Chapter 19 #2
Jack shrugged. “It seemed fitting. We can find something else.”
“You’re even a food nerd?” Sean asked. “Why didn’t I know this about you?”
Jack nudged the remote closer to Sean on the table. “Fine. You choose something better.”
“I like documentaries,” I admitted, dipping cheesy bread into the marinara sauce Jack had given me a whole container of, as if he already realized I liked to use it for my pizza, too.
“As long as our girl is okay with it.” Sean grunted before devouring most of a slice.
It wasn’t an evening curled up on the couch listening to music, but it was something.
The tension in my stomach eased as I listened to their voices around me.
Pretty soon, most of the pizza was gone, and I had their arms and legs pressed against me on each side.
My head found a place on Jack’s shoulder.
To be honest, I don’t remember much about the documentary, just that feeling of peace as I spent the second evening in my new apartment with them, not alone like I’d expected.
When I woke in the morning, I was still on the couch, my head resting on Jack’s chest and my arm slung across his stomach. He was tucked into the corner with his body tilted toward me. I couldn’t see his face, but his breathing was steady and deep, his chest rising under my cheek.
Sean found my dangling hand, crouching into view as he brushed his fingers over it. “Good morning.”
“Morning,” I mumbled, taking in his smile.
“I’m going to take the moving truck back before the twenty-four hours are up.”
“Is it that late?” I started to lift my head, but his palm rested over it, urging me still.
“No, you’re good. Rest for a bit longer.” His eyes shifted to Jack beneath me. “Make sure he gets some coffee in him before he heads out, okay? Jack isn’t much of a morning person.”
Jack’s chest continued to rise and fall steadily, our murmurs not waking him up.
“I will,” I promised, my body relaxing into Jack’s again.
“I know you will.” Sean’s hand brushed over my back before he rose. “I’ll lock myself out. Go back to sleep.”
To my surprise, I did. The sound of Jack’s heartbeat beneath my ear lulled me under.
When I next woke, his breathing had changed.
I knew he was awake, but I held still for another moment, letting myself enjoy the warmth for a little longer.
His lips brushed the top of my head, and my hand tightened around his side, giving me away.
I lifted my head, meeting his sleepy smile with one of my own.
“Hey,” he mumbled. His fingers slid my hair behind my ear, lingering.
“Hey,” I returned, my brain too blank to come up with anything better.
His eyes were hooded as he stared back at me. I was tempted to lean forward so I could press my lips against the soft tilt of his own, but I didn’t want to repeat the awkwardness of the last time we’d woken up together. I pushed away from him, sitting up.
“Sean take off or something?” Jack asked, looking around the apartment. “Sorry. I guess I overslept.”
“It’s okay. I did, too.” My legs felt a little rubbery as I stood. “Let me make you some coffee.”
“That’d be good.” He cleared his throat, shifting forward on the couch and rubbing his hands over his face. “I’m going to…” He waved vaguely toward the bathroom, and I nodded as I made my way to the kitchen.
I’d left my phone muted on the counter there.
After starting the coffee brewing, I used it to check the time and saw the new notification.
Another voicemail from Neil. I hadn’t listened to any of them, but I also couldn’t bring myself to delete them.
I glanced toward the closed bathroom door.
Having Jack nearby made it easier to press play and hold the phone up to my ear.
“I need you to talk to me,” Neil begged in the voicemail, and my chest tightened.
“One morning can’t ruin everything. You made it out to be…
It wasn’t like that! You have to believe me.
I wouldn’t do that. If you’d just… just let me touch you, you’d know how much better it could be.
Why did you have to stop me? Why did you have to act like I was some creep? I—”
But I had pulled it away from my ear, hanging up before I could hear more.
“That him?” Jack asked.
“Yeah.” Had Jack heard? I turned to set the phone on the counter again. “He wants to talk. I know I should. I owe him that much.”
“You don’t owe him anything.”
The snap in his voice made my shoulders curl in. I stared at the lingering drip of coffee into the carafe.
“Sorry. I’m just worried. I—” He broke off.
His hands had clenched on the edge of the island that doubled as a bartop. He swallowed and sank onto one of the barstools I’d purchased in lieu of a dining room table.
“I’m sorry,” he said again, softer now. “I shouldn’t have said it like that.”
“It’s okay.” I filled a coffee mug, bringing it over and setting it on the counter in front of him. “Do you need cream or sugar?”
He shook his head, reaching for my hand. “It’s not okay.” His eyebrows pinched together, wrinkles forming on his forehead. “I never want to make you look like that.”
I wasn’t sure what he wanted me to say.
“I don’t talk about this much. It doesn’t feel like my story to tell.
” He breathed out, closing his eyes. “But it’ll help explain why I—” He swallowed, opening his eyes.
“Why I sounded so harsh.” Jack stared down at our hands.
“I was traveling with the band a lot around the time it happened. I’ll always regret that.
I didn’t even know my sister needed me.”
“Your sister?” I asked. I remembered he’d mentioned he had one when we ate his mother’s birthday cake together.
“She left an abusive relationship once. I’m not saying that’s what yours was.
There have just been moments—” He blew out a breath, looking away.
“She showed up on my parents’ doorstep with a bag while I was on tour, and my parents called me to let me know.
My sister had been with the guy for a few years, and she’d been talking about marrying him, so my parents were surprised.
