Chapter 24
Chapter Twenty-Four
J uly was creeping up on us. If the hospital volunteers wanted to do a Winter Holiday themed party, we needed to start getting our plans in order. So far, Tracey's suggestion had been more of a vague idea. If we wanted to pull it off in time, we had to start actually getting things done.
I was thankful for the distraction. Between what had happened with my mom and what went down with Nathan, I didn't want to spend my days at home brooding. I took on extra shifts at work and at the hospital. My coworkers were pleased to give away their weekend shifts so they could go out camping and hiking and do other summer activities. And Tracey never said no to more volunteer hours.
Most of my extra hours were devoted to the event. I spent a lot of time in dusty closets in the children's ward searching for anything we could use. Most of my evenings were dedicated to arts and crafts projects, making the decorations. If there was anything I couldn't put together myself, I checked out stores around town. It was hard finding New Year's products in the middle of summer. And since we didn't have much of a budget, I had to ask the stores to give us the stuff for free as a tax-write off, which meant asking to speak to managers and higher-ups.
I'd gotten into volunteering so I could spend time with kids, and now I was haggling with retail stores and begging for donations. I wasn't exactly enjoying my assigned duties.
But it distracted me from my problems, which had been my intention, so I couldn't complain about it too much.
"What about a crystal ball?" Tracey asked me.
I looked up from gluing streamers onto cardboard. "Crystal ball? Like the ones psychics use?"
"Like the one at Times Square," she said, all energy and enthusiasm. "We can rig it so the ball drops at the last ten seconds, like just on TV."
We were planning on doing the event in the middle of the day, with noon being the official time the clocked ticked over into "the new year." I liked the idea of counting down like on TV, but a crystal ball?
"I don't know if I'll be able to find something like that this time of year," I told her.
"We can make it ourselves," she said, which I knew really meant that I would have to make it.
"You want me to glue crystals to a huge balloon or something?" I asked dubiously.
"Where's your imagination?" she grinned. "No, we're going to get a styrofoam ball from a craft store and roll it in silver glitter."
"You do know glitter is going to get everywhere, right?" I said. "We'll be finding pieces of it for months."
"I think there's a craft store just a few blocks away," Tracey continued, ignoring my warning. "When you've got a spare minute, do you mind picking one up?"
"Sure," I sighed. It beat going home and moping.
Tracey looked at me with concerned. "Are you feeling okay? You're looking a little down."
"Just… stuff," I said with a vague wave of my hand.
She made a sympathetic sound. "More boy stuff?"
"Boy stuff, parent stuff… I've just got a lot on my mind," I said. "I'll be okay. I'm just glad I have something fun to keep me busy."
Although I wasn't sure how fun playing around with glitter was going to be. I'd done enough crafts as a bed-ridden kid to know exactly how messy it was.
"I really appreciate this, Becca," Tracey said. "You've always been such a great help, and the kids love you. I really don't know what we'd do without you."
I gave Trace a small smile. "Thanks. I really love coming here, too."
"Oh!" she said, with a slight wince. "I forgot, I wanted to ask you something. Nancy wasn't able to come in for her volunteer shift this evening. Again."
The pinched look on Tracey's face told me she was sick of Nancy always flaking out. I wondered if soon Nancy might be fired from her volunteer position.
"So there are some adults in the oncology ward who are going to miss their weekly visitor," Tracey continued. "Would you mind filling in?"
"Sure." I had nothing else to do that night.
Tracey gave me a quick hug. "You really are the best."
Visiting patients, buying some craft stuff and putting together a crystal ball. It was enough to keep me busy.
I took a look at the list of patients Nancy was supposed to be taking care of. Helen was on the list. I smiled to myself. I always liked talking with her and wondered how she was doing.
Helen was reading a magazine when I knocked on her door. She looked up and smiled at me, waving me in.
"Becca! It's so good to see you. Time for my weekly visit?" she guessed. "Where's Nancy?"
"She wasn't able to make it in today," I said. "Sorry, you're stuck with me."
