15. Chapter 15
Chapter 15
GRIFF
It’s dark by the time we leave the fairgrounds. Ledger beat me at go-karts twice, we stuffed ourselves with every type of food you could possibly think of deep frying, and then I watched him light up petting every farm animal available for petting. All in all, it was a damn good first date… if I could actually work up the balls to come right out and call it that.
He doesn’t seem put off by my lack of courage though. He’s all soft smiles and laughter, the two of us holding hands as we leave the lights of the fair behind us and venture into the open field that’s being used as a makeshift parking lot. It’s cleared a lot since we parked earlier, leaving us with plenty of space to walk without having to weave between cars. I can see my truck parked in the distance without any other cars nearby.
We take our time, neither of us in any kind of rush for this to end. Not that it has to end here. What if this is just the first time we spend an afternoon at the fair together instead of the last? What if we really do get to ten dates? Twenty dates? What if…?
Fear and excitement war in my gut and I tighten my grip on Ledger’s hand. Can he feel the tremble in my fingers? Does he notice the slick sweat forming on my palm? I’m sure he can’t hear how hard my heart is pounding, but it’s thundering in my ears now, drowning out the grounding sound of his voice.
Thinking this was temporary was a hell of a lot less terrifying than the possibility that it might not be. If I let myself believe this could be real, that it’s something that could last… Well, I know better than anyone that people can be taken away unexpectedly.
Anxiety claws at my throat, and by the time we reach the truck I’m fighting the urge to pull Ledger into my arms and hold him there where it’s safe and nothing can take him away from me, to growl at the world and anyone who even tries.
“Everything okay?” he asks, angling himself towards me on the bench seat as soon as we’re inside the truck and reaching over to put his hand on my thigh.
The weight of his touch is the only real thing in a fog of anxiety.
My heart breaks into a gallop and my tongue feels even clumsier than usual. It doesn’t matter, I wouldn’t know how to answer that even if I thought my mouth would let me form the words. How am I supposed to tell a man I don’t even have the courage to call my date that I’m on the verge of a panic attack at the thought of losing him one day? He’ll think I’m a lunatic.
I grunt in answer to his question and reach for him. If his hand on my thigh is a tether to sanity and clearer thinking, then more touch can only be better. Right? I need to feel him to know he’s okay, that he’s here now even if there’s no way to know what will happen later. I need to remind myself that none of the fears spiraling inside my head are real, they’re just ghosts of the heartbreak I don’t think I could live through twice.
But touching him can exorcise them. If I can just remind myself of what is real, here and now with Ledger, then I can send these fears back to hell where they came from.
Ledger doesn’t even seem surprised when I launch myself across the seat towards him, like he could see me coming undone at the seams and already knew what I would need to sew me back together. He makes a soothing noise that vibrates against my lips as our mouths collide. He still tastes like powdered sugar and all the sweetness of the fried food we’ve spent the afternoon eating. An electric feeling sears through me and the softness of his mouth grounds me just a little more.
I gasp and kiss him deeper, desperate to find a way to devour him, to lose myself completely in him and leave everything else behind. The past doesn’t have to be anything but a bad dream and the future isn’t real yet, but this moment is. Right here, in my truck, with Ledger’s quiet, muffled sighs filling my mouth. This is real.
His tongue slides against mine, but even that isn’t enough to satisfy my need to feel him. I rumble my frustration against his lips and press closer to him, sliding my hands under his shirt and crawling across the seat until I have him underneath me. There’s not nearly enough space in here for this kind of thing, but that doesn’t register in the depths of my desperate brain. I’m nothing but base need to feel, to taste, to find a way to get closer no matter how impossible it seems.
Even if he has no way of knowing the reason for my sudden desperation to have him under me, against me, filling all of my senses with proof and reassurance of his existence and safety, Ledger matches my energy enthusiastically. He pants my name every time our lips part, arching into my touch, squirming underneath me like he needs to feel my weight pinning him down just as badly as I need it.
He tangles his fingers in my hair and nips at my lips, whimpering around our tongues every time they meet again in a hot, slippery duel. The stiff shape of his cock drags against my belly and the air inside the truck starts to feel heavy and thick with the lingering heat of the day and our harsh breaths.
My cock aches. I grind against him, my erection pressed to the inside of his thigh, too many clothes between us for any kind of relief. He slips one hand under my shirt, pawing at my stomach and chest, his touch feeling like ice on a burn. I need more.
I whine against his lips and rut into his thigh again.
