Chapter 35
35
C ate felt like she was in a daze.
As though all of this was happening to someone else and she was watching it from afar.
“Maybe I should get a visual chart. I’m better with visual help.”
“You don’t need a chart,” he told her. “I’m here to help you. I’ll give you whatever guidance you need.”
All right.
Leaning into him, she placed her hands on his shoulders tentatively.
When he didn’t move or try to push her away, she started kissing along his jaw. Then down his neck. She pulled back and looked at him. She wanted to know whether she was doing a good job or not.
But he didn’t say anything, and she tensed up. What was that look on his face? Was he happy? Feeling good? Constipated?
“Hey, what’s wrong? Have you changed your mind?” he asked. “There’s no shame if you have.”
“No, I haven’t . . . maybe I have. Perhaps this was a really stupid idea. I’ve got to go have a shower. What was I thinking?”
“Whoa. Okay, calm down and talk to me.”
“Why? You’re not talking to me!”
He stared at her for a moment. “I’m not?”
“No! I have no idea if what I’m doing is good or bad. Whether you want more. Should I move faster or slower? Harder or softer? Are you thinking about how nice it feels or whether you need to visit the dentist?”
And why did she feel so crazed right now? Almost wild, emotions battering her from all sides. She didn’t like it.
Her cold, calm, sterile world had been so much easier.
This was too unpredictable.
You aren’t ready.
“I’m not ready.”
“Yes, you are,” he replied firmly, his hands still on her hips.
“You said I can stop at any time.” Her safeword was on the tip of her tongue, but she just wasn’t quite ready to say it.
“And you can, as long as the reason you’re stopping isn’t because I’m an idiot who is failing you.”
“What?” She didn’t understand what he was saying. Failing her?
“How could you fail me when you are perfect?”
His mouth dropped open and he gaped at her. Then he placed his hand around the back of her neck and drew her in for a kiss that had her melting instantly.
“You are so damn good for a man’s ego. But I don’t deserve to be called perfect. I’m not. No one is.”
She guessed that was true. “You’re close.”
“Baby, fuck you’re sweet.”
“I don’t think anyone has ever called me that. Ice queen, weirdo, freak. All of those. Never sweet.”
His face tightened. “You won’t call yourself those words again, understand? Another rule.”
“I need a list of these rules.”
“It’s very simple. Keep yourself healthy and safe. Be honest and communicate. Don’t speak badly about yourself. And don’t go anywhere without me.”
“While there is a stalker.”
“Hmm?”
“That last one is while there is a stalker. Right?”
“Maybe. We’ll see.”
Umm. What?
He ran his thumb over her lower lip. Wow. How did he know just how to touch her?
“I wasn’t actually talking about myself either. Just saying words people had called me.”
His scowl was fierce. There was no other way to describe it.
“Well, I don’t like it. And I won’t stand for you to use those words, even if you’re repeating what someone else said. Understand me?”
“Yes, Sir.” The title just slipped out of her mouth. It was a reaction to the sternness in his voice, she guessed.
“I like hearing you call me that. And I love it when you call me Daddy.”
“You do?”
“Yes, baby. I do. I like knowing that you trust me. That you see me as someone who can take care of you. I want you to always be able to come to me. With anything.”
She nodded.
“And I did fail you. I should have been telling you what an amazing job you were doing touching me. How much I loved the feel of your lips against my skin. And how I wanted to feel more of you. Will you kiss me again?”
She could feel her cheeks had grown red, but she leaned in to place her lips on his. He didn’t take over, but he didn’t just sit there either. His tongue tangled with hers, making her heart race as her clit throbbed.
Moving her lips away, she experimented with kissing along his jaw again.
“That’s it, baby. Fuck, you feel so good.”
Desire and satisfaction lit her up. She loved hearing him praise her.
She moved down his neck, sucking on the spot where his neck and shoulder met.
“Fuck. Yes, right there. I’m not sure why you were worried I wouldn’t like something because just having you touch me is heaven.”
It was?
Hmm. She did like when he touched her. Maybe she could have him touch her over her clothes.
“Would you . . . would you like to touch me too?”
