5. Scarlet
5
SCARLET
I stand in front of the mirror and run a hand down the front of my red velvet sequin dress. It’s beautiful with a sexy low neckline and crisscross straps across the back. It comes to rest against my thighs and fits as tight as a glove. I look gorgeous in it, and if we were anywhere else but at home with our friends and family, my father would never allow me to wear this.
Not with how eye-catching and short it is.
I peer at my reflection one last time. My hair is curled, the blond strands resting against my breasts. Tessa—my cousin and confidante—did my makeup, giving me smoky eyes.
I have every reason in the world to smile tonight, but I can’t bring myself to do so. In just a few moments, I’ll walk down the stairs to the birthday party my mother spent countless hours planning. Everyone will smile, converse, and enjoy themselves. Everything will be perfect except for the one missing piece. The one person who matters most to me.
“Don’t be sad. If you start crying, it’ll ruin your makeup, and then I’ll have to kick your ass,” Tessa harasses from the doorway.
I whirl around and force my lips into a small smile. “Watch out, big bad Tessa’s on the loose.”
Her expression becomes coy. “Have you seen the guns I’m carrying?”
She points at her biceps, and I can’t help but laugh at her joke. Little does she know, every family member is armed in some way, or at least there is a weapon within reach.
In many ways, I long to be like Tessa—smart, funny, and creative. She’s innocent and kind, and unbeknownst to her, she’s also a part of one of the most sinister mafia families on the West Coast.
Uncle Ivan and Aunt Violet feel it is right to keep her hidden from the family business for as long as possible. I can’t blame them for it, but then again, the day she finds out, I can only imagine her feeling complete betrayal at their deceit. I should have already told her the truth, but I can’t bring myself to do it.
I know it’s only a matter of time, but if she’s not asking questions, there isn’t a reason to explain things to her.
Worst of all, because she knows nothing about our world, she has no idea that Ren betrayed the entire family, and that betrayal has caused a huge rift between all of us. Maybe she feels it and hasn’t said anything, or maybe she doesn’t even care. I’m not sure, but she’s one less person I can talk to about things, and that sucks.
I try not to think of Ren as I let Tessa guide me out into the grand foyer. She’s wearing a gold dress with her dark hair tied up in a high ponytail. The smile of confidence she wears is contagious.
I look from her to my family, my father, standing beside my mother, his dark hair graying. Worry lines crease his forehead though he disguises them with a smile. My mother peers up at me with adoration, her blond hair intricately done, her blue eyes sparkling. Even when she’s dressed up, the red chiffon dress clinging to her body, it’s impossible to tell she is over the age of forty.
My brother, Quinton, is next in the line, followed by his wife, Aspen. Both of them give me dazzling smiles, though my brother’s smile never reaches his eyes. He can’t hide his betrayal and hurt from me. Not when it matches my own.
As my gaze moves down the line, the muscle in my chest seizes, and I forget to breathe.
He should be standing there, his devilish smirk in place and his icy gaze drinking me in, promising me bad things. He should be here, and he isn’t.
With a shake of my head, I let the anger threatening to take hold of me evaporate into thin air. He’s gone, and he’s never coming back. I need to face that reality even if every single fiber of me refuses to believe it.
Next are Uncle Ivan and Aunt Violet, followed by Uncle Damon and Aunt Keira. They give me the same smile as everyone else. “Smile. It’s your birthday, after all,” Tessa whispers as she releases me. How can I smile when my life feels like it’s crumbling in my hands?
“You look beautiful.” My father dotes, and I wrap my arms around him. There is nothing like the hugs he gives.
“Your father is right; you’re turning into a beautiful young woman,” my mother adds, and I pull back and look at her, noticing the tears filling her eyes. Who knew Ella Rossi could be so emotional and sensitive being married to Xander Rossi.
I can only hope to have a love like my parents someday.
“No matter what birthday I’m celebrating, I can always return home to see my mother.” I smile, trying to soothe the void at the loss of her children growing up and moving on with their lives will bring.
“Get over here and give your favorite uncle a hug,” Uncle Damon interrupts, and I turn to find him giving me a playful smile.
Dark hair and eyes that mirror my father’s. I swear, sometimes they could be twins. Aunt Keira gives me a hug as well.
Uncle Ivan opens his huge arms to me. He’s the size of a bear, big and tall, his muscles bunching beneath his dress shirt.
“It’s okay. I know you had to lie to Uncle Damon about him being your favorite uncle.” He’s grinning from ear to ear, and I step into his warm embrace. He gives the best hugs.
“Hey, now, don’t be talking shit about me,” Uncle Damon chastises.
All I can do is shake my head. This family’s dynamic could never be duplicated. Ivan releases me, and immediately Violet wraps me up in her arms. She smells like lavender and sunshine. I suck a calming breath of her scent into my lungs, letting it stabilize me.
