4. Scarlet
4
SCARLET
S omething is off.
Different.
I can feel it in my stomach, churning, the tension tightening in my chest. My emotions have hopped on a never-ending roller coaster.
I stare at the five text messages I’ve sent to Ren over the past two days. There’s not a single reply or even confirmation that he received the message. It’s unlike him to go so long without messaging me back.
It’s disheartening and pathetic. I drop my phone onto the vanity desk and close my eyes, letting out a deep breath.
Everything will be okay.
He’s probably busy, or my father has him doing some intel work at Corium. I try to rationalize it all and push the negative thoughts to the back of my mind, but it’s hard to ignore the elephant in the room.
A ping fills the air, and I grab my phone. It’s him. It has to be.
Disappointment makes me sag back into the seat when I see my brother’s name flash on the screen and not Ren’s. I navigate to the text he sent, but before I can view it or reply, my phone rings.
What the fuck?
Of course, I hit the answer key because it’s my brother.
A second later, his face fills the screen. I force my pink lips into an upward smile and try to appear happier than I’m really feeling.
My brother, on the other hand, makes no effort to appear happy and has a permanent scowl etched into his features. Except something is different this time. There’s a fear in his dark eyes, something that I’ve only seen a few times. A fear reserved for Aspen, Adela—our deceased sister—our mother, and me.
“What’s wrong?” My voice cracks, releasing some of the tension from me.
“I… fuck, I don’t know if I can do this.”
The way he looks away from the camera as he speaks tells me whatever is going on is huge. My brother isn’t shy about anything, but this, this is the warning, the calm before the storm.
With trembling fingers, I pick up the phone and bring it closer.
“What’s going on? Are you okay? Did something happen?”
All I can think about is something bad happening to all the people I love and care about and not being able to help in any way.
“It’s Ren.”
I can’t even stop myself from gasping. I knew something was wrong.
“He’s gone; he left Corium. No one knows where he is, and even worse, they think he’s behind the attacks on Aspen, Delilah, and me.”
My heart beats heavy in my chest, the swoosh of blood filling my ears. It’s the only sound I can hear as Quinton’s words play back in my mind.
All I can do is sit here. I should’ve known by the pained expression on my brother’s face that something was wrong.
I can’t believe it. I can’t wrap my head around it.
“If he reaches out to you at all, you need to tell Dad.” I wince and attempt to cover the pain that lances through my body.
The idea of Ren being our enemy when he was always Quinton’s best friend. I don’t understand it. I am barely holding back tears, my heart cracking a little more every time it beats.
“Why would he do this? He’s our family, your best friend. I don’t understand.” I am hurt and shocked for more than one reason. The biggest one, no one else knows about. No one but the man who disappeared after trying to hurt my brother and his wife.
“I don’t either, but I knew I needed to tell you.”
I force a ragged breath into my body, but it doesn’t feel like it reaches my lungs. It doesn’t even feel like I’m breathing. Before I can stop it, the tears glistening in my eyes break free and slide shamelessly down my cheeks. I’m crying for so many things right now, things I have to hold inside.
“Fuck, look. I knew I shouldn’t have told you, but I didn’t want to risk you being attacked next. I don’t know what the hell is going on with Ren, but he’s… he’s not who we thought he was. He’s unstable, and if he’s willing to hurt Aspen and me, then I don’t know for certain if anything would stop him from hurting you.”
In my mind, I try to picture him as the enemy, as the grim wolf stalking us lambs like his next meal, but I can’t. The Ren I knew, the man I had already fallen in love with and had always had a crush on, would never hurt the people he cared about. I didn’t even realize my cries had intensified. A ragged sob rips from my throat, and I can barely see the cell phone screen anymore.
“Scar, please.” The desperation in his voice kills me. “Please stop crying. I am on the verge of burning this entire fucking place down and searching every inch of this planet for him. He’s my best friend, and the thought…”
“It wasn’t him, Q. There’s no way. You’re like a brother to him, and he knows how much you love Aspen. He wouldn’t do that to you, to us, to his family.”
Denial coats each word I speak with a sticky substance. Deep in the pit of my stomach, the first seeds of anger start to take root.
How could he do this, and why?
“I’ve been mewling over this for days, trying to figure out how to tell you because, deep down, I don’t want to believe it either.” He lets out a sigh, and the look of despair in his dark eyes confirms his response. I can see the heavy bags beneath, and I have no doubt that he has hardly slept in the past few days.