“God, yes. But I don’t want to go too far, and I might be tempted to throw you on the bed and fuck you until you can’t remember your own name if I touch you now.”
“Well, that sounds rather nice.”
She leaned back to find him grinning down at her. “Oh, it will be more than nice. It will be hot and sweaty and memorable.”
Cate swallowed heavily. She had no idea what to say to that. Only that she now had something to dream about tonight.
“Keep going, baby. Please.”
Right. He’d scrambled her brain with all of his talk about hot and heavy sex. She moved her hands over his shoulders and down his T-shirt.
Then she tugged at it.
“Do you want this off?” he asked.
“Yes, please.”
“Such a polite baby,” he crooned. “Such a good girl.”
Yes. She really liked when he praised her.
He drew off the T-shirt and she swore that her brain short-circuited for a moment.
It had to be some sort of chemical imbalance. An overload of hormones.
She wasn’t sure what exactly. All she knew was that she was frozen in place, and she might be staring.
You are definitely staring.
“Cate? Are you all right? What’s wrong?”
“I just . . . you’re so beautiful.”
He grinned. “You’re frozen because you think I’m beautiful?”
“Uh-huh.”
Ethan reached up and wiped at the corner of her mouth. “I think you’re drooling a little.”
“I am not!”
Was she?
“Sorry,” she whispered.
“Baby, you never have to be sorry for wanting me. For finding me attractive. I like it. But how would you feel about moving this to the bed?”
“I thought the bed was a bad idea. You know . . . your whole throwing me on there and ravishing me urges.”
“I’ll try to keep my urges under control.” Standing, he lifted her over to the bed, then climbed on and sat back against the headboard. “And this will be more comfortable for you to touch me.”
She wasn’t sure about comfortable. But if it made it easier for her to reach more of him, then she was all for it.
“Can I straddle you again?” she asked.
He slid his hands behind his head. “I’m here for you to do whatever you want.”
But . . . she didn’t want to hurt him. And he might be a Dominant, but that didn’t mean that he didn’t have limits.
“What don’t you want me to do?” she asked. “What are your hard limits?”
She wasn’t sure if that was a look of surprise or satisfaction.
“Don’t draw blood. Don’t use your teeth on my cock or squeeze my balls too hard. And I don’t like having my feet touched.”
Okay . . . the feet thing wasn’t that unusual. More surprising. And she definitely didn’t want to draw his blood.
“How will I know if I’m squeezing too hard?” she asked.
“Take hold of my hand.”
Straddling his hips, she clasped hold of his hand.
“Now squeeze slightly and keep squeezing harder. There. No harder than that.”
“Got it. Sensitive balls.” She nodded.
“I wouldn’t call them sensitive,” he grumbled.
“Sensitive about having your balls called sensitive. Understood.”
“I like it when you’re sassy. Means you feel safe with me.”
She was being sassy? Huh. She must be doing it without realizing it. Well, he sounded like he enjoyed it, so she wasn’t going to stop.
Placing her hands on his shoulders, she moved them down his chest. “You’re so muscular. Sexy. Smooth.”
“Smooth, huh?”
“Yes.” She ran her fingers over his nipples.
He sucked in a breath. “Play with them, baby.”
“You like that?” she asked. “Are they sensitive too?”
“I wouldn’t say sensitive. But they like you touching them.”
She leaned in and licked one. “Do you always talk about your body parts as though they’re sentient?”
“Only the important ones.”
Right. Good to know. Oh well, he might be slightly crazy, but she could ignore that. Moving to his other nipple, she sucked on it before licking it.
He let out a low moan and his hand came to the back of her head, holding her there.
Oh, God.
Why did she like that so much? Him pressing her to his chest? Guiding her?
Pulling back, she gazed up at him.
“Shit. Sorry, sweetheart.” He moved his hands away. “I’m supposed to be keeping my hands to myself.”
“Maybe I should tie you up,” she suggested.
He raised an eyebrow. “If anyone is getting tied up, it’s going to be you.”
She could see that. Naked and lying on the bed, her wrists tied together above her.
“I think you like the idea of that, don’t you?” he asked.
