Thirty-Nine
B eing the last one left in the room with Reacher and Stitch was suddenly the scariest part of my day, and that’s taking into account a motorcycle accident, and flashbacks of my sexual abuse as a child.
What was about to happen in this room could just destroy me forever.
“Sit,” Reacher murmured, pointing at my usual chair, two away from Stitch on the opposite side. Once we were all seated, he turned to his VP.
“Go on.”
Stitch cleared his throat, resting his palms on the table almost in slow motion, almost as if he was struggling for the right words.
“I’m pissed at you, man. I’m so fucking angry, I want to punch you every time I see you. The one thing I didn’t want for my sister was this life. We were made for this, you and me, but she’s meant for more.”
I nodded, leaning on my elbows to try and take the weight off my damn body.
“I completely agree, VP.”
Reacher shook his head, and I took the hint. Shut up and listen.
Stitch clenched his jaw as he stayed silent again. I could tell every word was killing him, and the wait was killing me, but I had to wait, and be patient. This meeting could lose me everything I’ve ever wanted.
“She loves you, man. She’s made her fucking decision, and… Jesus, I’m still gonna struggle with this for a long ass time, maybe forever, but… I’m not gonna stand in your way.”
I blinked, wondering if I just fucking had some kind of waking dream or some shit.
“Wait, what?”
“Smooth,” Reacher muttered, smirking at me.
“What part of that confused you, dickhead?” Stitch’s lips twitched slightly, but he fought the smile and looked away, his jaw clenching again.
“Brother… look, I get that this feels like the ultimate betrayal to you, and I’ve never ever wanted to hurt anyone in this club, least of all you guys. You’ve given me everything. You saved me. You made me want to live again. Elise, though? She actually makes me feel alive. She actually makes me feel like I could be more too. I didn’t mean to fall in love with her, and I know she was off limits, and you have every right to kill me, but either way it’s been worth it, to know her, and love her.”
“Jesus, he’s gonna ask me to start braiding his hair in a minute,” Stitch murmured, but his face became deadly serious as he leaned on the table again.
“If you ever hurt her, if you ever make her regret this, if you ever break her heart, I’ll fucking gut you like a fish. Hear me on this, Has, because if I have to choose between the two of you, it’s always gonna be her.”
Fuck me. I prayed I could be everything she deserved, but if I failed at that, I’d deserve that fate.
“I promise you, man. All I want is to make her so fucking happy that she never regrets a second of being with me. Thank you. Thank you so fucking much for trusting me, even though I know every part of you is screaming at you to kill me instead.”
“Okay, are we done? Because this isn’t fixing our fucking club, but it was important to fix this shit between the two of you, because I need my fucking VP and his sister’s boyfriend working together to keep her, and all of our old ladies, safe. Got it?”
Reacher had a good point, and I was kinda grateful that he had forced Stitch to address this now, instead of dragging it out longer. I stood up, sighing with relief when I got off my damn ass again.
“So… I’m gonna be staying in Elise’s room with her. I need to know she’s safe when she sleeps.”
Stitch grimaced, and shoved his chair back as he and Reacher stood up too.
“Fuck me… you’re pushing me again already.”
“I want her safe, and I know you want the same. I’d die before I let anyone near her, you know that.”
He groaned, backing up and leaning against the wall.
“I need to stay back, or that urge to punch you is gonna lead to the real thing again. You’re talking about shacking up with my fucking sister.”
“Stitch, for fuck’s sake. You just had this discussion, and you’re letting them be, so just fucking let them be. Move your shit in with her, brother. We’ll need your room for ‘Grease’, anyway.”
I grabbed the door handle, and paused before I left.
“I’ll ask her if she’s okay with that first, and if she says yes, then I’ll move my shit in. She gets a fucking say in this, Pres. She’s our fucking equal. You know what though? What we did to that room of hers? We need to do that to the others. We need to know our women are safe behind stronger fucking doors when we’re not with them. They can’t always pile into one room like refugees.”
Once we were back in her room, and Stitch had finished with his annoyingly long hug, he nodded at me and left, taking his old lady with him. I followed and locked up, then turned back to my girl, hopefully my future old lady.
“I don’t understand. He’s willingly leaving you with me? What’s happening?” As soon as I reached Elise, I cupped her face in my hands, and pressed my lips to hers. Soft, sweet, just a fucking hello for the moment. As much as I wanted to tear her clothes off and toss her down on the bed, we needed to talk first.
I sat her down and made my way to the kitchen, making coffee, although I really wanted something stronger. Now wasn’t the time for more dependencies though. I dug out the pills the club doc had given me, and took two with some water, before I sat down as gently as I could on the sofa. Even so, I still let out a groan of pain, and Elise looked like she wanted to do something, but there was nothing she could do to fix it, was there?
“It’s okay, babe. My ass is gonna hurt for a while. Just let me, uh…” I moved and wriggled about until I didn’t want to scream for a minute.
