Chapter 2
Elijah
Iplucked at the excessive array of wires. “Is all of this really necessary?”
“They’re to monitor your vitals.” Dr. Lyons adjusted the reader and looked back at me. “Are you sure you want to do this?”
My gaze traveled to where Josh was sleeping fitfully, not five meters away. “I’m sure.”
Dr. Lyons shook her head and then gestured for the mindwalker to step forward.
He was an interesting individual, with his dual braids clinging to his scalp and pulled around to rest on his shoulders.
The beads intertwined in his reddish-brown hair reminded me of the ones that my mother had worn, suggesting he also hailed from the redwood area.
One thing was certain, Kotori Haan was not a Lycan.
He placed a warm hand on my shoulder, and a stillness settled over me. “Easy, brother, you will see your mate again.”
I took a shaky breath and relaxed into the bed they’d wheeled in for me. “Okay.”
Kotori’s smile touched his eyes as he moved one hand over my heart and the other to my temple. “Be warned, wolf-soul, I have ventured into the mind of your mate. There is much darkness there. The way will not be easy. Are you ready?”
“Yes.” The word came out more of a croak, but it didn’t change my resolve.
He nodded once, then looked over me to meet Dr. Lyons’s gaze.
I blinked, and the world fell away.
The hallway was bare despite all of its ornate decorations.
Something about the detail tickled my mind, but didn’t stick.
I took a wary step forward, my footfalls swallowed by thick carpeting.
The way was lit indiscriminately with light and darkness.
I ventured into the shadows, taking the only path laid before me.
Despite Dr. Lyons’ warnings of getting lost, I could only travel one way.
I grew wary as the silence stretched on with no change to denote my passage. Another step and another nothing. Another step, and…a door?
Curious, I reached out and found the handle pliable. The door’s trim glistened brightly as it swung inward.
Inside, a small child with dark hair and watery green eyes stared defiantly back at a woman with sharp features and not an ounce of kindness on her face. She backhanded him, and he crumpled to the ground, his sobs filling the overly large room. He couldn’t have been more than five.
I stepped forward to intervene, and the scene dissolved around me. When it resettled, I was in the same room, and a man with dark hair and substantially softer features was talking to the child as he lay in a massive bed that threatened to swallow his small frame whole.
I inched closer to hear their soft conversation.
“Joshua, you know what you mean to me.”
“Yes, Papa.” My heart nearly crumpled at the innocence of the small child’s voice and the instant recognition, not to mention the purple bruise marring his delicate face.
The man with green eyes as bright as young Josh’s smiled. “I have something for you.”
Young Josh sat up straighter, enthusiasm lightening his features. “What is it, Papa?
“Now this is our secret, just you and me. Understand?”
Josh nodded energetically, all his attention focused on his father.
The older man reached down and pulled up a stuffed animal.
Josh’s eyes lit up with wonder as he accepted the stuffed wolf.
It was an incredible likeness, with gray fur edged with tan and a rust-colored streak, similar to the one I boasted in my wolf form, running down its back.
Josh squeezed the plush animal to his chest, his arms wrapping around the toy as if he would never let it go.
I glanced around the room. A fireplace dominated one wall. Shelves of books, another. While maps and diagrams held precedence on the third, there was not a speck of art, no toys, nothing to denote this was actually a child’s room.
Josh’s father ruffled his dark hair, placed a kiss on his forehead, then got up to leave. “Good night, Joshua.”
“Good night, Papa.” Young Josh burrowed beneath the covers, much as I’d seen older Josh do, still clutching the wolf tightly.
I stepped out of the room and closed the door softly behind me. This time when I glanced down the shadowy hallway, there were doors lining both sides. Each one as dark and foreboding as the one beside me.
These are his memories.
Curiosity got the better of me. I walked a short distance, then tried another door, identical to the first. It probably shouldn’t have surprised me that the same door led to the same room.
This time, Josh was getting ready for bed and chatting animatedly with the stuffed wolf sitting on the bed.
The plush animal showed obvious signs of wear but was wholly intact—an impressive feat, since Josh now looked a couple of years older.
