Chapter 11 #4
He lifted his head. “I can keep going.”
I shook my head. “I don’t want you to.” A numbness was starting to fall over me, making me feel cold.
He rolled away from me, lying on his back.
My eyes burned. I pushed my skirt back down until I was covered before curling up my legs, trying not to cry as I held them. A sniffle gave me away.
“Oh, hey, it’s okay, Hailey.” Isaiah shifted higher on the bed, his hand stroking over my hair gently.
“I’m sorry,” I choked out.
“Don’t be sorry. You did so good. What I was doing, it felt good, didn’t it?”
I nodded, trying to swallow the lump in my throat.
“That’s all that matters. That we both enjoyed ourselves. It’s not all about the orgasm.” He continued to stroke my hair as I pulled in deeper breaths, willing the tears away.
I rolled toward him, making him pull his hand away. He still had a giant bulge in his jeans. I waved at it. “Did you want me to…” I’d gotten pretty good at blow jobs over the years. It was often easier to deal with than penetrative sex.
“What? No.” Isaiah sat up, frowning down at me. “You don’t come, I don’t come.”
I blinked at him. If Neil had that rule, he’d never have an orgasm. Startled at the thought, I began to laugh.
Isaiah’s lips twitched. “What’s so funny? I’m serious.”
That made me laugh harder. Somehow laughing made my tears loosen. My cheeks became wet, and I wiped at them with the back of my hands, swallowing my next laugh. I was acting crazy.
Isaiah reached for me, stroking my hair again. I grew still, looking at him.
“Feel better?” he asked.
I nodded.
“You’re not broken, Hailey, no matter what you think.”
I shook my head. “I couldn’t orgasm.”
“It’s not that your body couldn’t. You got really into it. Hell, I’m still hard from how hot you were. Your cunt was dripping for me.”
Heat flooded my cheeks.
His hand stilled, and he tapped a finger against my forehead. “It was your head that couldn’t get on board. You couldn’t let go enough to get there. That could just be an overthinking problem. Or it could have been me.”
“You?” My eyes widened. “No. You made me feel so good. I’ve never gotten that close before.”
His smirk rose, and his eyes lightened. “Thanks. I needed the ego stroke. I didn’t mean my technique, though. You don’t know me.” He shrugged, pulling away. “Some people need to really know their partners first. Like a trust thing.”
My stomach tensed. I’d had that thought before.
“If that’s the case, hookups like this might not work for you. Not everyone is cut out for casual.” He rolled to the end of the bed, reaching for his shoes. “You should look up demisexuality, just in case.”
I frowned at him. “But I can’t come with Neil, either. I’ve known him most of my life.”
“With him, it’s probably technique,” Isaiah said with a snort. “I doubt that guy gives a shit about anyone but himself. Which brings up the trust thing. Maybe you’ve never really trusted him with your body?”
My mind blanked at the suggestion.
Isaiah stood, looking put together again.
I still felt wet between my legs. Bare. “M-My underwear?” I asked, searching the bed.
Isaiah patted his pocket, grinning at me. “I’m keeping them. Is that okay?”
He wanted to keep my underwear? I blinked at him, clenching between my legs.
His grin spread wider. “I think that made you hot. Am I right?”
I blew out my breath, looking away.
He laughed. “Where’s your phone?”
“My phone?” I shifted over to the side of the bed, reaching toward the ground for my purse.
“Fuck, you tempt me,” Isaiah murmured.
Realizing I’d nearly flashed him, I sat up, nerves twisting. I took out my phone, seeing a message from Neil. He definitively hadn’t waited. Unlocking the phone, I handed it to Isaiah.
He put his number in it. “If you want to try this again, reach out. No boyfriend, though. And I only do casual.” He handed over the phone. “Don’t you go falling for me and getting your heart broken.”
I shook my head, watching him walk to the door and take off the hotel lock. “Goodbye, Hailey,” he said, closing it behind him.
I flopped to my back, staring up at the ceiling. Was I demisexual? I’d heard the term before but hadn’t related it to myself. I pulled it up on my phone. It seemed to be about attraction. A person who didn’t feel sexually attracted to someone until they had an emotional connection.
I remembered checking out Isaiah’s ass at the bar. Attraction hadn’t been the problem. And, as he said, I got more than wet enough. I just couldn’t come.
It was a head thing, then. I needed to trust someone enough to let go. Something I couldn’t even do after being with Neil for a dozen years.
My eyes burned again. I didn’t want to keep crying over it. Pulling out my phone, I opened the rideshare app. It estimated fifteen minutes.
A new text made my phone vibrate.
Jack:
Are you okay?
Was I? Saying yes felt like I would be lying. But I couldn’t leave him on read. He’d worry.
Me:
Heading home now.
That was neutral, but it let him know I was safe.
Jack:
Want to come here?
It was nearing midnight. The Muse would be open for another couple of hours. I’d get to see Jack and Sean. The idea was tempting. Only I didn’t have any underwear on.
Me:
Not tonight.
I rolled off the bed and headed to the bathroom. I would clean up a little and wait until the rideshare was here before heading down so I wouldn’t spend a lot of time out in the open feeling the breeze.