“Then don’t. We both know it’s not true. We just…we need to find him. I’m sure there is a reason for his disappearance.”
It wasn’t a coincidence that Ren disappeared right after these things happened. He was guilty as charged, and there was no way around it. The problem was I didn’t want to believe it. I didn’t want to believe the man I had given my heart to was a monster capable of hurting his own family. It wasn’t possible. He wouldn’t do this to me. He promised me forever. We were going to find a way to be together. He was going to wait for me.
“He’s gone, Scarlet.” Q shakes his head, pulling me back to the present, reminding me this isn’t a nightmare I’ll be able to wake up from. “He’s gone, and now I have to worry if he’s going to come for you or Mom next. Hell, maybe he’s going to show back up here at Corium and try to finish me off. I don’t know. I thought I knew him, and now I’m just so lost.”
“Stop, don’t say that.” My voice cracks as I scold him.
How could he think that about him?
The muscles in his jaw tighten. “I’m only speaking the truth. I want you to know I’m here for you. You can call me anytime you need to. Dad will be tightening up security.”
“Are you coming home?” It’s the only thing I can think to ask, especially with all the thoughts racing through my mind.
“I was considering it, to be there for Mom and you, but I think it’s better if I stay here. We’re heavily protected at Corium, and Ren is long gone by now.”
The reminder pierces my heart, the knife’s edge sinking deep inside the muscle. I don’t know if I can live without Ren.
I’m consumed by him, wrapped up in every detail of who we were meant to be, and now he’s gone. Now I’m lost, without a purpose or place, and he’s a ghost, slipping through time like he never existed at all.
I don’t trust myself to speak about him right now, or I might spill all our secrets. I can’t believe what my brother is telling me. Every thought I have is hinged on a memory, and I realize that maybe I didn’t know Ren at all.
“I’m sorry, Scar. I’m really sorry. I know Ren was like a brother to you as well.”
“It’s okay,” I lie, but it’s not okay. Nothing will ever be okay again.
“All right, well, I need to go, but I’ll call you later to make sure everything is good. If you need anything, call me, and if Ren tries to contact you… tell Dad.”
I swallow around the knot of emotion clogging my throat. I end the call without saying goodbye and rush to my bed, crashing against the sheets and burying my face into the pillow a moment before a scream of pain rips from my throat.
Physically, I’m fine, but emotionally, I’m ripped to pieces.
Memories play on repeat in my mind, and the pain grows worse. Each memory is a slash to my already broken heart.
He was my first kiss, the first man to touch and explore my body. The first man I ever truly trusted outside of my brother and father. There was never a moment when I was with him that I felt unsafe, and now Quinton is telling me he’s done things to make every single memory a lie.
He made me feel safe so many times; Ren couldn’t do the things my brother said he did. In my mind, they have the wrong guy. There is no way the person they were talking about is the same person who held me together during my worst moments.
I run as fast as my legs will carry me. I don’t know where I’m going. All I know is that I can’t stay in the house for another moment. Not when the loss of Adela hangs in the air like a thick black curtain forcing out every ray of light. It’s suffocating.
Rushing through the garden, I nearly trip over my feet, my vision blurry with tears. She is gone. My big sister is gone, and there is nothing any of us can do to bring her back.
I barely make it through the first turn of the garden maze before sagging against the marble bench, a ragged sob ripping from my throat. I will never be able to look at life the same, not with Adela missing from it.
As I lie on the bench, my cheek against the cold stone, all I can think about is staying here forever. I can’t actually do that, though; my parents will come searching for me, eventually. I’ll be forced to return to the warmth of our home, but as long as I can, I will lie here, sobbing, willing someone to explain to me why it had to be her.
I’m not sure how long I stay here, but eventually, it starts to rain. The cold droplets don’t have any effect on me.
Raindrops make it easier to hide your tears.
Somewhere off in the distance, I hear my name being called. I don’t stir, move, or make a sound. All I do is lie here. I don’t want to be rescued. I want to be as close to Adela as I can get, and that means being outside and braving the elements.
“Scarlet.” A deep voice I recognize grows closer.
The voice makes my heart beat faster because I know right away who it belongs to. Ren appears around the corner a second later, his white shirt, wet with rain, sticking to his perfectly sculpted body. Instantly, he takes me into his arms, the warmth of his body radiating the heat back into me.
