Chapter Thirty-One
“ Y our majesty, you cannot just keep running away from me,” Bedivere called from behind me as I hurried down the hall in the opposite direction of him.
For the past few days ever since the day I had struck out with not only him, but also Merlin, I had avoided the pair like the plague.
Add in my forest one-sided shouting match with Lancelot and I was definitely batting a thousand when it came to these men.
I continued down the hall, past curious workers and towards my shared chambers with Arthur. If I could just make it there, then I could avoid an awkward conversation with the alpha.
Arthur was out with most of the men today, patrolling the borders of Camelot to make sure none of the Saxon invaders had encroached into our lands, but that also meant I lost both of my buffers as Gawain had gone with them.
That left me in the castle with not only Bedivere, but also Merlin.
Case in point the invisible wall I walked face-first into.
“Stop, Guinevere.” I could hear Merlin’s voice as I rubbed my sore nose.
“You didn’t need to conjure a damn wall,” I grumbled, reaching out to knock on the air in front of me and watched as magic reverberated in a way that only someone like me, who used magic, could see.
“I would not have to resort to walls if you just stopped to speak to us rather than running away.”
Bedivere’s thick sandalwood scent filled my nose as he stepped up behind me.
“Your majesty…” he began, trailing off as he seemed to be at a loss for words.
I glared at him and at Merlin who hovered just behind the massive alpha’s shoulder. “I’m not talking to you if you aren’t going to call me the way I asked you to call me.”
I knew I sounded like a petulant child, but I had had days to stew on my interactions with these two men and I was more angry than embarrassed at this point.
Arthur and Gawain had reminded me that I was desirable—and if Bedivere, Merlin, and Lancelot couldn’t see that? Then screw them.
I was half-tempted to go to the top of the mountains and scream at the gods to give me a new do-over pack because obviously my current one was fucked.
But then Bedivere surprised me, his lips pressing together with consternation before he finally whispered something so quietly that I couldn’t hear him.
“What?” I asked crossly.
“Guinevere,” he finally said, my name sounding odd coming from him. “Please come and talk to us so that we may explain.”
I narrowed my eyes, glancing between both men, half-tempted to tell them no and go sulk in my nest, but I knew I needed to be a big girl and hash this out with them sooner rather than later. My mother would have been horrified to see me run away from them like a coward the other day and I could hear her scolding voice telling me to be a grownup.
“Okay, fine ,” I huffed, throwing my hands up in surrender.
A few moments later we were stepping inside of the rectory and I was surprised to find that Merlin had rearranged the space in the few days that I had been gone.
Namely, there was a massive four-poster bed sitting on a dais that hadn’t been there before.
My stomach did a little flip-flop as I looked from the bed to Merlin who was studiously avoiding my gaze.
“Sit,” he directed, pointing to the table and chairs that had also not been there before.
“You’ve changed things,” I said slowly as I sat in the chair the Bedivere had pulled out for me.
“I did,” Merlin agreed, threading his fingers together and pressing his thumbs into his palms almost as if he was nervous. “I felt that, perhaps, it was time to do so.”
I leaned back in my chair and crossed my arms, pushing down the stupid giddy feeling in my chest. My instincts were usually dumb as hell, I had been ignoring my hussy of an inner-omega since the day that I had been rejected not once, but twice by these very men sitting in front of me. “Explain.”
Merlin’s expression still looked anxious as he glanced over at Bedivere who just nodded once. “We have wanted to speak with you long before this, but I fear you never gave us the chance, Gwen. You run swiftly—like a wild horse.”
“Comparing me to a horse is probably not the best way to start this conversation,” I pointed out dryly. “But I am sorry for avoiding you. I wasn’t sure what the hell I was supposed to say after making a fool out of myself twice in a day.”
“You did not look like a fool,” Bedivere finally cut in, speaking for the first time since he had chased me down in the hallway earlier.
“Okay, then tell me what I looked like then. Because my ego was shattered into a million little pieces that day and it’s still embarrassing as hell to think about it.”
“If you would cease arguing for a moment, we could tell you,” Merlin said, his brows pinched together as he shot me a plaintive look.
I opened my mouth before pausing and realizing that I was, in fact, about to argue with them again. My mouth closed with a silent snap and I leaned back in my seat.
Merlin sighed with relief. “Thank you. Now, I just want to be honest about how I was feeling that day. You never gave me a chance to respond to your suggestion and I would like to respond now.”
I waved a hand out in front of me, gesturing for him to go on as my heartrate kicked up in my chest. Could I handle being rejected a second time?
Probably not.
I wondered if the moat that surrounded the castle was deep enough to drown myself in.
“I was going to explain to you that, while I am uncertain of the gods’ intentions for me…” he trailed off, his gaze drifting down to the wood swirls in the table in front of us. “I also cannot deny that I feel drawn to you.”
“To me or my magic?” The question bubbled out of me before I could stop it. Never before had I been so insecure about myself and I wasn’t sure if I liked it or not.
Before all of this I never had to deal with being undesired or getting rejected because I never allowed myself to engage emotionally with anyone past my own mother. After she died I had almost no one, save for Trini who was doing her damndest to chip away at my walls.
