Chapter 11
CHAPTER ELEVEN
JADE
Is it wrong to be happy right now?
My heart says no. But my brain isn’t as sure.
My brain keeps reminding me of all the bad things going on—the people who are probably out there looking for me, the women I left behind, the loss of my job, and the anxiety that I can’t seem to shake.
How can I put that aside and still find joy? Is my happiness a betrayal of those women who must be living in so much fear? The women we still haven’t figured out how to rescue, despite all of Blade and Arrow’s efforts?
But then.
I look over at Niall as he spars with a punching bag and I can’t help staring at his muscular arms as they flex with each powerful blow. My gaze lingers on his damp T-shirt clinging to his broad shoulders and chest. His skin is glistening and his hair is damp and wavy, and I’m discovering I do find sweaty men sexy. At least I think Niall is.
Between punches, he glances over and shoots me a devastating smile. His gaze sweeps over me appreciatively, though he quickly tries to hide it. I know he’s trying to be careful, worried that any advances could trigger me, but knowing he likes how I look in my new shorts and tank top is the farthest thing from upsetting.
Concern laces his tone as he asks, “You doing okay, Jade? Don’t push yourself too hard.”
As I’m currently running at the speed of a turtle, there’s little risk of that. My only worry is I’ll be banned from the Blade and Arrow gym for lack of physical prowess. Since I started coming to the gym with Niall, I’ve watched him and his teammates run through some of the most intense workouts I’ve ever seen.
While I putter around on the treadmill or lift the lightest free-weights they have, they run sprints and spar and practice martial arts and do dozens of repetitions with barbells I can barely lift with both hands.
And I’m not in bad shape. At least, I didn’t think I was. Before all this, I went to the local gym for barre and pilates classes. On particularly nice days when I was feeling inspired, I’d go to the closest park for a run. Plus, my job keeps me active—once I get to work, I’m on my feet almost the entire time.
Smiling, I tease, “If I went any slower, I’d be going backwards. I think I’m okay.”
“Still.” He steps away from the punching bag and pulls off his gloves as he heads in my direction. Once he gets to my side, he taps the control panel and the treadmill starts to slow to a stop. “I just want to be sure. With your—” As he cuts himself off, a slight grimace pulls at his features.
What he doesn’t say is that with the nightmares that arrive like clockwork every night, I’m always tired, no matter how early I go to sleep or late I wake up. And my stomach is constantly jittery, so it’s hard to eat as much as I should. But it could be a thousand times worse, so I’m not going to complain.
Especially not when I think about all the things I’m thankful for. Niall. His team. Blade and Arrow. Having such a nice place to stay. Feeling safe here.
And that kiss.
Well, more than one kiss, actually. More like a handful of kisses throughout the movie and one more as we said goodnight. I was in Niall’s bed, and instead of just giving me a quick hug before he took his spot on the floor, he leaned in to give me a tender kiss instead.
I almost asked him to sleep next to me—I’ve thought about it nearly every night—but my courage for the evening was all used up and I chickened out. The words were right there , but I started worrying that he’d say no for some noble reason and then the night would end on an awkward note instead of the hopeful one I was feeling.
After all this time, we’re not just friends anymore?
The man who’s held my heart for over a decade, kissing me? Saying he thought about me just like I thought about him? Telling me in this low, sexy voice that kissing me was incredible?
I can’t stop thinking about it. About Niall. About all my young hopes that stuck with me, even when there was no reason to hang on to them.
Or was there? Was it just that we had to wait for the right time?
Ironic that it’s now, when the rest of my life is so uncertain.
But Niall is solid and strong and I trust him, in truth, more than any other man I’ve known. More than my dad, who is good with words but not promises. More than the half-dozen boyfriends I’ve had who never came close to living up to the one man I couldn’t stop thinking about.
Is it any wonder I’m happy?
As I gaze at Niall, my chest expands with a warm, fizzy joy, and I impulsively fling my arms around him. Hugging him tightly, I stretch up to kiss the underside of his jaw, his stubble just a hint of rough against my lips. Then I pull back and hold his gaze. “I’m good. I didn’t work too hard, trust me. But I’m pretty hungry. Maybe we could have pancakes again?”
A pleased expression brightens his features. “That sounds like a great idea, hun.” One hand cups my cheek, the other rests at the small of my back, big and warm and searing into my sensitized skin. “Do you want chocolate chip again? Or something different?”
“Whatever you want to make.”
Niall stares at me, his gaze going dark and intense. “Jade. Have I said how beautiful you are?”
Oh . My heart explodes with happiness. “I’m not sure.”
“You are. You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.”
OH . All my worries are a distant memory as I look up at him. “You’re the most gorgeous man I’ve ever seen.”
A satisfied smile appears. “Is that so?” Then he leans down and slowly captures my mouth with his.
It’s a gentle kiss, all light nips and soft caresses. As we keep kissing, Niall pulls me closer; close enough to feel his arousal pressing into my belly.
But it’s not scary or triggering. Not with Niall.
