Chapter 44
COLE
I step off the elevator, ignoring the pulsing pain in my head that just won’t give.
Four ibuprofen and two hours of sleep haven’t touched it.
An hour meeting with the authorities to provide my statement, followed by the long-ass phone call with my team management, also didn’t help.
Then I spoke with Rob to draft a response to the press, but my mind has never left this hospital.
The sterile smell of antiseptic mixed with stale coffee churns my stomach. I round the corner, and Tracker rests up against the wall outside her door.
A few hours ago, he kicked me out, promising to call if anything changed. I obeyed, knowing she was in good hands, but he’s stuck with me now.
“Hey. Is she ok?”
His head lifts from the wall. “A string of four-letter words filtered out a second ago that I’m not sure I’ve ever heard used together.” One side of his mouth curls. “She’s ok. They’re helping her to the bathroom and whatever else they need to do.”
He faces me, leaning one shoulder against the wall and crosses his arms over his chest. I watch his amusement shift into protection mode. I recognize it. I’ve seen Ryder do the exact same thing a hundred times, and I suddenly feel like I need my pads and helmet for whatever is coming.
His gaze holds mine. “She’s going through a lot and won’t make this easy on you.”
The pain in my head pulses a little stronger, trying to understand what he’s getting at.
He inhales, taking his time as if debating whether to say more.
I wait, my muscles tensing in the long pause.
“She’s. . .not like anyone else, and I can see you care about her.”
“I do. Very much,” I confirm, needing him to know it.
“She’s asked me not to let you in.” He watches me closely.
I do my best not to flinch through the jab straight to my gut. “What?”
His eyes flick between mine. “I need to know that if I let you in there, you won’t run scared. When she finds your weak spots and strikes, and she will, you’re gonna be strong enough to handle it. That whatever you feel for her is enough to withstand her fear.”
I slump against the wall, exhausted and now feeling like someone just kicked me in the chest with a cleat.
He rubs a hand over his scruffy jaw. “I love her. She’s my daughter in every way that matters.
But she’s pushed every button, tried every trick, and found every vulnerability to see how long I’d last. She was just waiting for me to give up.
I never will.” His gaze pierces mine again. “I have to know that you won’t either.”
He pauses while I try to understand what he wants from me.
“Cole.” His tone is direct yet gentle. “You’re young and have your whole life ahead of you.
What I’m asking might not be something you’re prepared to answer, but she’s mine, and I’ll do anything to protect her from ever being hurt again.
If you walk away, I won’t think less of you, and if you need time, I respect that, but you’re gonna have to decide. ”
I rub my temples, knowing I have no choice but to be completely honest. “I love her, but. . .I don’t know how to do that when I’m not sure she’ll let me.
” My shoulders fall with the weight of that simple truth.
“She’s been hurt, but when I don’t understand all the places that pain runs through and how deep, I can’t redirect it or help fill the holes. ”
His eyes scan my face, long and hard, then he joins me, pressing his back into the wall. “Son, there isn’t a place within her that hasn’t been tortured beyond recognition. That woman in there is a miracle. There’s no other reason why she’s still here, still fighting, breathing.”
My chest erupts with an ache so deep it roams to every part of my body.
His head falls against the wall, and his voice softens. “I vowed never to break her trust, but I might be gambling with the rest of her life.”
He clears his throat over the hushed tones of machines and voices settling around us.
“She was found at the bottom of a public restroom trash can. Born and dumped just after her first breath. Her little body was tossed and left to fend for herself before she even learned how to cry. That little spirit, abandoned, rejected. Thrown away only to be crushed or incinerated on the way to the landfill. She was only someone’s mistake, meant to be erased. ”
I stare at the wall, unable to even fathom what he said. He must know, giving me a minute.
“The anger I could carry for that one thing would be enough to destroy me, but that anger wouldn’t help her. I’ve seen enough to understand that people do horrific things, things you and I will never be able to comprehend out of fear. Out of pain and shame, or simply not knowing any better.”
I stare at him, wondering who this man is.
He lets out a long, slow, shaky breath, and I feel his anguish float in the stagnant air.