“Happy birthday, sweetie,” she whispers into the shell of my ear.
I pull away, giving her a sad smile. The only people missing from the party are Ren’s parents and sister. It wasn’t that they didn’t want to come, as my father told me, but he thought it would be better if they didn’t.
As a group, we make our way to the large dining room that overlooks the gardens. My father, Quinton, Damon, and Ivan speak to each other in hushed voices while Tessa and I grab a bottle of champagne.
I fill the flutes all the way to the top, and we clink glasses before taking a drink. Tessa sips her champagne, but I can’t bring myself to be that ladylike.
I need some type of alcohol to numb the pain in my chest.
Bringing the flute to my lips, I tip it back and swallow the entire glass in two gulps. The bubbly wine slides down my throat with ease, and I grab the bottle and pour another. I can feel Tessa’s judgmental gaze, but I don’t care. It’s my birthday, after all.
I decide to sip on the second glass as I take my usual seat at the table. The table is smaller today.
It’s only been a few months since he disappeared, but tensions between my father and Roman, Ren’s father, have grown.
Everyone points fingers, and I know it’s only a matter of time before something bad happens. I frown and look at the missing spots at the table. Nothing will ever be the same again.
Luna and I can barely text without some type of controversy. I know everyone thinks she’s helping her brother or is in contact with him, but I’m not so sure. Ren loves his sister more than anything, but he wouldn’t drag her into the mess he made. I mean, I guess I thought he loved me, too, and look at the murky waters he dragged me through. I shrug and take another gulp of the champagne, letting the bubbles relax my tightening gut.
We move from conversation to dinner, and I space out for the majority of it. I love my family, but I’m not in the right headspace to handle all of this.
I can only fake so much. Even I have my limit.
Dinner is a birthday favorite, butternut squash ravioli cooked in a cream sauce with fresh bread sticks. Months ago, I’d have licked the dish clean, but now I can barely manage to push the food around with my fork, taking a bite here and there to appease my mother’s watchful eyes.
“If I’m forcing myself to eat this for you, then you better take a couple more bites of food.” Quinton spears a piece of ravioli on his fork and shoves it into his mouth. He grimaces, and I shake my head, a giggle escaping my lips.
“How can my big bad brother be offended by butternut squash?”
“I’m not offended by it. I just think it tastes like ass.”
“How do you know what ass tastes like?” I tilt my head and ask coyly.
Quinton smirks while Aspen’s cheeks turn a shade pinker. “That’s a conversation for another day, little sister.”
I love the way my brother loves his wife, the way he turns to her a moment later and presses his lips to her forehead.
His adoration for her is unmistakable. He would burn down the entire world to keep her in his arms.
“I don’t even want to know the details.” Tessa gags across the table.
She doesn’t have the slightest clue that ass-eating is the least of her worries with this family. I hope she never loses her innocent shine.
I force myself to take a couple more bites. The last thing I want is to make my parents or brother worry more about me.
Dinner passes smoothly, and a two-tier chocolate cake is brought out once the table is cleared. Chocolate and cake. Two of my favorite things on any normal day. But not today. I’m not sure what could possibly cheer me up, except maybe to go back in time and tell Ren not to do whatever he was doing.
Could I have convinced him to make a different choice?
I’m not so certain. Especially if I had no idea what his intent was. Ren was next-level secret. He only told you something when he wanted you to know it. Not sooner or later. When he was ready, he’d reveal himself. A lot like a predator watching his prey from afar, waiting for the perfect moment to strike.
My father lights the candles on the cake, and I stare at all sixteen, the flames flickering as a slight breeze blows through the space. All eyes are on me as they sing “Happy Birthday.” There isn’t any point in trying to hide my somber feelings. Everyone feels the same way I do. They’re simply doing a better job at hiding it, which takes effort—effort that I do not have.
“Make a wish,” Quinton exclaims, his expression grim.
He expects me to hold it together like him, but I can’t. Won’t.
I stare at the candle, the flame staring back at me. I have only one wish, and it’ll never come true. I bite the inside of my cheek until I taste blood.
He’s never coming back. I blow the candles out and force a smile. The beautiful cake is cut, and everyone digs in.
I take a couple of bites, the luscious buttercream frosting makes me salivate, and I’m tempted to eat more, but my churning stomach makes me halt. My father and Quinton disappear into my father’s office.
I know they’re discussing business. My brother will soon take over the Rossi empire, and technically, I have no right to be a part of the business, not that I want to, either.
Women, though respected and treated well, aren’t to fiddle in the mafia dealings of the family. We’re to be seen and not heard, but I’ve never been the type to stay quiet. I’m a Rossi, after all.
I shove from the table and start toward the office.