“I’m sorry,” I pant, breaking away from his mouth to kiss and nip along the edge of his jaw, savoring the salty hint of sweat on his skin and the lingering warmth from the sunshine. “I think I lost my entire fucking mind for a minute.”
He tilts his head to one side, inviting me to drag my tongue down the column of his throat as he rocks his hips.
“I’m not complaining,” he murmurs, digging his fingers into my shoulder blades. “I’m happy to ride out ten or fifteen minutes of insanity with you.”
I groan and bury my face in the crook of his throat, fucking against his thigh again. The fabric of my briefs feels too rough on my overheated, oversensitive cock, but I can’t stop, not when I have him underneath me, panting in my ear, just as achingly hot and hard as I am.
“I need to be inside you so fucking bad, Ledge,” I grunt, laving my tongue over the fluttering pulse point in his throat. “But I don’t—”
“I’ve got you,” he says before I can finish. “But you’ll have to either get off me for a second or see if you can reach my back pocket from this position.”
I don’t think I could put an inch of space between us if my life depended on it, so I grope for his pocket while he laughs and squirms under me, trying to help as best he can without changing position. I find a condom and a packet of lube and pull them out.
“Do you always keep these on you or were you expecting the goat lingerie to get you so hot and bothered you might have to pull me behind the food stalls for a quick fuck?” I tease gruffly.
“Nah, I was going to suggest sex on the Ferris wheel, but then you turned out to be adorably terrified of heights.” He smirks as we both fumble to undo our pants, still trying not to put any more space between our bodies than absolutely necessary.
I shudder at the thought of something as death defying as trying to get frisky on a rickety carnival ride a hundred feet up in the air. Ledger chuckles and I shove my jeans down around my thighs, taking my briefs along with them. My cock springs free, hard and throbbing between us as I help him wiggle out of his jeans in the confined space.
For just a second, I glance up from the gorgeous, flushed man underneath me and take in our situation. Fogged windows, the two of us strewn awkwardly across the bench seat, the smell of sweat and sex already filling the heavy air. Amusement bubbles inside my chest and I rumble out a laugh that makes my throat ache. I look down at Ledger again, his lips kiss swollen and his hair messy, humor and lust shining in his eyes. That desperate feeling in my gut is still weighty and pulsing, but the fear that was choking me just a few minutes ago is gone, at least for now.
“What’s funny, big bear?” He slips his hand back under my shirt to run his fingers through my belly hair, teasing his fingertips around my belly button and then moving slowly downward until my cock twitches and drools in anticipation of his touch.
“I’ve never done this in a car before, even when I was a teenager,” I confess, tearing the lube packet open with my teeth and squeezing the slippery contents out onto two fingers. “You make me feel…” I swallow hard, not sure how to finish that sentence. Or maybe I’m just not brave enough to try to put words to all the feelings churning and fluttering in my chest.
He seems to understand anyway, grinning and sliding his hand down the last few inches to wrap his fingers around the base of my shaft. I grunt and punch my hips forward, thrusting into his grip.
“I knew there was a big softie under all those scowls.” He flicks his tongue along the seam of my lips, jerking my cock in a loose, teasing hold. “But you should probably save all that flattery for a time when we’re not committing an act of public indecency. Hurry up and put your fingers inside of me now before someone comes along and catches us.”
I huff another laugh and we fall back into a kiss. He’s right, we probably can’t get away with staying parked out here with fogged windows and a rocking truck all night long, even if the parking lot is dark and no one is parked nearby. I slide my slicked fingers between his legs, and he moans into my lips as I make quick work of getting him ready.
His hole is hot and tight around my fingers, squeezing and pulsing as I work him open with slow thrusts, my knuckles dragging against his rim, my fingertips stroking over his prostate until his cock is gushing precum and he’s rocking his hips in needy little jerks. My balls tighten with every muffled sound he feeds me as we lose ourselves in the hungry, insatiable rhythm of the kiss.
When he feels soft enough to handle it, I ease my fingers out, swallowing his whine of protest before breaking the kiss just long enough to put on the condom and wipe the last remnants of the lube from my fingers onto my sheathed cock.
“Ready?” I growl, sliding an arm around his waist to lift him up a little so I can find the right angle in the tight space.
Ledger nods eagerly, wrapping his hand around his own cock now, teasing himself with the same slow, loose strokes he was giving me just a minute ago while his gaze falls between us. He watches as I shuffle forward and notch the head of my cock against his relaxed, slippery rim, and then he jerks his eyes up to mine.