“That was her beginning. From there, she moved from home to home, being used and abused in every way imaginable. Eventually, she ran away and was lured into a world that preys on the lost and unwanted. They claimed her, put a price tag on her, and sold her to anyone willing to pay.”
He pushes away from the wall, rolling his neck.
I take short, steady breaths to keep from bending at the waist and hurling the coffee I sipped this morning.
“I found her on a yacht, drugged and barely breathing. A party favor for the wealthy, waiting to be discarded or transported down the coast to be sold. She was only thirteen.”
My jaw clenches so tight my teeth grind, my fists aching to get to every single person who—
I close my eyes, unsure I can handle hearing anymore.
Tracker continues. “Hope and I took her in, but she ran over and over again, trying to get back to the only life she knew. The only thing she understood. Drugs that offered her an alternate universe to temporarily leave this life behind. Each time I’d find her, she’d fight me, do everything she could to get me to leave her there.
To continue to rot until there was nothing left of her. ”
I sense him attempting to breathe. “It wasn’t until I showed her that she could fight back and had the power to change what was happening that she found a purpose for all the pain. She fought and found a shred of value when her self-worth was nothing more than what someone would pay for her.”
He runs a hand over his face. “Now, she’ll do anything to save those just like her.
There isn’t anyone in all my years as a SEAL, and since, who can do what she does.
Government agencies far and wide know her and what she can do.
” I sense a gentle tilt to his lips. “She sees what no one else does. She knows where these kids are and how to get them out. They trust her.”
He pauses, shaking his head. “But eventually, she’ll kill herself trying to prove her worthiness. I can’t stand to watch that, and I’ll still do anything to save her.”
Her story about rescuing the two girls and Tracker having to carry her out flashes through my mind. Her torn flesh. I feel her warm blood oozing through my fingers.
He turns toward me again. “I knew your dad.”
My gaze rises to his.
“I helped him gather some information about your sister.”
I frown, thinking about him working with my dad when Maggie had been hurt years ago by those she trusted.
“When your agent called, I checked you out. You’re a good man, just like he was. I knew I could trust you with her.” He shakes his head. “I can’t say that about many people.”
He set this up.
His eyes glisten with tears. “Loving her has been my biggest challenge and my greatest reward. I want her to have a chance to be seen for so much more than she will ever see herself. To envision a different kind of life. The life that was stripped from her with her first breath.”
He runs a hand over his jaw again. “But she has to decide if she’ll ever allow herself to be worthy of anything more than battling the world that took everything it could from her. If she’s finally done punishing herself for a life she had absolutely no say in and take up a new one.”
I watch his Adam’s apple bob as my own grows so tight it might suffocate me.
I have no words other than the ones I already know to be true. “I will love her even when she won’t let me. I promise I can do that.”
He blinks a few times and swipes at his nose.
I have to do the same. “I just want her to let me do that up close.”
His grey eyes meet mine, shiny with tears again.
“I don’t know if she’ll ever let you do that.
” His blatant honesty hurts. “But it’s what I want for my girls.
A chance. Thank you for caring about her enough to let her be scared and push so damn hard to get you to stop.
She’s in constant battle with herself, but for someone born into a world where love didn’t exist, she has more to give than most will ever see. Especially herself.”
He rests against the wall and clears his throat.
I stare at the floor, trying to absorb a lifetime of horror.
A nurse opens the door and steps out, sending us wide eyes and a stiff smile. “She’s resting again.”
“Thank you,” Tracker says with a soft chuckle.
He pushes off the wall but stops, gripping my shoulder. “I’m getting some coffee and checking in with Hope. Just remember, keep your fists up and hold your ground.”
I nod, trying to force a smile, but I can’t. My mind reels, and my heart aches with a kind of grief I’ve not felt before.
I remain outside her room and press my eyes closed, processing it all, and every piece breaks my heart over and over again. It hurts so damn bad, and all I want to do is push through the door and steal her away from every harmful thing that has ever touched her.
I want to take it away. Show her a different kind of life. I want her to let me love her and fight with her. It won’t rid her of the pain and suffering, but maybe she’ll let me stand beside her, hold her, and love her anyway.
I push away from the wall, knowing if there is anyone on this earth worth fighting for, it’s her.