Chapter 34
34
C ate woke up feeling surprisingly good. She stretched. What was she wearing? And why couldn’t she remember going to bed last night?
Then she realized that she wasn’t alone.
Panic made her heart skip a beat until her brain caught up with her eyes.
Ethan.
Not a threat.
Ethan.
You like Ethan.
She did more than like Ethan. Last night, she’d kissed him. And he’d kissed her back.
And it had been amazing.
She knew it might seem silly to someone else to be so excited about a kiss. But that kiss had been spectacular, amazing, breath-taking.
And she wanted more.
Yep, turned out she was greedy when it came to kisses. Well, Ethan’s kisses.
But what had happened after that? How had she ended up in bed?
And why was Ethan sleeping on a chair in her room?
He looked really uncomfortable. He was as close as he could get without actually being in the bed with her. His head was at an angle and she winced as she thought of how sore his neck would be when he woke up.
Maybe you can give him a massage.
Oh. Oh! He’d massaged her last night.
Wow. She’d never experienced anything like that before. And she wanted more.
She was also greedy for massages.
Ethan was making her greedy for everything. Every new experience.
Except for nearly being run off the road.
Right. Her giddiness died away. How had she forgotten that?
Shit. Was that why Ethan was here? Because of that guy? Or was it . . . had she had a night terror?
Flashes came back to her. Ethan carrying her to bed in his arms, cradled to his chest while she sucked her thumb.
Her cheeks grew heated and that was when she realized she still had something in her mouth. She reached up and pulled out her pacifier.
When had she gotten that?
More flashes. Ethan sitting her on the counter. Brushing her teeth.
She didn’t usually remember her night terrors and slipping into Little headspace.
Now she was wondering if that had been a good thing.
Had he really placed her on the toilet?
She started to slide from the bed. Maybe she could sneak out of here without waking him.
And then what?
Are you going to run away just to avoid seeing him?
As she went to put her foot on the floor, she froze at the sound of his voice.
“Don’t even think about it.”
“Think about what?” she asked.
“Getting out of bed until I get your dressing gown and slippers. It’s cold this morning.”
Guilt filled her. He’d been sitting in an armchair all night without a blanket covering him.
“You should get into the bed!” She lifted back the covers and he gaped at her.
Then she realized she’d just asked him to get into bed with her.
Hmm. That wasn’t that bad an idea was it?
God. What was happening to her? She’d gone from hating people touching her to wanting Ethan to come to bed with her.
“I, um . . . I just meant that you must be cold. Nothing else.”
“That’s too bad,” he murmured.
“It is?” Was she reading him right? Did he want to get into bed with her?
“Yeah. Been dreaming about that kiss we shared all night.”
Her eyes widened. “You . . . you have? Was it all right? I might need more practice.”
“We can practice all you like, baby.”
That was a very dangerous offer.
She already felt addicted to him.
“Just kissing?”
His eyes flared open. “Is there something else you want to practice?”
“Well, I haven’t done anything. Before now, I couldn’t imagine welcoming anyone’s touch, let alone . . .”
“Let alone what, baby?”
She swallowed heavily.
“Don’t go all shy on me now,” he told her. “You’re always so brave. And you know I won’t ever make fun of you for your needs.”
She did know that. She’d woken up, panicking earlier over what she’d done. But Ethan wouldn’t make fun of her. Ethan was kind. Sweet, almost.
Yep, a really sweet man.
She wasn’t even sure how he’d managed in the armed forces. He seemed too nice to ever harm someone.
“What would you like to practice doing, my baby?” he crooned, leaning forward.
Wow. She felt a bit like a fly trapped in a spider web. Licking her dry lips, she gathered up her courage.
“Touching you.”
“Hmm. Where would you touch me?”
“I guess your shoulders. They’re nice and broad. And your chest. Your stomach. Definitely your buttocks.”
“My buttocks?” he queried.
“They look so good in your jeans when you bend over,” she said with a sigh. She sounded almost lovesick, but she couldn’t help it. “So grabable.”
