Chapter 12
CHAPTER TWELVE
XAVIER
There are times I almost forget why Lucy’s here.
When she’s snuggled up next to me in bed, her head on my shoulder and her hair trailing over my arm, her breath feathering across my skin, all I can think about is how perfect it is.
How perfect she is.
As we take our daily walk around the B and A property, holding hands and stopping to kiss every few minutes like we’re the stars in one of those romance movies Lucy loves, I’m too damn happy to think about anything negative.
And last night, while we were cuddled on the couch watching Jeopardy , Lucy laughed as she said, “Look at us. Like an old married couple watching their shows together.”
A moment later, her cheeks went pink. “Not that we’re married. Or that I?—”
I kissed her before she could take it back. And for the rest of the night, the idea kept rolling around in my head.
Marriage.
It’s something I never considered before Lucy. But now? I like the sound of it.
In those perfect moments, it’s easy to let myself slip into a different reality. One where Lucy moved in with me because I asked her to and not because she needed Blade and Arrow’s protection. One where she’s not still in danger.
I think she forgets about it too, sometimes. On those walks, she’ll look up at me with sparkling eyes and that Lucy-glow, the one that lights up her face and makes people feel glad just to be around her. When she has that glow, I know she’s not thinking about the cabin or the dark web or the nightmares she can’t completely shake.
She’s just happy.
That’s what I want for her all the time. Not to be scared of the dark and sudden sounds and unable to see her family and friends. Not to wake up on a strangled scream after another nightmare or have a panic attack because something triggered her.
I’d do anything to make Lucy happy. Give her a dozen libraries. Buy her thousands of books. Take her anywhere in the world she wants to go.
Except I can’t do that, because we still haven’t found the people behind that fucked up game.
It’s not for lack of trying. Matt, Leo, Beth—they’ve been working like crazy, and they’re definitely making progress. Two more captives have been rescued, and they’re both expected to make a full recovery. And judging from the results the web crawler is finding, the interest in Expiration Date is fading.
But that doesn’t eliminate the threat to Lucy. The only thing that will do that is putting the monsters behind this in jail.
Well. Unless I come face to face with them. Then I can’t guarantee they’ll make it there.
“Xavier?”
It’s said in a slightly tentative tone, and as I turn to face Lucy, I can see the worry in her eyes. She touches my shoulder and asks softly, “Is everything okay?”
“Of course. Why?”
She glances down at my hands, which currently have a death grip on the edge of the kitchen island. “Well. You just look… tense.”
I release the cool marble and flex my fingers, feeling the blood rushing back into them. Working my lips into a smile, I reply, “I’m okay. Just thinking.”
Skepticism arches her brows, but thankfully, Lucy lets it go. Instead, she covers one of my hands with hers and gives it a little squeeze. “Okay. As long as you’re alright.” She pauses. “You know… you can talk to me. If something’s bothering you. Don’t feel like you have to keep it inside to protect me.”
“I’m not.” Much. But really, what am I supposed to say? I’m thinking about the different ways I could eliminate the fuckers who abducted and tortured you? I’m not sure that’s the kind of answer Lucy would want to hear.
She twines her arms around my waist and leans against me, resting her head on my shoulder. “If you change your mind, I’m here.”
“I know.” Pressing a soft kiss to the top of her head, I add, “Thank you, Luce.”
“Of course. I—” Her mouth snaps shut. After a beat, she says, “Anyway. I was thinking about tonight. That new Transformers movie is streaming, so I thought we could watch it. And order some pizza from Mariano’s? Maybe get some of that weird beer you like? Kind of like a Xavier’s Favorites night?”
My lips twitch, and some of the tension from before drifts away. “Weird beer?”
“Yeah.” She lifts her head to meet my gaze. “That piney stuff.”
Now I’m fully smiling. “You mean IPA?”
Her lips form a moue of distaste. “Yes. The stuff that tastes like a pine tree.” Then she grins. “My seltzer is so much better. And it comes in all those yummy flavors.”
I mock gag. “Kiwi-strawberry?”
“That’s not the best flavor. The peach-mango is.”
Cupping her cheek, I brush my lips across hers. “That’s why I let you have all of them.”
Gaze softening, she says, “I would share.” Then she kisses me, nipping my lower lip and stroking her tongue across the small sting.
Immediately, I go hard, straining against my jeans. Need throbs, deep and insistent.
Lucy dips inside my mouth, a slow exploration, caressing and gently teasing. She tastes faintly of the pink lemonade she made earlier as she declared, “It’s almost summer, and this is my favorite summer drink. It makes me feel happy whenever I have it.”
