Chapter 43
43
Holly couldn’t fall asleep.
She tried, but every two minutes, she was struck with the urge to check her phone and see if Giles had messaged her – a text, an email, a missed call, anything at all. But there was nothing. Maybe it was because he knew, like she did, that it couldn’t possibly be true, could it? She didn’t actually love him, did she? She had just written the words down, that was all. She hadn’t had any intention of him seeing them.
With a loud groan, Holly covered her face with her hands. Why had she even written it in an email? That had to be the worst option of all; there was no way of telling whether he’d read it. Maybe she should ring him now. Would it be that unusual? She’d rung him late at night before. Sometimes for specific reasons, like when a thought had struck, and she didn’t want to forget it, or she wanted to ask him a question, but other times, she just wanted to talk, and he was the one person she knew wouldn’t mind being woken up in the middle of the night just to listen to her.
But that was different. He wasn’t engaged then. Sienna would be there if she rang him now. Sienna, who lied. Sienna, who was, just as Holly had said, a manipulative narcissist, and Holly didn’t want her anywhere within earshot when she spoke to Giles and told her exactly what type of woman he was planning on marrying. Then again, what type of woman was she ? Holly’s anger turned inwards. It was all very well pointing out Sienna’s faults, but it didn’t change that she was the type of person who kissed another woman’s fiancé; that was who.
She sat bolt upright in bed, as another thought struck. What if he’d already told Sienna? It wasn’t beyond the realms of possibility. After all, Sienna had told him about the argument – or at least her version of it. Who was to say Giles wouldn’t be bound by loyalty and need to get it off his chest the second he saw her? Oh God. Holly could feel the panic starting again. What was she going to say to Sienna if she did turn up? She couldn’t deny it, obviously. That would make her look crazy. But if she started a tit for tat with all the things Sienna had done, had said, then she’d just look bitter and jealous.
Besides, she refused to take all the blame. She was the one who had broken away. How long would they have gone on kissing for if she hadn’t stopped? And who was to say kissing was all they would have done? The thought made her feel simultaneously dizzy and nauseous. She could not think about doing those things with Giles Caverty. It was a one-off, an accident, and it would never happen again. She was positive. It was just like she’d said to Sienna: all this crazy change was doing something strange to her. That was why it had happened. So what about the words she wrote in the email? The email she hadn’t planned on sending. Yes, that was just another moment of unbalanced thinking. She would go to sleep, wake up in the morning and feel absolutely back to normal. That was the plan, at least.
* * *
‘You’re coming over to Ben and Georgia’s today, aren’t you?’ Jamie said when she popped into the sweet shop around midday.
‘Ben and Georgia’s? Why are we going there? It’s a Monday.’
‘They sent a message saying they wanted to have a barbecue, you know. First barbecue of the year and everything. Everybody’s going.’
‘Everybody?’
‘Well, you know… Caroline and Ian, Sienna and Giles?—’
‘I’ve got loads of tax work stuff to do,’ Holly said.
‘Taxes?’ Jamie replied. ‘You did your taxes last month. UK taxes are due in April, remember?’
‘Yes, yes, absolutely.’ Holly could feel the heat rising up through her neck. ‘It’s just… obviously, April, June… I need to make sure I don’t make the same mistakes I did last year. I promised the accountant. I had a load of things muddled. Really boring… just dates and numbers. Lots and lots of numbers.’
‘Numbers, for an accountant? That’s unusual,’ Jamie said. Her eyes narrowed. ‘There’s something going on.’
‘No, no, not at all. It’s just… you know how tax is. I don’t suppose you’ll be able to drive Hope across with you? Or I can drop her off and pick her up again. Or Ben can. She might want to stay with Ben. I’ll check with Ben. That’s the best thing to do.’
‘You’re babbling,’ Jamie said as a large crease formed between her eyebrows. ‘Something going on.’
‘No, nothing is going on at all. I just said that I’ve got the tax stuff to do.’
Holly simultaneously shuffled and shook her head, resulting in an action that looked like a jellyfish trying to shimmy.
For a second longer, Jamie stayed exactly where she was, before a wide grin broke on her face.
‘Oh my God,’ she said. ‘I know what it is.’
Holly’s muscles tightened. ‘No, you don’t. There’s nothing to know. What do you think you know?’
‘You’ve had enough of Sienna?’ she said. ‘You’re pretending that everything was great, but one whole weekend and you’re needing some respite from her. You’re worried she’s going to go all “best buddies” on you.’
Holly let out a nervous chuckle that was tight and high-pitched and strained in her throat.
‘Yes, yes, that’s exactly what it is. I just… I need a little bit of a break – you understand, don’t you? It was quite a full-on weekend.’ It wasn’t a lie. Not exactly. She had no desire to see Sienna again, but definitely not with Giles at her side.
‘Sure, no worries. We’ll probably take both cars anyway, as Fin’s going to come out later, so he can drive Hope back. If you’re all right with that?’
‘Thank you,’ Holly said, letting out a sigh of relief.
But Jamie continued to stare at her.
‘You know you’re not going to be able to avoid Sienna forever, don’t you?’ she said.
Holly’s smile tightened. ‘Of course, of course,’ she said. ‘Honestly, everything’ll be fine. Completely fine.’
And yet, even as she spoke, she had no idea how that could possibly be true.