“Grabable?” he repeated.
“Yep, like firm watermelons.”
“You’re saying that my ass is the size of two watermelons?” he asked in a strangled voice.
“Hmm, you’re right. I think more cantaloupe shaped.”
“Definitely cantaloupe,” he muttered. “But you want to squeeze them?”
“Yes.” She could feel her breathing growing faster, her body heating at the thought of touching him like that.
“Where else would you touch me?”
“Um, nowhere else.”
“Really? So, no foot fetish for you?”
“Uh, no. Do you have a foot fetish?” she asked.
“No. I’ve never been interested in feet. There are far too many other things vying for my attention.”
“Like what?”
“Like those plump, full lips. Your neck. Especially where your neck and shoulder meet. That space right behind your ear. I want to kiss you there, see if you react. Then there is your collarbone. I want to lick and touch you all over. Down your breasts to your nipples, where I’d suck on them until they were tight nubs. Then your soft tummy. I’d kiss my way down until I reached your pussy and?—”
“I’d like to suck your cock!” she blurted out.
She didn’t know why she interrupted him, exactly. Maybe because she wanted him to know that. Or perhaps because she wanted to stop him from whatever he’d been about to say. Because her body felt all squirmy and hot. She was even more intensely aroused than when she read a steamy scene from one of her favorite books. She could actually feel her pussy throbbing, imagining his tongue down there.
And the truth was, she really did want to try sucking on his dick. Playing with him.
In fact, it was more than a want. It was far becoming a need that she couldn’t ignore. For some reason, she just wanted to try everything. All at once.
“You do?”
“Yes,” she whispered.
“We can work our way up to that,” he told her. “Start small and slow. Perhaps you’d like to kiss again?—”
“I can’t do it now?”
Ethan was certain he looked as shocked as he felt. He couldn’t help but stare at the gorgeous woman sitting in bed, her cheeks a light pink, her face lit with determination.
She wanted to suck his cock?
Now?
How come she wanted to move at a lightning pace all of a sudden?
And how did he get his dick to forgive him for turning her down?
“We only just agreed to a relationship, baby. Last night was our first kiss. Not to mention, yesterday was a scary day for you.”
For them both. He wanted to find the bastard who’d tried to run them off the road and tear him limb from limb.
To hurt him for every second of fear that his girl had felt.
If he ever got his hands on him, he wouldn’t stop until the bastard was screaming in pain and crying for his mama.
There was nothing Ethan wouldn’t do to protect his girl.
“I don’t think we should jump straight into a blow job this quick,” he added.
As soon as he said the words, he regretted them. Or at least, he wished he could have worded his refusal in a better way.
Because she’d shut down right in front of his eyes.
“You’re right,” she said coolly. “Excuse me. I need to get showered and dressed. Then I’ve got some work to do.”
Yeah. That wasn’t happening. He wasn’t letting her retreat from him. Never again.
Reaching over, he grasped hold of her hips and then lifted her out of the blankets and onto his lap.
“Let me go.”
“No.”
“No?” There was nothing in her voice. No anger. No annoyance.
And he hated it.
He wanted his baby girl back.
“Let me see your face, baby.” He held her tight as she attempted to climb off his lap.
“Ethan. You need to let me go.”
“I already told you no. You’re upset because I refused to let you give me a blow job?”
“It’s fine. We don’t need to talk about it. What I do need to do is get showered and dressed so I can get to work.”
“You’re not working today.”
Now, she was looking at him. And she wasn’t hiding her feelings anymore. Sure, she looked like she wanted to murder him. But it was something.
Better than her being cold and emotionless.
“You are not the boss of me, Ethan Stone.”
“That’s where you’re wrong, sweetheart. I am most certainly the boss of you. Which means that you do what I say. No work.”
“Um, no. You are in charge of my safety outside of the house. Beyond that, I do not have to do anything you say.”
“Last night, you said you wanted me, that you wanted to be mine. I told you that I don’t turn my need for control off at the bedroom door. I’m in charge all of the time. There are going to be rules for safety. But there will also be rules for health, and for our relationship.
