Chapter 16
The Worst Saturday
Jack’s heartbeat was the first thing I heard when I woke up.
It remained slow and steady in sleep. His arms had gone limp, and his body had shifted slightly over mine.
My hands were no longer trapped between us but had curled around his back, as if holding him close to me so he wouldn’t fall.
The couch seemed narrower than the night before.
I tilted my head back, pressing it into the back cushion so I could look at Jack’s face.
His mouth was slack in sleep, his chin dipped toward his chest, and his magnificent nose was on display.
I couldn’t resist it. My hand drifted up his back and over his hair until I’d reached his face, stroking my fingers along the long line of his nose.
His lips curled into a smile. “Are you really molesting me in my sleep?” he grumbled in a voice still rough with sleep.
“Only your nose.” I didn’t even try to defend myself, just stroked it once more.
His hand came up, tangling with mine and pulling it away from his face. His chin tilted up, and our faces were so close, our noses brushing against each other, our lips only millimeters apart. I leaned closer to remove that distance.
“Don’t, Hailey,” Jack said tightly, his hand tightening on mine.
I jerked my head back, though it didn’t go far, not with the couch cushion right behind me. “Sorry. I shouldn’t have.”
“It’s not that. I want to—don’t think I don’t—but I can’t. Not yet.”
I blinked, able to focus on only one part of what he was saying. “You want to, too?”
“You’re so fucking tempting. Don’t think you aren’t.” He shifted his head, brushing our noses together again. “But you’re getting up to go home to Neil soon, aren’t you? To tell him what happened?”
The brightness of the sun told me it was later than I probably thought.
Neil was going to get angrier the later I was.
“I should go, shouldn’t I?” I closed my eyes, knowing that when I opened them, I was going to lose the warmth of Jack’s body against mine.
“Neil’s my boyfriend.” It was as if I was reminding myself, but the truth didn’t quite fit.
“He is. And I’m just a friend.” Jack’s hand released mine as he sat up, scooted back, and swung his legs off the couch. His hands dug into his hair as he hung his head.
I sat up, moving away from him, a chill spreading over my arms. I wrapped them around myself, feeling hollow as I stared at Jack. From what I could see of his jaw, it’d clenched tight. “I’m sorry. Should I not have stayed?”
His hands dropped as he lifted his head. “No. I’m glad you stayed. I needed to see that you were all right.” His eyes met mine. “You’re all right now, aren’t you?”
Saying yes would feel like a lie. “I’m not sure. Something about this doesn’t feel right. Did I do something wrong?”
“You didn’t do anything wrong.” He pushed up from the couch. “Let me make you some coffee.”
I scrambled up as well. “No, don’t do that. I should go.” I crouched near the door to get my shoes, slipping them on.
“Hailey?” The way he said my name wasn’t the same as the night before. It held a hesitance, maybe a question, only I didn’t know what that question was.
I froze, staring down at my feet. “We’re okay, right? I don’t like thinking we’re not okay.”
Jack crossed to me, his hands coming up to cup my face, lifting it so I would meet his eyes. “We’re okay, Hailey. I promise.”
I searched his eyes, which were warm and steady, even if there weren’t crinkles at the corners. Some of the tightness in my chest eased. “I believe you,” I whispered.
His hold loosened, falling away. “Good. Let me walk you out.”
“Oh, I can—”
“Not gonna argue about this,” he said, slipping on his shoes.
“Someone’s grumpy before coffee.”
He shook his head, but his lips gave a hint of a smile.
I headed down first with him following me, switching on the lights to the bar as we made our way to the locked front door.
Jack stepped out first, looking around, but the only thing in the parking lot was my car.
I pulled out the keys Sean had returned the night before.
“Text me when you get home okay.” Jack crossed his arms. “I’m still feeling a little…” He sighed. “I just need to know. That okay?”
“I’ll text you,” I told him, heading toward my car. Sean had backed it into a space. I waved at Jack as I pulled out, keeping an eye on him in the rearview mirror. He continued watching my car, not going back inside.
I let out a breath and focused on traffic until I could join the flow. My chest grew tight again when I could no longer see him.
The drive to the house was as short as usual. When the garage went up, Neil’s car was already pulled into its space, the one closest to the door. I parked next to him, lifting my phone as the garage door closed behind me. I sent a text to Jack like I promised.
Me:
Home safe.
My legs felt weak as I climbed out of the car, heading inside. Neil was sitting at the dining room table, his hands folded on top as he watched me come through the garage door. Dips were carved near the side of his mouth, and there was a muscle flexing in one of his cheeks.