Everyone told me not to cut the tour short, that my sister was fine.
She didn’t have bruises, nothing like that. She just said it was a bad breakup.”
“She was lucky to have all of you.” My heart was still racing at the mention of abuse. Neil wasn’t abusive. Was he?
“It happened a couple of days after she moved back home. My parents called from the hospital. My sister was—” He cleared his throat.
“She’s fine now. Her ex was arrested for what he did, though the mandatory jail time was only ten days.
I’d made it back before they were up. He showed up to apologize, but she didn’t want to see him.
She got a no-contact order to stop him from coming around after, and that ended up working.
” He squeezed my hand. “I wasn’t upset with you, but what you said was similar to what she said before she met with him.
That she owed him. I’m not saying your situation is the same.
But please promise you’ll take someone with you if you need to talk to him.
It doesn’t have to be me. Take Sean or one of your other friends, anyone you’re comfortable with.
Don’t go alone, even if you don’t think he’s like that.
People can do crazy things when they’re upset.
” He withdrew his hand. “I don’t want you to get hurt. ”
I stared at him, my throat too tight as panic whirled in my mind. “He wouldn’t hurt me.” That’s what I wanted to believe. I really wanted to believe it. But did I? His voicemail hadn’t been an apology. It had sounded like he wished he’d kept going that morning.
“You say that, but I’m not so sure,” Jack said, his voice hesitant.
He glanced toward the living room, looking at the records.
“What he did… It was intentional. Thinking about how long it must have taken, how focused he must have been to break each one.” Jack’s jaw clenched.
“He wanted to hurt you, Hailey. It may not have been physical, but he knew what would hurt you most.”
“I don’t want to talk to him.” The words escaped before I could pull them back. I shivered, wrapping my arms around my torso. “I know I should. He’s hurting and confused. He doesn’t understand. Talking would help him. I should—”
Jack rounded the counter, pulling me against him, and I stopped talking, pressing my face against his chest. He smelled of palm trees and coconut and lavender, and I closed my eyes, breathing him in.
“You don’t have to talk to him. You don’t, Hailey.” Jack sounded so sure. “He hurt you. You don’t owe him anything.”
“He tried to—” The words wouldn’t come. Doubts swirled in my mind, creating a fog.
“He was so mad I’d slept at your place, and then he—it was like that time at the bar.
Only he says it wasn’t. He says I’m overreacting, that I’m making too big of a deal about it.
Maybe I confused the two together? Only he didn’t stop until I fell.
Every time I see my wrist wrap, it feels real again.
” I squeezed my eyes shut. “I’m scared to be alone with him.
That’s the truth. I’m scared of him, but that’s not fair, is it? ”
“God, Hailey.” Jack pulled me in tighter, covering more of my back. “If you need someone to tell you it’s okay never to see him again, I’ll tell you that. You’re not confused. Being scared is a form of protection. That you’re scared is all the proof you need that it happened.”
My racing thoughts slowed. I nodded against him.
We stayed like that for a while. When I pulled back, his hold loosened.
“Sean said you need coffee.” I glanced at his mug. “Is it still warm enough?”
He lifted his coffee, taking a sip. “It’s fine.”
I turned, pouring my own mug.
“So you really like it black?” Jack asked. “I thought you were just being polite that night.”
I hesitated with my mug almost to my lips.
“I see. You were being polite. How do you normally take it, then?”
“With cream but no sugar,” I admitted. “I just haven’t gone shopping to stock the apartment yet. I’ll do that today.”
“Do you want help?” he asked.
My eyes widened as I stared at him. “You’ve done enough, Jack. It’s just grocery shopping. I can do it.”
“I know you can, and it’s okay if you want to handle it alone. But if you want company, today’s my day off. The bar is always closed on Sundays.”
Jack was offering to spend even more time with me. He wasn’t sick of me yet? I studied him. “Are you sure?”
“I’m positive. I was planning to go shopping today anyway.”
“You were? Do you need groceries, too?”
Jack rubbed the back of his neck. “No.” He stared into the living room. “I thought I’d surprise you, but maybe this is better. I was going to go around to all the local places that sell records and see if I could find some of the ones you lost. Is that something you’d like to do?”
My coffee cup felt too heavy. I lowered it to the counter. “You don’t have to do that.”
“I know I don’t have to. I want to.”
I frowned, my gaze moving to the record player. “They wouldn’t be the same.”
“Would that make it worse?”
I thought about listening to the music again, and some of the tightness inside my chest eased. “No. That’d make it better.”
“We could place the new records inside the old sleeves. You’d still know, but at least you’d have that much. Unless you want to keep the broken ones as well?”
“No.” I was pretty sure I’d cry every time I saw one of the broken ones. “I like your sleeve idea.”
“Then it’s a plan. It might take a few Sundays and some online shopping, but I’ve got no problem helping to track down each one.”
I glanced at Jack, my fingers itching to hold on to him again.
“Let’s fill up on coffee and pizza, then we’ll get going.” Jack’s arm brushed against mine as he moved to the fridge, setting off tingles. “Do you like your leftover pizza hot or cold?”
“Cold?” I shuddered. “Are you a monster?”
Jack smiled at me. “Hot is my preference, too. Will you turn on the oven?”
There was something soothing about having Jack there in my kitchen with me. I was really glad he had stayed.