Chapter 32 Pillow Talk - Avery
“Wake up, baby.” Spencer’s raspy voice stirred me awake.
My eyes fluttered open and a big stretch racked through my body, pulling each muscle apart until I was left feeling completely relieved. Once I felt more awake, I could feel each of my limbs aching head to toe. A night filled with mind-blowing sex would do to you.
I still couldn’t believe our night started when we messed around in the hidden nooks of a nightclub.
Stretching my arms over my head, I mumbled, “What time is it?” The hotel room was a lot darker than it was back in Spencer’s penthouse. While we were still in the city, we weren’t in a city with neon lights everywhere you looked.
“Most likely too early for you. But it happens to be my favorite day,” Spencer muttered against my neck, his beard running along my throat like it had on my inner thighs last night.
“Saturday?” I glanced at the clock. Seven in the morning.
“The day after your birthday.”
“The day after my birthday?” I rolled my body over—so we were no longer spooning—and propped myself up on my elbow.
“Any morning when I wake up next to you is my favorite day, but especially today.”
“What’s the difference between this morning and all the others?” My hand ran over his broad chest, perfectly sprinkled with dark hair.
“Because it’s the first morning I can wake up and finally tell you I love you.”
Those words, coming from this man—the same man that I met in a bar and hadn’t been able to stop thinking about since—was so surreal.
I wasn’t the girl who got lucky. I wasn’t the girl that good things happened to or fell into her lap when she needed it the most. As much as I tried not to define myself as, “the girl who got cheated on” or “the pool girl by day, escort by night,” the idea that this was all too good to be true haunted me.
What did this man see in me? He was successful. Older. He could have anyone he wanted. But he chose me. Why?
“It doesn’t feel real,” I whispered.
“I think the response I was looking for goes a little like, ‘I love you too.’”
“I do love you, Spencer. So much. I was tossing and turning all night because I can’t believe this is my life. It’s all happened so fast.”
“You can’t put a timeframe on this kind of thing. For some, it happens fast. For others, it might take a little while longer. This is our journey. Our timeline, Bella. Believe it.”
After years of living in an all too comfortable, yet rocky, relationship that faded the more time went on, I never thought I’d find love again so soon after. Being so work driven, my mind wasn’t focused on finding someone. I’d spent my evenings acting in love and faking enjoyment.
Then Spencer came along and flipped my whole world upside down.
“I’m afraid once we go back home, things will be different,” I choked out.
“Different, how?”
“With my debt paid, my evenings will officially be free now. Won’t you be tired of me?”
“I could never get tired of you.” His hand ran along my back and goosebumps formed along my spine.
“Dinner every night. Coming home to you after I get off work. Watching every crime documentary we can get our hands on. Waking up to you every morning. Taking you on more work trips with me if you want—showing you the world. The options for us are endless, Avery.”
“That sounds like a pretty amazing life.”
“It is. And it’s yours. Ours.” He pulled me into his body, holding me tighter.
“I don’t want this to come off wrong and push you away—”
“You could never push me away,” he answered before I could finish.
All this talk of the future—our future—had me thinking.
“So, you’re a little bit older than me, and we are in very different … places in life.”
“Does that bother you?” He squeezed my arm, sending waves of butterflies swimming through my bloodstream.
“Our age has never bothered me. But I guess I just wonder … What do you want for your future when it comes to me?”
“Are you asking if I ever want to settle down and get married, Avery?”
Married.
The commitment was something I’d always wanted in life. Whether I knew it or not, it was always something I’d been chasing. My parents couldn’t commit to raising a child. My ex couldn’t commit to me. I dreamed of the day someone would walk into my life without the intention of leaving.
“I guess I am. I don’t want that to scare you. It’s not like I’m asking you to put a ring on my finger tomorrow.”
Clearing his throat, he answered, “I’ve never been married. I always assumed when I found the right one, I’d do whatever it takes to make her mine. Claim her forever.”
His words latched onto my heart and seeped into my soul. My cheeks burned red and the intensity in which my smile formed was a rare and unfamiliar feeling. I was so happy and high on love that I had a feeling I was finally understanding what being lovesick felt like.
It was almost as if he took my thoughts and made them his own. He wanted to get married in his future and give me the sense of security that I’d never experienced before.
“What is your stance on children? I mean, I know you’re already a dad…”
Normally, I wouldn’t jump to such heavy topics with someone in such a short amount of time. But with Spencer, it was different. He was older. He had his shit together. He wouldn’t react like men my age and run away at the mention of marriage and children.
“It’s not my first thought when it comes to how I want to live out the rest of my forties and so on.
But I’m also not opposed to it.” He took a deep breath before finishing, “Part of me thinks if I was given a chance for a do over, to actually know about Jackson, then I would do a hell of a lot better job at this whole dad thing. I guess I don’t have a firm stance on the topic.
I’d be happy with my life either way it went.
” His head tilted back, taking a moment to gauge my reaction before he asked, “What about you? What are your thoughts on kids?”
“I actually don’t want them.” My eyes shifted down, feeling shame.
I shouldn’t feel ashamed when saying I don’t want kids. But unfortunately, this world was a judgmental place to live, and somewhere along the way, it became the norm for every woman to grow up wanting children.
“Hey…” His hand gripped my jaw, tilting my head back up.
“Does that make you think differently of me?”
“As much as I think you would be an amazing mother, I don’t think you have to do that with your life if it isn’t what you want. I think it’s actually quite selfless of you to choose not to have children.”
My eyes widened.
“Most people would say selfish…”
“There could be a million reasons not to have children. But even if your reasons were selfish, it isn’t necessarily a bad thing. This is your personal choice.”
Fuck, how was this man so understanding?
“Most people that had a hard upbringing like I did would want to have children—give them the life they never had. For me, I couldn’t fathom bringing a child into a world as fucked as this one.
Even if I was successful and could give the kid the world.
What if I left this world too early like my parents did, and my kid would never know stability?
What if that kid got bullied relentlessly and never told me—tried to deal with it all on their own?
What if my child took their life because living in this world got too hard?
I’d never be able to forgive myself for not knowing. ”
Pausing from my rant, I took a deep breath.
“Sorry, I know that was a lot. I think all the, ‘What ifs,’ over time have compounded, and when it comes down to it, I’ve just realized it’s not the path for me.”
“You’re a strong woman, Avery. To know what you want in life, no matter what it is, it’s one reason why I’ve fallen in love with you so quickly.
” His lips grazed along mine. The kiss wasn’t quick, but not too long either.
His mouth lingered on mine just long enough to reassure me that this love we had for each other was real. It was ours.
We weren’t due back to Vegas until tomorrow morning, which meant we had all day to do whatever we wanted.
Even if we were out of town, with an entirely new city to explore at my disposal, I couldn’t think of anything I’d rather do than lie here with the man I loved.
Hanging out with my girls for my birthday was a tradition—one that may look a little different now.
While they cured their hangover on a private flight back home, it was just me and Spencer for the next twenty-four hours.
Endless pillow talk. Room service. His body on mine.
Today may just be my new favorite day, too.