“Jesus, you’re cold. How long have you been out here?”
“I don’t know,” I whisper. “Not long enough.”
In his arms, I’m safe, protected, and secure. I’m everything my sister will never be again, and that thought sends me careening over the edge all over again.
I’m not embarrassed by Ren seeing me sob like a child. I don’t care what he thinks, not at the moment. Not even when I clutch his shirt and pull him closer, needing his warmth.
“Shh, I’m here, and I always will be,” Ren soothes while his huge hand rubs gentle circles against my back.
Ren is different. He always has been. He allows me to feel whatever it is I’m feeling without judgment. Without expecting me to be strong. He doesn’t ask me to hide it, doesn’t ask me to stop. He simply allows me to be me, free as a bird, and I can’t thank him enough for it.
“I miss her so much, and she hasn’t even been gone that long. How will I make it through the days going forward? How will I survive when a part of me feels like it died with her? My parents will expect us to pretend everything is okay, but it’s not, Ren. Nothing is okay.” The words spill out of me.
“You’ll make it through. I promise. I’ll be here for you every step of the way, and with every day that passes, the loss will get easier.” He pulls me up, and like a small child, I climb onto his lap, letting him cradle me while I sob uncontrollably into his chest. “In our world, death is just another event, a stepping stone, but I know as well as you do that your parents will never look at your sister’s death like it never happened. Unfortunately, weakness isn’t something we can afford to show. Right now, even as hard as it is, you have to stand strong.”
“I can’t. I’m not strong.”
“You’re one of the strongest people I know, Scar, and you’ll be able to find happiness again.”
I pull back, staring up at him. He is soaked to the bone, and just like me, he doesn’t seem bothered by it.
“What if I can’t?”
Gently, like he’s touching an injured animal, he cups my cheek. I can’t explain the feelings that rush through me because there are too many all at once.
“You will. I’ll be here to ensure you find happiness again. For as long as I live, you’ll be protected, secure, safe from the bad of the world, and you’ll be happy because I won’t let anyone take that joy from you.”
That was the first time I realized I felt more for Ren than a silly teenage crush. I knew then how easy it would be to utterly and completely fall in love with him.
The memory pops like a bubble, and I’m pulled back to the present by an insistent knocking on my door. This nightmare is now my reality, and there is no escaping it. How could I believe something so ugly and dark about him when the memory of his promise constantly rang in my ear?
The door creaks as it opens, and my mother’s head pops inside. I can see the concern etched into her features. Features that make me feel like I’m looking in the mirror. She brushes a few strands of blond hair from her heart-shaped face. Older or not, she is still beautiful, oozing a youngness that sometimes makes me forget she is my mother and not a best friend.
“Is everything okay? I was knocking, and you didn’t answer, but I didn’t want to barge in.”
“Everything is fine,” I lie through my teeth.
He promised me forever, but I only got a few stolen moments and kisses in the shadows. Was I really ever his? I already know the answer. I look up at my mother, wishing I could tell her all the secrets I hold inside, but knowing how loyal she is to my father and the rift it might cause between them if I tell her, I choose to keep it to myself. It’s for the best, even if it means I’ll have to drown in my own sorrows.
“Your father told me about Ren. I know he was like a brother to you.”
I almost snort. Brother. Ren was nothing like a brother to me. He was so much more. “If you want me to stay with you, I can. I’ll just sit here and keep you company. You look sad, and I don’t want you to be alone.”
I love my mother, but I need to be alone.
I need to mourn the loss of something I never really had and the love of a man I’ll never be able to move on from.
“I’m okay, Mom. Whatever it was that happened, I’m sure it was a misunderstanding. He would never hurt his family or friends.”
My mother nods, but I can tell she doesn’t believe that statement. I force myself to believe it because there is no other option. Ren isn’t the villain. He isn’t. He can’t be, not when he’s played the knight in every memory and thought I’ve ever had about him.
“I want to believe that too, honey, but I don’t know if I can. The proof is right in front of us, and the odds are stacked against him. Unless he comes out of hiding and explains himself, we’ll never know.”
I frown because the alternative is crying, and if I start that again, I’ll never stop. No matter what they think, I know Ren. I know the softness and good that he shows only to me. I love him, and nothing anyone says will change that.
I’ll hold on to the promises he made me until the day he breaks them.
Ren was never a choice for me; he was always my end goal.