Chapter 13
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
LUCY
Unlike our usual walks, this one is heavy with silence.
Usually, we meander along the trails talking about anything that comes to mind. The new releases on Netflix. One of the Jeopardy questions from the night before. Funny stories and adventures from when we were kids, like the time I tried to hide in the public library after closing so I could stay there all night, or when Xavier built his own soap box car and came in first in the local tournament.
Then there are days when our conversations shift to more serious topics. The guilt I struggled with when I finally told my dad I wasn’t interested in working at his company and I wanted to pursue a career in creative writing instead. Xavier’s difficult childhood, growing up with a drug-addicted mom and a father in prison, and how desperate he was to make a better life for himself.
It’s on these walks that I truly get to know Xavier.
Not that we didn’t talk before, or that we don’t share important things back home, but there’s just something about being outside, surrounded by birds and plants and the wide open sky that makes it easier to say the things long kept hidden.
They started as a way for me to get some exercise, but during the weeks I’ve been at Blade and Arrow, this time with Xavier has become so much more.
I’ve learned things about myself being out here—that I prefer the wild of nature to manicured lawns, hiking through tall grasses rather than jogging on a treadmill, and most of all, that B and A feels more like home than any other place I’ve lived.
Xavier feels like home.
And I want him to feel the same way, like he’s safe with me, and he can tell me anything. That he doesn’t always have to protect me. That when he’s struggling with the memories of his childhood or the things he saw in the Army, he can talk to me about it. That as strong as he is, as brave, he doesn’t always have to be.
That’s why I’m debating how to handle his silence.
It all started after the phone call an hour ago. We were finishing breakfast and chatting about the day, every few minutes exchanging soft, affectionate glances that said I love you as clearly as the words. His hand was caressing my thigh, and even though we’d just made love, my desire was surging again.
Then his phone rang, and the second he saw the number, his demeanor changed.
His features went stony and his gaze shadowed, all the softness disappearing in an instant. Jaw tight, he stared at the phone like it was some kind of poisonous creature before gritting out, “Sorry, Lucy. But I have to take this.”
As he closed the bedroom door behind him, I tried not to feel rejected, reminding myself that just because we usually took calls in front of each other doesn’t mean we always had to.
By the time I finished washing the dishes, Xavier was off the phone, looking even more tense than he did when he answered it. His expression wasn’t angry, but more… hurt. Disappointed. And when he neared me, there was a vulnerability in his eyes I’ve never seen before.
Without explanation, he just asked, “Can we go for that walk now? If it’s okay with you?”
Of course I said yes. And we’ve been walking in silence ever since.
He’s still the same thoughtful Xavier, holding my hand and guiding me around obstacles and lifting me over the narrow stream that leads to the pond. But he’s only half with me. The other half is somewhere deep in thought, struggling with whatever the phone call brought.
Could it have been one of his old teammates calling with bad news? Knowing how dangerous Xavier’s job was, it’s a distinct possibility that one of his fellow Green Berets was injured or killed overseas.
Did it have something to do with his family? He doesn’t keep in touch with them, hasn’t for years, but what if something happened to one of them?
I’m torn between asking and waiting for Xavier to tell me.
If he’s still working everything out in his head, I want to give him that time. But if he’s holding it inside because he doesn’t want to burden me with his pain…
Spotting the pond up ahead, I tighten my grip on Xavier’s hand and tug him towards it. He glances at me questioningly, finally breaking his self-imposed silence to ask, “Is everything okay?”
“Yes.” Mostly. “I just… I’d like to sit on the dock for a few minutes.”
Less than a minute later, we’re sitting at the end of the small dock, our feet dangling over the water. A dragonfly skims the surface, leaving tiny ripples behind. A squirrel darts across the grass and over to the edge of the pond, dipping its head to sip from it.
Out here, everything feels lighter. My fears. My anxiety. The worry that I’ll never be able to write again.
Hopefully, it helps Xavier, too.
He’s still quiet, just staring out across the pond, a tiny muscle in his jaw working.
“Xavier.” As he turns to me, I take a deep breath before continuing. “You don’t have to tell me. But… I can tell you’re upset. So if you want to talk… I’m here.”
For a few seconds, he just looks back at me. Then he squeezes my hand and says, “I’m sorry, Luce. The way I’ve been acting—” He sighs heavily. “It wasn’t fair to you.”
“It’s fine. I’m just worried.”
“Still. You have enough things to worry about. And I’m just?—”
“No.” It’s gently stern. “You can talk to me about anything. I know you’ve been trying to protect me, and I love you for it. But that doesn’t mean you can’t talk about things that are bothering you. We’re a team. I want to be here for you, too.”