"That's perfectly all right, dear. To be honest," she said with a fake whisper and a grin, "I find Nancy to be a bit too TMI for my tastes. I probably know more about her love life than her own boyfriend."
I suppressed a grin. That did sound like Nancy.
"But you're usually such a quiet little thing," Helen said. "I'd love to hear more about what's going on outside these walls. Tell me everything."
I pulled up a chair and sat at Helen's bedside, telling her all about the party for the kids. She laughed when I made a face at Tracey's glitter ball idea.
"That stuff gets everywhere," she warned.
"That's what I told her!"
We shared a laugh.
"And what about you?" I asked Helen. "How are you doing?"
She waved her hand dismissively. "Oh, you know doctors. There's always another test to be run, another blood sample to take. I think the nurses must secretly be vampires, for all the blood they've drawn."
I noticed she specifically didn't mention her prognosis. Either way, if she didn't want to talk about her medical problems, I completely understood.
"Has your son been in to visit?" I asked.
"Oh yes," she said. "He visits me as often as he can. Well, of course he would. He always took great care of me. It was just the two of us when he was growing up, you know."
"He sounds like a good son," I said.
"I couldn't have asked for better. Although," she chuckled, "sometimes it felt like he was the parent and I was the child."
It was similar to what Nathan had told me about him and his mother. It must have been a common thing when it came to kids with ill parents.
"He was always looking out for me," she continued, a fond look on her face. "Making sure I got to my appointments on time, making sure I took the right medicine, making sure I ate a properly healthy diet." She shook her head. "It grated on me sometimes, you know, that he always felt like he knew what was best for me. But I know it came from a place of love."
I squirmed uncomfortable in my chair.
Helen's words hit too close to home. I was feeling smothered and infantilized, both by my mom and by Nathan. Telling me what to do, trying to run my life, making decisions for me.
But deep down, I knew they were only doing it because they cared about me. Maybe that was what made it worse. As much as I wanted to be, I couldn't really stay angry with them.
Mostly, I was mad at myself. Mad at my disease. I wasn't like everyone else. I wasn't able to do the things normal, healthy people could do. I had to worry about things most other people didn't.
It made me angry. It made me bitter.
And I ended up taking it out on the people I cared about.
"What's wrong, dear?" Helen asked. "You look like you ate a lemon."
I shook my head. "It's nothing. Just… something you said really made me re-think a few things."
"Oh no, did I make you have an existential crisis?" Her lips twitched, as if suppressing a smile.
I smiled back. "Yes, but in a good way."
"Wise, old Helen strikes again," she joked.
"You're not old at all," I said. "You said you son is only a few years older than me."
She sighed. "And I still think he's growing up too fast."
"Isn't that what all parents say?"
"Maybe I should invite him to come to this News Year's in July party," she said. "I think you two would get along well."
"Helen, are you trying to set me up with your son?" I asked, mocking a scandalized tone.
She winked, the laughed. "No, he's never been the type to settle down. Too much of a wild child. Still, you two would make a good match, I think." She straightened her back. I helped fluff her pillows so she could sit up. "Are you going to need any help for the party?" she asked. "I'd be more than happy to help."
"Are you any good at arts and crafts?" I asked wryly.
"I've been known to make a scrapbook or two," she said. "Plus, it will give me something to do so I don't die of boredom."
"I get that," I told her. "I'd love the help. I'll tell Tracey we've got one more hand on deck."
Helen and I spent the rest of her visit talking about the party and deciding what needed to be done.
But deep down, I was still thinking about what she said.
Maybe I'd been too harsh with Nathan, getting upset with him and storming off like that. He really had been looking out for me, and he had put a lot of effort into understanding my illness. Despite all the fussing and smothering, it had all come from a place of love.
Love.
That was a word I hadn't thought to apply to me and Nathan before. I cared about him, yes, and I knew he cared about me.
But love?
I'd never been in love before, and I had no idea what it felt like. The idea of it was too intense. Too real.
I quickly shoved the thought away and returned my attention back to Helen.
But in the back of my mind, I couldn't help thinking.
If ever I was going to fall in love with someone, Nathan Walker would have been it.