“You didn’t come home,” he said.
“I texted you,” I said weakly, moving toward him.
“That you stayed with a friend.” Neil pushed up from the table. “Was the bartender the friend?”
I froze from the way he looked at me.
“I told you that you couldn’t do that, Hailey. He’s not someone you can sleep with, not when you see him every week.”
“I didn’t have sex with him.” I wasn’t sure why my voice was so choked. My chest heaved as I dragged in air. “We’re friends. He’s just a friend.” My voice was high-pitched. It didn’t sound like I was telling the truth.
Neil’s hands slammed down on the table. “I can’t believe you did this!”
I flinched, backing up a step. “I didn’t do anything. You don’t understand. There was—”
“I don’t want to hear it! We had a rule, Hailey. No overnights.”
The spinning in my head grew quiet. I narrowed my eyes. “Are you seriously mad at me about one night? What about the past three weeks? You keep not coming home!”
“It’s not the same.” His voice was cold as he stared at me. “It’s just sex for me. There are no emotions involved. I’m just finally getting the sex I deserve.”
My hands clenched at my sides. “You came every time we had sex.”
“But how long has it been, Hailey? You wouldn’t touch me anymore. You used to at least give me blow jobs, then nothing. Do you expect me to feel guilty for being able to get off again? This was all so I could get better for you, but you don’t even want to have sex with me!”
“You haven’t initiated either. Admit it, things don’t feel right between us. Not since this whole hall pass idea. We barely even talk to each other.” The last came out softly. “We used to tell each other everything. Now, there are things you don’t know.”
“And whose fault is that? You’re the one who’s changing. The whole thing with your mom yesterday is proof of that. You’ve never told her no before.” His nostrils flared. “Admit it. You stopped talking to me. It’s like you’re mad at me when all the things I’m learning are for you.”
I shook my head. “It doesn’t feel like it’s for me. This whole thing feels all uneven.”
“Uneven?” His eyebrows pulled together. “You’ve had the same chances I have.
Unless you mean…” His eyes widened as he stared at me.
“Have you still not been able to orgasm? Even that night you stayed in the hotel with Isaiah?” He smirked, his teeth flashing.
“Not even the bartender could do it? Oh, that’s rich. ”
“I told you, I haven’t—”
He moved toward me too quickly, startling me into falling back against the wall. His hands landed on either side of me, pinning me in. The air in my lungs grew too thin as I shrank away from him.
“It’s because I’m the only one who really knows you. I’m the one you should be having sex with. Let me show you. I’ll use all the things I’ve learned. You’re going to like it, you’ll see.”
“Neil, I—”
His mouth covered mine, stealing my words.
His body pressed me against the wall, blocking the lights behind him.
He wasn’t kissing me like Neil. His tongue was sloppy, his mouth hard, and his fingers dug into my hips.
I squeezed my eyes shut as he continued to kiss me, helpless not to compare it to that night at the bar when I’d been cornered outside the restroom.
Like then, it was as if a stranger was attacking me, not the man I knew. Someone else had to be doing this to me.
I tried to push him away, but his body trapped my arms. I tried to tell him to stop, but his mouth muffled the words.
He paused his kiss, gasping for breath. “I’ve gotten better. You’ll see. Just let me inside you again. I need you.”
I turned my head, his next kiss landing wetly on my cheek. “Stop, Neil. Please stop.”
“I don’t want to. You keep pushing me away, Hailey. How can you do that? I’m all you have.” His hand came up to my chin, trying to turn my face toward him.
His move freed my hands, and I shoved at him while trying to jerk to the side. I tripped over his leg, falling to the hardwood floor, my hand flying out to brace my fall. Pain shot through my wrist as I landed, and I cried out.
“Hails?” Neil sounded confused.
I held my wrist against my chest, trying to scramble farther away from him.
“What did you do? Stop. Let me see.”
“I’m fine,” I gasped, hobbling another step on my knees. “I’m fine. Just leave me alone for a minute. I just need a minute.”
“You’re not fine. Hold still and let me look at it.” The snap in his voice had me freezing. He was gentle as he reached for my wrist, but it throbbed under his touch.
I stared past his ear, my breathing too fast.
“I don’t think you broke it,” he said, letting me go.
“I probably didn’t,” I agreed, pulling my wrist in against my chest again.
“Fuck, Hailey. You wanted to get out of sex that badly?”
My chin tried to dip. I forced it up, forced myself to look in his eyes. He was annoyed. With me.