Chapter 18 Micah
EIGHTEEN
MICAH
Ishould have expected it.
I’d been so distracted by the list of interview questions the podcast staff had emailed me ahead of time that I hadn’t taken the time to mentally prepare. I knew they’d be filming so I’d made sure to clean up nice, but I’d forgotten that meant Kay would be doing the same.
The difference was, Kay’s version of ‘cleaned up nice’ was vastly different from mine. I’d made sure to run a comb through my hair and put on a clean, dark t-shirt that would show off my tattoos.
My girlfriend, on the other hand, looked like she was ready to step off a magazine cover.
Perfect red curls, plump shiny lips, green eyes rimmed with black, and a mini-dress that showed off enough thigh to make my mouth turn dry.
The confident way she threw back her hair and gave the podcast host a cheeky grin was enough to make my cock stiffen in my jeans.
Kay was always beautiful, whether she was wearing ratty pajama pants and comfy hoodies at home, or combat boots and tank tops on stage. I thought I’d gotten used to every side of her.
But when she went into glamorous model mode I always floundered.
I’d expected her to show up looking nice, but I wasn’t prepared for this. I groaned silently. Fuck, she was so sexy, it took every ounce of self-control to stop myself from pulling her into the darkest corner I could find to ravish her.
“Micah!” Kay looked my way and flagged me down with a wave and a smile.
I steadied myself and ambled over, feigning an ease I didn’t feel inside.
“Hey Kay.” I stuck my hands in my pockets, unsure of what to do with myself. Usually Kay would take my arm, or I would put an arm around her shoulder, or some other sign of physical affection as a greeting.
But now that we were together, those little actions had a different meaning. Would people notice there was something different about those touches? Would something in my expression give me away? Would everyone know just how desperate I was to put my hands on her?
“How do you want to play this?” I asked her under my breath. “Our relationship, I mean. The last thing we want is the media nosing into our private lives.”
“I don’t mind if people find out about us,” she began quietly, “but I know that once they do, all the attention is going to be focused on our relationship, not on the music.” Her expression went thoughtful. “If we just act normal, I doubt anyone will notice a difference, right?”
“I don’t know if I can act normal around you now,” I admitted. “But if we keep our distance, that will draw attention to us as well.”
“I guess this interview is going to be our first test,” she said. “We’ll have to pretend everything is the same when everything has changed.” She shrugged. “Let’s not worry about it,” she said with a grin, entirely unruffled. “I’m sure we’ll be fine.”
I had always loved Kay’s optimism. I’d try to be just as optimistic, for her sake. And I’d try to keep my hands to myself, no matter how much of a struggle it was.
“So are we doing this thing, or what?” Finn came up behind me and threw an arm over my shoulder with a smirk. “Let’s get the party started.”
“It’s an interview, not a party,” Chris said, amused, following behind Finn. Anyone else would have sounded exasperated, but Chris was too good-natured for that.
“Try to keep your usual hijinks to a minimum,” I told Finn.
“Hey, I’ve been well behaved recently, haven’t I?” he protested. “The label hasn’t had a single complaint about me in months.”
“That means we’re about due for one, aren’t we?” Kay taunted the way she always did when Finn talked about his reformed ways.
“Don’t challenge me,” Finn said with a laugh.
“So, this is the band.” The podcast producer approached us, beaming. “It’s great to finally meet Until We Break.”
“Some of us.” I nodded to the guy and held out my hand. “We couldn’t all make it, but we gathered a few of us. Hope that’s okay.”
“Of course, of course.” He shook my hand with an effusive grin. “Thanks for agreeing to come. I know you’re all busy, what with getting ready for the next album, right?” The guy had a probing look to him and I knew he was digging for insider info.
I gave him an elusive smile, giving nothing away. Questions about our sophomore album were on the list they’d given me, and I was dreading having to answer. At least I could always blame the label for being closed lipped about it.
Sorry, we’re not supposed to give away any details. Let’s keep it a surprise. That was always my go-to response.
The real surprise was that we had barely gotten started and deadlines had long been blown past.
My chest began to seize up with a painful, anxious clenching. I hated having to answer those questions.
Kay’s arm wrapped around mine as she hugged me to her side. I looked down to find her giving me a soft, encouraging smile. The clenching eased. I leaned into her touch, my tense shoulders and stiff expression relaxing.
I noticed the producer staring at us speculatively and I immediately tensed again. Kay and I weren’t doing anything out of the ordinary. There was nothing unusual about having her arm in mine. Everyone knew we were close. She’d always hung onto me in one way or another. This was nothing.
The producer’s eyes began to gleam and the anxiety over our album was replaced with a different sort of anxiety.
I pulled away from Kay’s embrace and put my hands back in my pockets, purposefully avoiding her gaze. Maybe if I didn’t look at her, I wouldn’t give anything away.
“Do you mind if I go over some of the topics we’ll be covering?” the producer asked.
“Fire away,” Finn replied. “I love talking about myself.”
“We know,” Kay said.
Finn’s smug grin didn’t falter.
“We’ll want to discuss the next album,” the guy started.
“We can’t say much,” Kay jumped in before I had to, then lowered her voice. “The label wants us to keep it hush-hush, you know?” She gave the producer a conspiratorial wink, as if he was in on the secret with us.
