Chapter 32
32
“ I ’m not certain I should like being referred to as a prize. Although part of me kind of does.”
He had to grin at the reluctance in her voice as she told him the last part.
“I think you’re a prize because you’re the most compelling, beautiful, intelligent woman I’ve ever met, and I want you more than I’ve wanted anything in my life.”
“Oh. Well. If you put it like that it’s different.”
His smile grew wider. “I forgot the cutest.”
“Yes. I do seem to be that.”
By now she was completely relaxed against him. But he thought he could do better.
“If you roll around onto your tummy, I’ll give you a back massage.”
“Oh. I’ve never had a massage.”
“Just a light one since I don’t have any oil.” He made a mental note to get some if she liked this.
“All right.”
He slid down farther, and she rolled over. Drawing her onto his chest, he massaged her back over her clothing to begin with. As she started to grow heavier against him, he slid his hands under her top to rest against her skin.
He just kept them there for a moment, letting her get used to his touch.
When she didn’t object, he moved his hands up her back, massaging.
A long sigh escaped her, and he smiled.
He’d thought this might be a good way to help her relax. And if it got her used to his touch, well, it was a win-win.
“Feel good, baby?”
“Yes. It feels amazing. Like my muscles have turned to jello and yet . . .”
“And yet, what?”
“I don’t know if I should say.”
“Tell me.”
“It turns me on as well.”
He nearly choked on his next breath and she sat up, staring down at him in concern. “Do you need something? A drink of water?” She tried to climb off him, but he grabbed her hips.
“I’m fine, baby. Really. I just wasn’t expecting you to say that.”
“Oh. Because I don’t seem like someone who would get aroused?”
What the heck?
He sat up and clasped her face between his hands. “Baby, no. That’s not what I was thinking at all. I like that you enjoy my touch. That it makes you hot.”
“Just because I don’t like people touching me and I haven’t had a relationship before . . . that doesn’t mean that I can’t get aroused. In fact, I find the books I read to be very stimulating.”
“I might need to read some of these books.” They could be an insight into what she liked.
She was blushing slightly as she stared down at him. “Mostly, I read books about Daddy Doms and Littles. Oh, and I really like Omegaverse books. Sometimes I think it would make life so much easier to have a bond with someone. Then I wouldn’t have to try and work out how they were feeling. I’d just know.”
His poor girl. He knew navigating social situations had to be frustrating and exhausting for her.
“And do you like to get yourself off after reading these books?”
She eyed him for a long moment. He could see the wariness in her gaze. As though she thought this might be a trick question.
“You can tell me anything. I’m not going to make fun of you or tell you that you’re wrong. There’s nothing wrong with a bit of self-care.”
“I thought self-care was putting on a face mask or going for a walk or something like that.”
“Self-care can be lots of different things,” he told her. “It’s what makes you feel good. A time-out or reset from the world.”
“Hmm, that’s what reading is for me. Especially when I hide in my closet with my favorite things around me. I don’t have to think or worry.”
“The closet is a safe place for you. And your books help you relax and let go. I’d like to be another safe place for you. I’d stop the world so you could just breathe.”
Cate sucked in a breath. She couldn’t believe that she was straddling Ethan’s hips while he lay on the sofa. That he’d just given her a massage.
And said about the nicest thing he could have said.
I’d stop the world so you could just breathe.
Was that even possible?
Well, she’d gotten glimpses into how that might be with him tonight. He’d taken away her worries in the bath . . . when she’d managed to slide into Little headspace for a while.
And then while he was massaging her.
“I’d like that. I withdraw from the world because I get overloaded easily. And I’m always worried that people see me like my aunt and uncle did. As strange and a nuisance. A burden.”
“You could never be a nuisance or a burden. You’re not strange. You’re Cate. My gorgeous girl.”
Tears dripped down her face.
How odd.
“I never cry.”
“Hey, there’s nothing wrong with crying. Many people think it’s a weakness. But it can be a release as well. That’s why people sometimes like to be spanked. To have a reason to let go and cry. If you ever need a shoulder to cry on, a hug to keep you grounded, or a spanking, I’m here for you.”
