Chapter 10 #2
The heated words had the rather alarming effect of shoving me under an icy-cold waterfall. “Josh… I need to tell you something.”
“What might that be?” he mumbled as he continued to trail incinerating kisses along my neck.
“It’s about your time as a wolf.”
He froze mid-kiss, then slowly pulled back. “What did I do?”
I brushed the hair back from his face and saw the worry clear in his eyes. “It’s not so much something you did as something I did.”
His face scrunched in confusion. “What are you talking about?”
I searched his wary gaze for any clue as to how he might react to the news. “I really wish I could make you promise not to get upset.”
He stepped the rest of the way out of my embrace, his eyes narrowed with increasing concern. “What happened?”
I took a deep breath and let it out slowly.
“You weren’t turning back, so we… we contracted a mindwalker.
” Maintaining eye contact was harder than I ever could have imagined, but I did it.
The things I’d seen in Josh’s memories would haunt me until the day I died, but it was worth every nightmare to have him back.
“What are you saying? Someone was in my mind?”
“Not someone, Josh. Me.”
Josh
The scream of the timer going off ripped through the kitchen. Elijah didn’t so much as flinch. He simply stood there, his eyes silently imploring me not to push him away.
I blinked, struggling to make sense of what he’d said. A mindwalker had granted him access to my mind. Elijah Bennett had borne witness to the darkness inside of me, all the hurt and pain that had defined the first thirty-four years of my life, all the horrible things I’d done in that time.
He knows who I really am. No excuses, no half-truths, all of it.
Bile burned my esophagus. Finally, I couldn’t take it anymore and pushed past him.
“Josh—” The pleading in his voice set my nerves on edge.
I quickly silenced the piercing alarm and turned to face him with the island once again between us.
I rested my hands on the tiled counter. When I realized they were shaking, I clenched them.
“So, what you’re telling me is that you went into my mind, my innermost thoughts, and you’re just now telling me?
” It was impossible to keep the bite from my words, and Elijah visibly flinched.
“I know I should have told you sooner, but every time I was going to, you just looked so…”
“So what?”
“Happy. I couldn’t bear to be the one to remind you of your worst memories.”
I ground my teeth together, anger simmering in my veins. “What did you see?”
“Are you really sure you want to know? I’m almost positive you don’t remember some of them.”
I brought my hand down on the counter with a loud smack. “Damn it, Elijah. What. Did. You. See?”
His shoulders slumped in defeat. “I think you were five in the earliest memory I saw.”
I squeezed my eyes shut. He was right. That time in my life was barely more than a painful blur. I couldn’t even fathom what hid in those murky depths.
“I knew your mother was manipulative, but I had no idea she was physically abusive as well.”
My breath came out in a ragged gasp.
“The quiche is going to burn.”
With a growl, I whipped around and yanked the dish out of the oven. The heat of the scalding dish hardly registered on my bare hand. The glassware clattered on the counter as I turned back to confront Elijah. “What else?”
“You were seven or eight when she started using magic on you,” he said as he walked around the island. “She’d told you your father had abandoned you, but you didn’t want to believe it. Even in the face of such horrid lies, you were still so fierce, so strong.”
“Not strong enough.” My eyes burned with unshed tears. Try as I might to remember what he was talking about, all that came to mind was a fog of pain my mind quickly retreated from. And Elijah had been there.
“It wasn’t all bad.” His warm hand coasted up my arm, and he gently turned me into his strong embrace.
I didn’t have the strength to fight him and sagged into his chest, desperately holding back a sob of despair. His scent swirled in my nostrils, bringing with it the comfort of a warm summer day. “I find that hard to believe,” I mumbled into the same shirt I was clinging to like a life raft.
He shrugged without letting me go. “I got to see your dad.”
I gave up my hold in order to wrap my arms around him. “What was he like?”
“Well, you look a lot like him, though I think you might be taller. You have his eyes and definitely his heart. He clearly loved you a great deal.”
“I don’t really remember him.” I burrowed in closer, tucking my head beneath his chin.
“I’ll tell you whatever you want, Josh, but I didn’t see everything. Your memories were kept behind doors. I skipped around a lot and only stopped at ones that were noticeably different or to get an idea of how close I was to the current you.”
“Anything else?”
His low chuckle vibrated through my chest while his hands rubbed my back.
“What?”
“Zach was pretty cute.”
My head shot up, nearly clipping his chin, while mortification burned my face. “Elijah Bennett, please tell me you did not…”
He silenced me with a chaste kiss. “No. As soon as I realized what was going on, I got the hell out of there. I wouldn’t violate your privacy like that. Though why am I not surprised your first time was with a lycan?”
“Fuck you.” I scowled at him before resuming my previous position.
He chuckled and pulled me tighter against his chest. “Just saying, you clearly have a type.”
I snorted, but he wasn’t wrong. It was weird to remember Zach.
I hadn’t thought about him for years. Which was a shame, really.
He’d been sweet and so kind. If only he hadn’t also been insistent on wanting to date me.
He was many beautiful things, but he was also the reason I’d taken to hiding my scent even when I went out for one-night stands.
Thankfully, that would never be an issue again.
Suddenly, another thought occurred to me. “Did you have a door?”
He placed a kiss on my forehead. “Yes, it looked like the one to the cottage, and you have no idea how tempting it was to go inside.”
This time I was more careful about raising my head to look at him. “You didn’t open it?”
Elijah cupped the side of my face. “No, I didn’t. You’ve already told me everything I need to know.” His thumb brushed along my bottom lip, and I blinked at him.
The level of sacrifice on his part in undertaking such a dangerous procedure was staggering. Not to mention the willpower it would have taken to open as few doors as possible. I kissed his thumb, and his beautiful cognac eyes rose from my mouth to meet my gaze. “I love you.”
The light that immediately filled those amber depths made me want to say it again. Before I could, he placed his mouth on mine, his lips pulling out a tender kiss that set my pulse racing, and calmed me all at once. “I love you too. Now what do you say we eat some breakfast?”
“Depends.”
His smile slipped, and a crease formed between his brows. “On what?”
“Who cooked it.”
“You cheeky bastard. You watched me make it.” He scowled at me, and the laughter I’d been holding at bay finally bubbled out of me.