Chapter 10
CHAPTER TEN
NIALL
It’s not a date.
I’m just making sure Jade feels comfortable.
She knows me the best, so it makes sense to stick close to her.
When we walked into the barn and Jade threw me a tiny, scared glance, it just seemed natural to take her hand.
Once her hand was safely enfolded in mine, it would have been weird to drop it. She might have wondered if she did something wrong.
And if I believe that’s the only reason I’m still holding Jade’s hand, there’s a bridge in New York someone wants to sell me.
The truth is, I like the feel of her slender fingers twined around mine. I like standing close enough to smell her shampoo and count the cute little freckles on her nose. I like the affection in her gaze whenever she looks up at me.
I like that Jade trusts me enough to come out here with me, even though I know it’s not the easiest thing for her.
Although the longer we’re out here, the more she relaxes. At first, she was stiff, shoulders high and tight, constantly scanning the barn as if she expected someone to come after her. But somewhere between her second beer and our victory at cornhole over Dante and Erik, she started smiling for real.
But I’m not sure how she’ll do with someone who’s not on my team. Like TJ and his wife, Milena, who just arrived and are making a beeline toward us.
“Niall.” TJ reaches out to clap my shoulder, but stops short as his gaze drifts to Jade. Lifting his chin at me, he says, “Great to see you. This place looks amazing.” Then he smiles kindly at Jade. “And it’s nice to meet you. I’m TJ. And this is my gorgeous wife, Milena.”
Jade tenses and her fingers convulse around mine. Her face pales, but she forces a smile. “Hi. I’m Jade. It’s nice to meet you, too.”
An intense wave of protectiveness sweeps through me—my instincts shouting, she’s scared and it’s your job to protect her from this —and I drop Jade’s hand so I can wrap my arm around her instead.
There’s a moment when I worry that I made a mistake, but in the next, she leans into me and snakes her arm around my waist.
She feels so perfect nestled against me, it’s a punch to the chest.
This .
I want this. Evenings with Jade by my side. Tucking her into me protectively, like I’ve seen my friends do with their women. Making sure she’s happy. Seeing her lips curve into a smile and knowing it’s because of me.
“Hi, Jade.” Milena beams at her. “I’ve heard so much about you. It’s nice to finally meet you.”
Jade stiffens. “Oh. I…” Her gaze flickers to mine, worry darkening her eyes. “What?—”
“It’s not like that,” I murmur, hugging her closer. Without thinking, I press a soft kiss to the top of her head.
TJ nudges Milena and they share a quick, loaded glance. Then Milena says gently, “Oh, Jade. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it to sound that way. It’s just that Niall has mentioned you in the past. All good things, of course.”
Surprise moves across Jade’s features. Still looking at me, she asks quietly, “You’ve talked about me?”
Is there a hopeful note to her voice, or is that just in my imagination?
“He has,” TJ answers with a shit-eating grin. “I remember him telling me how you graduated summa cum laude from Brown and were headed to one of the best PA programs in the country. And then when you graduated and had half-a-dozen job offers to choose from.”
Milena eyes my arm around Jade’s waist, and I can practically see the little hearts in her eyes. “And then when you moved to Austin,” she tells Jade, “Niall made sure to tell TJ to watch out for you.” She turns to her husband. “What was it he said? Something about not letting any of your friends try to hook up with her?”
“I think so.” He smirks. “I believe it was, Jade’s beautiful and smart, and I don’t want some guy ?—”
“ Anyway .” I shoot him a quelling look. Whatever happened to guy code? “Enough about that. How are the kids?”
There’s nothing like bringing up someone’s kids to derail a conversation, and Milena immediately switches gears. “Oh, they’re just great. JT is playing baseball now, and he just loves it. You should see him out there. He’s so cute and earnest about it. And Steven is in a dinosaur phase. He knows all their names and he sets up little dinosaur scenes around the house.”
“Which is cute,” TJ adds with a rueful grin, “until you step on a triceratops in bare feet. Then it’s not as cute anymore.”
Milena snickers. “I told you to wear slippers. That’s what I told my mom to do.” To Jade, she explains, “My mom lives near us, so she babysits a lot. She’s with the kids tonight, so we can get an adults’ night out. Not that I don’t love being with them”—she glances around the barn—“but this is nice, too.”
“JT’s birthday is coming up next month,” TJ says. “If things are more… settled, you should come. We’re having a big party with stuff for the adults to do as well. Games, drinks, music. It would be great to see you both there.”
I have to swallow back a laugh. He couldn’t be more heavy-handed with the hints if he tried.
Since when did my old buddy turn into a matchmaker?