“Communication and honesty are two of those rules. Break any of the rules, and there are consequences.”
Okay, bit by bit he was breaking through that shell that she’d erected.
“So you will do as you’re told.”
Her lower lip dropped out in a pout.
Oh, that was cute, but he couldn’t let her know that.
“Rhodes has let you get away with far too much.” He tapped her nose as she gasped.
“He has not!”
“Oh, he has. But I understand. You’re his precious sister. He can hardly threaten to spank you if you’re naughty. I don’t have the same qualms.” He ran a finger down her cheek. “But I don’t want to spank you right now. I want you to tell me why you’re trying to hide from me.”
“I am not hiding.”
“Baby, you’ve been hiding since I met you. And long before then. What are you so scared of?”
“Being ridiculed and rejected. Being hurt.”
“I’m not your aunt and uncle and cousin. I will not hurt you.” But had he already hurt her? “You know that I wasn’t rejecting you just now, right?”
“It’s all right. I understand why you didn’t want a blow job.”
“Do you? And why is that?”
“I’m not the most sexual woman. You’re probably worried that I’d be terrible at it. I likely would. Perhaps I should study up first. Take lessons.”
Anger flared inside him. Lessons? What the heck?
“If anyone gives you lessons, it will be me,” he said.
Her eyes widened. “But you don’t want me to give you a blow job.”
“Of course I want you to give me a blow job,” he growled.
“I wish you’d make up your mind. This back and forth is very difficult on me.”
He groaned and ran his hand over his face before turning her so she straddled his lap, facing him.
“Listen to me. I want you. I want you to touch me wherever you want. You want to learn how to give a blow job? The only person who will teach you is me. I just don’t want you to rush into doing something that you’re not ready for.”
She frowned slightly. “Why wouldn’t I be ready?”
“Because, baby, we’ve only known each other a few weeks. Yesterday was our first kiss. We haven’t been on a date.”
“So you’ve never had sex without knowing someone longer than three weeks, waiting more than a day after your first kiss and going on a date?”
Hell.
She had him there.
“And before you answer let me remind you that communication is one of our rules.”
This naughty imp.
She was running circles around him.
“Well, no,” he said. “I have had sex before I started dating someone. But that was when I was younger, and it was with a woman who didn’t mean as much to me as you do. And I realize that makes me sound like a real dick, but you are important to me.” He brushed some of her hair behind her ear. “I don’t want to push you too far too fast.”
“But you aren’t pushing me. I was the one who suggested the blow job.”
“That’s true. I don’t want you to feel like you have to, I guess. This is a lot for you. For someone who doesn’t like to be touched by other people.”
“I know my limits, Ethan,” she said. “I know them better than anyone. And I know what I am comfortable with. I think it’s obvious that I . . . that I like you touching me. It makes me feel safe. And it makes me feel hot. I’m thirty-five years old and I’ve only kissed one person. I’ve never had what is between us. But just because I don’t like being touched, doesn’t mean that I am defective.”
Fuck.
“Is that what you thought when I said we should wait? Baby, I would never call you defective. Understand me?”
“I . . . I’ve always wanted to have someone who I can rely on. Who will give me a hug when I am having a bad day. Who will make me scream with pleasure. Who will protect me. But I never thought it would happen. Until you. And now that I’ve met you . . . I just want to experience everything that I’ve been waiting to experience all these years. I don’t want to be that strange girl who was never picked for any of the sports teams. Who people only tolerated because they didn’t want to piss her brother off. I’ve never been on a date. I didn’t go to prom. I have done nothing.”
A tear slid down her cheek and he understood what she was telling him. She wanted to cram so much of what she’d missed into her life.
“I know there’s a lot you missed, and it makes me so upset and mad. But, baby, I’m not going anywhere. We can take this at any pace you need.”
A frustrated groan escaped her. “But this is the pace I need. I want to see you, to taste you, to figure out how to please you.”
