Chapter 3
Elijah
This place was a special hell. If I hadn’t already figured out how to forgive the horrible atrocities Josh had committed, this certainly would have done the trick.
All I wanted was to find him and get out of here.
Then I’d devote the rest of my life to bringing as much light as possible to that man’s life, but I had to find him first.
My feet made no sound as I continued to run down the hall peppered with doors.
With each step, the doors and the memories they held became more severe, and my anxiety increased.
He had to be here somewhere. The sight of a more familiar door gleamed at me, and I skidded to a halt. I’d recognize that soft blue anywhere.
This is my door.
The impulse to peek reared its head. I forced it back. I’d already seen too much. Kotori had warned me about the dangers of seeing things here, and that included Josh’s memories of me.
But if this door is me, then I’m near the end.
No sooner did I have the thought than the hallway opened onto a cavernous room with no walls in sight.
My brow furrowed as the sounds of battle drifted across the formerly silent landscape of Josh’s mind.
Savage growls and the ring of clashing metal grew louder with each step until at last I emerged onto what appeared to be a battlefield.
My gaze instantly latched onto the older Josh I was intimately familiar with.
He stood locked in battle with a wolf nearly twice his size and the color of midnight.
Scratches and blood covered his body, while his opponent appeared unscathed.
In a surge of strength, they flew apart, and each receded to their respective corner.
I quickly crossed the field and approached the battle-worn Josh.
“You shouldn’t be out here,” he panted, his gaze never leaving the wolf that paced across from him.
Shock flooded through me. None of the other Joshes had seen me at all. “Where should I be?”
His gaze flickered over his shoulder. There stood a massive door, and the only apparent source of light. “You should go back.” His hand tightened around a spotless dagger. “I’ll hold him off.”
I placed a hand on his shoulder, more than surprised to make actual contact. “Josh, you know those can’t hurt him.”
He sagged beneath the weight of the touch. “I know. But I have to try. I can’t… can’t let him destroy what’s in there. Now hurry, I don’t know how much longer I can last.” With that, he sprinted forward, already snarling to meet the wolf head-on.
Determined not to waste the opportunity he’d given me, I stepped through the door.
I blinked past the sudden flood of light. Nowhere else I’d been had there been half as much brightness; it was near blinding. When my vision finally adjusted enough to see, Josh was standing before me. My Josh. We were in my cottage's kitchen.
His eyes danced with happiness while a smile played about his lips. He leaned forward and molded his mouth to mine. Another wave of surprise rolled through me, even as my hand found his waist and pulled him closer.
What’s happening here?
He arched into me, deepening the kiss and focusing my attention back on him.
I let out an involuntary moan and pressed him against the counter.
When he pulled back, his lips were a beautiful cherry.
“Hey, moonbeam.” The words flew out of my mouth as if by some predetermined script.
His smile broadened. “I love it when you call me that.” He wrapped his arms around my neck and pulled me back in for another sensual kiss while his fingers carded through my hair.
Red flags went up. Familiar as this was, this wasn’t a memory. Josh had never said those words to me before.
If this isn’t a memory, then what is it?
Josh continued to kiss me like we had all the time in the world and remained oblivious to my freaking out. His tongue worked magic at pulling me into the fantasy I’d tried countless times to have.
Suddenly, there was a small, insistent tug on my pant leg. I broke the kiss and looked down. Whatever breath Josh hadn’t already stolen vacated my lungs in a rush.
Josh chuckled and pushed lightly against my chest. “I’ll get this one.” He stepped away, then scooped up a toddler with eyes as green as his. “Why do you look so upset, little one?” He brushed steel-gray hair back from the boy’s forehead and waited patiently for a response.
The child pouted, water pooling in his forest-colored eyes. “Sissy broke the lamp. It wasn’t me! I swear, I swear.”
Josh clucked his tongue. “Now, what have we said about lying?” The child’s bottom lip poked out as he tried and failed to avoid Josh’s gaze while he was held captive in his arms. “Need I remind you? It’s not nice to lie, especially when...”
The boy gave a tiny sniffle. “When Papa can’t.”
Josh smoothed the boy's hair again and rubbed his back. “Want to try again?”
Shame colored the boy’s cheeks, and he struggled to meet Josh’s gaze. “Sissy and I broke the lamp.”
“Was it because you were doing something you weren’t supposed to?”
“Yes.” I’d never heard a more miserable confession.
Just then, a girl of equal age with the exact same eyes and hair skidded into the room. “It wasn’t just me!”
Josh chuckled and looked at me over his shoulder. The joy in his eyes was unmistakable, and I had no idea how he couldn’t see the alarm clearly written in mine. But he obviously didn’t, because he turned back to the two children. “I know it wasn’t just you.”
At his words, the girl burst into tears.
He squatted down to her level, still holding the boy. “Are you hurt?” She shook her head emphatically. “Then that’s all that matters.” He used his free hand to wipe a tear from her face. “What do you say we carefully clean up the mess together? Do you think that would help make things right?”
The girl nodded and wiped her tears away while the boy buried his face in Josh’s neck and offered his own muffled agreement.
“Come on, then.” He straightened and held out a hand. The small girl took it, and all three of them walked into the other room.
I sagged against the counter, overcome with what I’d witnessed.
Josh wasn’t protecting a memory from the wolf.
He was protecting a dream. My gaze wandered over the brightly lit space.
Signs of a happy life filled every inch.
