Chapter Thirty-Five
“A nd that’s the last of it.” Cal waltzed into Mum’s hospice room carrying a box of her toiletries.
Dylan was standing next to me, fluffing fresh flowers in a vase. I was tucking Mum’s blanket under the mattress. We all pretended like what we did mattered in some way. But it didn’t.
My mother was brought back from her medically induced coma but remained unconscious.
The infections were finally gone, but her body was deteriorating. My time with what was left of her was limited.
“Cheers for everything.” I smiled at them.
“Nonsense, I wish we could do more.” Cal unloaded a box onto the shelves in the bathroom, leaving the door open.
“Yeah, like getting rid of these unfriendly men for you.” Dylan tossed a hand in Enzo and Filippo’s direction.
They stood at the doorway, chatting in Italian.
It was necessary I had protection now, since my husband blew up the negotiations with the Callaghans.
“By the way, are you sure Tate found them at a security company and not the entrance of Abercrombie & Fitch?” Dylan did an appreciative double take.
“Dylan,” I reproached. “Don’t objectify them!”
“Oh, please. Women have been objectified for at least two millennia.” She waved me off. “I’m just trying to even the score.”
Enzo and Filippo didn’t even acknowledge my friends. Or me for that matter.
“What did Tate do to piss off the Irish so much anyway?” Cal stuck her head out from the bathroom, frowning.
“Oh, screwed them over financially,” I lied. It was easier than explaining my husband was a serial killer. “He’s working on a solution now, though.”
“Is he treating you well?” Dylan turned to look at me, searching my face.
“Yeah,” I admitted, biting down on my lip. “He showers me with gifts and orgasms. He leaves me to my own devices at home and at work. It’s pretty sweet.”
But he also refused to seek help for himself. Refused to stop a bloody war. Worst of all—he refused to truly let me in.
“Is he a freak in bed?” Dylan grinned.
“Dyl!” Cal threw a hand at Mum’s bed. “Her mother is right here.”
“ Unconscious .” Dylan rolled her eyes. Dylan was going to med school and checked my mother’s vitals each time she was here. “Besides, if Telma could hear us, I bet she’d be happy to know her daughter is sexually satisfied.”
“Dylan is right,” I conceded. “Mum was a sex-positive feminist. She’d want to hear all the sordid details.”
“ Is ,” Cal corrected softly.
“Huh?” I patted my wrist, an old habit whenever I wanted to get strength from my bracelet.
“Your mother is still alive, Gia.”
This was true, but I knew that the woman who raised me—the woman who shaped me to be who I was today—was no longer there. The grief of family members of people with dementia started before they lost their loved one in body. Because we first lost their souls.
“Promise me one thing.” Dylan held my gaze. “Protect your heart.” She pressed her palm to my sternum, worry etched onto her features. “You’re going through so much right now. If something poses a threat to your mental health, get rid of it. Even if it’s your husband. You can’t afford more sorrow.”
Later that afternoon, one of the hospice’s doctors walked in.
Short, stocky, middle-aged, with glasses and an exaggerated wig. I squinted at his tag. I always memorized my mother’s carers’ names, brought them Starbucks gift cards and baked goods. But now I realized there was no point in doing that. Mum wouldn’t be here long enough to reach any milestones.
“Mrs. Blackthorn, there you are.” He flipped a page on the old-school clipboard in his hand. “My name is Dr. Fields. I’ll be your primary contact here. Do you have any questions?”
I was tired and irritable. In over my head. So I asked bluntly, “How long does she have?”
“She’s exhibiting signs associated with end of life. Drooping of her nasolabial fold, nonreactive pupils, and periodic breathing. Worst-case scenario will be the next twelve hours. Best-case? I’d say a week.”
“Is there a chance she’ll wake up?” I held back my tears. I was too exhausted for another big cry.
“Miracles happen, but…” He grimaced. “It’s unlikely.”
“What do I do?” I blurted out. “It’s just…
once she’s gone, I’ll be all alone. And I know that cognitively she hasn’t been with me for a while, but even taking care of her kept me together.
” Remembering myself, I laughed, dabbing the corners of my eyes with tissue.
“God, look at me. A sobbing mess. You didn’t ask for any of this.
You probably see grieving family members all the time and don’t have the energy for that. ”
He put his clipboard down, hesitant. “I entered this field because I wanted to help. I still do. What you’re feeling is normal.
Grief is a part of letting go.” He paused.
“It’s important to remember to prioritize self-care.
We have a bereavement group if you need to talk to someone.
Having a strong support system is essential. ”
I knew what I had to do.
Dylan alluded to that too.
I needed to protect my heart.
To leave Tate behind.
If I didn’t leave now, I’d stay stuck in a loveless marriage, the worst place for a broken person to be.
Only it wasn’t so loveless. I was , in fact, in love.
With all that he was and all he could be.
The only way to protect my heart was to shield it from the man who could break it.
The man who would hate me if he knew what really happened with his adoptive father that night.
A man who chose pride over happiness.
Money over family.
And war over me.