“Sweetheart, they’re discussing business.” My mother’s sing-song voice fills my ears, but I ignore it.
Their voices are hushed when I reach the door, which is cracked open. I’m tempted to barge in but instead knock.
“Come in.” My father’s voice is businesslike, and he doesn’t bother asking who it is, almost as if he suspected it would be me.
I shove the door open and walk inside. Neither he nor Q looks all that surprised by my appearance, confirming my thoughts.
“I don’t like secrets.” I cross my arms over my chest and glare at my brother, who wears an expression of guilt. I know whatever they’re discussing has to do with Ren, and I already told Q if it pertains to him in any way, I want to know.
He was my friend too.
“Sit down,” my father orders, and I take the seat beside my brother without so much as a breath. Sitting back in his chair, he stares at me, his expression blank. “I know you don’t want to believe what’s been said about Ren. No one does. Not his parents or sister, and even your mother and I are at a loss, being how close he was to all of us.”
I’ve fought at length with Quinton about Ren. Even with all the evidence in front of me, I can’t mentally make myself believe he was some evil man intent on killing any of us. That wasn’t Ren.
“I’m going to assume you have more evidence?”
Quinton nods. “We tracked his phone further and discovered he was leaving Corium almost nightly. However, we don’t know where he was going. The signal must have been lost, or he was out of radius.”
I shrug. “So that doesn’t mean anything. Maybe he felt trapped there. I don’t know. We won’t know his reasoning until we can ask him.”
My father rubs at his temples. He knew I always tried to see the good in others, so I wasn’t sure why he was so intent on convincing me otherwise.
“We found something else. A notebook.” My father sighs. “We don’t know what the hell it’s for. The contents aren’t really clear, but it’s another clue that he was doing something.”
My heart rate picks up. “What were the contents?”
“Codes,” my brother answers.
“Codes? What kind of codes?” I can’t wrap my head around that. Why would he need codes? What were they for?
“That’s where the trail ends.” Frustration fills the air. “The codes don’t make any sense or correlate to anything we can understand. All we know is that they were of importance to him since he wrote them down. Aside from that, they’re just a bunch of letters scribbled on paper, but that doesn’t mean he’s innocent. He was doing something, but we don’t know yet what that something was.”
Is it bad that a part of me is joyful that they haven’t found any hard-core evidence of wrongdoing? I’m not sure I’d believe anything even if I saw it. In my eyes, Ren isn’t whatever picture of him they are painting.
The clock behind my father’s head shows nine p.m. There is still plenty of time to spend hanging out with my family, but I am pooped. Pretending was harder than I thought.
“I think I’m going to go lie down,” I announce.
My brother raises his brow at me, but I ignore his stare.
Dad frowns at me. “Are you sure? I know this news isn’t something you wanted to hear, especially on your birthday. It is why we tried to keep it under wraps, but it doesn’t have to mean the end of your evening. It doesn’t have to ruin anything.”
“I’m not fragile, Dad. What you just told me didn’t ruin my night.” I break the tension. “I’m just tired and really think I should get to bed early. Plus, my stomach isn’t feeling all that well.”
He nods, reaching for the glass of whiskey he must’ve poured before I came in. I stand, my legs a bit wobbly. Quinton also stands and follows me out of the room. Placing his hand on my shoulder, he stops me from escaping. I shrug off his hand, making his frown deepen. I don’t like upsetting my brother, but I can’t possibly pretend we’re on the same side of things.
“I know you want to believe he’s still a good guy, but I need you to understand the seriousness of this.”
“I believe what I know, brother, and what I know is that Ren loved us. I won’t stop believing that until there is proof to show that it was all a lie.”
Quinton scoffs, his frown becoming pained, almost like I had slapped him.
“He tried to kill Aspen and me. He literally pushed me down a flight of stairs. Someone who loves you doesn’t do that, Scarlet.”
The anger inside me burns with the intensity of the sun. I love my brother, but this is a hill I will die on.
“And you have room to talk? I’ve heard about the things that happened between you and Aspen and how you treated her. I know you still think I’m a little girl, but I’m not. I’m getting older, and I hear more than you know. And sometimes, we hurt the people we love. I don’t think Ren would hurt you without feeling a need to do so.”
Shaking his head, he takes a step back, distrust filling his dark gaze. He thought I was against him. He didn’t know the truth.
“If you can’t see the truth when it’s right in front of you, I don’t know what else to do.”
“Nothing,” I whisper, my already fragile heart crumbling in my hands.
I whirl around and rush to my bedroom before the tears can fall. I would not embarrass myself by crying in front of anyone.
Off in the distance, I’m aware of someone calling my name, but I don’t care. As soon as I slip inside my room, I lock the door and sag against it and let the tears slip free.
I’m tired, so tired.
