Twenty-Seven
F ury soared through me, and I went for him. That fucker barged into my room and saw my girl naked. He fucking interrupted us and saw her naked and horny, and I’d fucking kill him for that!
“For fuck’s sake, man! You need to stop RIGHT NOW!”
Something in the tone of Ice’s voice got through to me, right before I buried my fist in his face for the second time, but only just though.
I still had him by the throat, but I paused.
“What?”
“You’re online, man. Right now. Everyone can see the two of you fucking .”
I felt cold terror sinking into me as I pulled back and released him. Almost in slow motion I turned to look at Elise, praying she was covered up. She looked stunned, but thank god she’d dragged my bedding over her. I should have made sure she was safe first, that she was protected from prying eyes.
“I… what?”
“Who, Ice?” I spun back around and grabbed his cut, slamming him against the wall, and he rolled his eyes at me.
“Seriously? I race in here to save your ass, and I’m the bad guy? I’m the one who’s still getting faced with your junk.”
“Who can see us, Ice?” I was frantic, suddenly waiting for that door to crash open again, for Stitch to burst in here, and kill me right in front of Elise, because I was doing the one thing he couldn’t forgive me for, and somehow it was being broadcast to the fucking internet!
“I caught it, man. I caught it before they saw, but we need to find the camera and get it removed. You understand that even though we’re shutting it down now, everything leading up to that moment is still out there, you get that, right?”
Fuck! I rushed across the room, and grabbed the bedding, wrapping it tighter around Elise.
“Don’t fucking move, babe. Not until we find this thing.”
“From the angle in the footage, I think it’ll be somewhere over…”
Ice was already fiddling around in the corner of my room opposite the door. I slid my jeans back on while he cursed under his breath, and then wrenched something away from the wall.
“This fucking thing was hiding it.” He lifted up the remains of the old wall lamp, and tossed it on the floor, removing a tiny camera I’d never have spotted.
“How fucking long has that been there?!”
He glared at me on his way back out of my room.
“How the fuck would I know? Still, you might want to check around the rest of the place before you get your fuck on again, yeah? We can’t guarantee this is the only one.”
I dropped down on the bed, and rested my head in my hands.
“I can’t fucking believe this. How the hell did that thing even get in here?”
Elise grabbed my shoulder. “Has, it’s okay. It’s gone now.”
I felt the world crashing down onto my shoulders in that moment. There was no more time to hide from the truth I never wanted to fucking tell her.
She’d never want me once she knew. She’d be horrified, shocked, disgusted. I’m pretty sure that’s the only reaction anyone would have to what I’m about to say. Especially since, thanks to me, her first fucking sexual moments were now out there too, my own violation had become hers too in one fell swoop. I couldn’t seem to stop failing her.
“Babe, it’s not fucking okay, and it’s never gone. Once it’s out there, it just fucking stays out there. Trust me, I know.”
Elise
I couldn’t believe that camera had been in his bedroom, and more than that, I was surprised that he didn’t know. I thought the videos of him online were his own doing, and I was starting to realise that it was something someone was doing to him. His reaction was exactly what mine had been; pure horrified mortification.
“You didn’t put that camera in here, did you?”
Has turned to stare at me in horror.
“What the… of course I fucking didn’t! This is my home. My sanctuary, why the fuck would I let that be spied on like that?”
I wriggled closer, trying to keep myself covered at the same time. Ice did warn that there could be other cameras, after all.
“Has… you mean the other videos… you-”
“ Other videos? Fucking hell, tell me you haven’t fucking seen those!“ He stood up, practically pulling at his hair. “I can’t fucking believe this!”
I dragged the bedding around me, and struggled up from the bed, trying to follow him as he moved around with pure agitation.
“Has.”
“This whole time, I’ve been terrified, so fucking desperate for you not to see that shit, and you’ve seen it already? I’m fucking cursed. I can’t believe this is happening.”
“Has!”
He stopped pacing, and tugging viciously on his dreads, his tortured eyes meeting mine at last, his horror breaking my heart. The poor man. This whole time I’ve been enjoying my clandestine dates with him via that porn site, and it was all something that was done to him.
“What?”
“Yes, I’ve seen them! I… Oh my god… I liked them .”
He blinked in a weird slow motion kind of way, and his mouth fell open. He looked like his brain had completely disconnected from his mouth, as his lips moved several times like he wanted to speak, but had no words. He started shaking his head slowly, still struck dumb by my words.
“Has… I found them hot.”
He pulled at his dreads again. “Fucking hell! I’ve been desperately trying to fucking stop that shit from getting out there, and not wanting you to see that side of me. To stop you from judging me for being such a fucking whore, and you… you liked them?”
I could feel my cheeks were scarlet at this point, but I wanted to ease his pain a little, even at the expense of myself, and there was only one way I could do that.
“I found them so sexy that I watched them often, Has, while I rode my fingers to orgasms that seemed so much more powerful than any others. Because it was you. Your face, your body, your voice. Your pleasure. Seeing that… I pretended it was me you were touching. Me you were using your mouth on, me you were licking, and touching, and fucking. When you were refusing to touch me, I was going online and getting off on the video version of you, because it was all I could have.”