It’s almost too much to look right at him as I press forward, my whole body trembling from the dizzying pressure of his outer muscles around the tip of my cock before they give way and his body sucks me inside. But I can’t stop staring at him either, getting lost in the slight widening of his eyes and the blush that rushes through his cheeks, his lips parting on a desperate keening sound as I fill him in a slow, steady thrust.
Finally, that jittery, unsteady, wildly needy feeling that’s been tightening in my gut since I let myself start overthinking things relaxes, and I let out a long, low moan. I fall forward onto Ledger, burying my face in the crook of his neck again and breathing in deeply to fill my lungs with the smell of him, filling all my senses with him. The warmth of his body against mine, the flutter of his inner muscles around my cock, the breathy whimpers he pants into my ear as we rock together, it all comes together to steady me, to glue me back together in the places I was starting to crack.
He runs his hands over me, murmuring sweet, horny, eager sounds as we find a rhythm that has us both gasping in no time. I can’t stop kissing him, sucking on his skin then coming back to his mouth over and over again, our lips and tongues getting less and less skillful with every passing minute. Our kisses turn sloppier as heat builds in my gut and swells in my cock. Ledger’s cock drags against my belly with every thrust, leaving streaks of sticky precum on my skin.
“Oh,” he groans, his inner muscles tightening around me. “Oh, Griff. Oh .” He digs his fingers roughly into my back and bites down on my lower lip. I lick back into his mouth and fuck him deeper, grunting with every thrust, chasing his building pleasure as much as I’m chasing my own.
And then he stiffens in my arms and wails into my mouth, his hole clamping tightly around me before starting to pulse. His hips jerk, losing all semblance of rhythm as he paints my belly with the sticky, wet ropes of his release. The flutter of his muscles around my cock and the throaty, muffled sounds of his pleasure filling the truck send me right over the edge with him. My balls tighten and the heat inside me explodes in crashing waves. My thrusts stutter, but I keep fucking him, chasing every pulse and aftershock that rocks through both of us, every breathless curse and panting whimper until we’re both completely spent.
LEDGER
My toes have gone numb and as soon as my orgasm starts to fade, I’m extremely aware of the cramp in my leg from the awkward position, but that doesn’t keep the sated smile off my lips, and it definitely doesn’t stop me from chasing lazy kisses until Griff’s cock starts to soften and he’s forced to pull out. I groan happily, arching my back to stretch out my twisted muscles then reaching for the glove compartment as I sit up. I came prepared with the lube and condom, but I’m hoping Griff’s the kind of guy who keeps napkins stashed in his truck. Even better, I find a package of wet wipes instead.
I groan again, shooting him a filthy, lopsided grin as I pull a couple of wipes out for myself and then hand him the package so he can clean up too. He makes a growly sound in agreement, and there’s something next fucking level about the way words don’t even feel necessary. Our smiles and breathless laughter say it all as we put ourselves back together and Griff finally cracks the windows to let some of the humidity out of the truck. Once I’m relatively clean and have my pants back on, I scoot over as far as I can manage on the bench seat and lay my head on his shoulder.
The ride back to the house is just as comfortably quiet, nothing but the warm summer breeze in our hair and the sound of cicadas outside as we make our way back to town. I nuzzle his shoulder and slide my fingers between his again to hold his hand in my lap.
I don’t know what shook him so badly back there, and I’m afraid to ask. I’m afraid to risk putting any cracks in the foundation that’s starting to feel like it might be real. I’ve done this with enough emotionally closed-off guys to know that this is the riskiest time. When things start to feel good and real and like maybe you’re really getting somewhere, that’s when most of them get scared and put up twice as many walls.
When I was a little younger, this is when I always made the mistake of going harder, coming in swinging with my sledgehammer, determined to get through those barriers one way or another. It doesn’t work though, and I don’t want it to be that way with Griff. I want him to want to open up to me and tell me what’s going on inside his head, but for right now it’s enough that he pulled me close for comfort instead of pushing me away.
He eases off the gas as we reach our neighborhood.
“Do you…” He swallows and glances over at me, the dashboard casting just enough light over his face for me to see the vulnerability in the creases in his brow and the nervous flare of his nostrils. “Do you want to come over?”
We already fucked, so this isn’t about sex. He’s inviting me over just to sleep, to cuddle, to wake up together again…
My insides jump and squirm. Keep it together, Ledgie. You’re in the end zone now, this is no time to act like a freak and scare him off. I can’t fight the smile though. I press my face into his shoulder and nod.
I really, really want that.