Fuck.
Was this girl made for him? He was starting to think that she was.
He just wished he knew whether this was the right thing to do.
Cate watched him closely.
She swore to God, if he asked her if she was sure or told her that they didn’t need to move this fast, she was going to scream.
Which was a big reaction for her.
To her shock, though, he reached a hand around the back of her head and drew her lips toward his.
And then he was kissing her. She sighed in acceptance and arousal. Her mouth parted without prodding and he slipped his tongue between her lips.
God, she liked kissing.
She hadn’t thought she would. All that exchange of bodily fluid seemed gross when you thought about it. But experiencing it was a completely different thing.
He nipped at her lower lip as though reprimanding her. She let out a small moan.
The hand on the back of her neck tightened and her clit throbbed in response. She wasn’t certain why that turned her on so much. It was a show of dominance.
But apparently, she liked that.
When he drew back, she let out a grumble of annoyance. What did he think he was doing?
“I don’t want to stop,” she told him, trying to kiss him again. But he held her back.
“I like the enthusiasm, baby. That you like to kiss me. But remember, I’m in charge. If we’re going to do this, you do what I say, understand?”
“If we’re going to do . . . what?” she asked.
“Anything. Everything. But for the moment I’m talking about you getting to take my cock into your mouth.”
“Oh. Yes. We’re doing that?” she asked, sounding surprisingly breathless.
It must have been from the kissing. She was sure she wasn’t coming down with anything.
“We’re doing that. Rules, first.”
Cate shifted around impatiently on his lap. “You are very fond of rules. It can be quite annoying. You should try and be more spontaneous. Live a little.”
“I’ll take that under advisement,” he replied.
She nodded. Good. It would make it so much easier for her if he didn’t fight her when she wanted to do things with him.
To him.
“How do you feel about me touching you while you’re naked?”
Okay. That was actually a good question. Was she ready for that? For him to see her naked? To touch her? Taste her?
Maybe not quite yet.
“Can I just touch you this time?” she asked, unsure if he would want that.
Was it strange?
Well, probably. She knew she was weird.
“Yes, you can. I won’t touch you unless you ask me to. I’ll just provide instruction. And the body for you to practice on.” He grinned.
“Yes. That’s what I want.” She wondered what it would be like for him to touch her? Those big, tanned hands on her pale skin? Caressing her? His tongue on her nipples, neck, her pussy . . . yeah, maybe she’d made a mistake.
“I think that’s the best idea, anyway. You can feel like you have some control.”
She liked control . . . well, she used to think she did. Now, she was starting to think that she preferred to let someone else take the reins.
“First, though, are you warm enough?”
Cate stared at him for a long moment. Had he really just asked her if she was warm enough? Would most men care about her comfort this much? Well, the men in her books would . . . but they were different. They were fiction.
And Ethan Stone was very real.
Thank God.
“I’m warm enough.”
“You promise?” He gave her what she knew was his stern look. She was getting better at reading facial expressions.
Well, she was getting better at reading his, anyway.
“Because I’m not going to be happy if I find out you’re cold and you lied to me.”
She swallowed heavily at the warning in his voice.
“Not happy?”
“Very. Unhappy. As in . . . my spanking hand will start to burn, unhappy.”
“You know when parts of your body start to burn, it usually indicates some sort of problem. Like an infection or a virus or an STD.”
“Thanks for that, baby. But in this case, it would be with the urge to spank my girl for lying to me, for keeping her discomfort from me. Understand?”
“Ahh, but you said you wouldn’t touch me.”
“This is different, and you know it, sassy girl.” He tapped her nose.
She thought it was a slight reprimand. “I understand. But I’m not delicate.”
“You are to me. I want to treat you like fine porcelain, because I can’t stand the idea that you might ever break.”
Her breath quickened, and she pressed her lips to his. She didn’t deepen the kiss, just kept it light because she wanted to put her lips in other places.
Pulling back, she gave him a rare smile. “You say the kindest things to me.”
“You deserve all the kind words, my baby.”