Chapter 31
31
E than walked into the living room with a tray of food.
He’d been tempted to order pizza, but he didn’t want a stranger here. He could’ve met them at the gate, but he didn’t really like being apart from Cate. Even for a few minutes.
The intensity of his feelings was surprising. He had no idea how she’d wormed herself into his heart so quickly.
All he knew was that he was going to make sure that she was as wrapped up in him as he was in her.
“Dinner.” He set down the tray onto the coffee table with a flourish. He sat next to it, facing her.
She eyed the food for a moment. “Grilled cheese and soup?”
“Yeah. You only had tomato and cream of chicken, so I went for cream of chicken.”
He figured she needed comfort food after everything that had happened this afternoon.
“Yummy,” she said. “But I don’t think I can eat much.”
“Just eat a little bit.” He picked up the cloth napkin he’d found and placed it over her lap.
She reached for the soup bowl, but he picked it up first.
“Let me check it’s not too hot.” He picked up the spoon to bring it to his lips. He tasted a bit of the soup. “Perfect.”
Then he spooned up some more of the soup and held it up to her mouth. “Eat some for me, baby.”
Her cheeks were slightly red, which was in stark contrast to how pale she was. The dark marks under her eyes seemed even more prominent since her bath. She had her pale blonde hair pulled back in a simple ponytail. He’d let her dress herself, but he’d chosen the clothes from her closet.
A pair of warm pajamas with ladybugs on them. Two pairs of socks and one of his sweaters. The sweater dwarfed her, and he’d had to roll up the sleeves. But she looked so damn adorable.
“Those pajamas are cute,” he told her as he spooned up some more soup.
It filled him with satisfaction to take care of her like this.
“Rhodes bought them for me.”
“He’s a good big brother.”
“The bestest.”
He fed her some more soup.
“I know he wanted to come home. And normally, I’d want that too. Except tonight, I have you.”
“Yeah, baby. You do.”
“It’s not too much? Looking after me?”
“Never. It could never be too much. Here, have some sandwich.” He held up half of the sandwich. “I washed my hands.”
Red filled her cheeks, but she leaned forward and took a bite.
A piece of cheese landed on his sweater that she was wearing and she jumped up, pushing him back. “Oh no!”
“What is it?”
“I got cheese on your sweater. I can clean it. I’m very good at cleaning things. I had to do the laundry for my aunt and uncle. I know how to get stains out because they rarely bought me new clothes. Just let me get this off.”
“Baby, Cate, stop.” He reached out and grabbed the sweater so she couldn’t pull it off. “Stop. Please.”
“But it might stain.”
“You don’t need to worry about that. You’re not supposed to be worrying about anything. And it’s just cheese, baby. It won’t stain, and I wouldn’t care if it did.”
“I don’t want to ruin your sweater.”
“What if I wanted you to keep it? Because I love the sight of you in it.”
“Really?” she asked. “Is that an alpha male thing? In the books I read where the men are dominant, they often like to see their partner in their clothes. Almost like an ownership thing. You belong to me because you wear my clothing.”
“I, uh, I hadn’t really thought about it. But perhaps it is about claiming you. I wouldn’t say owning you.”
“Hmm.”
Did she want to be owned by him? That was a whole other level that he didn’t think she was ready for. She could barely slip into Little headspace and then she didn’t stay in it for long. They’d kissed but hadn’t gone into any detail about the sort of relationship either of them might want.
Ownership could be whatever the hell you wanted it to be.
Although he liked the sound of it.
A heck of a lot.
“Leave the sweater on, baby. I don’t care if you get it dirty. I don’t care if you get anything dirty. Okay?”
She stared at him in surprise. “Yes. I, um, I suppose.”
His hands clenched into fists and he had to work hard to relax them. “Did your aunt and uncle really make you do all the laundry?”
“Well, yes. But I found I didn’t mind that too much. There were worse things they made me do. I really hated getting up on the ladder to clean the gutters.”
“What. The. Fuck.”
He was going to track those bastards down and annihilate them. He’d find out who they were from Ink. Then he’d teach them to treat his girl like their fucking slave.
“How old were you?”
“Pardon?”
“How old were you when they made you get up on a freaking ladder to clean out gutters?”
