Chapter 33
It’d been a while since I checked on Ol’ Red. Sure enough, she was still standing.
Same parking spot.
No damage.
Just as I’d left her.
A few days ago, we came home from Denver, and I went right back to working my normal pool shifts.
This time with an extra pep in my step, knowing that when my shift was over, I wouldn’t have to work another job or ever think about it again.
Instead, my evenings would be filled with quiet moments on the balcony with my boyfriend, take-out and a movie, fancy dinners, or whatever we were in the mood for without a damn thing weighing us down.
But today was Tuesday. My day off. I hadn’t had an entire day off—outside of my trip to Denver—in as long as I could remember.
While Spencer was at the office, I decided to check up on Ol’ Red.
Try to figure out what to do with her next.
Even though I was feeling confident in our relationship, and that he wouldn’t throw me out on my ass, there was a small part of me deep down that wasn’t ready to move her into storage anytime soon.
This small plot of land with my parked van may not be anything compared to life at the penthouse, but it still felt like a safe space. A small slice of comfort. A part of my history that made me, me.
After unlocking the door, I slid it open, ducked my head, and took a seat on my bed.
The familiar scent of lavender incense surrounded me. My plants that were once thriving had seen better days. And although it felt familiar, it only caused me to reflect on how much had changed in the last month.
Ol’ Red was my past and Spencer was my future.
Now that I had a day off, and the craziness from my birthday weekend had passed, I had one last thing to do in order to fully put my past behind me.
I pulled out my phone, the weight of it sitting heavy in my hands as I reflected on the last time Jax had texted me. I sat in this very spot.
My fingers froze and chills ran over my spine.
You’re in control this time, Avery.
I had the money to pay him off—thanks to Spencer—and this should all be over with the second I press send. It would be behind me. I never had to see or think of Jax again. He would be just another puzzle piece from my past.
Working up the courage, I drafted out a text and pressed send before I could think twice.
Me: Hi Jax, I went to the bank this morning and set up a few wires to be delivered over the next couple of weeks. The remaining balance for what I owe you should be to you in no time.
There was nothing I could do now.
My hands shook as the anticipation sank in. I watched the bubbles on the screen immediately appear, and just seconds after, a text flashed on my screen.
Jax: Where the hell did you get that kind of money so fast?
Of course, he couldn’t just say thank you and move on.
Me: Doesn’t matter. And it’s none of your business. You have your money. Now I’d appreciate it if you could get that video taken down.
I knew Spencer was working on the video, but hopefully between my mention of it and his help, one of us would be able to actually make it happen.
Jax: HA. Don’t be naive, Avery.
Jax: Once something hits the internet, it’s on there forever.
Was this some kind of sick joke? The whole point of me paying him such an absurd amount of money was because he had been holding that video over my head every goddamn day for years now.
Pay the money. The video comes down.
That was the fucking deal.
Unable to control my emotions, my fingers latched onto the pillow closest to me. Throwing it across my van, it hit the back window, rattling the blinds.
Throwing a fit of anger wasn’t enough at this moment.
“Fucking asshole,” I mumbled under my breath. My fingers got to work, trying my hardest to reason with him.
Me: Jax, don’t be ridiculous. I worked my ass off and sent you every fucking dollar you requested.
Sure, I didn’t work for every dollar. But for about as long as I’ve lived here, I’d worked day in and day out to set aside that money for him.
Of course, the payments started off slow as I was getting comfortable with this new life of mine.
But once I’d found my rhythm, and had returning clients, it started to get easier for me to shut it all off and work more often to build up the amount of money I was desperate for.
I’d done unthinkable things. Filthy things.
Things I never would have seen myself doing years ago when I was in a committed relationship.
Things that made my stomach churn until it became so numb that it didn’t matter anymore.
Me: I don’t understand why you’re doing this to me.
The anger subsided, now replaced with devastation.
My stomach tossed and turned like a washing machine, a wave of nausea running right through me.
Grabbing the small trash can I had stashed beside my bed, I emptied my stomach until there was nothing left but bile.
My phone dinged with his response. Instead of reading what I already knew was going to upset me more, I continued dry heaving until I felt like I could catch my breath.
But my phone didn’t just ding once. It alerted me with one text after the other.
Jax: Such a selfish girl, Avery. Expected my mom to raise you and spend her hard-earned money on you because Mommy and Daddy chose to hit the hard stuff instead of loving you.
Jax: Latched on to me because no one else ever showed you an ounce of attention.
Jax: Took every chance away from me to have a normal college experience.
The dinging wouldn’t stop.
Each response that filled my screen was worse than the one before.
How could he possibly think all those things?
Jax: You’re pathetic, Avery. You were only ever a live-in girlfriend. Someone to suck my dick and make me dinner.
Jax: I wanted you to fuck someone else in hopes that you’d want them more than me. I wanted a reason to get rid of you.
Jax: You made it so easy. You never told me not to film you and your mouth fucking watered at the idea of another dick. You gave me all the power I needed to ruin you.
Jax: The plan had always been to leave you with nothing, just like you came from.
After what felt like hours of being beaten down and kicked in the stomach repeatedly, I couldn’t think of a single thing I wanted to say to him.
When you were raised in a household with two parents who couldn’t give a shit, you learned to stay silent and move through the motions.
His words were cruel. Fucking awful. But that’s all they were—words.
He was losing me for good, and he knew it. Jax was reacting with cruelty because he no longer held anything over my head—at least, that’s what I was telling myself. I’d held up my end of the deal, and he could no longer pester me for any more money. The deal was done. Over. In the fucking past.
If he thought he’d get me down, he didn’t know a damn thing about me. Fuck him if he wasn’t a man of his word. Spencer would get the video down. I had a gut feeling.
Words were always just words. I’d been used to hate speech my whole life.
Growing up, my mom chose torment over lullabys. Instead of the sweet sounds of a mother’s voice calming me before bed, I cried and tried my hardest not to believe the punishing words she’d fed me for every meal at such a young age.
You should have never been born.
No dinner for you tonight—you’re carrying baby fat.
You’re a waste of space.
She trained me young.
After years of hearing the way my mom felt about her own flesh and blood, I grew thick skin.
As I got older, I knew it was just the drugs talking.
I had to convince myself that was the reason.
But if Jax really thought that I was a burden on his life, he could have cut me loose years ago.
He didn’t have to drag me through the mud in order to make himself feel better.
Even on my weakest days, I’d made it through. I was so much stronger than that asshole gave me credit for.
Sure, this would probably hit me later when my head hit the pillow. Afterall, I was only human.
But for now, I wanted to push the dark feelings down and get lost in the first man who had ever shown his appreciation for who I was.