Chapter 11
Elijah
Iwasn’t surprised at Josh’s reluctance to go into the hospital, though it had taken me a second to process that he wanted– expected–me to go as well.
I guided him through the automatic doors with my hand on his lower back.
For all that he was walking in of his own free will, you’d never know it by how tight his muscles were beneath my palm.
He flinched at the hiss of air that bombarded us.
I smiled at the nurse stationed at the front desk while Josh appeared to be searching for an alternate escape than the one at our backs.
It sucked that the one thing that would have helped his anxiety was also the one thing he’d been expressly told not to take before the appointment.
“Good morning, Dr. Bennett. It’s been a while,” the nurse said with a responding smile, which she then turned to Josh. “It’s a pleasure to see you, Detective Hart. I was disappointed to learn you’d been discharged before I could offer my congratulations.”
Fortunately, the growl rolling out of Josh was too low for the nurse to hear at this distance. The snarl twisting his face, however, was less easy to miss. I pinched his waist, and the sound immediately cut off as he turned his head to glare at me.
“Thank you, Betty. I believe Dr. Lyons is expecting us?” I said to distract from Josh’s poor response to her kindness.
“Of course.” She stood and vacated her position behind the counter. “If you’ll please follow me.”
I chuckled. “No offense, Betty, but I’m pretty sure I know the way.” Rather than pretend I didn’t notice the increasingly complex array of scents swirling around my mate and betraying his state of mind, I rubbed my hand along his back in soothing motions.
Betty’s smile widened. “Actually, Dr. Lyons thought it would be better to use the secondary laboratory for today’s tests. It’s more private, and it’s at the other end of the complex. The far end.”
Surprise briefly eclipsed Josh’s myriad of darker scents. I wanted to high-five Betty for conveying the sensitive news without so much as a telling flick of her gaze toward Josh. She turned to the double doors that led away from the quarantine wing, and we fell in step behind her.
The corridor was as nondescript as the one that led to the wing where we’d spent most of our time the prior three months, but just the knowledge that he wouldn’t be going anywhere near that damnable cage seemed to put Josh more at ease.
When we arrived at the alternate lab, Dr. Lyons was waiting for us.
“I’m glad you took my orders seriously, Detective Hart,” she said with a knowing grin.
Josh huffed and crossed his arms. “Contrary to what other physicians here might have told you, I do respect the expertise of medical practitioners. And how do you know I didn’t take a sedative?” He arched an eyebrow in challenge. Dr. Lyons characteristically remained unfazed.
“I don’t. But considering your desire to gain mastery over your condition, I would find it strange if you had. Just so. Detective Hart, have you taken any sedatives within the last eight hours?”
“No, I have not,” he grumbled.
“Excellent. Though that was not the order to which I was referring.” Dr. Lyons’ smile widened while Betty ducked her head to hide her grin, and Josh gave me an accusatory look.
“I’m choosing to be optimistic in assuming that the presence of your mate and the mere fact that you’re allowing him to touch you means you’ve mended the bond. ”
Josh narrowed his eyes. “What do you mean ‘mended the bond’?” Danger threaded through the question as he stared at the doctor without blinking.
“Oh. I thought you knew.” Priscilla glanced at me, and I could feel my face heat.
She cleared her throat to distract Josh to redirect Josh’s intense scrutiny.
“Not that it’s relevant for today’s tests.
Though that does bring me to our first order of business.
If you would please come with me, Dr. Bennett. ”
There was nothing menacing about the look Josh gave me. “Um, I thought I’d be permitted to stay,” I said cautiously, not sure who I expected to shoot me down.
“You are, but I would also like to run some tests on you as well.” She quickly held up her hands to prevent Josh and me from interrupting.
“Mein Zeke is still not transferable. However, I’d be remiss not to study firsthand the effects of a bonded werewolf who is not affected.
” She waited a beat, then scoffed. “I swear, it’s like no one around here remembers why I actually came to Adler Springs.
Now, if we could? While you are my priority, Detective Hart, you are not my only patient. ”
Thoroughly cowed, I followed Dr. Lyons back into the hall where she was waiting for me with her hands on her hips and her smile nowhere to be found.
