Chapter 36 Ryder
Ryder
I’m fucked. I’m most definitely fucked. That’s all I can think of as I take in the smallest baby I have ever seen.
She is so tiny and fragile-looking. She weighs basically nothing in my arms, but I’m holding her like she is a diamond crusted brick of gold.
Like she is the most precious thing in the world.
Her eyes are the palest blue, her skin has a rose hue, and her hair is nothing more than blonde fuzz that curls slightly at the end. All I can do is stare at her in awe.
She is perfect.
A little angel.
I can’t believe she is mine.
One look at her, and I already know I would do anything for her. Anything to keep her safe, to make sure she is happy and has everything she could possibly want or need.
“I named her Gwendolyn,” Penny’s voice makes me look up, and I realize she hasn’t moved yet. A moment later, the words she just said register. Gwendolyn.
“That was my grandma’s name,” I point out the obvious.
Penny gives me a small nod and smiles. “We call her Gwen.”
“Gwen,” I repeat, trying out the name. “That fits her.”
“I’ll get my stuff,” Penny tells me, and I watch her from the door as she dashes through the house to grab everything she needs.
She slips on her shoes before hanging the diaper bag over her shoulder and comes to stand by me. Mojo hasn’t left me since I arrived and looks up at us with his head tilted to the side.
“You can come too,” I tell him, and he eagerly follows me.
Penny opens the back door, and under her watchful eyes, I carefully position Gwen into the already mounted car seat. I buckle her in like instructed by the manual and check her restraints three times.
When I’m done, I turn to Penny, who gawks at me like I grew a second head. She blinks a few times, almost like she is making sure this is real before she walks around the truck and climbs in.
Mojo jumps into the back and curls up next to the car seat. I get into the truck myself and start the engine.
“Why couldn’t you take care of Mojo anymore?” Penny asks as I pull into the road.
“I…” Briefly, I consider coming up with a lie, but I figure if I want this to work, I need to put all my cards on the table. “I just wanted you to have him. I knew he helped you with your anxiety, and I knew he kept you safe.”
“Really?” She sounds surprised.
“Yes, really. I can’t believe that’s the first question you ask me. Don’t you want to know where I’m taking you?”
“Where are you taking us?”
“You’ll see.” I smirk. “It’s only twenty minutes away.”
Penny sinks into the seat with a sigh. She looks tired. Happy and healthy, but tired. Quickly, her sweet feminine smell mixed with the powdery newborn scent fills the cab. I suck in a deep breath, enjoying the fragrance while hoping to be surrounded by it often in the future.
When I glance over at Penny to ask her if she gets a lot of sleep, I notice her dozing off. I guess that answers my question.
A few minutes later, I pull up to the house. Penny startles awake as I put the truck in park.
“Where are we?” Her question ends in a yawn.
“If I’m lucky, your new home,” I explain.
“What do you mean?” Penny’s eyes ping pong between me and the two-story family home I bought for her.
“Let me show you the inside,” I tell her nervously. Shit, I didn’t think I would be this tense, but my mind is reeling. What if she says no? What if she doesn’t want this?
Shaking those thoughts away, I get out of the truck. The car ride has put Gwen to sleep, so I unhook the car seat from its base and carry her like that.
I walk up to the front of the house and reach into my pocket to dig out the key I picked up this morning. Penny follows every step I take while looking around with wonder.
I unlock the door and push it open, ushering her inside. Mojo pushes past us and starts running through the house, sniffing every corner like he is making sure there is no danger inside.
The house is already furnished, ready to move in.
“I bought it from a family who moved overseas, so they sold it with all their shit inside. Their kids were older, though, so I had to redo the baby’s room. Do you want to see it?”
Penny’s mouth is hanging open when she nods her head. I think she is too shocked to get a single word out.
I lead her up the stairs and to the room, I hope our daughter will stay in.
The walls were already pink, but I had to buy new furniture for the nursery.
The white crib is pushed up against the wall, a star mobile hanging above it.
A matching changing table and dresser are on the other side.
But the best part of this room is the bay window surrounded by a bookshelf.
“Do you like it?” I ask hesitantly.
“It’s beautiful. I mean, who wouldn’t love it?” She looks around the room and runs her hand along the rails of the crib. “Ryder, what is all of this? Why did you buy this house?”
“I want you and Gwen to live here…with me. I bought this house for you, I mean, for us. I know I fucked up in the past. I know you don’t have a reason to trust me, but I want to make this right. I want you and Gwen in my life for good.”
“Wow.” She sighs deeply. “That’s a lot to take in.”
“I know. You don’t have to decide right now, and if you don’t want to live here with me, the house is still yours.”
“I don’t know what to say,” she admits.
When she turns back around to face me, I notice how pale she looks.
“Are you okay? You look like you’re about to pass out.”
“I might.” She smiles. “I’ve barely slept the last week.” She rubs her eyes with the back of her hand.
“Come on then, you can lie down in here for a bit.” I walk her to the room next to the nursery. The master suite was one of the selling points of this house.
Penny groans when she sees the king-sized bed in the room. “I might sleep for a few days if I dare to lie down in that.”
“Better than passing out in the nursery. Come on, get in,” I order. “I’m not taking no for an answer.”
“Demanding as always.” Penny rolls her eyes at me but slips out of her shoes and crawls into the bed.
Mojo trots into the room, sniffing around the car seat like he is making sure the baby is safe. When he seems satisfied, he finds a spot under the window to flop down.
I unbuckle Gwen and carefully get her out of the car seat, so I can put her in the center of the bed. Penny curls up next to her and closes her eyes. She goes to sleep almost immediately.
I take off my boots and climb into the bed slowly, so I don’t wake either of them. I lie down but keep my head turned, so I can watch both of them.
For the first time since I left Penny, I feel at peace. I feel like I could have a happy life with them. We could be a family.
I just have to prove to Penny that I can do this. That I can love them the way they deserve, and that I deserve their love in return.