Not with his tongue tracing the seam of my lips, teasing them open and dipping inside.
Not with his strong arms holding me, making me feel completely safe.
I know I’m not the only one so affected, because I can feel Niall’s heart pounding in a frantic rhythm against my chest.
Everything narrows to this moment, this shared connection with him. All my nerve endings are alive and jumping with electricity. An ache builds at my core. My nipples tighten. A rush of need surges through me.
And then.
A cough. Purposefully loud. Followed by, “Sorry guys. Should I come back later?”
Jerking away from Niall, I turn to see Xavier standing in the doorway of the gym, grinning widely. “Should I give you two some privacy?”
Niall lifts his chin and smiles at him. “No need. We’re about to head back to have breakfast, anyway.” Then he loops his arm around my waist, fitting me against his side.
They exchange a long look, a silent message passing between them.
Xavier turns his attention to me, his expression softening. “How are you doing, Jade? Did you enjoy last night?”
Though my cheeks are flaming, I meet his gaze with a smile. “I’m good. And I did. I didn’t realize you were so good at poker.”
“Ah, you saw me winning all that money?”
“I did. It was very impressive.”
Niall laughs. “We all learned the hard way. This guy pretended not to even know how to play poker. Then he fleeced all of us.”
Glancing between them, I’m struck with a renewed appreciation for everything Niall’s done for me. Sitting in his apartment every night with me so I would feel safe. Watching movies I know he thinks are terrible instead of the X-Men and Marvel ones he likes because he knows they comfort me. Spending nearly every waking hour with me.
I know how much Niall has looked forward to being part of a team again, and I don’t want to take that away from him.
I believe him when he says he wants to spend time with me. But maybe we could spend more time with his friends.
“Maybe you could show me how to play?” It just pops out. “I’m not very good.” I glance at Niall. “We could have a game night? Cards? Snacks?”
“Are you sure?” His gaze is assessing. “I like movie nights with you.” But there’s a light in his eyes that says he’d enjoy my idea, too.
“I’m sure. I think it would be fun.”
“Okay.” He gives me that smile, the one that makes my legs all wobbly. Then he frames my face and brushes a quick kiss across my lips. “I think it’s a great idea.”
The more I think about it, I do too.
How could I not like it? An evening with Niall, watching him relax with his friends. Laughing and teasing and hugging him whenever we win. Pigging out on snacks and maybe getting a little tipsy. Getting a taste of what real life with Niall would be like once all this craziness is over.
While Niall cooks breakfast, we brainstorm about game night, planning snacks and ordering new games on Amazon. We order Cards Against Humanity and Jenga and Uno and Operation; the last of which he adds to the cart while explaining, “It’s fun to play after a few beers. Makes it much more challenging.”
By the time we finish our pancakes—strawberries on top this time—I’m excited for game night and any lingering hesitation is gone. “When should we have it?” I ask as I spear the last piece of strawberry. “Is this Thursday too soon?”
“Well. Rhiannon and Xavier are heading out on a job tomorrow. And they’ll be gone three days. So Thursday won’t work. But Saturday should. Does that sound good to you?”
“It sounds great.” This all feels so normal. Hosting a game night. Grinning at Niall over the table. Feeling happy and hopeful for a future with a guy I’ve had an enormous crush on for all of my adult life.
There’s a moment of pleasant silence as Niall and I gaze at each other. It’s a comfortable silence, which is something I like about being around him. While we have plenty to talk about, we can just enjoy the quiet times together, too.
Then my phone rings, a jarring sound in the relative peace.
Since Niall is closer, he grabs it off the kitchen island and hands it to me. “Remember,” he starts, “only Shea and?—”
“I know.” Since we don’t know who’s involved—sadly, it could be any of my friends or coworkers—the only people I talk to on the phone are Shea and my parents.
I’m hoping for Shea; even though there are a bunch of things I can’t tell her right now, it’s still nice to hear her voice. But it’s my father instead.
For a second, I contemplate not answering.
I feel guilty at the thought, but talking to my parents can be exhausting. Inevitably, my father wants to know if I’ve met any suitable men and if I’m ever going to focus on starting a family. Then my mother rambles on for ten minutes about whatever her upcoming party or benefit is.
Sometimes I feel like an obligation to them. Something to check off a list— talk to Jade, make thinly veiled comments about her disappointing life choices, and make sure she knows about the next company event . Then I’m shuttled aside so my parents can focus on more important things like ambition and money and appearances.
But. They’re concerned. Their only daughter was abducted and won’t stay at their estate for protection, like my father suggested. It would be selfish not to answer his call just because I want to stay in this safe and comfortable bubble with Niall.
With a steadying breath, I answer, “Hi, Dad.”
“Jade.” No affectionate greeting; just my name in the same authoritative tone he always uses. “Do you have any news?”
“Not yet.” I push away from the table and walk into the living room, suddenly too restless to stay still. “Niall and his team are working?—”
“ Niall .” It’s said dismissively. “You mean your friend’s brother? I’d hardly call that protection. You should be staying here, with your family.”