Pictures of the two of us. Pictures of the four of us.
Keepsakes and tokens. Kid crafts in places of prominence.
A children’s book sitting on the counter.
I swallowed past an unexpected lump in my throat. Then my gaze darted back to the door I’d come through, the one Josh was defending with all he had. With one last glance at the Josh cooing and comforting the twins, I walked back out, intentionally leaving the door open.
The battle-worn Josh’s eyes widened in alarm when I emerged. “What are you doing? You can’t leave that open.”
A glance across the arena revealed the dark wolf closer than ever and pacing restlessly, much as I’d seen the real Josh do the other day in the modified recovery ward. I placed both hands on his shoulders and forced the human Josh to look at me.
Everything about him screamed exhaustion, from the gray circles haunting his eyes to the way his shoulders slumped and the wary way he looked at me. “Elijah, please. Go back.”
I shook my head. “You have to let him in, Josh.”
“But… he’ll hurt you.” The sadness in his eyes made my heart ache.
I cupped his face. “He won’t. He’s you, Josh, and you would never hurt me.”
He stared at me, and slowly resignation replaced the sadness. He squeezed my wrists lightly and dropped his hands.
I stepped away as he moved aside. The wolf glanced at him, then walked through the open door.
We both peered inside after him. The disorienting sight of Josh, dream-me, and the twins sitting together greeted me. The black wolf’s appearance went completely unnoticed. He walked right up to the couch and curled up in front of Josh’s feet as dream-Josh braided the little girl’s hair.
Out of nowhere, a larger gray wolf with a rust stain down its back appeared.
At first, I thought it might be an embodiment of Josh’s childhood toy, but the wolf walked over and nuzzled the black one before lying down beside him.
It wasn’t until he looked up and our gazes met that I realized it was my own inner wolf.
A violent gasp tore through my chest. I lurched forward and met the minimal resistance of wires snapping.
“Easy. You’re okay, Dr. Bennett.” The familiar sound of Dr. Lyons’ voice did anything but set me at ease.
I immediately turned to the mindwalker. “What have you done? Put me back.” Kotori shook his head. In the blink of an eye, I fisted my hands into his shirt. “Put. Me. Back.”
“Easy, wolf brother.” An eerie calm washed over me, and my hold loosened. “You knew there could only be one visit. And one visit was all it took.” Despite his awful reminder, a smile touched his eyes. “You did it.”
My chest convulsed in a sob. “Really? He’s going to be okay?”
Kotori gripped my shoulders and gave them a reassuring squeeze. “Your mate has already begun the journey back to his body.”
I scrambled off the cot and raced to the window.
“Dr. Bennett, I really must insist—”
I tuned out Dr. Lyons. Beyond the spelled glass, the black wolf was the calmest I’d seen him yet. His gaze swung lazily around the room as if truly seeing it for the first time. He stumbled to the side, then shook his head and nearly fell down.
“You have to let me in there.”
“We’ve been through this. The risk is too great.”
The entrance door to his room was only ten feet away by the time Dr. Lyons caught up with me. “I don’t care. I’m going in there.”
“He could kill you.”
I paused and looked at the disoriented wolf on the other side.
Joshua Hart had been alone his entire life, and I’d be damned if he was going to be alone for this.
I spun to confront Dr. Lyons. “I’ll sign whatever waiver you want, but I’m going in there.
” Before she could protest again, I swiped the key card hanging from her coat and approached the door.
The last door.
I held up the card to the reader, and it beeped softly. My hand trembled as I pushed open the only thing separating me from Josh. The door shut with a near-silent kiss of air. Not silent enough, though.
Josh’s gaze immediately swung to me. The growl that rolled out of him was a clear warning to keep my distance.
I held my hands low in a placating gesture and took a tentative step forward. “It’s me, Josh. You don’t want to hurt me, remember? You made me a promise.”
A ripple passed over him, and the growl faded. He took a hesitant step forward, nose outstretched, seeking my scent.
“That’s it, moonbeam.”
Josh let out a yelp as he crumpled to the ground.
Rather than rush towards him, I hit the privacy filter. No doubt there were still cameras that could witness what was happening, but I wouldn’t make it easy for them.
A whimper assaulted my ears, but I still ignored it, this time reaching for the lights. I held down the control until a false night submerged the room.
It took only a few blinks to adjust my vision to the new dark. Several meters away, Josh’s form heaved off the ground and twisted into unnatural contortions. His black fur, which blended so well with the darkness, melted away to reveal bones moving beneath pale flesh.
Time stretched as I watched and waited for Josh to finish the arduous process of shifting back into a man. At last, a much more human gasp emerged from the huddled mass of limbs.
I eased the lights up to allow for some visibility and to reassure the doctors on the other side that both of us were alive. I took a few steps to grab the blanket left for him to sleep on. Then, I cautiously approached.
Josh pushed himself up on arms that shook, his chest still heaving from exertion. Sweat coated his body; the outline of his ribs clearly visible beneath the fresh layer of skin.
For the first time, I realized just how much weight he’d lost while here.
I knew they’d had trouble getting him to eat, but didn’t know how bad it had gotten.
My jaw tightened with determination. I took another slow step towards him, then another and another, until I was practically on top of him.
Without a word, I sat down and waited, the blanket spread on my lap.
His green eyes were still a bit dazed as he tilted his head to look at me. “Elijah?”
“Hey, moonbeam.”