Chapter 12 #2
“It’s fine. You feeling better?” He searched my eyes.
Before I could agree, Logan’s voice filled the microphone. “This next song is for someone special. I hope you remember it, Hailey.”
I swiveled more slowly this time to face the stage, not surprised at all to hear the song he started singing. It was my favorite of the ones he’d written during those few months we were together. Not a love song. No, he sang about being uncertain but moving forward anyway.
My eyes filled.
“You two know each other?” Sean asked.
“Yeah.” I wiped at the tear that had slid free as I faced the bar again. “He’s the guy I broke up with when Neil told me he loved me.”
Jack stared at me, the wrinkles back on his forehead. I was more sober after losing the contents of my stomach, so I kept my fingers to myself, reaching for my water glass again.
Sean hummed in his throat. “So he’s your real type? Makes sense. Reminds me of someone.” He grinned at Jack. “A musician with a nose.”
“Oh, no. Logan’s nose isn’t nearly as good.” The words were out before I thought them through, so maybe I was a little more drunk than I thought. I studied my old boyfriend. His nose was smaller than I remembered.
Jack had a hand over his face, his eyes shut, and I worried he’d taken it wrong.
“I meant that in a good way,” I blurted out.
“Don’t worry. Jack got it.” Sean chomped on another fry.
Jack took a deep breath, opening his eyes. “I’m going to…” He waved vaguely down the bar, walking away.
“Did I offend him?” I asked Sean, worried.
Sean patted my shoulder. “Jack’s just taking it in. He’ll be fine.”
I nodded, reaching for my own fry as I let the rest of Logan’s song settle around me. He played a few more before taking a break. To my surprise, he stepped off the stage to walk straight to the bar.
“Hey, Hailey. Been a while.” Logan’s dark hair was a curly wave that fell in his face, and his blue eyes were as warm as I remembered.
“Logan, hi.” I scrambled up, starting to hug him, but hesitated. “Uh, do we hug? I don’t want to overstep.”
“Of course we hug.” Logan stepped into me, one arm curling around me briefly, and I held him back, my mind full of memories. He didn’t linger, stepping back respectfully.
“Here, sit,” Sean offered, giving up his barstool. He patted my shoulder. “I’ll let you catch up.” Before I could protest, he walked over to where Edgar was manning the door.
Logan took the seat, and I sat as well. We both glanced at each other, the silence between us awkward. I laughed. “This is wild. I was thinking about you the other day.”
“Hopefully good memories,” Logan said, resting his hand on the bar and turning his body toward me.
“Yes, they were.” My tension eased as I smiled at him.
He smiled back. “Good. That’s good.”
“So you’re still with the same band?” I asked.
“A new drummer, but otherwise pretty much. They might not—” He blew out a breath, his hand rubbing the back of his neck. “Well, truth is, I was a mess after we broke up, so they might not be too nice to you.”
My smile fell as my chest grew tight. “Oh.” I couldn’t think of anything else to say.
“That’s not on you. You made your choice, and I respected that.” He blew out a breath, studying my face. “It was my own problem that I was already head over heels for you.”
“You were?” Guilt rose, but hidden underneath was a selfish happiness. “But you never—” I broke off, clearing my throat.
“I figured it was too soon. Then Neil did what he did.” He tapped the bar, looking at his hand. “I believed you when you said you two were friends, so it caught me off guard.”
I winced. “We were just friends. I didn’t lie to you. He surprised me, too.”
“No, I know. But you chose him.” Logan shrugged. “It’s all water under the bridge. Let’s just say, the band got sick of all the breakup songs after a while.” He smiled at me. “You were my muse at the time. Both before and after.”
A tingling took over my scalp as I stared back at him. It was like looking at the path not taken, and regret dug into my heart.
Logan moved his other hand to the one on the bar, twisting the gold wedding band he wore. “I have different muses these days. The band just started touring again now that my second daughter is three.”
“Second daughter.” I repeated the words. Logan was married and had kids. I should have been happy for him, not… not whatever this twisting ache in my gut was. “Can I see?”
He grinned. “Sure.” Taking out his phone, he brought up one of his pictures, turning it toward me.
My throat tightened as I studied it. His wife was pretty, her hand on their older daughter’s shoulder as they both leaned into Logan, who was holding the three-year-old.
“You look happy. I’m happy for you.” I was, I told myself, and it was true. Only that wasn’t why my chest felt so tight.
“How about you? You and Neil must have a whole household by now, what with how much you wanted to build your own family.” He put away his phone, smiling at me.
“My bandmates warned me away from you before we broke up, what with you talking kids right away, but I understood why it was your biggest dream, with your past.”
My neck felt tight now, too. “Oh, um, no. No kids yet. Neil wanted to wait.” I rested my hands on the top of the bar, staring down at my bare finger.
“Not even married?” he asked, his voice deep, almost gruff. He cleared his throat, staring ahead at the bottles over the bar. “But you’re still together?”
“I’m still with Neil,” I agreed, trying not to think about how he was likely currently having sex with someone else.
“Well, that’s…” He grimaced, blowing out a breath. “Shit, that’s just bullshit, Hailey. I’m sorry, but that’s how I feel.”
A lump rose in my throat. “I know I hurt you,” I started.
“No, fuck that. This isn’t about me. That’s bullshit for you.” He reached out, tucking my hair behind my ear before letting his hand fall away. “You deserve better. You always have.”
I shook my head. “Neil’s important to me.” He was all I had, and even he was slipping away.
“You’re still saying that?” Logan sighed, slipping off the stool. “I’m going to tell you the same thing I told you back when he butted in between us. You need to make the best decision for you. For you.” He patted my bent head. “Good luck, Hailey,” he said, walking away.
It wasn’t long before the band started up again. It wasn’t a song I remembered. He sang about being a family man, happy to be tied down.
A tear slipped down my cheek, and I wiped it away, looking up to see a worried Jack.
“You okay?” he asked quietly.
“Yeah,” I lied. “Can I have another drink?”
“You sure?” he asked with a frown. “You were already sick.”
“I’m sure. Make it another shot.” My throat felt too tight to drink much more than that.
Jack nodded, getting started, but his eyes kept shifting to study me.
Sean slipped onto the barstool beside me, rubbing my back. “I’ll keep drinking with you. It’s hard to face an ex, especially when you broke his heart.”
“You heard that?” I sighed, not surprised. He was such an eavesdropper.
“Who wouldn’t have their heart broken losing you?” Jack asked quietly, setting out a couple of kamikaze shots.
I stared at him. His eyes were so warm as he returned my gaze.
Sean lifted his shot, holding it toward me. “To sexy musicians.”
I let out a breath and reached for my own. “To the path not taken,” I said, clinking our glasses together and downing the shot.