“But surely you must have something to share by now?” he pressed. “Can you give us any hints about your first single? What’s it about? Are you keeping to your original sound or are you trying something new?”
“Something new is always great—” Kay started.
“Our original sound has always been—” I said at the same time.
We turned to look at each other. That was a question the band hadn’t discussed yet. We still hadn’t chosen the songs for our album, so who could say what sound we would end up with?
I was planning on keeping to our indie sound. That was what made us popular, after all. That was what our fans expected. But could Kay be feeling differently? She was always more likely to follow the whims of her heart and write what she felt, regardless of sound, mood, tone or even genre.
The song we were working on was one example. She was trying something new while my influence kept it familiar.
“Like Kaylee said,” I turned to the producer with what I hoped was an enigmatic smile, “we can’t really tell you much yet.”
“Yes, yes, fine,” he replied, not put off. “For our next topic, we’ll want to talk about some of your own favorite bands, of course.”
We each answered immediately.
“Darkest Days,” I said.
“Feral Silence,” Finn said.
“Cherry Lips,” Kaylee said.
“Beyond the Lies,” Chris said. “They’re a newer indie band coming up on the scene,” he added.
The producer looked taken aback, probably not realizing that these were the kinds of questions we’d been asked dozens, if not hundreds, of times already. For this kind of thing at least, we had our answers locked in.
“We’ll also want to know about band dynamics,” he continued. “Who always comes to practice late—”
Anya, who hit the snooze button too many times from being perpetually sleep deprived.
“—Who has the craziest fans—”
Zain, with his absolutely wild horde of fangirls.
“—Who’s the biggest troublemaker—”
Finn, obviously.
“—Who usually gets final say—”
Me, simply because the label listened to me more than the others.
“—Who’s sleeping with who—”
I flinched.
“Excuse the fuck me?!” Finn exploded before I could.
“What the fuck kind of question is that?” Chris growled, eyes narrowing and fists clenching, a strong reaction I’d rarely seen from him.
The producer spread his hands wide, unabashed.
“So many of your songs are about love and relationships,” he said evenly.
“People like to know if those songs are coming from real life experience. Kaylee, you write quite a few of those songs.” The producer turned to her, a shark-like expression on his face.
Kay, for her part, had turned pale, except for the splotches of red on her cheeks that I knew were from rage, not embarrassment. “Do you have anything to share?”
“Absolutely not,” Finn cut in. “That’s not what we’re here to talk about.”
“It’s a question on people’s minds,” the producer pressed.
“They’ll have to keep guessing,” Chris flatly. “We’re not discussing that in the interview. Next topic,” he said with a note of finality.
The producer frowned but let the subject drop and moved on. I barely registered what he said after that. Beside me, Kay had balled her hands into fists. I knew she wouldn’t actually punch the guy but I, on the other hand, was sorely tempted.
“Of all the gross, asshole, sexist things to ask,” Chris growled again after the producer finally left us.
“I can’t believe he wanted to know about—” His eyes flashed with ire as he gestured wildly, his big frame seeming to take up more space than it usually did.
It was a little intimidating, something I’d never expected feel around someone like Chris.
Then he seemed to realize what he was doing and lowered his arms. He turned to Kay. “You all right?” he asked, concerned.
She let out a frustrated sigh, but managed to give us a small smile. “It’s fine. It’s not the first time I’ve been asked creepy things like that.”
“Still doesn’t make it right,” Finn grumbled. He pulled her into his arms and swung her back and forth until she squeaked. “You just tell me if you want me to fuck that guy up for you,” he said fervently. “I’ve got ways to make his life a living hell.”
“I know you do,” she said with a consoling pat on his arm as she wriggled out from his grip. “I appreciate it, but don’t do anything you’ll regret. I don’t want to be the one responsible for you backsliding into wreaking havoc again.”
“Finn may not be the one you need to worry about,” I muttered darkly. “I’ve got the urge to bash that guy’s face in.”
“Guys, if I got mad at every sexist comment and question, I’d be living in a perpetual state of rage,” Kay said. “You’re allowed to get mad, but then you have to let it go. It’s the only way to stay sane. It’s unfair but,” she shrugged, “that’s how it is.”
I understood now, why Kaylee hadn’t been as worried about what the media might say about us as I had been.
She’d been dealing with this shit for forever.
It would just be one more slight to deal with on top of all the others.
I hadn’t even considered that. The whole thing filled me with both fury and shame.
“Thank you for defending me,” Kay told Finn and Chris. “I think the guy was already suspicious of me and Micah. It might have only made things worse if Micah had exploded first.”
“Maybe we should have stayed quiet, then,” Finn craned his neck around to look at me and grinned. “I’d like to see you lose your shit for once. I bet it would be magnificent.”
There was a chance he would get his wish, if that asshole producer said anything again.
Kay and I were the closest out of all our bandmates, and I loved her more than was probably rational, but I was glad she had more people than just me in her life who loved and cared about her.
I couldn’t always be around to protect Kay, not that she would agree she needed protection from anything or anyone. Even so, I was glad she had guys like Finn and Chris. People who would back her up, people who would support her. I was grateful for them, and the rest of the band, too.
I was glad Kay had people to love her in the moments when I couldn’t be around to do it.