I almost wished I could go back in time to that day and never touch that stupid sword. At least then I wouldn’t feel so off-balance all of the time knowing that, at any moment, these men could pull the rug out from under me with a look or an inhale of their scents.
“Is it incorrect to say both?” Merlin shot back, his brows lifting as we locked eyes. You and I both know that our magic suits each other .
His words echoed in my mind as his magic seemed to spread out in front of him to meet mine.
The two seemed to sizzle as they touched.
Unaware of what was happening, Bedivere spoke next. “I still do not feel… confident in my ability to be your alpha, your maj—Guinevere.”
My gaze shot to his. “Why? Because of your hand?”
Bedivere nodded. “I am not whole and have not been whole since I lost it. Alphas are meant to be able to protect their omega, but I cannot wield my sword any longer.”
“In my time omegas protect their alphas too,” I pointed out after a moment of thought. “Never, ever since I got here, have I thought about which of you could wield your swords the best or who can protect me from invaders, or whatever.”
“Is that not an alpha’s purpose?” Bedivere asked, sounding perplexed as his dark brows drew together.
I shook my head. “No. It’s not. It’s about how you make me feel—and if you would have pulled your head out of your ass for two minutes you would have seen that I always feel safest when I’m around you all. Bedivere, you especially have been a presence that I didn’t know I would miss so much until you started to avoid me. I missed you. Shouldn’t that be enough?”
“I… I have never thought of it in such a way,” Bedivere finally admitted.
“Do you not like me?” My voice cracked with the vulnerability of my question as I put myself out there for these men to stomp all over yet again.
Bedivere’s silver eyes finally met mine, an emotion swelling in them that I had not seen before. “How could I not, Guinevere? How could any man living not?”
“I’m not asking about any man. I’m asking about you.”
Go easy on him, he has had much to think about over the past few days, Merlin whispered into my mind, but I ignored him. I wanted to hear Bedivere’s answer.
“Do you like me?” I repeated more simply this time, my heart in my throat.
Bedivere’s fists clenched on top of the table before he finally nodded. “More than you shall ever know.”
The relief I felt at his words was intense and I had to keep myself from grinning like an idiot. “Okay then. That’s all I need.”
I stood up from my seat and rounded the table.
“What are you—?” Bedivere began as I leaned over him, pushing down the nerves that I was feeling, and pressed my lips to his.
His deep, warm sandalwood scent filled my nose as he made a shocked noise that was muffled by our joined mouths.
It was a soft, slow kiss that I had to take the lead on, but it still sent shivers of anticipation through me as I finally pulled away.
“Guinevere?” he asked, his mouth agape as he stared at me with awe.
“I’ve been wanting to do that,” I told him simply before turning my sights to Merlin while keeping my hands firmly planted on Bedivere’s shoulders, half-afraid the alpha would bolt if I let him go. “What about you?”
“What about me?” Merlin asked, looking just as astonished as Bedivere did. His freckled face was flushed right up to his curly brown hair making the wizard look more adorable than I’d ever seen him.
“Do you like me?”
“It is not as simple as that…”
I just shrugged and moved to leave, but Merlin’s hand shot out to grab mine.
“That does not mean to run away, Gwen,” he said, his voice exasperated as he tugged me around to face him. “I have no experience in matters such as this. I spent ten years in a cave. A cave! Before that I was just Arthur’s advisor and most women avoided me as a rule. Is it not obvious why this would not be simple for me?”
“Give him a moment, Guinevere,” Bedivere said from behind me.
I tossed a frown over my shoulder at the alpha. “Are you guys reading each other’s minds right now?”
Bedivere’s brows drew together in confusion. “No, how could we?”
He and I have had much time to talk over the past few days, Merlin said into my mind. It is as if we are two sides of the same coin: a man fated to you but unsure of if he deserves such a fate, and a man who has no fate but has many feelings for someone he should not.
“Fate is overrated,” I told him out loud, thinking of the absolutely bullshit fate that was meant for me and the men around me. There was not a chance in hell I was going to let that happen. “I want you—my magic wants you—shouldn’t that be enough?”
Merlin finally nodded, his fingers sliding up from my hand and over the thudding pulse in my wrist. “I believe it is, but forgive me if I am anxious. The gods have been showing me less-and-less ever since I pulled you here and I do not like not knowing what the future will hold.”
“Then trust in me.” I leaned down and pressed my forehead to his, my skin tingling where it met his. “I do know what the future holds and I know, above all else, that I want you in mine.”
Then, just as I had with Bedivere, I let my lips drift down to his, gasping when I felt our magic rise up like waves to meet each other. Before when we would transfer magic through holding hands it had felt like a slow, steady stream, but now it felt like a flood that I never wanted to let go of.
All too soon I was pulling away from him, I needed to be downstairs soon in order to go through the castle storage with Andrivete to get ready for the summer harvest and I also wanted to give them time to think about what we said here today.
“I have to go now,” I whispered, taking a step back so that I could see both of them. There was a desire in their eyes that made my insides twist with need, but I ignored it.
I turned to leave but paused for a moment. “And if it wasn’t obvious—I like both of you too.”
With that I opened the rectory door and began my descent down the stairs, my body feeling lighter than it had in days.
My cards were all on the table with all of my packmates, now it was up to them to make a decision.