“Dad.” My teeth grind together. “I’m perfectly safe where I am. I understand your concern, but?—”
He interrupts me again, this time with a derisive huff. “You mean the place you won’t let us visit? Won’t let us see you? And you expect us to just take you at your word that it’s safe?”
“I told you before. It’s safer if you don’t come. They could be watching. If someone follows you… it could be dangerous. But I’m completely?—”
“Jade.” This time his voice is a whip cracking. “This is just not done. Living with this man who fancies himself a bodyguard. More likely, he thinks he can get money from you. Convince you to let him protect you instead of real security like we can hire. He probably thinks you’re an easy mark. Attractive, vulnerable?—”
“Stop,” I snap. “None of that is true. Niall is trained. And I trust him.” Nervous energy is building inside me, making my stomach flutter and my hands shake. “He’s not taking advantage?—”
“Jade Bell.” His voice raises, and I wince as I pull my ear away from the phone. “I’ve tried to be patient with this independent streak of yours. Letting you live on your own. Watching you waste valuable years working when you could be starting a family. And now this? Stubbornly staying with this man because you’re, what, attracted to him? It’s enough, Jade. It’s time for you to come home.”
Frustrated tears burn behind my eyes. No matter how many times I tell myself not to let my father’s words get to me, when he gets like this, it’s almost impossible.
Don’t cry. Don’t yell. Be reasonable.
I’m an adult, and it doesn’t matter what he wants.
Jaw clenching hard enough to send jolts of pain spearing through it, I force my voice to stay calm. “No. I’m not going to the house. I’m staying where I am. You’ll just have to trust that I know what I’m doing.”
There’s a long pause, and then my father says coldly, “I don’t know how you can expect me to trust you when you make such bad decisions.”
Pain spears through my chest, and tears threaten to escape.
It shouldn’t matter what he thinks. I’m proud of myself. But still… it stings.
“I’m sorry you feel that way,” I reply flatly. “I have to go. Tell Mom I said hi and I’m safe. I’ll call when I have any news.”
As he starts to argue, I end the call; jabbing at the screen with way more force than I need to. Then I place the phone carefully on the top of the bookshelf even though I really want to fling it across the room instead.
Emotions are swelling inside me, a balloon expanding past capacity, ready to burst.
But I don’t want to break down in front of Niall, so I focus on meticulously lining up the books on the shelf, making sure they’re all perfectly symmetrical. I hate that I’m doing it—I know what this is—but it’s the only way I can keep everything in.
“Jade, honey.” Niall comes up beside me and gently stills my hand. He turns me around and gazes at me with such a tender expression, it’s nearly my undoing. “Are you okay?”
“I’m—” My voice catches. “I’m fine.”
“Ah, sweetheart.” Compassion fills his eyes. “Is he like that all the time?”
“You heard—” I stop myself. Of course Niall at least heard the end of the conversation. My father was practically shouting at me by then.
“I’m sorry. I wasn’t trying to. But I was worried about you, and then I couldn’t help but hear.”
“He’s… not always that bad. Most of the time… it’s just little comments. Things about my job, or that I’m not getting any younger. But sometimes…” My gaze shifts back to the books and my hand twitches to fix them again. “Sometimes he wants to make sure I know how disappointing I am.”
His jaw goes tight, and anger darkens his gaze. “Disappointing? You ?”
“He thinks so. I try not to let it bother me. Most of the time it doesn’t. But…”
“Jade.” His voice gentles. “You are… that he’d even say… You’re amazing. You are the absolute opposite of disappointing.”
Niall stares down at me, a depth of emotion in his gaze. “I’m so sorry you had to hear that.” A pause, and he swallows hard. “Can I… can I just hold you? I think… I need to.”
A spark of warmth kindles inside me, chasing away some of the chill my father left behind. “You never have to ask that. The answer is always yes.”
“Ah, sweetheart.” Then he scoops me into his arms and carries me over to the couch, settling me down on his lap. Cuddling me to him, he presses quick, almost desperate kisses to the top of my head. “You’re incredible,” he murmurs between kisses. “I promise.”
I curl into Niall’s chest and tuck my head under his chin, letting my lips drift across his neck. Twining my arms around him, I hug him tightly, wishing there was a way to get even closer.
As we sit snuggled together, he rubs slow circles on my back and I can feel myself gradually relaxing.
After several minutes, or an hour—time somehow loses meaning—Niall shifts me in his lap and kisses me tenderly. “I mean it, Jade. I think everything about you is amazing. I can’t believe how lucky I am to be holding you like this.”
Oh. My heart gives an uneven thud, and the band around my chest releases. “I feel lucky, too. To be with you.”
“Jade.” He gazes at me with something deeper than affection. “I’ll do everything in my power to make you happy. And to make sure you always know how damn wonderful you are.”
Joy fizzes up again, leaving me breathless.
No man has ever made me feel like this before. I’m not sure anyone but Niall could.
A small smile tugs at my lips. “I think you’re pretty darn wonderful, too.”