His mouth presses into an unhappy line, tiny lines of strain bracketing it. He sighs again. “You’re right. But it’s hard. I do want to protect you. And there are things… I don’t like talking about them.”
My heart squeezes. “You don’t have to. But I’ve learned it helps. Even when I hate saying the words, it feels better once they’re out.”
One corner of his lips tugs up. “That sounds pretty smart.”
“Well.” I give him a little smile. “I’m pretty smart, you know.”
Softening, he replies, “You are, Luce. You’re the smartest person I know.” Sliding closer to me, he slips his arm around my waist, tugging me into his side. “It was my mother who called. I haven’t spoken to her in over ten years.”
“What did she want?”
“Money. That’s the only reason she ever calls.” After a pause, he adds, “She claimed she needed it for rehab. Ten thousand dollars.”
Inwardly, I wince. Ten thousand dollars might not be much to my parents, but it’s a lot to most other people. And while I know Xavier is comfortable financially, that could be too big of an ask. But do I offer?
Quietly, I ask, “Do you need?—”
“I have the money.” Xavier’s eyes are sad. “It’s not that. I might not be on the level of your parents, but I saved a lot while I served. Plus hazard pay, and now I don’t really have living expenses, living at B and A. I could give it to her. But I won’t.”
Frowning, he continues, “I used to offer to send her to rehab. All the time. As soon as I could. And in the beginning, she talked a good story about how she wanted to go. How she’d get better. Be better.”
Not wanting to interrupt, I just nod for him to continue.
“I spent over thirty K on her supposed rehabs,” Xavier says, bitterness lacing his tone. “Even checked them out, spoke to the doctors, all of it. The first two times, she backed out and kept the money. I should have learned by then. But I didn’t.”
He rests his chin on my head, his breath ruffling my hair. “Ten years ago, she asked me a third time. Begged me, really. I was hesitant, but… she’s family. Even though she was a terrible mother, I felt… obligated. Can you believe that? She was never there for me. Ever. While my dad was in prison, she was hooking up with whatever boyfriend could score her drugs.”
“Oh, Xavier.”
“From when I was a little kid, I had to do everything myself. Figure out how to eat, find clothes, pay for school expenses… I had a job when I was eleven, mowing lawns and shoveling driveways. And I hid the money so she wouldn’t steal it.”
Tears burn behind my eyes. Xavier never told me just how bad it was.
“I tried to sleep over at my friends’ houses as much as I could,” Xavier continues. “And I did sports, clubs, anything that would get me away from the dilapidated shack she called a house.” He stops. “I’m not complaining?—”
“You should. That’s neglect, Xavier. It’s not right.”
“No, it wasn’t. But it made me into a stronger person. I learned to take care of myself. And it set me on a path I’ll always be thankful for. The Army. Special Forces. My team. Blade and Arrow. You.”
“ Xavier —”
“So I told her no this time. Definitively.” He moves his head so he can meet my gaze. “First she begged. Reasoned. And finally, she devolved to name-calling. Telling me I was a terrible person. That if she died from an overdose, it would be my fault.”
I gasp. “No. No . That’s not true. Not even for a second.”
“Rationally, I know. She would just spend it on drugs. I know that.” Pain shadows his features. “But it still makes me feel like a bad person.”
Tears trickle down my cheeks. “You’re not. God, Xavier. You’re the best person I know. The kindest, the most thoughtful… you’re sweet and smart and brave and you risked your life for your country. Over and over again. You are incredible .”
“Lucy…” He swallows hard. “That you would say that?—”
“It’s true.” I grab his hands and look at him fiercely. “I feel so lucky to have met you. Everyone loves you. Your team. All the people you served with. Do you see the respect they have for you? How much they trust you? They aren’t all wrong.”
“Sunshine…”
“And I love you. Most of all. I love you, Xavier. And trust me when I say you are an amazing person.”
“You are.” Xavier’s voice goes thick. “You’re the amazing one, Luce.” He hugs me, pressing his lips to the top of my head. “I love you so damn much.”
I bury my face in his neck, breathing in his familiar scent—woodsy with a hint of citrus and pine, along with this indescribable aroma that’s distinctly him. As his arms tighten around me, a wave of protectiveness comes over me, more intense than anything I’ve felt before.
And with it, anger and disbelief.
How could he ever think he’s a bad person?
How could anyone?
How could his parents treat Xavier like that?
My jaw sets as I vow to myself, I won’t let them hurt him again. I might not be able to protect Xavier physically, but I can protect his heart. I can reassure him that he’s a good person over and over until he believes it.