It’s only May, but I wasn’t going to argue. She could announce we’re having eggnog or hot chocolate and I wouldn’t say a word.
When my lungs are close to bursting, Lucy pulls away with a little gasp. Her cheeks are flushed and her lips are rosy and kiss-swollen and she looks so beautiful my heart actually hurts.
“So, what do you think?” There’s that sparkle in her eyes. “Xavier’s Favorites night?”
For a few seconds, I give serious thought to dumping my original idea. Just staying home with Lucy and going along with her very enjoyable-sounding plan instead of suggesting something that could potentially upset her.
But then again. I think about something Lucy said not long after I told her about Rhiannon. “I didn’t think about it before,” she’d explained, “but when I overheard you and Rhiannon talking, something stuck with me. About how sometimes we need a push. And it’s true, I think. If you hadn’t pushed me to talk to a counselor, to do yoga with Erik, to spend time with Rambo… I’m not sure if I would have done it myself.”
That’s why I’m going back and forth on this instead of making the easy choice.
Selfishly, I want to keep Lucy at Blade and Arrow. I don’t want to shake the foundation of safety she feels here. I don’t want to risk doing something that could trigger a setback.
But then again.
I know how badly Lucy wants to get back to her normal life. How she wants to feel normal again. I know how safety can feel suffocating after a while.
And maybe a little push would be a good thing for her.
“Well,” I start. “I love that idea. But I have another idea for tonight, if you’re interested.”
“Oh?” Brows winging up, she gives me a questioning look. “What are you thinking?”
“You’ve heard me mention Rylan from the Sleepy Hollow Blade and Arrow team?”
Lucy nods. “Yes. He was stationed at Fort Campbell with you, right?”
“Yeah. He and his wife, Charlie, are in San Antonio, visiting her friend from college. And they want to come see everyone here, too.”
Lighting up, she replies, “Oh, that sounds nice. I’d love to meet them. Are they coming to the ranch?”
“They could.” Taking both her hands in mine, I watch her expression carefully as I add, “But we were thinking of meeting up in Seguin first. At The Bar. For something a little different.”
Alarm flickers in her eyes. “You want to go out? Leave B and A?”
“We don’t have to.” I hold her gaze as I explain gently, “It’s up to you. If you don’t feel comfortable, we’ll have everyone over here. But I was thinking… You’ve been stuck here for weeks. I don’t want you to feel trapped. Or to start hating it here.”
“I couldn’t. How could I hate being here with you?”
“I hope you don’t, Luce. But I just thought… Well, it might feel nice to get out. And it would be completely safe. I already talked to the owner, and he agreed to close the place down except for us.”
Lucy worries her lip. “Just us?”
“Yeah.” I lean in, kissing the tiny line etched across her forehead. “Just us. The team, and Jade and Sarah, of course. Rylan and Charlie. Charlie’s friend Erin, and her husband, Conor. So you’d have plenty of protection.”
She stares at me, clearly conflicted, indecision darkening her gaze. After a long pause, she asks, “But if I don’t want to go?”
“Then you don’t have to. And we’ll change our plans. Have everyone over in the barn instead.”
“It’s kind of hot, though. And you guys haven’t gotten the fans installed in the barn yet.”
“Luce. Whatever you want is okay. No one minds either way. Trust me, everyone will understand if you don’t feel comfortable leaving yet. I just thought… you might like a change of scenery.”
The next pause is long enough that I’m sure she’s going to say no.
But then Lucy surprises me.
Her lips curve up in a tentative smile. “It would be nice. To do something different. To feel normal again. Not that I don’t love staying home with you,” she adds quickly. “But if you’re sure it’s safe?—”
“One-hundred percent. You won’t be alone for a second. And we’ll take the company SUV; it’s practically a tank. I’ll be with you, and Dante and Niall will drive with us.”
“And we could play that old jukebox?” Pink touches her cheeks. “Maybe dance a little?”
“Absolutely. We can dance as long as you want.”
Even if the guys tease me mercilessly about it later.
Lucy snakes her arms around my waist, tilting her head back to look at me. With a genuine smile now, she says, “Okay, Xavier. Let’s do it.”
“Are you sure?” The last thing I want is for her to feel pressured into it. “It’s really okay if you’re not ready.”
“I want to.” Her chin lifts. “Am I scared? A little. But I also don’t want to spend my life being afraid. I want to go out with you and your friends. Do normal, couple-y things. Dance with my boyfriend.”
