. My chest was too tight.
I mentioned that once, back in sophomore year of college, when Niall was on leave and he took Shea and I out for breakfast. While they tucked into their cheesy eggs and greasy bacon and made gagging noises at my pancakes, I explained that my favorite nanny used to make them that way.
“They remind me of her,” I told them quietly, missing Flora all over again.
Flora would make me the pancakes as a special treat whenever my parents missed one of my swim meets or recitals, and she’d practically empty the whipped cream can on top of them, declaring the breakfast, “A sweet breakfast for my sweet girl.”
Flora was wonderful. She taught me all the fun things my mother was too busy for—how to put on makeup, what to expect at my first school dance, how to know if a boy liked me or was just being a jerk. And then my father decided I needed a nanny who could speak Mandarin, and Flora was let go.
But as I stared at Niall in stunned silence, he backpedaled. “Was I wrong? I can make eggs instead. Or a bagel. I don’t know why I assumed you still liked them.”
“No. I do.” Inexplicably, tears burned behind my eyes. “I still like them. I just… I’m surprised you remembered.”
Then he smiled at me, and my heart did a little flip. “I remember lots of things about you, Jade.”
So that was pretty great, even if I’m not sure what it means.
Did he remember because he just has a good memory? Because he’s used to observing everything as part of his job? Or was there more to it?
And why am I still thinking about this hours later?
Why am I thinking about pancakes and how handsome Niall is when he smiles when there’s so much else going on?
There’s my anxiety, which I’m trying to get under control, but it still flares up at unwelcome moments. Like when I insisted Niall go to the gym while I stayed back in the apartment alone, and I ended up waxing the floors until they were so slick I nearly wiped out on them.
But Niall just hugged me—he gives me spontaneous hugs now, and I like it—and told me the floors never looked better. And he put on a pair of socks and did this silly skating routine across the living room floor and had me laughing so hard I forgot why I got anxious to begin with.
So that’s another example of how Niall helps me forget.
Or when Matt stopped earlier to share some updates on my case, and I felt like I was about to throw up from nerves until Niall reached over and took my hand. Suddenly, my focus shifted to the feel of his warm fingers wrapped around mine, the comforting weight of them, and the little sizzles that zipped up my arm.
It was easier to listen subjectively with Niall on the couch beside me, his thumb gently rubbing the back of my hand.
Not that what Matt told me was terrible. But it wasn’t great, either.
On the plus side, he’s hacked into the hidden cameras at my apartment, so if anyone goes there looking for me, he’ll know. “If we see activity there,” he explained, “we can try running facial recognition on them. If we can get a name, that’s huge.”
He’s also doing extensive research into everyone I know, which feels icky and reassuring at the same time. While I don’t love the idea that someone I know could be involved, I can’t bury my head in the sand and pretend it’s not possible. Just like it’s possible this could somehow be related to my father’s company.
As Niall gently put it, “It’s possible a competitor arranged for you to be taken, Jade. They could have been hoping to use you as leverage over your father. I know it sounds terrible, but we have to consider it.”
That wasn’t a nice thing to think about. Another not nice thing? The four other women missing from San Antonio and Austin that bear a strong similarity to me. Not in exact looks, but they’re all attractive, late-twenties to early-thirties, and have some striking feature; like long, platinum hair or emerald-green eyes.
“We don’t want to jump to conclusions,” Matt told me gently, “but the similarities… it’s suspicious.”
“It could be unrelated,” Niall added quickly, shooting Matt a sharp look. “We don’t know that it has anything to do with what happened to you.”
But it could. There’s a good chance.
If only I’d remembered more when I was there. If only I’d paid more attention when I escaped. If only I knew where they kept me.
But after searching dozens of buildings in the area where they think I was held, Niall and his team haven’t found anything. They think that by now, almost two weeks later, the people behind this packed up all their stuff and found a new location. That as soon as I escaped, they were making plans to move.