Like it? She more than liked that idea.
Ethan placed his hands back behind his head. And she slid down his legs, running her hands along his abs. Then she followed her hands with her lips until she reached the waistband of his jeans.
“You slept in your jeans?” How had she not noticed until now?
“I didn’t want to leave you to get changed.”
That was really sweet.
“Because I had a night terror?”
“Yes, that. And because I needed to be close to you after everything that happened. The idea of anything happening to you . . .”
Ethan trailed off and she straightened, placing her hands on his shoulders to lean in and kiss him. “Nothing happened to me.”
“But it could have,” he said. “And that’s unacceptable. Nothing can happen to you. Nothing.”
There was a fierceness to his voice that took her by surprise. But then she remembered how protective he was. And what had happened to his sister all those years ago. If he could protect strangers for a job, what would he do for someone he actually cared about?
That would be something truly special.
She’d experienced a bit of it yesterday. But she wanted more. Craved it.
“I promise I’m fine. You don’t need to worry.” She didn’t want him to give himself an ulcer.
“I’ll keep you safe, baby.”
It sounded like a vow.
And she wanted to sink into it. Let him surround her in safety.
Forever.
It was scary and yet not at the same time. Because it felt almost like it was meant to be.
Logically, she knew that was crazy. She didn’t believe in things like fate.
Until she met him.
“Can I take these off?” she asked, tugging at his jeans.
“You better.”
She unzipped them with hands that shook. “I don’t know why I’m shaking.”
“You’re sure you’re not cold?” he asked sharply. “Why doesn’t Rhodes have the heating up more in here?”
“I’m fine. Believe me, the last thing I am is cold.” She moved to the side so he could take off his jeans.
She could see his thick erection pressing against the material of his black boxers.
Holy. Heck.
“Sweetheart? Are you all right?”
She licked her lips.
He said he wanted honesty. He dropped his hands to her hips.
“Well, you realize that I’m a bit inexperienced.”
He raised an eyebrow. “A bit?”
“All right, pretty much completely inexperienced.” She really wished she had taken the opportunity to do some online research.
“But is it meant to be this big?”
He glanced down at his dick. Then he grinned. “You’re worried that my dick is too big?”
“I think it’s going to break my jaw.”
He threw his head back with a laugh and she frowned at him. “That wasn’t a joke.”
“No, baby. I know. Don’t worry. I’m not too big, and you’re not going to break your jaw. You can just take as much of me as you can manage.”
“Really? I shouldn’t try and fit all of you into my mouth?” That wasn’t her understanding of how a blow job worked.
He cleared his throat. “Well, you can certainly try that if you like, baby. But we should work our way up to that.”
“Good call.” She nodded. “I’m going to need lots of practice, then.”
“I won’t object. But at some stage, I’ll have to return the favor; I mean, get in practice of my own.”
“You need practice?”
“Hmm, I have to learn what you like, don’t I? That could mean spending hours with my head between your thighs.”
Holy moly.
She nearly came from just his words. “Well, if you must.”
“I must. For now, though, can I take my boxers off?”
“Um, yes, sure. Are you sore?” He had to be sore, right? His clothes were probably constricting his blood flow.
Although it looked like his blood was flowing just fine to his dick.
“Yeah, I guess I am sore.” He stripped off his boxers and she found herself staring once more.
“Can I touch?” she whispered.
“All you like,” he told her. “Just be aware, I might need some breaks.”
“Oh, in case you become overstimulated?”
“Yeah. Something like that.”
“I understand. When I get overstimulated, I like to be alone for self-care. Is that what you want?”
“Ahh, no. Self-care is the last thing I want.”
Good to know.
Cate moved between his open legs and ran a finger along his cock. “Wow, it’s warm. And smooth.” She wrapped her hand around the base of him and then moved it up and down.
Then, bracing herself with one hand on his stomach, she ran her tongue over the head of his dick.
Hmm. That was nice.
Then she explored him, licking over every inch.
“You’re doing so well, baby,” he murmured.
When she came up for a moment, she became aware of mumbling something under his breath.
“Are you all right?” she asked him.