My gaze riveted on the fresh werewolf's bite still healing on his back as he pulled his nightshirt over his head. This couldn’t have been long after the disastrous family hunting trip.
“Don’t worry, Jasper, it doesn’t hurt anymore.” His wince as the fabric settled over the wound betrayed his lie.
She hadn’t even gotten him a healer.
“I’ll be fine in no time. Then we can play again.
Promise.” Suddenly, his head whipped around to stare at the door.
For a moment, I thought he could see me, but he stared right through me.
All the color drained from his face, and he raced towards the animal.
He promptly stuffed it under the bed, and I caught a whispered, “Sorry,” before he spun back around.
I jumped as the door flew open hard enough to hit the wall. The woman from before, whom I now assumed to be his mother, stormed in, fury written blatantly across her pinched features. “Where is it?”
Josh deliberately did not look to where he’d hidden the toy. “What are you looking for, Mama?”
My breath caught in my throat at the loud smack that filled the room. A red welt in the shape of a hand sprang to life on young Josh’s face while he fought the tears threatening to streak free.
“I told you not to call me that. Maybe now that your father is gone, you can finally be a decent Harker.”
“W-what?”
Her eyes narrowed as she considered him. “That’s right, Joshua, your coward of a father has abandoned us. He didn’t even have the courage to say goodbye.”
The hurt that swam in Josh’s eyes was more than I could bear, but he didn’t voice any of it, just like he hadn’t cried out when she struck him.
“He gave you something. Give it to me.”
Josh stood frozen as a statue.
Her lip curled, and she pulled something from her pocket. “I grow weary of your insolence.”
His gaze flickered to whatever she had in her hand. There was a small crack, like something breaking, and his eyes glazed over.
“Bring it to me now and do not make me ask again.”
“Yes, Mother.” The robotic response sent chills down my spine. He walked over to the bed where, moments before, he’d hidden the stuffed wolf. Only when he straightened, he was clutching a shirt. His hands shook as he passed it over.
She snatched it from his tiny grasp and stalked over to the enormous fire burning in the hearth, then promptly threw it in. Her gaze scanned the sparsely accommodated room until it once again landed on him. The tears he’d fought earlier now streamed silently down his cheeks. “Is that all?”
When he tried to speak, he choked on a sob.
She advanced towards him, hand already lifted. “Is that all?”
“Y-yes, M-mother.”
She lowered her hand and sneered at him. “Pathetic. It will take years to undo what that soft-hearted imbecile did to you. And don’t stammer. You’re a Harker, act like one.”
He swallowed and straightened his shoulders. “Yes, Mother.”
She sniffed and turned to leave. Almost immediately, the room dissolved into another memory.
I ran out as fast as my feet could carry me. Back in the hall, everything seemed dimmer than before. My hand shook as I tried the next door.
To my relief, Josh was alone, though he didn’t look any older. He sat on the bed, staring at his stuffed wolf, petting it gently. The red mark was still on his face, albeit not as bright. He sniffed and stood. He made his way over to the fireplace, where the flames burned strongly.
Horror washed over me. He was going to burn the wolf. The last thing his father had given him and probably his only friend in the world.
Josh stood on his tiptoes to reach an intricate piece of molding framing the fireplace.
He twisted it, and a small compartment opened in the leg.
“Everything will be okay, Jasper. Papa will come back and we’ll be able to play again.
” He wiped his face with his sleeve, careful to avoid the tender spot on his cheek.
“Until then, you can stay here, where you can see and protect me. Right, Jasper? You’ll always protect me. ”
He squeezed the animal tightly, then reached up to slide it into the secret compartment. He had to stretch and use the tips of his fingers, but at last he safely seated the wolf where it could indeed keep an eye on the whole room. Josh gave him one last longing look before closing the compartment.
This time the memory didn’t dissolve to be replaced by another. Darkness descended until the only thing left was the heartbreaking sound of Josh’s soft sobs.
Once again in the hall, I leaned against the door. It was too much. The whole thing was too much. I knew his mother had manipulated him since he was young. But the abuse? And drugging him with magic since he was seven? It was unthinkable.
How many of these memories will I have to endure before I make any progress?
Resolve stiffened my shoulders.
