Chapter 38
WATCHING OVER THEM
Blaze pressed the weights overhead again, harder and faster, each rep sharper than the last. The burn in his arms wasn’t enough. It never was. He couldn’t sweat out helplessness. Couldn’t outlift guilt.
Something from his past was bleeding into Arden’s life, and the thought of that had him seeing red.
Worse that he didn’t know what the fuck it was.
If he did, he’d feel as if he were more in control.
“Fuck me.”
He dropped the weights with a dull clang and sat forward, chest heaving. He grabbed his water bottle, chugged half of it, then dragged his hand down his face.
He should have been at the hospital with her today.
Should have covered a damn shift. Instead, he’d spent the morning pacing his house, trying to shake off the image of her face when fear crept in.
The same fear he’d had last night. The one that kept him up all night holding her in his arms as she’d been restless.
He’d been heading home, thinking about Arden and Gracie. About walking in the door to dinner, laughter, a life that felt dangerously close to his dream.
For one stupid, fleeting second, it had felt like coming home to his family.
Then he’d turned onto his street, seen Ford’s sheriff’s SUV and Clay’s truck.
Both parked outside Arden’s house.
His heart stopped.
He’d slammed the brakes so hard the tires screamed, terror gutting him before he even knew what had happened.
He was supposed to protect her.
And he hadn’t been there when she needed him most.
Now as he stood up from the bench when he heard a car door shut loudly, he popped his head out of the garage and saw Clay’s truck in Arden’s driveway.
What the hell? Did his brothers tell him nothing?
He moved forward. “What’s going on?”
“Sorry,” Clay said. “Didn’t know you were home.”
“I told you last night I was off for four days.”
No way he was working over the weekends now when he could spend the time with his girls.
Not just spending time, but watching over them.
“Yeah, didn’t mean you’d be here.”
“What’s going on?”
“Birds,” Clay said. “They keep setting off the camera on her porch. I’m trying to see if I can find another spot for it or tweak it.”
“Why aren’t I getting that alert?”
“Because yours is set for a bigger movement, mine is set for any whisper of a wind.”
“I want that,” he said.
“Dude. The last thing you need is that going off in your pocket at the ER. Get a grip. I’ve got it covered. She’s there with you and safe. It’s my job to cover this.”
He couldn’t dispute that. His brother was right.
The last thing he needed was any other distractions at work.
“It should be my job,” he said. “Seems I’m causing this but have no idea why. I spent all night lying in bed trying to think of anything I’ve done that was wrong. Nothing. No lawsuit against me. No one fighting me in the ER. I mean nothing other than someone being drunk, but nothing major.”
People were always complaining if they had to wait longer than they wanted. Or didn’t get the care they hoped for fast enough.
There’d been no complaints filed against him. He’d know if that happened when it was done.
“I want to tell you to cut yourself some slack.”
“But you won’t because you’d feel the same way. You know it.”
Clay was the last person who would tell him not to feel guilty over something that he had no control over.
“These damn birds are everywhere,” Clay said. “What the fuck is going on?”
He turned his head to the neighbor. Mike and Cassidy. “They’ve got bird feeders on their porch. Out front too.”
“Jesus. I like being in the country,” Clay said, moving off of Arden’s porch and going to the neighbor’s.
“What are you doing? I don’t need my neighbors pissed at me. It’s bad enough they know what is going on and asked last night after you and Ford left.”
Getting Gracie to bed and lying that his brothers just came for a visit hadn’t felt right. But what else were they going to do? Scare the child that she might be in danger?
Blaze didn’t want to believe that. He wanted to think that whoever this was wouldn’t harm a child.
But he didn’t know. He didn’t know shit about anything it seemed.
Whoever this was obviously didn’t think he was competent. He can’t save you. He doesn’t know how.
What the hell did that mean?
And all it did was fuel him to prove them wrong!
“It looks like one of those bird cams.”
“What?”
He jogged closer and looked at the bird feeder hanging on a pole in the front yard.
“Shit,” Clay said. “I wonder if this is live or recording?”
“Do they record?”
“They do,” Clay said, pulling his phone out and looking up the model of the one in front of them. “This one has the ability if it’s set up. How well do you know the neighbors?”
“Well enough. I’ll ask when they get home tonight.”
“You don’t have their number to call now?”
“No.”
“What’s their name?” Clay said. “Maybe I can find them.”
“I want to, but we need to dial it back. Let me call Ford. We don’t even know if they have the service and if they do how long it lasts. What are you thinking?”
“I’m thinking that Gracie rode her old bike last Thursday. So it was tampered with Friday, Saturday, or Sunday. Today is seven days. Hopefully, it’s there. It’s our best bet for any lead right now.”
“I hope so. This waiting is killing me. I’ve got an abundance of patience, but it’s all gone.”
“It always is for those that are in your heart.”
His eyes popped open wider than they’d been in his life. “Clay Ridgeway, the meanest sibling, just made some sentimental statement?”
His brother shoved him. “Don’t piss me off. I don’t need my wife on my case if I come home with a scratched up knuckle if I hit you.”
He laughed. “I’d have to patch you up after I retaliated, so you wouldn’t dare. Be honest with me, what’s your gut with this?”
“I’m torn,” Clay said. “Could be empty threats.”
“Or not. I’m leaning toward not.”
“You have to be prepared.”
“How dangerous do we think this person could be?”
“There is no guessing what is going on in someone’s delusional mind. Their demons aren’t yours. Their reality is only rational to them.”
He nodded. “That’s not making me feel any better. Your thoughts on the ex?”
“Sounds like a total dickhead to me, but there isn’t anything saying he’d risk his future doing this. Sounds as if he’s doing what is required to be with his daughter.”
“I wanted it to be him,” he said, then turned to walk back to his place knowing his brother would follow, the two of them going in the house.
“So he’d be out of her life, but it’s not the best scenario for anyone other than you.”
“I know that. That little girl is returning to who she used to be. Or so Arden says. I hope I played a part in it.”
“I’m sure you did. You showed her that not all men are angry.”
“It helped with everyone. Arden wants to meet Tina next Saturday,” he blurted out.
“Really?” Clay asked, lifting an eyebrow.
“Yeah. I’m torn with her giving him too much rope but can’t tell her no. She wants to see Billy in person, see how he is doing. She said if he relapses it’s going to be a bigger mess. She doesn’t want that to happen for anyone, but needs to be prepared if there is a sign of it.”
“That’s the responsible thing to do.”
“I know. I wanted to go with her. Gracie is going to stay with her grandparents for an hour while they go get something to eat in a public place.”
“There is no reason you can’t go. Did she tell you no?”
“I haven’t asked.”
“Don’t ask. Tell her. She could still be in danger. Don’t get soft.”
He ground his teeth. “I’m not getting soft. I’m balancing this the best I can. There is more at stake than watching out for her.”
“No,” Clay said firmly. “There is never more at stake than that. Take it from the man who missed what was happening right next door to Meredith. I can’t forgive myself for that. Don’t put yourself in that situation.”
Not what he wanted to hear.
“I’ll talk to her tonight,” he said.
“How is everything else?” Clay asked.
“Are you going to counsel me?” he asked, laughing.
His brother looked him over. “You bugged me enough. Just returning the favor.”
“Doesn’t feel like much of a favor. I appreciate it though. But I’m fine. I’ve got a handle on it.”
But he could tell Clay didn’t believe him.
Maybe because he didn’t believe it himself.