“I swear we talked,” I said the second the thick door shut behind me.
I knew from experience that all the doors in the hospital annex had impressive soundproofing.
“Clearly not about everything.” She tsked and walked a few doors down. “How could you not tell him why his suffering was so acute?” she asked as she held open the door for me.
“What would it have accomplished? We’re better now. The bond is healed.”
She gathered what she needed to draw blood and stuck a few electrodes to my head. “You don’t think he deserves to know the truth?”
“What do you want from me, Priscilla?” I asked with a sigh as I watched the vial fill with my blood.
“You and Kotori were right. Josh didn’t…
he didn’t believe I cared for him, that I loved him.
He felt like I never wanted him, despite the bond, maybe more so because of the bond.
” My voice became soft with shame, and I hung my head.
She finished securing the equipment and vials before confronting me again. “I just don’t understand. After everything he’s been through, after you went into his mind to get him–”
“That’s exactly why. I know I told you about a lot of it, but you didn’t see it.
The way his mother treated him, seeing him go from a bright, empathetic boy to an emotionless death machine…
I just can’t. I can’t bring him more pain than I already have.
” I scrubbed my face in frustration. It wasn’t that I didn’t believe she had a point.
I just couldn’t see a way of telling Josh how much I’d contributed to his pain by the way I’d acted when I first realized we’d bonded.
“I’ll let it drop, but I would like my professional and personal disagreement with your chosen course of action noted.”
“Noted,” I grumbled.
“Good. A few more tests and you can rejoin Detective Hart.”
Josh
I watched the door swing shut behind Betty after she finished taking my vitals and what felt like a liter of blood.
The click of the latch catching might as well have been an explosion.
But the ringing in my ears couldn’t distract me anymore than Betty’s endeavors to engage me in small talk.
Why had Dr. Lyons taken Elijah for tests?
What sort of tests? When were they coming back?
I stared at the closed door while I paced the exam room and reminded myself for the dozenth time that it wasn’t a cage.
I could leave whenever I wanted. All I had to do was open the door and walk out.
Except I didn’t really believe that. Would Elijah come back for me again?
Had the last week been a lie? Had he only told me he loved me to make me more malleable so he could leave me here?
I wouldn’t even blame him. I wasn’t worth any of the trouble I’d caused.
And definitely wouldn’t be worth the mess when my medical leave ran out.
We already knew that both of us would survive as long as we maintained proximity.
The distance would be bearable, and Elijah could live the life he actually wanted.
I could live in a cage if that’s what it took to make him happy.
The familiar darkness clawed at my mind, and my heart grew cold. I hated that the coldness centered on the scar where my mother shot me in the back. I dragged in a ragged breath as I hit the wall. I hadn’t even realized I’d been moving.
The exam door opened with a violent crash as Elijah burst into the room. No sooner did I register his appearance than he was crowding me against the wall, his hands reaching for me.
“Hey, moonbeam. I’m right here.”
I shook my head, pressing myself more firmly against the wall, and forced myself to say, “You don’t have to pretend. I… I understand if you want to leave me here.”
“Josh, no. I would never leave you.” He stepped in close and finally succeeded in wrapping his arms around me. My entire body shuddered at his touch, but the darkness wouldn’t let go. “I’m right here, moonbeam, and I’m not going anywhere.”
I wanted that to be true. Needed it to be true. But I didn’t trust it. Trust had never done me any favors. Only people who could afford it had trust, and I never could.
Elijah tightened his arms. “Hold the bond, Josh. Feel how much I love you and know it’s real. Hold the bond. Come back to me, moonbeam,” he said and rested his head on my shoulder.
The scent of a warm summer breeze curled in my nose and the darkness retreated ever so slightly. Warm noises of comfort brushed along my neck as if to mimic the breeze I could so clearly smell. Abruptly, I realized they weren’t random noises at all. He was repeating over and over, “I’m so sorry.”
I felt for that all-consuming light that lived inside my chest. Only when it normally was so bright it was almost painful, it was… dim. I reached for the bond and it brightened marginally. The fierce cold in my heart gradually warmed.
“Elijah?”
He leaned back to look at me, but didn’t relinquish his hold. “There you are.”