And while I’ve never been a confrontational person, if his mother or father try to mess with Xavier again, I won’t hesitate to step in. To say the hard things so Xavier doesn’t have to.
“Lucy…” He cups my nape, tilting my head back to meet his gaze. His eyes glint with gold and amber in the mid-morning sun, so filled with love I can barely stand it. “I wish I could say how much I love you. But words aren’t enough.”
“It’s okay.” I lean closer, so our lips are only a breath away. “I know how much you love me. Because I feel the same way.”
Then we kiss. First it’s tender, like a comforting caress. An unspoken message to let Xavier know that I’m here. That I support him. That I believe in him.
His fingers tunnel through my hair as our kiss changes, shifting from gentle to needy. Our tongues move together in a sensual rhythm, stroking and teasing. During sipped breaths, we take turns nipping and sucking at each other’s lips, a perfect duality of pleasure mixed with a tiny sting of pain.
As we keep kissing, my core clenches, demanding to be filled. Heat builds at the apex of my thighs, and I can feel myself opening for him. My hips thrust restlessly, my body instinctively searching for relief.
God. This need . I want to feel Xavier inside me so badly.
Could we out here? Would anyone see?
They could. Any one of Xavier’s teammates could decide to walk the trails. Niall and Erik are away on a job, but Dante and Sarah could come out here. Dante built this deck for Sarah, after all, so it wouldn’t be surprising…
Unless Xavier called to ask them to stay away. To give us some private time.
Would that be crazy? Making love out on the dock in broad daylight?
Or would it be an incredible memory?
Breaking the kiss, I suck in several greedy breaths before I start, “What do you think about?—”
A shrill noise interrupts me. Loud. Insistent.
My heart stutters. Skips a beat. Then rockets to double speed.
Xavier bites out a low curse as he reaches into his pocket. All at once, he’s on guard, his gaze alert and all his muscles tense.
In a tiny voice, I ask, “Xavier? What’s that?”
But I think I know what it is. I just don’t want to believe it.
He whips out his phone and stares at the screen. His jaw goes rigid. “Shit.”
“Xavier?”
My lungs seize.
Xavier stands, pulling me up with him. One arm wraps around me, holding me close to his chest. “It’s okay,” he says, but from the undercurrent of strain in his voice, it doesn’t sound like things are remotely okay.
Don’t panic.
Just because that sounds an awful lot like a security alarm doesn’t mean it actually is.
Right. And if I believe that…
“Where are you?” he barks into the phone. “I’m at the pond with Lucy. Can you intercept—” A beat, and then, “Got it. I’m heading back now.” There’s another pause as he listens. “No. I didn’t bring it with me. But I have my Ka-Bar.”
Terror is making me lightheaded. Gray spots dance at the edges of my vision.
“Just intercept them,” Xavier replies briskly. “I need to get Lucy back now.”
Oh, God.
It’s my worst fear.
They came for me.
“Lucy, breathe.” Xavier gives me a gentle shake. “Breathe. It’s okay.”
His voice is calm, but there’s a dangerous intensity in his eyes.
Dimly, I realize I’m holding my breath. After I suck in a shuddering breath, I whisper, “They came for me. Didn’t they?”
“Maybe.” He grasps my hand tightly. “Someone breached the exterior fence. We need to get back to the ranch. Now.”
I give him a jerky nod. “Okay.”
Setting off at a brisk jog, we head back down the path that winds its way back to the ranch. My pulse is thundering in my ears, so loudly I’m afraid the intruders could be right next to us and I wouldn’t hear it.
But Xavier would. He won’t let anyone hurt me. He promised.
Unless.
What if they have guns? What if they shoot Xavier?
Panic surges, and I run even faster, so I’m actually the one pulling ahead.
This path feels too long. Too winding. If the people coming after me are coming straight towards us…
“Should we go straight?” I ask. “Instead of taking the path?”
“No.” Xavier casts another glance around us. “We’ll be able to move faster on the trail. And they don’t know where we are. We should be able to get back to the ranch well before they can reach us.”
“They?”
“Two men. From the north edge of the property.”
Two men. Here for me.
I’d almost let myself hope the people behind the game gave up on me. That they’d decided I was more effort than I was worth.
I guess not.
As we round a curve, my foot catches on a stick and I nearly fall, but Xavier loops his arm around my waist and hoists me back up.
“It’s going to be okay,” he repeats. “We’re almost there. Matt and Dante are out searching for the intruders. Rhi is on guard at the ranch.”
My brain splinters for a second, and I have the most random thought in the midst of my terror.
This is what Xavier must have looked like as a Green Beret.
Intense. Strong. Dangerous. Intimidating.
Then I trip again, this time falling to my knee.