So that’s another terrible thought. A new facility, one I can’t even help locate, still with those poor women trapped inside. Women I couldn’t help.
Those are the thoughts that work at me, like a splinter dug in deep. Making my chest get tight, my hands jittery, filling me with this urgent need to fix something .
That’s something I’ve been talking to my new counselor about—how to calm myself without having to clean or organize. Henley actually lives out in New Mexico and provides treatment for people with PTSD out there, but she knows the Blade and Arrow guys and said she’d be happy to do virtual sessions with me.
I was hesitant at first, not about the counseling, but of anyone knowing where I am. But then I figured if Niall trusts her, if his team trusts her, I can too.
That’s why I said okay when he asked about involving a couple of his friends in law enforcement even though the idea of it scared the crap out of me. But he promised that Quint and Hayden would be discreet and leave my name completely out of it. “They understand,” Niall explained, “that sometimes a team like mine can get more done because we’re not restricted by bureaucracy. So as long as it’s not illegal, they’ll quietly help us get information.”
I trust Niall—always have, even when we weren’t on the best terms—but now it feels deeper. Like I don’t just trust Niall with the practical things, like security and protection, but the things I keep hidden, too.
I’ve let him see my fears and anxieties and all my vulnerabilities. He sees me when I’m feeling weak instead of the strong woman I’ve always tried to show the world. And he makes me feel okay about it.
There’s only one thing I’ve still held back, and I’m not sure I’m brave enough to share it.
Is it crazy to feel this way about him right now, when everything else is so out of control? When I just went through a traumatic experience?
Am I interpreting his affectionate smiles and tender hugs and intense gazes wrong?
I wish I could talk to Shea about it. Except I can’t. Not now.
I can’t tell her, oh, by the way, I was abducted by traffickers and your brother is protecting me while I stay in his apartment and I’ve been half in love with him for years and I think I might be falling for him.
Yeah. Maybe not the best conversation to have over text, especially when Niall and I agreed it’s safer not to tell Shea what’s happening. She’d want to come here right away, and the last thing I want is for my best friend to be near this.
“Jade, I got the phone all set up.”
Niall appears out of nowhere—at least it seems like he does—and I let out a small yip of surprise. Last I saw him, he was hunched over a pile of tools and gadgets at the dining room table, and he somehow made it to the couch without me noticing.
“Sorry, hun.” His handsome face creases in apology. “I thought you heard me.”
“It’s okay. I was just…” Thinking about you? Focusing more on my complicated feelings for you than anything else? Maybe not. “Thinking about how good it’ll be to check in with Shea.”
He sits down beside me and rests his hand on my nape, massaging gently. “I’ll walk louder next time. We’re trained to move quietly, but?—”
“It’s fine.” His fingers hit a stubborn knot and I can’t keep a small moan from escaping.
His eyes flare with something—surprise? Interest?—but he quickly covers it. “So. I was thinking. After you’re done talking to Shea, would you want to head out to the barn for a little party?” He pauses. “Not a party, really. Just the team and a few of our friends from San Antonio. Just low key—grilling, some beers, maybe some cornhole. I just thought it might be fun for you. Something different.”
I’m torn. Part of me wants desperately to say yes. To have a bit of normalcy. To spend time having fun with Niall and his friends. But then… what if I panic? What if one of his friends says something…
In my silence, Niall’s expression softens. “It’s okay if you don’t want to. Really. But our friends, they know not to tell anyone you’re here. I trust them. One of the guys I’ve known since basic. I thought you might like to meet him. But it can wait if you don’t feel ready…”
Stop being afraid. “I’d love to.”
His face lights up. “Great. I can’t wait for you to meet TJ and his wife, Milena. You’ll love them.” A tiny ping sounds from his watch and he glances down at it. “Everyone’s going to head out to the barn in about an hour. Does that work?”
“Sure.”