Hugging my knees to my chest, I wonder if he will make good on his promise to always give me a new first on my birthday or if it is nothing more than a dream that will never come true. Ren isn’t dumb enough to show up here, least of all for me. I let my mind take me to a better place, to the night he made that promise. The night he gave me my first kiss.
“I’ve never kissed anyone before,” I whisper, hoping he doesn’t hear me, though knowing he will. It’s a good thing it’s dark because I’d hate for him to be able to see the crimson coloring my cheek.
Cupping my cheek, he runs his thumb along my full bottom lip, a dark gleam of desire shining in his eyes.
“Good, you have no idea how satisfied it makes me to know that I’ll be your first in every single way.” He leans forward, his huge frame enveloping mine, and my heart jumps inside my chest. I can feel the heat of his body radiating against mine.
His hot breath fans against my lips. It’s minty, and I involuntarily pucker my lips, waiting for the inevitable. “I want all your firsts, Scarlet, and that terrifies me. It scares me because you have no idea of the darkness inside me, yet you crave every piece of me the way I desire you.
“I want you, and I always will,” I whisper, pushing up onto my tiptoes. I need his lips on mine like I need my next breath. Fisting his shirt in my hands, I pull him closer. No, I’ve never kissed a man before, but I’m letting my body’s reaction to him guide me.
Ren’s smirk is downright devious. “See, I’m already corrupting you. My little angel, with a glow of goodness all around her.” His thumb presses down, and I part my lips for him, letting it enter my mouth. I’m apprehensive as I look up at him through my lashes and suck the tip of his thumb inside.
This is Ren. He’ll never hurt me or deceive me. I can trust him with my life, with my body. Flames of desire flicker in his eyes, a desire I don’t understand but want to taste. I don’t want him to think I’m a sheltered good girl, especially when I’m not. “I’m a Rossi; there’s darkness inside me too.” The words slip out of me, and before I realize it, I’m sucking his thumb deeper into my mouth.
“Fuck, you’re going to break my resolve, and I’m already doing everything I can to stop myself from taking what isn’t mine to take.”
“It’s not really taking if I’m giving it to you.”
He pulls his thumb from my lips, and I let out a whimper that he swallows up as his lips come to slant down on mine without warning.
His long fingers snake against the nape of my neck and weave through my strawberry-blond strands. Holding me in place, he kisses me with a vengeance, with need. It’s everything I thought it would be and nothing at all.
My scalp burns, and a sensual heat fills my core. The kiss deepens, and Ren consumes me. I run my hands along the hard planes of his body that press against my softness, mapping out every inch of him, imprinting it into my mind.
Parting my lips, I nip at him, wanting more. It’s the mistake of the century since he chooses then to break the kiss. I let out a disapproving grunt, and as he pulls away, his intoxicating scent leaving me, I notice the heaving of his chest.
I’m sure if I could see his eyes, I’d see the animal lurking beneath the surface. The man he claims will corrupt me.
He takes a step back, and my heart sinks into my stomach.
“You’re making me want things I can’t have. You’re not mine, Scarlet, yet I want to make you mine in every way.”
“Then do it,” I plead, reaching for him.
Again, he shakes his head. “No, angel. I’m not sure if it’s even possible to have you, and if it is, I can’t have you… not yet. You’re too young.”
“I’m yours. I’ll always be yours.” I’m practically panting, ready to give myself over to him. My eyes shine, moisture forming in them, and I’m not sure if I want to cry from the overpowering need to be his or from the fear of being rejected. Either way, I don’t want to cry in front of him, so I blink back the tears as best I can.
One stray tear escapes, and Ren stares at it, watching as it slides down the apple of my cheek. He doesn’t even blink or seem to be affected by it. I don’t even try to hide crying now. What’s the point?
Leaning in, he wipes the tear from my cheek, his warm fingers against my cold tearstained skin, making me shiver. “Don’t cry, angel. You’re not mine. Not yet, but you will be someday. I’ll be the man to claim all your firsts. Every year on your birthday, until I can claim you fully, I’ll claim one of your firsts. You’ll be mine, eventually.”
“You promise?” I squeak.
He nods. “I promise, angel. Your firsts are mine. Save them for me because if I find out another man touched you or took something from you, I won’t hesitate to end his life.”
Any normal girl would gasp and attempt to run. The fear of being possessed in such a way would terrify them. It was the opposite for me.
I was terrified of being anything but his.
A ragged sob escapes me, and the memory becomes smoke between my fingers. I bring a trembling finger to my lips.
I can almost feel his lips on mine if I focus on the memory hard enough. But that’s all I have left of him.
Memories.
Maybe my brother is right. How long will I look at the proof that is right in front of me and pretend it doesn’t exist?
I don’t know, but I put every last shred of hope I have in him, into praying that he will keep his promise to me so I can continue believing he didn’t want to hurt us.