“I’m sorry,” I gasp as Xavier pulls me up again. “I’ll do better?—”
“You’re okay.” His tone gentles, incongruous to the banked threat in his gaze. “It’s fine, hun. You’re doing great.”
But I don’t feel like I’m doing great. I feel like I’m about to fall apart. And my lungs are aching and my knee stings and the terror is beating at me in punishing blows.
“Look, Luce. We’re almost there.”
Oh.
Like an oasis, the ranch appears through the trees, no more than a few hundred yards in front of us.
Though my chest feels like it’s about to burst, I put on an extra burst of speed as we approach the reinforced steel fence that surrounds the main buildings—the ranch, the barn, and the garage.
I have a moment’s panic as we close in on the gate, thinking frantically, what if they catch up to us as Xavier’s trying to unlock it? With the biometric lock and the complicated code, it’s no quick thing to get inside. We could be sitting ducks, and if they have guns ? —
But Rhiannon’s there to open it.
Armed, her gun at the ready, she pushes the steel gate open and waves us inside. “Go. I’ll cover you.”
Xavier lifts his chin at her as we speed past her. “Thanks, Rhi.”
I’d thank her, too, but I don’t know if I can work up enough extra breath to speak.
Although it’s not far from the gate to the back entrance to the ranch, maybe a couple hundred feet, it feels like miles. I keep expecting to hear a gunshot, or a pained shout, or the flare of agony in my back.
But none of those happen.
Instead, we get to the back door and Xavier hustles me inside, slamming the door shut behind him.
On a wheeze, I ask, “What about Rhian?—”
“She’ll be okay. Rhi’s a pro.” As we slow from a run to a brisk walk, he puts his arm around me as we head down the hallway. “No one is getting the jump on her,” he adds, “and no one is getting through that fence.”
“Where are we going?”
“The safe room. For now. Until the intruders are caught.”
Right. The safe room. A small room off the shared kitchen with reinforced walls, stocked with food and weapons and medical supplies. It has separate ventilation, access to the entire security system, and has an entrance to the underground passageway that leads to the garage.
Before I realize it, we’re at the door to the safe room, where Xavier punches in a long series of numbers, then waits for a retinal scan. Then the door opens with a soft swoosh, the lights in the room switching on automatically.
“Come on, sunshine. Let’s get inside.”
Oh. It’s probably not the best idea to just stand in the doorway, staring at the contents of the room without going inside.
But everything feels weird.
Now that the rush of adrenaline is subsiding, it’s like I’m moving through a thick fog.
Xavier leads me into the safe room and closes the door behind us. Drawing me into his arms, he holds me close as he presses soft kisses to the top of my head. “It’s okay, Luce,” he says, his tone low and soothing. “It’s okay. You’re safe.”
One big hand rubs up and down my back, and it’s only now I realize I’m shaking all over.
I wrap my arms around him, shuddering with residual fear. After a minute or an hour, I’m not sure how long, I finally manage to ask, “Dante? Matt? Are they okay?”
“I’m sure they are.” He strokes my hair, combing his fingers through it. “One of them will call as soon as they have news.”
“I don’t understand. I thought—” My voice catches. “I thought it was safe.”
Xavier tenses. “I’m so sorry. With all this property… The perimeter fence isn’t as secure as the one around the ranch. It has alarms and cameras, but—” He exhales. “We should have thought. I should have thought. Walking around like that, we shouldn’t have…”
He leans back to look down at me, guilt written across his features. “I’m sorry, Lucy. I just wanted you to have something?—”
His phone rings, the sudden sound making me startle.
Xavier grabs his phone. Before he answers it, he strokes my cheek. “It’s going to be okay. I promise.”
Then he taps the screen and clips out, “Do you have them?”
A few seconds later, a grim smile curves his lips. “Good. I think we should have a talk with them before we turn them over to the police.” After a beat, he replies, “Okay. I want to make sure Lucy’s alright, first. Let me get her settled; maybe have Sarah and Jade come over to my place?”
He nods again, then says, “Got it. See you in ten.”
Once he hangs up, Xavier brushes his lips across my forehead before meeting my gaze. “Matt and Dante got them. Dante said they were amateurs. Barely a threat.”
“Okay.”
“I know, Luce.” Regret seeps through his words. “I know. It was really scary. And I’m so sorry.”
It was scary. Terrifying, even. But once again, Xavier kept his word.
“You protected me,” I tell him softly. “Just like you always do. You said I’d be okay, and I am.”
“Oh, Luce?—”
The guilt in his eyes brings me close to tears.
It’s not his fault. Not any of it.
“It’s not your fault,” I tell him firmly. “It’s not.”
But I don’t think he believes me.