Chapter 37
37
C ate walked into the living room after ending the call from Rhodes.
Ethan was standing out by the pool, talking to someone who looked rather rough. He had a long beard and even longer hair tied back in a ponytail. The top of his head was completely bald.
She thought about going out there and checking if everything was all right. But the truth was, she was beginning to feel stressed. Everything was getting on top of her and stealing her breath. A heavy weight rested on her chest.
Rhodes had questioned her about Ethan and the way he treated her. She tried to put her brother’s worries to rest. Cate knew all of his questions stemmed from love. So she’d put up with a lot of questions before she’d finally told him enough was enough.
At least he was going to his gala and not rushing home.
But she had a headache and that panicky feeling was back.
Rubbing at her chest, she decided she needed some space to get her head together. Retreating into her closet, she grabbed her weighted blanket and pulled it over her lap. Then she put on her headphone headband.
But it wasn’t working. That feeling was still there.
Crossing her arms over her chest, she gave herself butterfly hugs.
Everything is fine.
Deep breath in. Let it out slowly.
Why was nothing working? Opening one of the drawers, she saw her pacifier was missing. Where was it?
Not wanting to leave the closet, she tried putting her thumb in her mouth. But that didn’t feel right. Tears dripped down her cheeks.
The door to the closet opened, making her scream in fear. She shied back until she realized that Ethan was standing there. He was saying something, but she couldn’t hear him.
Reaching up with a shaking hand, she slid off her headband with the headphones built into it.
“Baby, what’s wrong? What can I do?”
He crouched down so he wasn’t looming over her.
“Talk to me, sweetheart.”
“I am just a bit o-overwhelmed,” she said.
“Is this because of Rhodes? Did he say something to upset you? I knew I shouldn’t have left you on the phone with him.”
“It’s not that.” She shook her head. “Just e-everything.”
His face softened. “What can I do, baby? Tell me.”
Rhodes had pressed her about her emotional state. Several times. She’d reassured him that she felt calm. That she wouldn’t do anything to risk herself.
And she wasn’t going to. She didn’t feel that sense of self-loathing toward herself. As though she wasn’t good enough. Or that she had messed up.
Taking a deep breath in, she let it out slowly. “Normally, this helps.”
“Being in here? With your blanket?”
“Y-yes. But I need L-Lady and my pacifier.”
“I’ll get them for you, baby. They’re out here.” He got up and she let out a small whimper.
Where did that noise come from? Why had she made it? He wasn’t going far, just out into her bedroom.
She was being foolish.
“Sorry.”
His gaze narrowed. “Do not say sorry. You have nothing to be sorry about. Understand me?”
She nodded. He returned quickly with Lady and her pacifier. Crouching, he slid her pacifier into her mouth. But she still didn’t feel better. She needed something more.
But could she do it?
Could she let go with him? The pressure was building inside, and she was scared that if she just continued on like this that she would do something stupid.
But asking for help was almost an unknown for her.
“What else can I do, baby?”
Tell him. Just tell him.
What is the worst that could happen?
He could reject her. And that would hurt.
A lot.
“Whatever it is, I want to give it to you. The only thing I won’t do is harm you or leave you.”
Tell him.
Be brave.
Her stomach was dancing with nerves as she drew the pacifier from her mouth. “I need to forget everything for a while.”
“We can do that. Would you like to come watch a movie? Read a book?”
She shook her head and he studied her for a long moment.
“Would you like to forget another way?”
Cate nodded.
“With me taking over?”
Now, he was getting it. Or close to it.
“Or by Daddy taking over?” he said slowly.
Ding-ding.
She nodded.
“All right, baby.” He cupped the side of her face. “We can do that.”
“I don’t know if I can, though. I’ve never given in to my Little side unless it’s after a night terror. I don’t know how to . . . I don’t know what I’m doing.”
“That’s all right, because I do,” he told her.
Right. He knew what he was doing.
She didn’t have to know because he did. Her breathing came easier.
“And you have been letting your Little side out in small ways. Sitting in here with Lady and sucking on your pacifier, for instance. Deep inside, your Little is there. You just have to relax those barriers and let her out. All right?”
That was the problem.
“You know what you’re agreeing to if Daddy is in charge, right? Just want to make things clear. Daddy will be in control of everything. What you do, what you eat and wear, your discipline.”
She gulped.
“I’m not going to set you up to fail,” he reassured her. “I’m not going to make you eat things you don’t like or make you do something you won’t like. But I will correct any bad behavior as I see fit. So are you prepared for that?”
“There’s no safeword?”
“No, baby. Shit. There is always a safeword. Always. You have the ultimate control. I just wanted things to be clear, first.”
God. It was hard. She just wanted him to take over. To . . . to force her. But that wasn’t fair on him. Was it?
That meant she could blame him if things went wrong. Could use that to push him away.
She had to remember his needs and feelings.
“I understand.”
A huge smile filled his face, making her smile in return.
“Come on. I have a few ideas we can try.” He lifted her up and into his arms. Then, holding her against his body, he walked her out into the living room.
“Good girl for asking for Daddy’s help,” he murmured to her as he sat her on the sofa. “Daddy is going to take good care of you.”
All right. Maybe this was going to work.