My lips quirk. “Even if I have two left feet when I dance?”
“Yes.” That Lucy-glow lights up her face as her smile gets even bigger. “Even then.”
I wasn’t kidding about having two left feet.
Move through enemy territory without making a sound? No problem. Balance on the ledge of a building twenty feet off the ground? Easy. Leap from one rooftop to another in the dark of night, knowing a misstep could end in terrible injury or death? I’m totally confident.
But trying not to stomp on Lucy’s feet while we dance and maintaining some semblance of rhythm?
Forget it.
By the end of the third dance, Lucy’s lips are quivering and she’s biting her cheek to keep from laughing. But she hasn’t complained once. Not when I clipped her toes or spun her the wrong way for the tenth time, and not even when I nearly ran over Jade and Niall, who made the unwise choice to venture near us.
With each misstep and subsequent apology, Lucy just hugged me and said, “It’s fine, Xavier. I’m just happy to be here.”
My teammates were nearly peeing themselves as they watched my sad attempt at dancing, but they used admirable restraint by stifling their guffaws and swallowing back the snarky comments I’m sure they were dying to make. I know it’s not for my benefit, but Lucy’s—like me, they’re so pleased to see her having a good time, they wouldn’t do anything to ruin it.
And she is having a good time.
That’s not something Lucy could fake, not around me, not when I’ve become so attuned to her moods. If she was scared or uncomfortable or wanted to leave, I would know. I’d see the tension in her shoulders or the tight set of her jaw. I’d see the fear shadowing her gaze.
But I don’t see any of those.
She looked a little nervous when we first got here, but that quickly faded. Halfway through our first dart game, Lucy was laughing along with the rest of us, even giving a little hoot of triumph as she scored her first bullseye. And by the time she finished one of her seltzers, she was even more relaxed, her cheeks tinged pink and her eyes bright with enthusiasm.
I was still second-guessing myself for bringing her here, wondering if I’d pushed her too quickly. If I ended up causing a flashback or panic attack, I’m not sure I could forgive myself. But with the bar closed to the public and seven former Green Berets protecting her, so far, our outing has been a resounding success.
“This is so much fun, Xavier.” Lucy beams up at me, her blue eyes sparkling. She hugs me as she continues, “Playing darts, and pool, and dancing… it reminds me of the first time you brought me here to meet your friends.”
“So you’re having a good time?”
“Yes. Definitely.” Then more seriously, “I was nervous about coming. But then I remembered something.”
“What, sunshine?”
Her gaze meets mine. “I know you won’t let anything happen to me. And I realized… it doesn’t matter where I am. As long as I’m with you, I feel safe.”
Oh.
Hearing Lucy say that is incredible and bittersweet at the same time. To know she trusts me that much… but also it’s another reminder of the times I’ve let her down.
“Ah, Luce.” My voice goes rough. “You are safe. I won’t let anything happen to you.”
“I know.” She stretches up to kiss me, her lips lingering on mine for a second. “Now. I’m a little hungry. Do you think there’s any pizza left?”
Glancing over at the cluster of tables we shoved together for the Blade and Arrow contingent, I spot two pizzas with half the slices left. “Looks like it. Want to head over?”
“Sure.” Lucy slips her hand inside mine. “And Rylan and Charlie are sitting over there with Erin and Conor. I haven’t really gotten a chance to talk to them yet.”
A minute later, we’re seated around one of the tables, worn and scratched from years of use. Initials and hearts are etched into the dark wood, little reminders of the dozens of people who sat here before. It’s something the owner, John, mentioned one time—that he purposefully left the tables as they were instead of refinishing them to look like new.
“I like seeing the names,” he told me. “It’s like a little bit of history. Couples that met, fell in love, got married. Some of the famous people who come through on their way to the city. Locals who come here every week. It gives this place character.”
It’s just one of the reasons I like The Bar—yes, that’s what it’s actually called—over the more upscale places in downtown Seguin or San Antonio. This is a place that feels comfortable. Welcoming. It’s the kind of place where the owner didn’t hesitate closing to the public once I explained why.
And it makes me think Lucy and I should have our names here, too.
“I’m so thrilled to finally get to talk to you,” Charlie enthuses, smiling warmly at Lucy. “I’ve heard so much about you.”
Lucy returns the smile. “Good things, I hope.”
Charlie nods. “Oh, yes. When Xavier came for our wedding, he wouldn’t stop talking about this new woman he just started dating. How smart she was, and talented, and beautiful, and how she just lit up the room when she smiled.”