“Maybe you should lie down on the bed.”
I let out a dramatic sigh. “She only wants me for my dick, I knew it.”
Elise swatted at my arm.
“Stop being so silly, I mean, I do, obviously, but I also care that you’re hurting.” Yeah, there’s a reminder of the awful stuff I need to tell her. I realised when Stitch was fighting his opposition to us being together, that I needed to bare any secrets I had, so that nothing else could get in the way of us. Even this.
“Babe, I need to tell you some stuff, and I need you just to listen until I’m done, okay? I’ve… I’ve never told anyone everything, but I’ll tell you as much as I can, because I don’t want any secrets between us.”
Elise
H e looked nervous as hell, and he was still in pain, and I didn’t know if this was the best time for him to tell me anything.
“Has, you don’t have to-”
“I do, babe, but it’s not nice stuff, and I need you to promise that you won’t let it change how you feel about me.” He took my hand and linked our fingers together, clearly steeling himself for what he was about to say.
Finally he let out a slow breath and squeezed his eyes closed.
“Fuck, this is harder than I thought. I need to not look at you as I say this, okay?”
I rubbed my thumb back and forth over his.
“I’m listening, Has, and I love you. It’s okay.”
He lowered his head, and I could see his shoulders hunching, like he was trying to hide from me.
“I uh… when I was a kid, I was pretty well known because I was an actor. I was on a popular TV show, and Jesus… I thought I was going to be a star. You know how hard it is to get into the business? Damn near impossible. Yeah, it was meant to be the start of my future. I was gonna make it big.”
“How old were you?” The second I spoke, I gasped. “Sorry, I’m shutting up.”
Has smiled, lifting his head and briefly meeting my eyes, before he lowered it again.
“It’s fine, babe. I was uh eleven when I first started getting work on ads and stuff. By the time I turned twelve, I was already a household name, but that’s when things got nasty. There weren’t enough rules back then about chaperones with child actors. My parents, yeah, they thought it was fine to leave me there on set, and go about their day. They didn’t know the kinds of stuff that happened there. The first time one of the execs touched me, I thought, you know… surely he didn’t mean to do that, but I understand now that sticking your hand down a kid’s pants is never okay.”
Oh god. Oh god no, it was worse than I thought. I mean, I expected some kind of sexual assault, but as a child? No no no. No wonder he was so traumatised.
“Has-”
“Please, I think I have to let it out, but I don’t want to burden you. If this is too much, I’ll stop. I’ll talk to Lissa instead. I think it’s time I did that, because I’m losing my fucking mind. The nightmares are… they’re fucking appalling, and that flashback today, I was right back there. I was right back where those bastards were forcing themselves on me, and I couldn’t stop them. I couldn’t fight. Fuck.”
I climbed closer to try and offer him comfort, while tears streamed down my cheeks, and I wondered if getting closer was even the right thing right now.
When Has-Been lifted his head, his cheeks were wet too, but he hadn’t made a sound.
“Got used to hiding my pain and my fear. Hiding my tears. It all just made them hurt me more. It went on for six months, babe.” His eyes were open now, but tears gathered there, and spilled over as he talked.
“I just offered not to burden you with this, and then I couldn’t stop. I’m sorry, babe. You don’t need this shit in your head too. I just didn’t want anything hidden that could bite us later. That’s my big secret. That and the online stuff you already saw. I know… for someone raped as a kid, you’d think I’d hate sex, but I don’t. Not when I’m the one in control, not when I know I can protect myself, and who I’m with.”
He dragged his forearm across his face, and then when he lowered it, he took my fingers, and raised them to the inner part of his arm, to the raised ridges of scars, so uniform and tidy.
“I tried various things to cope with it. By the time I was your age, I was an addict, but I’ve been clean ever since I joined the club. Reacher and Stitch, they helped me get clean. Ryder and Torch. These guys have always had my back. They’re my family, and the only reason I tried to resist you before was because I didn’t want to betray the only people I cared about.”
I pulled my hand free, but not because of his scars, because his tears were breaking my heart. I reached up and used my thumbs to smooth them away.
“I’m so sorry, Has. You shouldn’t have gone through all of that, but look at you now. Look at the man you’ve become. You’re good, and kind. You’re gentle, and sweet. You’re super smart, and well respected. You’re the kind of man who puts others before himself, or himself in front of them if there’s a threat. You’re the best kind of man, and despite how they tried to break your spirit, they failed, because you’re here, and you’re perfect. You’re mine as well, and I know that sounds pushy, but you’re all I want.”
Has leaned his forehead against mine, reaching up to dry my tears too.
“I love you, babe. You’re my entire reason for existing now. Nothing is more important than you. Not this club, or my brothers. Nobody matters more than you.”
I swallowed hard. “You just want to get in my pants again.”
He blinked, and then barked out a laugh.
“Well, yeah, obviously… Thanks, babe. You’re not looking at me with pity, or shame, and I appreciate that more than you could ever know.”