Chapter 47
47
“ R hodes wants us to meet with him in the living room,” Ethan said after his phone beeped.
There had been plenty of screaming. So much that Ethan had taken her back into her closet and put her headphones on with some music to block it out.
Still, she felt shaky and overwhelmed.
“I’ll tell him no, if it’s too much for you.”
“No.” She shook her head. “Rhodes might need me. That can’t have been easy on him.”
Ethan lifted her and then held her hand as they walked out into the living room. Kevin was there. So was Seth. There was no sign of Polly or Butch.
“She’s gone?” Ethan asked as Cate let go of his hand and walked over to Rhodes.
He opened his arms, letting her come to him. She wrapped her arms around his waist and squeezed.
“Yeah. The new bodyguard agreed to guard her until we find this stalker and in the meantime, they’re staying at a hotel downtown,” Seth replied. “Butch took Polly home. She was shaken up.”
She felt Rhodes grow tense. Stepping back, she looked up at him. “Are you all right? Did you break things off with her?”
“Yeah.” Rhodes grimaced. “She didn’t take it well.”
“Of course she didn’t take it well!” Kevin threw his hands up in the air as he paced back and forth.
Cate tilted her head to the side, trying to work out why Samantha didn’t take it well?
“I’m not sure why she put up so much protest,” Cate said.
“Seriously?” Kevin asked.
“Watch your fucking tone,” Ethan growled at him.
Cate was emotionally overspent, and she was struggling to follow all the subtext of what everyone was saying.
“She had to have known Rhodes was going to break things off. She seemed to know earlier before she slapped me.”
Both Rhodes and Ethan growled at that.
Was it that she really loved Rhodes and was upset because she didn’t want to live without him? Or was she just with him because of who he was.
“She told me that it was all my fault. That this house was supposed to be hers and I ruined everything. So, see, she already knew things were ruined.”
“It was not your fault,” Ethan said.
Well. Perhaps she had some blame. “She was awfully upset that I was in the main suite.”
“That wasn’t the reason for the break-up, though. She went into your room without your permission. She yelled at you, slapped you, grabbed your wrists. She assaulted you,” Rhodes said.
“So it is my fault, then,” she said it matter-of-factly, but she was slightly worried that he blamed her.
“Like fuck,” Ethan grumbled.
“Of course it wasn’t,” Rhodes told her. “Everything she did was on her. I think she was jealous of you.”
“Why would she be jealous of me?” Cate asked.
“Because you’re beautiful and amazing. And because Rhodes loves you,” Ethan told her.
Huh.
“But what if she really loved you?” she asked Rhodes.
“She didn’t. I was just someone she wanted to be with for the publicity.”
“How do you know?” she asked.
“Because she told me.”
“It was great publicity,” Kevin said.
Rhodes glared at him.
“What? It was! This is my job. The two of you together were hot! Now you have to start over. People loved the two of you together.”
“I’m sure that Samantha will find someone else,” Cate said. “Her face is symmetrically pleasing, even if her personality leaves something to be desired.”
She heard someone cough behind her and turned to study Seth. “You’re not getting ill, are you, Seth?”
“No. Just . . . um . . . symmetrically pleasing.” Seth grinned.
Oh, he found that funny?
Hmm.
Kevin whirled on her. “Symmetrically pleasing? Of course her face is. She’s one of the most beautiful actresses in the world!”
“Then what’s the problem?” she asked.
“The problem is that she and Rhodes made the perfect couple. They were Hollywood elite! Beloved by all!”
She frowned. “Why are you making it sound like they’re dead?”
“Because they might as well be!” Kevin wailed.
Cate winced, tapping her fingers against her thigh. He was so loud.
Ethan moved over to her, pulling her against his chest. He rubbed his hand up and down her back.
“Kevin,” Rhodes said warningly.
“You know this is going to kill us!” Kevin said to Rhodes. “Everyone loved the two of you. Rip and Sam. Samip, Ripam.”
“Those names are kind of ridiculous,” she pointed out, turning in Ethan’s arms.
Kevin turned to glare at her.
Her brother couldn’t see the look on Kevin’s face because he was behind him, which was likely just as well.
“Do not look at her like that,” Ethan warned.
Rhodes turned to Kevin.
“How are you looking at my sister, Kevin?” Rhodes asked in a low, dangerous voice. “Because I really don’t want to kick anyone else out today, but I will if I have to.”
Kevin threw his hands up in the air once again. “Nothing. I didn’t do anything! There’s no need to throw me out.”
“Yes, you’ll have a harder time finding someone else if Rhodes gets rid of you,” she informed him. “Your face is far less symmetrically pleasing, and your voice is grating.”
This time, both Ethan and Seth coughed.
She turned to him. “Are you sure neither of you are getting ill?”
“No, it’s just that’s not a very polite thing to say,” Ethan murmured to her.
