Chapter 35 Penny
Penny
Four Months Later
No, no, no! This can’t be happening.
“It’s too early. I can’t be in labor.” I shake my head.
“Penny, your water just broke, and your contractions are coming closer together. The baby is coming,” my mom tells me, her voice unbelievably calm.
How is she not freaking out right now?
“But it’s too early.” I try to make her understand. “This is my fault. I should have gone to the doctor sooner. I should have eaten better and drank more water.”
“Penny, you did amazing. The baby is just ready to meet you early. It’s no big deal. Everything is going to be fine,” she assures me, but it doesn’t calm me one bit.
Three weeks early is a big deal. The baby is not done developing. All kinds of things could happen, and it’s all my fault.
Mojo nudges my leg with his giant head. I run my fingers through his fur and scratch behind his ear, but he just whines. He knows I’m stressed out, and that’s stressing him out with me.
“Got the bag.” My father leisurely walks down the stairs with the pre-packed bag in his hand.
Why am I the only one freaking out?
“How are you guys so calm?”
“Because we know everything is going to be fine.” My mom wraps her arms around me and pulls me into a hug. I relax into her hold instantly. “Everything is going to be fine,” she repeats, “and you are going to be an amazing mother.”
I can only hope she is right. Please, let her be right.
Looking down at the tiny baby in my arms, I can’t wrap my mind around that she is mine.
I named her Gwendolyn, after Ryder’s grandmother. I think he would like that, and I always loved the name. My mind brings me back to Ryder, and I wonder what he would think of having a child.
I’ve thought about contacting him so many times, but in the end, I could never bring myself to do it. It’s going to be better like this, or at least that’s what I keep telling myself.
Gwen coos and wiggles in my hold. Even though she decided to come early, she is perfectly healthy. Her small fingers wrap around my index finger with a firm grip.
I smile, just enjoying every moment. I could simply stare at her for hours and not only be entertained but content as well. I never knew I could feel such happiness.
A knock on the door pulls me out of my bubble of glee. I tear my eyes away from my daughter and look up at the door, expecting my parents to be back. Instead, I see someone I never expected to see again.
“Maddox?” I whisper, instinctively tucking Gwen closer to my chest.
“Calm down, momma bear. I come in peace.” He chuckles and closes the door behind him.
“What do you want?”
“Just want to talk, that’s all.” He pulls the chair my mom sat on earlier closer to my bed and plops down on it.
“I don’t want to talk to you.”
“That’s fair. Just listen then.” He leans back in the chair and stretches his arms out like he is getting comfortable.
“I was the one who told Ryder to get rid of you… I mean, send you away. I thought I was doing the right thing. Hell, it still might be the right thing to cut ties, but this,” he points at Gwen, “changes everything.”
“This is a she, and she has a name,” I hiss at him, only making him snicker.
“Got it, she. Well, she changes things. Ryder would never forgive me if I kept this from him.”
“He doesn’t know yet?”
“No. I told him to cut all ties, and he did. However, I kept tabs on you, just in case you decided to talk to the cops after all. I figured Ryder was the father, but I wasn’t sure until you listed him on the birth certificate.”
Birth certificate?
“How did you…?”
“I have my ways,” Maddox explains, as he gets up from the chair. “I just wanted to tell you this before I give Ryder the green light to find you. What he does with that information is up to him. I honestly don’t know how he is going to react or what he is going to do. I guess we’ll find out soon.”
And with that, he walks out of the room. Leaving me shocked and more confused than ever.
It’s been a week since Gwen was born. The only reason I know is because I have her checkup at the Pediatrician’s office this afternoon. It’s hard to keep track of the days when you don’t really sleep at night anymore.
My parents have offered to help me with nighttime feeding, but the truth is, I don’t mind. I love taking care of her, even if my own sleep schedule suffers.
Plus, keeping myself busy makes me forget about Ryder.
I waited for him to call or come by for the first few days but gave up on that quickly.
He clearly doesn’t want to have anything to do with us.
The thought hurts, cutting me deeper than I’d like to admit.
I’m upset not only for myself but for our daughter as well.
Shoving Ryder from my brain, I concentrate on the angel in my arms instead.
I’m sprawled out on the couch, my daughter cradled on my chest, when Mojo suddenly jumps up from beside me. He paces through the room, barking at something outside. What the heck? He’s never acted like this before.
A moment later, the doorbell rings, which makes Mojo go even more crazy.
“What’s going on, Mojo? It’s probably just a delivery.” I get up from the couch and head toward the front door. Holding Gwen with one arm, I open the door with the other.
I’ve barely got the handle turned when Mojo pushes through the door and jumps at the man in front of us.
Ryder.
“Calm down, Mojo,” he tries to make him sit, but the dog is just too excited to see him.
After a moment, Ryder’s eyes find mine, and a long silence stretches between us. All I can do is stand there and look at him, unsure of what to say or do.
He is here… he is finally here, and he knows about Gwen.
Guilt and worry fester in my stomach. Is he going to be mad that I didn’t tell him?
“Hey,” he finally speaks. His gaze drops to the baby in my arms, and he sucks in an audible breath. Then his eyes snap back up, almost as if he is scared of looking at her.
“I came up with this whole speech in my head, but I think it’s better if I just show you instead.”
“Show me?”
“Yeah. Both of you, actually. If you have some time now, I could take you.”
“Um.” I chew on my bottom lip. I’m both excited and nervous. I want to go with him, but part of me worries about how safe we’ll be. Then I realize that I can’t go anyway. “My parents aren’t here, and the car seat is in their car.”
“I’ve got a car seat in the truck,” he explains.
“You do?” I stare at him, dumbfounded.
“Yes, brand new. It’s a good one with all the extra safety features and shit.”
“Oh,” I exhale, still astonished by Ryder being here. “I guess we could go. I just need to grab the diaper bag and put some shoes on… and get a fresh burp cloth.” I mentally run through the list of stuff I need to take when I go anywhere now.
“You want me to hold her while you get everything?” His question has every thought floating around in my head scattering. “Only if you want to.”
I glance down at Gwen, who blinks her eyes open and looks into the sky. The sunlight making her bright blue eyes shine even brighter. I’ve barely let go of her since she was born. Even my parents haven’t held her much, but Ryder is her father. I can’t refuse him to hold his child.
“Okay.” I nod, taking a step toward him. “You just need to make sure her head is secure. She can’t hold up her neck yet.”
“Got it, let her head wobble around.” He smirks.
I know he is only joking, but the anxiety in my gut only expands as I gently place her into his waiting arms.
He cradles her tiny body against his broad chest, her head securely placed in the crook of his arm. She seems so small in his hold, but something else too… protected. She looks like she belongs in his embrace.
Ryder gapes at Gwen in adoration, like she already has him wrapped around her little finger.
Slowly, my worries seep away as another feeling replaces them.
Love.