He reaches into his pocket and pulls out the phone he was messing with. “Okay. This can’t be traced or hacked. And I sent Shea a new phone just like this, I told her we need to use them for B and A business, and since she’s my sister…” He hands the phone to me. “So you guys can talk on this without worrying.”
I beam at him. “Thank you, Niall. For this. And… everything, really.”
Niall gives me a quick hug before standing up. “Anything to make you smile.” His cheeks go pink, and he bends over and presses a lightning fast kiss to the top of my head. “I’ll give you some privacy.”
As soon as I hear the shower come on—I’m not sure why, it’s not like I’m planning on telling Shea anything I wouldn’t want Niall to know, not now at least—I dial her number.
While I wait for her to answer, I run through all the things I don’t want to let slip. Like staying at her brother’s apartment instead of my place in Austin. The whole abduction thing. The tingles I get whenever Niall touches me. The feeling of rightness when I’m in his arms.
“Jade!” Shea’s cheerful voice comes across the line. “I feel like I haven’t talked to you in ages. How’s it going?”
“It’s good.” I can practically feel my nose growing. “Just working. You know, the usual.”
Shea huffs at me. “You mean not dating or doing anything fun?” Her voice softens. “I just wish you’d work a little less, Jade. Ever since you moved to Texas, I never hear you talk about anything but work.”
“That’s not true.” I hop up from the couch and head over to the window. It’s beautiful outside; the sky a bright blue brushed with tiny wisps of white, the oak trees vivid sprays of green against it. In the distance, the restored barn is a flurry of activity, as several men carry chairs and tables inside it.
Leaning against the windowsill, I add defensively, “I talk about books. And movies. And I took that trip to Dallas last month?—”
Shea cuts me off. “Wasn’t that for work, too? A conference?”
“It was at a hotel. And there were dinners and music.” I quickly change the topic, saying lightly, “Anyway. Enough about me. How are you doing? Is everything?—”
“I’m sorry, Jade.” Her voice dips apologetically. “We haven’t talked in weeks and now I’m giving you a hard time. I just worry about you.”
“Don’t worry about me.” Liar, liar. “I’m fine. Really. But you? Is everything going okay? Work? And…”
“I’m good. Really good, actually. I know you were worried when Niall moved, but I’m really okay. I just joined a trivia team, and I went out on a date. Plus, I’m still seeing my counselor once a month, just to make sure things are on track.”
A bit of my tension eases. Even though it’s been three years and she’s solidly in recovery, it’s hard to completely let go of my worry. “I guess I just worry about you, too.”
“Of course you do.” I can hear Shea smiling. “You’re my best friend. It would be weird if you didn’t. Just like it would be weird if I didn’t bug you about working less and putting yourself out there. Not that you have to find a guy, being single is okay, but maybe just give it a try…”
The only person I’d consider giving it a try with is currently in the shower less than thirty feet away from me. But I’m not saying that to Shea. “Maybe. Things are pretty crazy right now. With… work and all. But once things settle down…”
“You should get together with Niall.”
“What?” My cheeks go hot. Did I accidentally say what I was thinking?
“Just to hang out,” Shea explains quickly. “You know, since he just moved there. You guys don’t live too far away from each other, do you?”
The shower shuts off, and I can hear the faint sound of Niall humming to himself in the bathroom. Probably without any clothes on. His muscly chest all damp and dewy and his hair waving like it always does when it’s wet and?—
How am I thinking about naked Niall? After everything? While I’m on the phone with his sister? My best friend?
Why am I still thinking about him?
On a gulp, I say, “Um. Not too far away.”
The bedroom door opens and Niall comes out dressed in khaki shorts that show off his muscular legs and a blue T-shirt the exact color of his eyes. He smiles at me and my heart flutters.
“You should call him,” continues Shea. “Meet up for drinks or something.”
Niall walks into the kitchen and pulls two beers from the fridge. He holds one up to me with a questioning look, and I find myself nodding at him. “Maybe I will.”
Shea is going to kill me when she finally hears everything.