I think it must be a thing that happens when people couple up. All of a sudden, my previously happy to be single friends are encouraging me to date. They mention things like, wouldn’t you like to settle down and it’s nice to have someone to come home to every night and I know a nice woman from work, are you interested in meeting her?
It didn’t really sound that appealing, honestly. I thought I was fine as I was.
Was I, though? Or was I just waiting?
“That would be nice,” Jade tells TJ. “I’m not sure if I’ll…” Smile dipping, she trails off. “If I can, I’d love to.”
“We’ll figure it out.” I turn Jade toward me, fighting back the urge to smooth the tiny lines of stress from her forehead. “ I’ll figure it out.”
She stares at me for a second, a depth of emotion in her gaze. Then she hugs me tightly. Half-muffled, she says into my chest, “I know you will.”
The trust in her voice nearly knocks me to my knees.
I can’t let Jade down.
Not just keeping her physically safe, though that’s the most important thing. I need to keep her safe from anything that could hurt her. Fear. Worry. Nightmares.
When I think about Jade hurting, I’m seized with a desperate need to do something, anything , to make her feel better.
Which is why I end up leading her out of the barn just as the sun finally sets. The sky is an inky blue-black lit with wide swathes of stars, one of my favorite things about living outside the city. Light and music spills through the open doors of the barn, along with the happy chatter of my teammates and friends.
We stop once we get to the path leading back to the house. It’s newly lined with twinkly solar lights, courtesy of Dante’s mom, who sent them as a housewarming present. I overheard him talking to her on the phone, saying in a perplexed tone, “Mom. It’s a security company. Why do we need solar lights?”
I wasn’t sure either, but I have to admit they look nice.
“Is everything okay?” Jade’s delicate features are a contrast of light and shadow. Her brows wing up in concern. “Is something wrong?”
“Nothing’s wrong.”
“Okay?” Her tone makes it clear she doesn’t believe me. “Then why did you rush us out of there? Did I say something?”
Shit. Now she’s worried and that’s the last thing I want. “No, Jade.” Lifting her hand, I stroke my thumb across the back of it. “I could tell you were getting uncomfortable in there.”
“I wasn’t.” But it’s too quick to be the truth. And I saw her face paling as more of our friends from San Antonio arrived. Not that Jade was rude or unpleasant about it, but with each introduction, she shrank into herself a little more.
My voice gentles. “It’s okay if you were. Conor, Erin, Harley, Boone—they’re all great people, but you don’t know them yet. Not really. And I know my team is still new?—”
“I like your team. Especially Rhiannon. And they don’t make me uncomfortable.”
“Maybe not.” My arm goes around her shoulder, and I tuck Jade into my side. “But it’s okay to need a break. So I thought we could go inside. Watch a movie. Isn’t there a new one on Netflix that you want to watch?”
“But—” She turns her head to peer up at me. In the moonlight, her eyes sparkle like topaz. “Your friends. And the party. I don’t want you to miss it. This is a celebration for your new team. You should be there.”
I follow her gaze as it drifts to the barn. Inside, there’s a small crowd of people around Dante at the grill, Rhiannon is taking on Erik at cornhole, and Xavier is dealing out cards with a flourish to Harley, Boone, Conor, and Erin.
Hopefully they’re not using actual money. Xavier is a secret card shark and everyone on the team has already learned never to play poker against him.
Looking back at Jade, I tell her the absolute truth. “I’d rather spend my time with you.”
“Oh.” Her lips curve up. “I would too.”
So we end up back at the apartment, in our usual positions on the couch—Jade on one cushion and me on the one beside her. It’s closer than when she first got here, when I sat clear over at the other end of the couch, not wanting to crowd her. But still not close ; there’s still a good twelve inches between us.
Her favorite blanket—well, it’s my blanket, but she’s claimed it—is tucked over her lap, which always makes me smile. My mom made it for me during her crocheting phase and she’d be thrilled to know it’s getting good use.
As Jade leans back against the couch, she lets out a small sigh and visibly relaxes. Which I’m glad to see, but it makes me feel like crap for suggesting we go out to the barn in the first place.
I thought it would be good for her, but I’m not a counselor. What do I know? Maybe I just made things worse. Took away some of the security Jade feels here.
Crap.
In the midst of my silent self-flagellation, Jade says, “I’m glad I went out there. Met everyone. I hate that I got scared by it, because that’s not me.”
My heart pinches. “Ah, hun. I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry.” Her gaze is steady. “In my job, I’m around new people all the time. So I need to force myself to get used to it again. I don’t want to turn into someone who’s scared of everything. So it was good I went out there, even though it was hard.”
She’s so damn strong, but I can’t help wanting to protect her.