As many as it takes.
I took off down the hall, determined to accomplish my goal no matter how much it hurt my heart.
Doors sped past as I skipped through Josh’s childhood, only occasionally stopping to check my progress.
I tried to avoid the one that looked like his bedroom door.
The place may have been different, but the result was the same.
More abuse. More bruises. And with each one, his eyes became more and more vacant as whatever she was using on him sank its claws in deep.
It became almost impossible to distinguish between different doors as I journeyed forward.
The shadows grew tighter and tighter around me as if reflecting the darkness encompassing Josh’s life.
I couldn’t help but wonder if he could even access these memories or if he’d suppressed them beyond finding.
Finally, I stumbled across a door so unlike all the others, I couldn’t help but stop. The dull white paint was a beacon of light compared to the dark, heavy doors that dominated the hall. Swallowing my trepidation, I peered inside.
Teenage Josh stared into a bathroom mirror, determination clear in his eyes. “You can do this. It’s not a big deal. You’ll be fine.” He hung his head, his dark hair longer than he wore it now, then popped it back up. “I can do this.”
Without warning, he turned around and marched right towards me and through the door. When I turned to follow though, the hall was gone, replaced with a room I’d never seen before.
“You okay?” The gentle voice belonged to a similarly aged youth. His brown hair was shaggy, and he was clearly athletic.
“I’m fine.”
“We don’t have to do this.”
My gaze narrowed as it returned to Josh, who clearly still looked nervous, despite his pep talk.
“I know that.”
“Hey, no need to snap. I just don’t want you to feel pressured or anything.
” The guy offered a reassuring smile that prompted a small one from Josh.
“You know what? Let’s go get some ice cream or something.
We can hang out, laugh, and just have a good time.
We don’t have to do this today or at all. ”
“What makes you think I don’t want to?” Anger and a hint of insecurity wove through Josh’s sharp question.
The guy chuckled and stepped closer, clearly not put off by Josh’s attitude. “You know what I am, right?” His eyes flashed yellow in the light.
“I know what you are, Zach.”
He chuckled again. “Just checking.” His gaze wandered over Josh with a tenderness that obviously unsettled Josh. “I don’t know why, but I have this crazy urge to protect you.”
Josh’s mouth twisted. “I can protect myself.”
“I don’t doubt it.” Zach closed the distance between them so their bodies pressed against each other and gently tucked a lock of hair behind Josh’s ear.
Josh instantly stiffened.
“Shhh. I’m not gonna hurt you, baby. If at any point you decide you don’t want to do this, then all you have to do is say the word, okay? Ice cream and talking are still one hundred percent good with me.” Zach brushed his fingers lightly through Josh’s hair, and Josh relaxed.
“I do want this.”
Zach’s response was to press his lips to Josh’s.
Understanding blossomed in my chest, and I quickly hightailed it out of there before I could intrude anymore on the private moment.
While I knew I had no business witnessing any of the interaction, a part of me was relieved that at least Josh’s first time hadn’t been traumatic.
I spared the white door, a sole spot of brightness in an otherwise dark place, another glance before moving on.
After that, the doors became easier to read.
Fewer of them were of the ornate style that represented his house, and more metal ones took precedence.
There was a smattering of other kinds, but I’d found my pacing.
Doors zipped past as I raced through Josh’s teenage years.
He grew from a pretty, yet awkward teen into a stunning young man.
At last, it seemed I was getting somewhere when another unusual door caught my attention.
This one seemed to have no color, or at least not one that was distinguishable from the nearly black vines that covered it.
They twined around the handle and spread across the wall while darkness seemed to seep from beneath it.
I unwittingly stepped closer. Pain radiated out like heat, blistering my skin.
I took another step closer, fear that the Josh I sought was inside coiled in my gut.
A scream that struck my very core vibrated through the barrier as I reached for the handle.
I staggered back and looked up at the terrifying structure.
Above the ominous door rested a bronze placard with a phrase etched into it.
I squinted in the weird light and finally made out the words: Thou shalt speak no word that is untrue.
My feet had a will of their own as I retreated from the awful door, the memory of that agonizing scream dogging every step until I was running full tilt.