“I might not always read people well, but you sound a little too happy about spanking me.”
His laughter was like champagne bubbles in a glass. Pretty and fun and light.
Ethan sat and gathered her against his chest as the tears continued to drip down her face.
She’d always hated crying. James, her cousin, had always taken great delight in bringing her to tears. And so had a few kids at school. Well, when they managed to get past Rhodes to her.
That was when she’d vowed to hold them back. To keep people from using them against her.
So it was a definite show of her trust to cry in front of Ethan.
Because he won’t harm you.
These tears weren’t ones of sadness. They were a mix of relief and happiness and some of them were due to her leftover terror from earlier.
She could have lost Ethan. She clutched him tight.
“Hey, I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere. You just let it all out. It’s starting to really hit you, isn’t it?”
Cate thought it had all hit her earlier. But this did seem to be a delayed reaction.
Someone had tried to hurt them. Letting her instinct guide her for once, she pressed her face into his neck and breathed in his scent.
“That’s it, baby. I’ve got you. Daddy has you.”
Daddy.
Cate wished she could just let herself slide into Little headspace. It was just there . . . only slightly beyond her reach.
All she had to do was relax and let go.
You’re safe. You’ve probably never felt more safe.
Ethan has you.
He won’t let you fail.
But she really didn’t want to fail him.
She wanted to try and make this work. For as long as he was here, anyway.
But did he want other people to know?
“I understand if you need to keep this a secret. Will you want me to not touch you in front of others?”
“Why the fuck would I want to keep you a secret?” he snapped.
She jumped, her breath catching in her throat.
Was he angry? She hadn’t meant to make him angry. What had she said?
Idiot.
This was bound to happen because you have no idea what you’re doing.
“Cate. Hey, baby, come back to me. I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry.”
She blinked up at him, surprised to find that he’d turned so his feet were on the floor. He had his hands on her cheeks.
“There you are,” he said on a sigh.
“I didn’t go anywhere.”
“Not physically, but you were retreating into your head and I don’t think that’s a very nice place to be. I don’t think you’re very kind to yourself there.”
“You’re very good at reading people. Must be an advantage with your job.”
“It is. But I wish I could read you better. I’m so sorry, baby. I wasn’t angry at you and I shouldn’t have snapped like that.”
“I can be frustrating?—”
“Cate, no,” he said firmly. “I am sorry for snapping. I am going to try and work on that. I told you I wouldn’t get angry at you, and I wasn’t but you didn’t know that. So it feels like I broke my word which I do not like.”
“You weren’t angry at me?”
“Baby, no. I was upset because I know that your family, and I use that word loosely, eroded your self-esteem, your feeling of self-worth. Because you should never accept being someone’s dirty little secret, understand?”
He cupped her chin, his gaze intent on hers.
“But—”
“I am not ashamed of you.”
“Oh.” That was sweet, but he was missing the point of her question. “I was thinking about your job. Will Ink be upset with you for starting a relationship with me while you’re working for me? Well, for Rhodes, I guess. He might be upset.”
“Rhodes is definitely going to be upset. He’s already warned me.”
“He what?” Now it was her turn to feel angry. “He has no right to do that. I’m a grown woman.”
“He feels protective of you. I get that since I feel the same way. But you’re right, he doesn’t have the right to dictate who you date. Neither does Ink. Yeah, it skates a line but if the worst comes to the worst, I’ll quit.”
“Quit?”
“Quit this particular job, I mean. I would stay on as your guard without pay.”
He would?
Wow.
“But I honestly think Ink will be fine with it as long as you are. Rhodes would be the real issue.”
“I’ll take care of Rhodes. So we can be open about this?” she asked.
“Baby, I won’t allow anything less. I want to be able to touch you whenever I like. To claim you. To show everyone who you belong to.”
She blushed.
“And who I belong to.”
Cate couldn’t stop herself from burying her face in his chest. She felt overwhelmed but in a good way for once.
A light chuckle escaped him, and he rubbed her back with long, slow strokes.
“Good girl. Such a brave girl for me. Now, I think you’ve had enough tonight. How about we snuggle under your blanket and watch a movie?”
Yeah. She thought that sounded perfect.