“Oh. Right. Well.” Stupid Cate. She reached for the hair tie around her wrist, remembering at the last moment that Ethan had made her take it off yesterday.
“Is that why you’re coughing?” Because she’d been rude?
Seemed odd.
“Um. Yes. And it was funny,” Ethan said.
She hadn’t been trying to be funny.
“Kevin, I wouldn’t worry that your face isn’t symmetrically pleasing and that you have a voice that reminds me of fingernails on a chalkboard, I don’t think that those are the things Rhodes looks for in an agent. Although if you are looking for a life partner, you might wish to tone it down into some more pleasantly dulcet tones.”
Rhodes started to cough, and she glanced over at him in alarm. “Rhodes?”
Okay, she was certain now that everyone was getting ill. It was no wonder with all the stress they were under. “I’ll get you some medicine.”
“I’m okay.” Rhodes waved his hand.
“Are you . . . are you saying that I’m ugly?” Kevin burst out.
She jolted at the volume of noise, stepping back involuntarily. She banged right into Ethan, who lightly grasped her arms.
And she found herself calming slightly.
“Kevin,” Rhodes said sharply. “You know not to raise your voice around Cate.”
Kevin groaned, tugging at his hair.
He didn’t look well. “For fuck’s sake, Rhodes, I know you love her. But she’s a fucking liability. She’s ruining your fucking career. You have to listen to me, I know what I’m talking about. If you don’t do something about her, your career will be in the tank. She’s a burden, not a help.”
Her breath started to come in sharp pants as her mind spiraled.
A fucking liability.
Ruining your fucking career.
She’s a burden.
Cate knew she was likely having a panic attack. She had all the signs. Shortness of breath. A heavy feeling in her chest. Going hot, then cold.
She even knew how to calm herself.
But, somehow, that didn’t translate to her actually getting her breathing under control. There had just been too much lately.
The stalker.
Samantha moving in. Coming into her space.
Yelling at her. Hurting her.
Now this.
“Get out, Kevin,” Rhodes said sharply.
Why did his voice sound so far away?
Because you’re panicking. You need to breathe or you’re going to pass out.
That would likely take three to five minutes, right? She could totally get herself under control during that time.
Ethan was saying something, it sounded like he was mad. She didn’t want Ethan to be mad at her.
Then breathe, Cate.
You fucking liability.
Suddenly, she was in the air and cradled against a broad chest before she was settled on the sofa. Large hands took hold of hers.
A sense of safety enveloped her.
“She’s cold. Get her a blanket,” Ethan barked.
Blinking, she realized that it wasn’t Rhodes in front of her, but Ethan.
“Right, listen to me. I need you to take a breath, baby.”
He placed his hand lightly on her chest.
“Cate,” Rhodes called out. “I need you to look around and tell me five things you can see.”
But she couldn’t breathe, let alone talk.
There was a heavy weight on her chest.
Off! I have to get it off!
She scratched at her chest.
“Cate! Listen to me,” Rhodes told her urgently.
No, no, no.
“Cate,” Ethan said in a low, stern voice. His hands squeezed her hands. “Squeeze my hands back. Concentrate, baby girl. Squeeze.”
She forced herself to concentrate and squeezed his hands. It was enough to give her some sense of control. “Good girl, you’re doing so well. Everything is going to be all right. I’ve got you. Rhodes is here too. Nobody is upset at you. Everyone here loves you.”
Loves?
Was that . . . did he mean it?
But he couldn’t. He couldn’t mean it the way she was hoping.
“Take another breath for me, baby. No, listen to me. You’re going to take another breath.” He put her hand on his chest and breathed in. “Just like this. Nice, deep breath in. Now, let it out. That’s it. But I want a deeper one next time.”
She managed to focus on the concern on his face. Rhodes was standing behind him, looking worried and she whimpered.
Was she ruining his life?
“No. Just concentrate on me. No one else. Another breath in. Good girl. You’re doing so well. Daddy’s good girl.”
She could feel herself growing warm. Her cheeks were probably red. But it wasn’t like Rhodes didn’t know about her Little side.
Wait. Where were Kevin and Seth?
“It’s just me and Rhodes here,” Ethan told her. “Seth escorted Kevin out. But even if Seth was here, he wouldn’t mind. He wouldn’t care. All that matters is you.”
Tears dripped down her cheeks. What had she done? Now she’d ruined Rhodes’ relationship with both Samantha and Kevin?
Her breath grew faster again.
“Uh-uh, no panicking,” Ethan warned. “Tell me five things you can see.”
Why?
“Cate,” Ethan spoke in a firm voice that she couldn’t ignore.
“You.”
Her voice was a mere whisper. It sounded breathless.
“Rhoddy.” She glanced up at him quickly. She didn’t want to spend too much time looking at him in case he was angry with her.
She couldn’t stand that.
“What else?”
