Chapter 10
i’m sorry
HAYDEN
I stumble back inside the club before Riley and Nastya see me. The music hasn’t changed, yet the beat feels different. Soulless. Like me. Memories assault me, swirling in my head. I need a moment to fucking breathe.
Shoulders tense and neck stiff, I make a beeline for the restroom.
I hustle to the sink farthest from the door, silently thankful I’m the only one here, and place my hands on the countertop.
The man looking back at me in the mirror is almost unrecognizable.
I look like shit, and I fucking hate myself.
I have a tendency to hurt those who care about me, and here I am, doing it again. Piper was first, then Owen, now Riley.
She liked me.
Since she was a damn kid. Since fucking forever, probably. And I’m the asshole who used her to distract myself, who couldn’t even keep my promise.
Because I came to help her, yet I sat across the crowded club when I was supposed to be screening her options.
I am a condescending jerk.
Eyes closed, I focus on breathing. This is a fucking disaster.
Embarrassment mixes with self-loathing. For months, Riley has shown up for me, stopping in to check on me when my family was worried, sitting with me when it felt like I was dying.
She never asked for anything in return, never said no to Hunter or Piper when they asked her to make sure I was okay.
And instead of being grateful, I acted like she meant nothing to me.
News flash, Hayden Hale—this has been a long time coming. You built a wall to keep her out when you noticed how stunning she was, and now that’s come back to bite you in the ass. You became so detached, you couldn’t see how she felt about you.
A fucking coward.
I splash cold water on my face and run my still-wet hand through my hair in hopes it will miraculously refresh my brain. The effort is mostly in vain, but I need to pull myself together and apologize.
Fuck, I would give anything to talk to Owen. He would’ve scolded me for being an ignorant ass, but he also would’ve known what to do.
Once my hands are dry, I head back to our table, racking my brain for the best way to approach this conversation. I used to be so good with words, not only with my lyrics but with conversations too, yet I haven’t written a single lyric since I found Owen in his hotel room.
And tonight, my brain is continuing to betray me. How do I apologize for making a woman who has always been there for me feel like an afterthought, a tool to be used in my effort to distract myself?
Halfway down the dark hall back into the bar, Zoe appears, halting me in my tracks.
She smiles, though there are questions in her eyes as she takes me in.
Her confidence and posture scream she’s used to getting what she wants.
Like this, with her chin lifted and her chest pushed out, her cleavage almost in my face, I’m suddenly turned off.
I may have fleetingly entertained the idea of hooking up with her earlier, but now, I need to put space between us.
All I want is to talk to Riley, to make her understand she’s not an afterthought.
“There you are,” Zoe says, touching my arm like she did at the table. “I thought maybe you’d left. Never been happier to be wrong.”
I offer a faint smile. It’s all I can muster right now. “Sorry. Just needed a minute.”
She giggles, her laughter tinkling. “Always so mysterious, on and off the stage.”
I don’t comment on that. She doesn’t know me—not as Hade, the lead singer of Sabotage, not as Hayden Hale, disaster personified.
The Hade she thinks she knows is nothing but an image, a guy on tour posters, in music videos, performing on stage.
I’m not that man anymore. I’m not sure I ever will be again.
“Wanna get out of here?” She bats her lashes. “I’d love to finish our conversation somewhere quieter. Your lyrics have helped me through so many bad days, and I’d do anything for a chance to get to know you better.”
The suggestion in her tone only brings a bitter taste to my mouth.
“That’s nice to hear.” I nod. “I really appreciate it.”
Clearly not sensing the shift in the mood, she steps closer. “What do you think? Want to head out?”
“Look, Zoe,” I say, trying my damnedest to keep my tone appreciative but neutral, “thank you so much for your time. I enjoyed talking to you, but I didn’t come here alone. And my friend”—I peer around, searching for Riley but unable to find her—“needs my help.”
“The girl who made a scene in the middle of the dance floor? That’s your friend?” She scrunches her nose.
Annoyed by her judgment, I shuffle backward and stuff my hands in my pockets. “Yes. Is there a problem?”
“Wh-what?” She recoils, her face paling, like she’s realizing her words don’t sit right with me. “No, no. I just…I don’t know why I thought you were here alone.” She lets out a breathy laugh. “You’re Hayden Hale, after all.”
“Yeah, I am.” I scan the crowd over her shoulder again, and this time, I find Riley. Thank fuck. But she and Nastya are heading toward the door. “Sorry. I should get going.”
Without another word to Zoe, I dart around her, my legs eating up the distance between Riley and me.
Ahead, Riley leans into Nastya heavily, her steps unsteady. A man walks past her, bumping into her, and she sways so violently, I think she’s going to fall on her ass. Before I can catch up, Nastya steadies her, and they continue moving.
Outside, with fewer people crowding the space, I finally catch up. “Ry?” I call out, eager to apologize for ruining her night, for not keeping my word, and especially for hurting her.