I’m just about to lean in to hug Jade when the next thing she says freezes me in place. “I know you said I could stay here. In your apartment. But I don’t want you to feel obligated, Niall. I know the client apartment is almost done; Rhiannon asked if I wanted to help with some of the decorating. I can stay there if you want.”
Through a constricting chest, I ask, “Is that what you want?”
Uncertainty flashes in her eyes. “I… I’m worried. That I’m making you… uncomfortable. That I’m in the way. All my cleaning, and the organizing, and the?—”
My answer is immediate. “You don’t make me uncomfortable. And I don’t want you to leave.”
She glances at the gap of space between us and her brow furrows. “Are you sure?”
Shit. Have I been doing this all wrong? But I couldn’t crowd Jade, not after everything she’s been through. I have to give her the space to make her own choices.
It takes several seconds to sort through my thoughts, trying to find the right thing to say. “I wanted to give you space. The last thing I want is to trigger you by getting too close. After everything… I couldn’t bear it if I scared you.”
“You couldn’t.” Jade scoots over a few inches. Her blue eyes are wide and earnest. “Never, Niall. Nothing you could do would scare me.”
My heart skitters. Jumps. There’s this look in her eyes, almost like she’s feeling the same way as me.
But if I say something and mess things up… If I hurt Jade, I’ll never forgive myself.
“What if…” She pauses and slides over another few inches. “What if I don’t want space?”
My breath catches. Carefully, I ask, “What do you mean?”
Hesitantly, almost timidly, Jade replies, “What if I want to be close to you?”
Warmth explodes inside me. But I’m still cautious, afraid I could be misunderstanding her. “Close like friends? Or… more than that?”
I feel like I’m back in high school, trying to figure out how to ask my crush to go out with me.
“Am I wrong?” Jade tilts her head as she looks at me. “I thought… maybe you felt the same way. Like you might want to be more? Or am I making a giant fool of myself? Maybe I am.” Her voice gets higher and faster as she continues, “I mean, I probably am and just made everything weird. We’ve known each other for so long, and if nothing ever happened?—”
My arms come around her, pulling her gently to my chest. “I always thought about you. But I was active duty. And you had so much going for you. It wouldn’t have been fair?—”
“I thought about you, too. All the time. I wished…”
Hope wars with hesitancy. “I don’t want to hurt you, Jade. Or rush you. I care about you too much.”
There’s a pause, long enough to wonder if Jade’s changed her mind. Then she says, “I don’t want to rush, either. But I’ve known you for twelve years. So… maybe a kiss wouldn’t be rushing things? After all this time? If you wanted?”
My hand cups her cheek, and it’s like touching the softest satin. “I would. If you’re sure.”
Her hand moves to my leg, and she leans in toward me. Less than a foot away, her face is breathtakingly beautiful. A faint pink flush high on her cheeks, those adorable freckles, delicate brows, sky-blue eyes turning dark with desire and anticipation.
“I’m sure.”
In other circumstances, I’d take the lead. Drag Jade close and kiss her until she’s breathless from it. Lift her onto my lap so I can feel her body flush against mine. Feel her nipples tightening into hard peaks, rubbing against my chest.
But not this time. This time, I wait for Jade to come to me.
Time suspends as she moves closer.
Close enough for her breath to feather across my lips.
Close enough to see her pulse jumping at her throat.
And finally.
We kiss.
First soft, Jade’s lips brushing over mine, softer than I could have imagined.
Then she gets bolder, nipping and tasting. Her hand clutches my shoulder.
I cup her nape, tunneling my fingers into her hair.
As the kiss grows deeper, I give myself over to it. I tease her lips open and plunge inside, exploring. Our tongues move in perfect rhythm, a hint of what might come in the future, if the way I feel about Jade stays true.
How could it not?
How could I feel differently about Jade when this is the most perfect feeling?
Jade makes a little humming sound in the back of her throat and it’s the sexiest thing I’ve ever heard.
I’m achingly hard and I’ve never felt this intense need for a woman before. Like my body is on fire for her.
Like she’s the one I’ve been waiting for.
All too soon, I pull back from her, wanting to make sure she’s okay. Even though I want to keep kissing her desperately.
Mouth flushed pink and kiss-swollen, her eyes slightly glazed, Jade’s lips curve into a smile. “That was better than all the times I imagined it.”
All the times? Did Jade fantasize about me? Did she ever think about me while she was lying in bed?
My voice goes rough. “How many times?”
“Oh.” Her cheeks go pink. “Not much.”
“Don’t worry.” I stroke her cheek, feeling the heat of her skin against my fingers. “I’m sure it wasn’t as many times as I thought about you.” Leaning in, I brush my mouth across hers and murmur, “And I agree. It was better. Kissing you is incredible.”