Cate closed her eyes for a moment. Surely, she could keep her breathing under control herself. But the panic was waiting there for her, like a monster creeping around in the dark, ready to pounce when the lights went out.
“No. Eyes on me, baby.” Ethan lightly grasped hold of her chin.
Cate wanted to point out that if she had her eyes on him, then how could she see other things? But she understood the point of the exercise.
“Sofa. Carpet. Walls.”
“That’s a good girl.”
Endorphins rushed through her, warming her.
Endorphins were good. They were a natural hormone that would alleviate stress, block pain, and increase her sense of wellbeing.
“I’m glad about that, baby,” Ethan said, smiling. “I think you could use all of those things.”
She shot an alarmed look at Ethan, then at Rhodes because she hadn’t meant to say that out loud. What was happening to her?
“It’s all right,” Rhodes soothed. “You’re okay. Four things you can hear.”
The panic attack wasn’t gone. It was still there, making the edges of her vision blur, threatening to drag her back under, into its ugly grasp.
“I can hear you both breathing. I really hope that neither of you are coming down with a cold.”
“We’re both fine, baby,” Ethan reassured her. “Tell me something else you can hear.”
“The clock on the wall ticking. It’s really annoying.”
“I’ll get rid of it,” Rhodes promised her.
“A bird outside. The door just shut. Is that Seth?”
“Yep, it’s me,” Seth said. “I’ll give you all some privacy. Butch will be back soon.”
She wasn’t sure why he said that last part. To warn them? Oh, maybe he thought she wouldn’t want him to see her like this.
That was actually very kind.
Seth was a kind man.
“He is,” Ethan agreed. “But that’s not what you need to concentrate on. Three things you can smell.”
“My breathing is fine now,” she told him. There was no point to continuing the exercise.
She should probably get off the sofa. She should definitely apologize to Rhodes. Maybe she could fix this . . .
Somehow.
God. She was a mess lately. She kept falling apart. This wasn’t like her.
“Three things,” Ethan said sternly.
Cate sighed. “You are very bossy.”
“Isn’t he?” Rhodes said with a frown down at Ethan. “If she says she’s doing better, then she is. Cate doesn’t lie.”
Uh-oh. She didn’t mean to create any trouble.
All you do is create trouble, you brat!
Cate winced as she heard her aunt’s voice in her head, berating her.
Sometimes, it felt like she was losing her mind. Reaching up, she rubbed at her head.
“Headache, baby?” Ethan asked.
“Just a small one.”
“These past few days have been stressful,” Ethan said.
He was right. They had.
“All I can smell is Kevin’s cologne, even though he’s no longer here. He always puts too much on. I can’t smell anything else. It’s overpowering everything else.”
“That’s all right,” Ethan told her. His gaze was warm. “That’s all any of us can smell, I think.”
“Fucking Kevin.” Rhodes was scowling. “How dare he say those things to you?”
“I’m sorry, Rhoddy,” she said in a small voice. “This is my fault.”
“It is not.” Rhodes scowled at her. “I thought we established this already. This is on Samantha and me. Not you.”
She didn’t see why Rhodes was to blame.
“But what about Kevin? Isn’t he right? I’m a liability. Am I ruining your career, Rhodes?”
Ethan moved out of the way so that Rhodes could take his place next to her. He laid his hands out and she put hers in them so he could squeeze them.
“Do not listen to Kevin,” Rhodes told her. “He’s a dick. Yeah, he’s good at his job but his people skills are shit. He had no right to say any of that to you, understand me?”
Cate nodded. But she wasn’t certain she believed it, though.
“Do you think I deserve to be with Samantha?” Rhodes suddenly asked.
She frowned, not understanding. “What do you mean?”
“Or that I deserve someone who loves me. Who wants to be with me for me, not for what I can give her. I was coasting along with Samantha, she was easy because I didn’t . . . because I knew I wouldn’t develop real feelings for her. That I could keep her at a distance. After losing Emma . . . I just, I find it hard to let myself fall for anyone else.”
“Oh, Rhoddy. You still love Emma even though she’s been dead for years?” she asked. Emma had been his girlfriend. She’d died of cancer about eight years ago. Cate should have realized that he still loved her.
“I do.”
“And so you don’t want to love someone else?”
“It feels like a betrayal of what we had.”
“But she’s dead.”
Rhodes smiled at her gently. “I know, honey. But even though she’s dead, I still love her.”
“Oh. I see. I guess I still love Mom and Dad. Death doesn’t remove the love you feel. But just because you loved Emma, doesn’t mean that you can’t love someone else, does it?”
“I don’t know. It means opening myself up to the possibility of loving and losing someone again.”
Right. She could lose Ethan. Part of her was expecting to. Because she didn’t think he could be with her forever. He didn’t even live here.
Yet, somehow, she’d forgotten that. Pushed it to one side.
And . . . she’d let herself fall in love with him.
Oh God.