“I think by the time I was ten I could reach the gutters while standing on the ladder.”
He swore harshly.
“What’s wrong? You seem angry. Are you upset?” she asked.
He couldn’t believe she was asking him why he was upset . . .
Take a breath.
Remember that sometimes Cate doesn’t always understand why people react the way they do.
“I’m angry at the way they treated you. You were just a young child and they were supposed to take care of you. Instead, they took advantage of you.”
She seemed to think about that. “You’re right. They did. Although I am excellent at getting stains out now.” She stared down at the mark on his sweater.
“Do you need to deal with the mark, sweetheart?”
“I, um, I am trying to ignore it. But it is hard.”
“It’s all right to get a bit dirty, you know. Happens to everyone.”
“Not to me. If I got any marks on my clothes, my aunt would be very angry at me.”
“Would she get angry at her own son for getting dirty?”
“Oh no, she never got angry at James.” She glanced up at him. “She hated me.”
“She’s a terrible person who didn’t deserve to have you living with her.”
She nodded, but the movement was shaky.
Shit.
He was meant to be helping her relax and instead she was now wound up tight.
“Do you want some more to eat?” he asked.
She shook her head. He quickly finished off the sandwich, not that hungry himself anymore.
“I’ll take this into the kitchen.” She reached for the tray.
“Nope. I’ll do it. I need you to pick us a movie.”
Cate bit her full lip. “All right. I’ll try.”
“Good girl. I’ll get a blanket. Would you like your stuffed toy?”
She stiffened and glanced up at him.
“What was her name? Lady?”
“I, um, I don’t know. Is that okay?”
“Of course it is. I want you to be happy and comfortable.”
Pleasure filled her face as she stared up at him. “All right. I can get her.”
“I’ll get her, baby. You stay right there.”
He quickly tidied up the kitchen, then grabbed Lady and her blanket from her walk-in closet. The blanket was weighted. That must help her feel better.
Then he remembered how tight she’d wanted him to hold her earlier.
Hmm. He filed that information away as he returned to the living room.
She was scrolling through the movies and biting her lip again.
“I don’t . . . I’m so sorry, I don’t know what to choose. I don’t watch many movies. I don’t want to get it wrong.”
Shit.
Ethan was really failing at being a good caretaker tonight. What she needed was to not make choices and he kept giving her choices, thinking it might help her feel better.
It wasn’t.
And he needed to stop.
“That’s okay. I watch plenty.” He took the remote from her and settled in the corner of the L-shaped couch with his legs out in front of him. “Come here, baby.”
“Um, where?”
He patted the space between his open legs. “Right here. You can rest your back against my chest. And I have your blanket.”
“Are you sure that will be comfortable for you? What if I’m too heavy?”
“Cate, come over here.” He kept his tone soft, but it was firm enough that she started moving toward him without argument.
That was better.
He settled her in against him with her bottom cradled between his thighs.
She was stiff. Was she not comfortable with him touching her like this?
Or was she uncertain of what she was supposed to do?
“Are you comfortable with this? Remember, if anything worries you that you can say your safeword. No matter what.” He drew the weighted blanket over her, then handed her toy to her. She hugged Lady tight.
“I don’t want to stretch your boundaries to the point that you withdraw from me. The point of this is to make you more comfortable with me. Not less.”
“I’m more comfortable with you touching me than I am with anyone else other than Rhodes. And that’s a different sort of touch.”
“Good. Because I want to touch you constantly. I also want to help you when the world becomes overwhelming and you need someone to ground you. To shelter you.”
“I really like the sound of that. But what will I give you?” she asked. “I don’t want things to be uneven.”
He moved his fingers to her scalp, massaging lightly. “I told you I like to be needed. I like to feel in control. To protect and give care. If you like those things in return. If you need care and protection and to let go. Then I think you’re already giving me everything I need.”
“It sounds simple when I know it’s not. Or, I don’t think it’s that simple.” She let out a small groan as he continued his massage.
“I think it can be. There will always be challenges. But if you care about the person, want them to be happy, if you’re prepared to be honest, then it really can be that simple.”
“Even if being with me brings different sorts of challenges?” she asked.
“Baby, I’ve never backed away from a challenge yet. I certainly don’t intend to when the prize is you.”