“Xav might not want you saying all that,” Rylan interrupts gently. He puts his hand over Charlie’s, the silver of his wedding band contrasting against his tan skin.
“Why not? It’s not like anything he said was bad.”
“It’s fine,” I assure Charlie. “It’s all true. Lucy’s all of those things and more.”
Charlie and Erin make an awwing sound in unison.
Rylan flashes me a knowing grin. “I never thought I’d see the day.”
“What day?” Erin asks, her forehead creasing in confusion.
I take Lucy’s hand, casting her a soft look before turning back to Erin. “The day I found the woman I wanted to be with.”
“Xavier always said he didn’t do relationships,” Rylan explains. Then he smirks. “I’ve heard some other people I know say the same thing. But once they meet the right person…”
Charlie nudges Rylan, smiling affectionately at him. “Sounds kind of familiar, doesn’t it?”
Rylan kisses her cheek. “Yes. But once I met you, I just knew.” To Lucy, he says, “I was worried about compromising Charlie’s protection. That my feelings for her would cloud my focus. But then I realized I was making the decision for her, instead of letting Charlie decide what she wanted for herself.”
“And I knew I wanted you,” Charlie says as she gazes at Rylan. Something passes between them, something I wouldn’t have recognized before meeting Lucy.
Real love.
The same love I can see as Erin looks at Conor, the emotion in their eyes so much stronger than words.
I never knew before.
I never knew how it could feel when you find the perfect person. How everything is brighter. Better. More vivid. She heals my fractures and fills the parts I thought would always be empty. She brings me a joy I never knew existed.
Lucy makes me want to be a better man for her.
“I never knew it could feel this special,” Lucy says quietly. “I never knew I could feel like this. But with Xavier…” She turns to me, a smile lifting her lips. “You’re everything to me.”
Oh.
How can I not tell her?
But it’s not the right place. The right time.
I can’t tell Lucy I love her at a bar surrounded by ten of our friends. It’s supposed to be romantic, with flowers and jewelry and candles, like the scenes she writes in her books.
But it’s right there . This feeling, so much bigger than I’ve ever felt before, on the verge of bursting out of my body.
I want to tell her.
Lucy’s still looking at me, emotion working in her eyes, and I could swear she’s thinking the same thing as me.
Is she?
Have we both been waiting for the perfect moment?
Does it really matter when the truth is the same?
Everything else fades until it’s just Lucy and me.
“Xavier—”
“Luce—”
Lucy laughs. “You go.”
“No, you.”
She looks at me for a second, as her smile slides into something more serious. “Xavier. I… I don’t want to wait anymore.”
“Luce—”
Cheeks pinking up, she says, “I know it’s not the perfect time. But I just… I’ve been waiting so long to tell you.”
My heart thuds hard. “Lu?—”
“At first, I thought I should wait until I was feeling… more stable. Better. So if you didn’t feel the same way, you wouldn’t feel bad letting me down. I knew you’d worry about hurting me, and with everything else going on…”
Part of me wants to interrupt her, to say the words first. But that would be selfish.
And does it really matter who says it first?
Lucy clutches my hands. Her eyes darken to a deep sapphire. “When I said I was falling for you. It was more than that.” She pauses. “I love you, Xavier. I have. And I know saying it here isn’t the most romantic?—”
“Lucy.” It’s gruff. Thick with emotion. Standing up, I pull her into my arms. “I love you. I love you. With all my heart. Love isn’t a big enough word to say how I feel about you.”
“ Xavier .”
“You are the most incredible person, Lucy. Every day I wake up feeling so lucky to have found you.”
And as quiet awws come from around the table, I hand my heart to her with no hesitation.
“I love you, Luce. So damn much. And I’ll spend every day showing you. Doing whatever it takes to make you happy. You’re the most important person in the world to me.”
She touches my cheek. “You’re the most important person to me, too. And I love you so much.”
As we stare into each other’s eyes, there’s a moment when everything is quiet. When it still feels like we’re the only two people in the world.
And then.
A round of cheers erupt through the bar.
Amid the hoots and way to go s and it’s about time s, I hug Lucy close and murmur close to her ear, “Sorry. I meant to do this in a more romantic setting.”
“It’s okay.” Lucy grins up at me, her joy a visible thing. “I love this. It’s special. We won’t forget saying I love you here.” Then her lips quirk. “I have an idea.”
“Oh?”
“First, let’s put our initials on the table. And then—” Her voice goes low and sultry. “We should go home and celebrate being in love. What do you think?”
“I love it.” Framing her face, I brush my lips across hers. “And I love you.”