Her body goes rigid at the sound of her name, but she doesn’t stop. Fuck.
Nastya peers back at me, the look on her face so loaded with disappointment, it makes me wish I could fucking disappear into the pavement. Hand tight around Riley’s elbow, she guides her to a black SUV parked at the curb. Once Ry’s in the back seat, her best friend closes the door and turns to me.
“Why are you here?”
“I-I wanted to explain. To apologize.”
“Since you haven’t gotten the hint, I’ll spell it out for you. She doesn’t want to talk to you,” Nastya snaps. “And I don’t blame her.”
“I didn’t mean—”
“Oh, I think you did.” If looks could kill, I’d be six feet under by now.
“You didn’t come here for her. You came here for yourself, only to turn around and make her feel invisible.
And the icing on the cake? When you do notice her, you treat her like she needs a babysitter.
” She purses her lips and looks me up and down.
“She’s been your babysitter for months now, and you don’t even appreciate her. ”
Shame washes over me. Throat tight, I rub a hand over my face. “I appreciate her,” I say hoarsely. “I do.”
“You have a pretty shitty way of showing it.” She tsks.
“Do better, Hayden. She’s told me enough about you to know you’re not a bad guy, and I’m truly sorry for what you’re going through.
Grief can be a bitch. It can sneak up on you when you least expect it.
But tonight, you were stupid and entitled. Ry doesn’t deserve it.”
I nod, head lowered. “I’ll do better. I’ll make things right.”
With a sigh, she opens the passenger door. “Grant and I will take her home. You don’t need to worry about it.”
With a deep breath in, I force myself to hold her gaze. “Thank you.”
She nods and climbs inside, and in a moment, the car is gone.
Fuck.
The weekend was awful. I barely ate. I barely fucking moved. I was consumed with regret, my every thought about Riley.
I never meant to hurt her, but that doesn’t change the fact that I did. If I’d told Piper what happened when she called on Saturday evening, she probably would’ve found a way to strangle me through the phone.
I need to fix it.
So, on Monday morning, I wait in the hallway of the studio as a dozen or so little girls jump around Riley, frantically waving their hands.
With efficiency, she passes out lollipops.
Warmth blooms in my chest at the sight, though it dies as quickly as it came.
She might send me packing instead of hearing me out.
Once the class has been dismissed and Riley is alone, I knock lightly on the open door.
She’s sitting on the floor near the barre, pulling a pink sweatshirt over her black tank top. Her hair’s messy, covering her shoulders in soft waves. No makeup. It might be my imagination, but her usual glow has dimmed, and fuck, if it doesn’t feel like a sucker punch.
I cross the threshold, and when she spots me, she quickly scrambles to her feet.
Shit, I messed up so fucking bad.
“Hey,” I say, approaching her slowly. “Sorry for barging in.”
“Hi. That’s okay.” She brushes her hands over her thighs. “Did you need something?”
“I wanted to apologize. For Friday.” I step closer and duck, catching her attention. “I said I’d be there for you, and I wasn’t. I was selfish, and that wasn’t fair to you.”
She crosses her arms over her chest, hugging herself tightly. “It’s fine. You told me you wanted a distraction, and the club gave you exactly that.”
“That’s not what I meant to do.”
“Maybe.” She shrugs. “But it felt like that.”
The words sit on the tip of my tongue, but I swallow them down. Given the way she’s avoiding eye contact, admitting I heard her talking about her crush on me wouldn’t go over well.
“Ry—”
Jaw clenching, she pulls her shoulders back. “I need some space, if that’s okay with you.”
I expected her to send me packing or maybe yell at me. Instead, she’s subdued, distant. That might be worse. A wave of regret washes over me once again. “Of course. I understand.”
Exhaling, she focuses on me. “Bye, Hade.”
My heart squeezes painfully in my chest. “See you.”
With that, I turn on my heel and leave. What if she never forgives me?
I’m brewing coffee the next morning when my phone rings. My heart thumps when Piper’s name flashes across the screen. She never calls this early without a reason.
“Hey, Pip,” I greet her.
“Hi.” The concern in her voice sends shivers down my spine.
“What’s wrong?”
“I can’t get ahold of Ry. I’ve been calling and texting her all morning, and she’s not answering.”
Panic ignites inside me. With one hand balled into a fist, I dig my nails into my flesh. “Did she go out last night?”
“No. She was home,” Piper counters. “But an apartment on the floor above hers caught fire.”
A jolt of adrenaline shoots through my system. “Is she okay?”
“She was when I talked to her in the middle of the night.” Piper sniffles. “But now she’s not answering, Hade. God, I’m so worried about her.”
“I’ll go check on her,” I say, heading to my bedroom. She might’ve told me she needed some space, but today, I’m going to ignore her wishes. “I’ll call you as soon as I get to her place.”
“Thank you. Thank you so, so much.”