Chapter 36 #2
She sighed and pulled her phone out, unlocked it and pushed it to him. “He texted me earlier today. I thought I’d let you read it.”
The dread he’d been feeling since last night almost crushed him, preparing him for the blow.
He picked the phone up but didn’t see any threat of custody or anything to change the arrangement they had.
Instead, it was Billy asking Arden to meet Tina so that she would stop trying to put the blame on them. Her ex even apologized for not asking how she was doing and that he did care and should have said that also.
There was more about Billy trying to get his life back on track and every time one of these fights happened it pushed him into thoughts he didn’t want to have.
“Wow,” he said. “Do you believe him?”
“We talked before you came down. I wanted to hear his voice before I decided.”
Because the guy was probably playing on her emotions. “What did he say?”
“The last few weeks have pushed the urge in him to reach for things he’s telling himself are evil.
Every time he’s gotten close, Tina talks him down.
” Her eyes filled. “Blaze. I don’t love him anymore.
Most days I can’t stand him. But that was him being raw.
Not something he’s ever done. He’s never said those things.
I heard it in his voice. He’s struggling and what I laid on him is pushing a boundary he put in his life. ”
“Don’t you dare put this on your shoulders. You’re not responsible if he relapses. You’re not responsible for any of this.”
“I can tell myself these things all I want, but I don’t know,” she said, her voice hoarse.
“I can’t control the feelings I’ve got right here.
” Her fingers were curling into her stomach.
“I can say the words all I want like I’ve been doing most of my life, but none of that means it doesn’t still hurt. That the guilt doesn’t build.”
He pulled her over to his lap. “I hear you. I hear everything. Maybe I’m feeling the same thing knowing that I could have brought this to you.”
“We don’t know any of that and maybe that is the hardest thing to accept.”
“We’re going to find the truth. I know it. I want you to trust me.”
“I do. I didn’t think I’d ever trust another man again. But with you, it’s there. It’s been there from the beginning. The need you’ve got to protect me. To watch over and guard me and Gracie. That’s just a tiny fraction of it. The bigger section is the feelings here.”
Her hand was on her heart.
He threaded his fingers through hers and put her hand on his heart. “There, right there for me too. Everything you’ve said and more.”
She dropped her head to his chest. “I love you, Blaze. I hate this is happening not just for me, or you, but mainly for Gracie. I told myself I wouldn’t put her in harm’s way again and it’s killing me. I mean killing me it’s happening. My rationale says to put distance between us.”
That love that just filled him—what she expressed—it was slowly seeping out to a messy puddle on the concrete.
The cracks in his heart couldn’t be explained with those words, even though he understood them.
“If it’s what you think you need,” he forced himself to say. “But it’s not going to change how I feel about you.”
“That’s the thing. It’s not changing how I feel.
And hearing those words was exactly what I needed.
Whoever this person is, if it’s because of something I did, they aren’t stopping whether or not I’m with you.
And if it’s for something you did, they will move onto someone else. Where does that change anything?”
“It doesn’t.”
“So for tonight, when I’m in your arms, I want it to be about us. Let’s lock the doors, let’s go to bed, and you can love me like I need you to.”
She slid off his lap and stood up, him following her to her room.
The house was locked behind them, she checked on Gracie quickly, then they locked her bedroom door.
“I need to shower,” she said. “I need to wash the day away. Let’s go in there.”
Another room. Another locked door.
With the water turned on, the sound would muffle any they made. It would let her feel free in her actions and motions and that was what she needed.
Maybe it was what he did also.
They stripped in silence. No reaching for the other. No gentle touches.
Nothing until they were behind the shower door, the water pelting his back, his arms reaching for her to pull her tight against his body, his mouth on hers.
“I’m on the pill,” she said. “If you’re okay with that.”
He lifted her in his arms. He wanted her to know he had her. That everything they had would always be okay for him.
She wrapped her legs around his waist, he probed for entrance and was granted. Just like that.
Easy. Quick. Welcoming.
Her mouth crushed his, his hips thrusting in tiny jerks forward and back.
There was no reason to rush. Nor a reason to draw it out.
It was going to happen the way it always did. When they were ready for it.
He moved Arden back against the tile wall, her nails marking his shoulders. Her inner muscles squeezed him tight.
The feel of skin to skin, her body opening for him, taking everything he had to give her.
Those were the feelings he needed in his life.
Not sex. Not even making love.
She came for him so easily, like she’d been waiting for this moment too. Her body fit against his, warm and certain, her heartbeat thudding against his chest. He cupped the back of her head, drew her mouth to his, and the kiss deepened from hunger to love.
The world outside fell away. The tension, the fear, the shadows of everything pressing in their lives... they disappeared under the steady pull between them. Every touch and every breath felt like a promise neither had dared to make until now.
It wasn’t about release. It wasn’t even about passion.
It was about belonging.
Two people scarred in different ways, finally letting someone all the way in.