Chapter 44
44
Holly was aware that not everybody saw their friends as much as she did. After all, she worked with Caroline, lived next door to Jamie, and shared a daughter with Ben. It was understandable that they would spend a fair amount of time together, but for the next two weeks, she did everything within her power to avoid seeing them. As well as missing Ben’s first barbecue of the year, she also skipped out on the picnic Caroline arranged at the Slaughters, the group family cycle ride Michael was in charge of, which ended with them all going to a pub and having a very wobbly ride home, and a foraging trip arranged by Fin. Her excuses were getting weaker and weaker; she knew that. And more than once, Jamie had tried to question her.
‘Something obviously happened with Sienna,’ Jamie pressed. ‘I don’t know why you won’t tell me what it is. You know I’d take your side on it. That’s what best friends do.’
‘I’ve just got a lot going on. It’s nothing,’ Holly lied. She didn’t even want to tell Jamie the truth about how Sienna had commented about not actually wanting children, or lying to Giles about Holly forcing them all to the pub. If she did that, she would find herself in an even deeper conversation, and then the truth of what happened between her and Giles might come out and she couldn’t let that happen.
But despite what Jamie said, she knew there was no way she could take Holly’s side when it came to the kiss. Holly was very, very definitely in the wrong there.
‘Okay, you’re still doing the baking for Sunday, aren’t you?’ Jamie said as she came round and sat in Holly’s kitchen two weeks after the event.
‘Baking for Sunday?’ Holly asked.
‘It’s the twins’ naming day, remember? Honestly, where have you been the last couple of weeks? You know all this. That’s why Fin’s picking up his mum from the airport tomorrow.’
‘Oh God, yes, of course. The twins’ naming day. Right. You wanted cakes, right? Cupcakes?’
‘Yes, but you were going to do biscuits and things too. I thought you were going to do as much as you can – at least, that’s what you did for Randall’s, right?’
‘Yes, of course I did. Of course, I’ll do the same, yes, absolutely. No problem at all.’
Holly wrote a large note, which she stuck on the fridge. It wasn’t like her to need reminders for things as big and important as Jamie’s children’s naming days, but currently, her mind was stuck and was only able to focus on one specific incident. An incident that had happened in this very kitchen.
‘It’s a man, isn’t it?’ Jamie suddenly burst out with.
Holly spun around. ‘What? What do you mean?’
‘That’s the reason you’re so distracted. Of course it is! I don’t know why I didn’t see it before. You’re away with the fairies the entire time and you’re never free to meet up with everyone. It’s so you can sneak off and have a bit of time with whoever this person is, isn’t it? Oh my God, I need to know everything. Tell me now, tell me who it is!’
Holly could feel her cheeks colouring, a heat flooding through the whole of her body.
‘It’s not… it’s not what you think,’ she said. ‘I’m not seeing anyone.’
Jamie raised an eyebrow. ‘You’re not gonna get away with that with me. I know you.’
She was right: Holly knew that. Once Jamie had an idea in her head, there was no way she’d let it go. So what choice did that leave Holly with? Tell the truth? No, there was no way she could do that.
‘It’s nothing really, just a couple of dates,’ she said.
‘Oh my God!’ Jamie’s face split into a smile so broad, it caused a crack to break in Holly’s heart. ‘I need to know everything! Now. Right now.’
‘There’s really nothing to know,’ Holly said. ‘It’s just a guy who came into the sweet shop a couple of times and asked if I fancied a drink.’
‘A sweet-shop customer? Does that mean Caroline knows him too? Oh my God, I have to hear everything. Does she know?’
‘No, no, please. This is all very new, and it’s nothing. It’s really nothing. I don’t like the guy even. I know I don’t. It’s just… you guys were pestering me so much about dating that I thought I’d give it a go. But it was a stupid idea, and he’s arrogant and stubborn and definitely not the right type of person for me to be with.’
‘Wow, you really have formed a strong opinion of this guy after a couple of dates.’
Holly felt the red deepen. ‘Well, I just thought I needed to give it a fair chance. But there’s no point; there’s really not. It won’t go anywhere at all.’
For a moment, Jamie looked at her, and Holly wondered what she was going to say. She prayed to God she wouldn’t ask for more, as she had no idea how to get herself out of that problem. Instead, Jamie stepped forward and took Holly by the hands.
‘I’m proud of you,’ she said. ‘I know that couldn’t have been easy. And if you don’t like this guy, then move on. You know better than any of us that life is too short to spend with someone who doesn’t have your whole heart. But I’m really proud of you.’
The guilt was so intense, Holly didn’t know how she wasn’t consumed by it entirely. She felt guilty for lying to Jamie, guilty for having been a terrible friend and avoiding everybody, but most of all, guilt because of Giles. Guilt because of that email she had sent. Those words she had written down. Words she was struggling to deny even more than ever.
Her throat thickened with tears, but she blinked them away.
‘I should head back,’ Jamie said. ‘Fin was painting skateboards with the boys, so I should really check how much of a state the house is in now.’
‘No worries,’ Holly said. ‘I’ll make a list of things for the naming day.’
‘Fantastic. Thank you. See you later.’
It was only as Jamie stepped outside onto the patio that another thought struck Holly.
‘Jamie,’ she said. ‘Who are the twins’ guide-parents? It would be nice to know, just to make some personalised biscuits for them.’
‘Oh, did I not tell you?’ she said. ‘Caroline and Michael, Fin’s cousin Laura and Giles.’
‘So Giles is going to be there on Sunday?’ Holly said, a familiar heat filling her face.
Jamie let out a laugh as she waved her hand and walked away. ‘Dating puts you in the strangest mood,’ she said.