“Yeah, just counting backward in French.”
“You know French?”
“Not really. I’m making it up as I go.”
Huh. All right.
“Am I doing all right?”
“Baby, if you do any better, I might have to move onto German.”
Um.
“Is that a good thing?”
“Very good thing.”
Wow. Who knew she’d be so good at blow jobs?
“I like licking you. You taste so good. But I think I’m ready to take you into my mouth.”
“Thank God,” he muttered.
Hmm, seemed he was as impatient as she was. She leaned in and took the head into her mouth.
So far, so good.
Wrapping her hand around the base of him, she took as much of him as she could inside her. It was a stretch and she certainly couldn’t fit all of him.
He was right, she likely just needed more practice. Moving up his dick, she sucked her cheeks in. She’d remembered reading about that in a book.
Oh, his balls!
How could she have forgotten that? Cupping his balls with her free hands, she squeezed lightly.
“That’s it, baby. That feels amazing. Keep sucking. Can you take some more of me? Fuck. You have no idea how good that feels.”
She pressed her thighs together. Then she twisted her hand around the base of his cock, moving it up and down.
“Holy crap! I need a minute!”
Immediately, she pulled back and let go of him. “Did I do something wrong, or were you just overstimulated?”
“Overstimulated.”
“Okay. I can help.” She grabbed his hands. “Squeeze my hands and take a deep breath in. Now, let it slowly. Deep breath in. Out slowly. And sometimes I like to give myself butterfly hugs. Like this.” She showed him what to do. “You should try it. See if it helps.”
“I don’t think it’s going to help this overstimulation.”
“Why not?”
“Because my dick doesn’t want to go down with you so close to it.”
She blinked for a moment. “So by overstimulation, you mean . . . “
“I was about to come, baby.”
“And you didn’t want to? I kind of thought that was the point?”
“Well, I don’t want to come straight away and have everything end.”
“Oh. It has to end? I thought I could just keep playing.”
He stared at her for so long that she was worried he’d had some sort of stroke. “Um, if that’s what you want.”
“I think it would be best.” She nodded. “Can I play again?”
“Go for it. I’m all yours.”
Oh good.
It was like having a giant doll to play with. She moved her mouth back down to his cock, wrapping her hand around the base once more. A noise of pleasure escaped her. There was something so satisfying about sucking on his cock.
“I like this,” she said as she moved her mouth off his dick.
“Good, baby. I like it too.”
“Shall I swallow?” she asked.
“Yeah. You should swallow.”
Normally, she would think that was unsanitary. But she liked kissing him. And she was already sucking on his dick.
So, what did it matter if she swallowed as well?
“That’s it, baby. Good girl. Christ, you don’t know how amazing that feels. Take me as deep as you can. Now squeeze the base of him. Fuck. I’m so close. Get ready.”
She wasn’t sure what she was supposed to do to get ready. Confusion filled her just as the first spurts of him hit her tongue. He let out a loud groan.
His taste was okay. But it was the sounds he made that she really liked. The way he slumped back on the bed as though he was exhausted. His heavy breaths and the light sheen of sweat on his chest.
Swallowing, she drew away from him, lightly kissing the head of him before he reached down and drew her up his chest to kiss her.
Could he taste himself? If he could, he didn’t seem to mind.
“That was good?” she asked when he let her come up for air.
“That was better than good. That was amazing.”
“Good. Time for round two?”
He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Baby, you do know I’m not a young guy. I can’t just go again so quickly.”
“But just because you won’t get hard straight away doesn’t necessarily mean I can’t play, right? Have you heard of cock warming?”
“I have really got to get my hands on one of your books. Yes, I’ve heard of cock warming. That’s more about comfort than it is about sex.”
“Yes, where someone uses their partner’s cock to suckle on for comfort. Or when you put your cock in their pussy or ass to keep it warm. Does it get quite cold?”
“Sometimes. Do you want to suck my cock for comfort?”
“Can I try?”
“If I die today, it’s going to be as a happy man.”
“I don’t want you to die!” Alarm filled her.
“Sorry. Bad choice of words. You’re welcome to suck away.”