29. Scarlet
29
SCARLET
T here is nothing like waking up next to the man I love. It’s something so simple, and I’d bet so many people take it for granted. It’s easy to do when you’ve never seen the way everything can change in an instance. It’s easy to lose sight of everything that could go wrong.
But nothing is wrong now. Ren is getting better every day, and he’s not afraid to have me around him anymore. I stretch with a smile, throwing my arms over my head and even groaning happily. There is nothing in the world like a good stretch after a long night’s sleep.
I am about to announce this to Ren before my eyes open, and I find myself alone.
All the warmth and happiness I just soaked in turns icy cold. “Ren?” I whisper, my heart in my throat. When nothing greets me but silence, I scramble out of the bed, pulling on the jeans and tee I left on the floor last night before crawling in next to him. What if he turned into River and is walking around the house, wanting to hurt somebody? Is there ever going to be a time when I don’t fear that? Once I’m dressed, I race for the door and fling it open.
And jump back, yelping in surprise to see Ren standing on the other side. From the looks of it, he was about to reach for the doorknob to come inside. He jumps a little, too, and we have one of those moments where we both stand around with our hands on our chest, catching our breath and laughing.
“Sorry.” He chuckles, wincing. “I didn’t mean to scare you.”
“It’s okay.” More than okay. All of my fears dissolve when I find him smiling, looking like the Ren I fell in love with. “I woke up, and you weren’t here, and I didn’t know what to think.”
“Oh, that. I was coming in to tell you everything’s set up.”
Suspicion winds its way through me. “What do you mean, everything?”
“Come see.” He holds out his hand. I don’t have to think twice before taking it and following him downstairs, even if I’m not quite sure what is happening. But this is Ren, and I trust Ren, and besides, we’re in my family’s house. There are guards everywhere.
It’s a balmy, beautiful morning, with a warm breeze that stirs my hair once we step out onto the terrace. Ren has set up breakfast for us at one of the tables by the railing leading to the garden. “Sort of like a date, right?” he asks, pulling me close for a sweet kiss. I love the way he smiles down at me. Sort of boyish, proud of himself for surprising me.
“This is amazing,” I tell him, beaming as I look over the table full of food. The scent of cinnamon and sugar makes my mouth water, something that only gets worse when he lifts the lid off a platter full of bacon. “Oh, my god, I need that.”
“Wow. I didn’t know you’d get this excited.” He chuckles as he pulls a chair out for me to take a seat. “There’s orange juice, coffee, French toast and potatoes, too.”
“And you,” I remind him, taking him by the shirt and pulling him down for another passionate kiss before he sits across from me. “Thank you. This is so thoughtful.”
“It’s nothing. I can’t wait to take you out for real.” There’s a little bit of wistfulness in his voice, and I hate to hear it. I don’t want anything to ruin this wonderful morning together.
“I’m just happy to be here with you.” And to see him looking so good and so happy. So much like himself. It’s been days since I last saw River. I can tell he’s relieved by that. It makes him feel more confident. Like he’s not always waiting for something bad to happen.
I can breathe a little easier, too. It’s almost possible to believe we’re going to have a happy ending after everything we’ve been through.
“I didn’t realize I was this hungry,” he mumbles around a mouthful of food. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him shove it in like that. Another thing to be happy about, watching him enjoy himself. I am, too, already eyeing a third slice of French toast when I’ve barely finished the first two.
“That’s how it goes. You take a bite of something delicious, and all of a sudden, you need more.” I smirk, wondering if he’ll catch my meaning.
“Yeah, that sounds familiar.” Something wicked flashes in his eyes when they meet mine. “I shouldn’t be so surprised I’m this hungry after the appetite I worked up overnight.”
That’s all it takes for a delicious little shiver to run down my spine. Maybe he’s trying to prove himself after what I confessed a few days back about how it feels to be with River. I don’t know. I only know there’s something wild in him now. Like he was holding back before but understands he doesn’t have to anymore. Like that part of him was always inside—which it must’ve been, if it manifested in the form of River—only now he can let it out and be his entire self. I guess if nothing else good comes out of all of this, we have that much.
“Any plans for the day?” he asks me. We’re just two normal people in love, eating breakfast together. I could get used to this.
Shrugging, I offer, “I’m not sure. I might help Aspen out with some nursery stuff.”
He must figure out right away what’s going on in my head since his face falls. “You’re still sad about the baby.”
“How can I be when there was never a baby in the first place?” But, yes, that’s why the idea of spending an afternoon with my sister-in-law stings a lot. It’s sort of exhausting, having to put on a happy face and pretend everything’s cool when inside all I can do is wonder when it’s going to be my turn. I hate myself for thinking that way. It’s immature, for one thing, and for another, Aspen would never think that way if our positions were reversed. She is much too sweet and generous for that, while I’m just being selfish.
“You’re entitled to feel how you feel,” he reminds me in a soft but firm voice. “Don’t be so hard on yourself.”
“I know you’re right.” And I love him even more for hearing me out and not trying to gloss over my feelings. Growing up with a father like mine, I’m used to people thinking they can solve all my problems for me. He’s not trying to do that. He just wants to help me through it. He is exactly what I need, perfect for me in every way.
“What are you smiling about?” He’s smiling, too, when I look up from my orange juice.
“Probably about how much I love you.” We both lean across the table for a kiss. He tastes like syrup and bacon and orange juice, and I drink him in, catching up for lost time.
That is, until my stomach turns out of nowhere. “Oh, shit.” I sit back in my chair, one hand on my belly while the other creeps up over my mouth. “I don’t feel so good. I think I ate too fast.”
“What’s wrong?”
I don’t have time to answer. There’s only enough time for me to catch sight of his worried expression before I make a run for it, tearing into the house and through the kitchen. It’s a miracle I make it to the powder room in time, throwing myself on the floor in front of the toilet not a split second before everything I just ate comes back up in a painful rush. My stomach keeps cramping and wave after wave splashes into the bowl. There’s nothing for me to do but wait for it to pass, and by the time it does, my ribs ache from the force of gagging that hard.
At some point, Ren must have followed me, and now he’s holding my hair back with one hand while rubbing my back with the other. “I’m sorry. Did you already feel sick? You didn’t need to eat with me if you felt sick, you know.”
“But I didn’t.” I’m pretty sure it’s over now, so I flush the toilet before closing the lid and resting my forehead against the cool wood. “I felt fine until, like, thirty seconds ago.”
The slow, rhythmic motion from his hand ceases. “When was the last time you had a period?”
That’s a good question. I honestly can’t remember. It’s enough to make me open my eyes and sit up, forgetting the lingering nausea for a second while I think back. “Everything is such a blur. It’s hard for me to remember what happened when.”
“You get what I’m asking, right? Are you sure you’re not pregnant?”
“The test was negative,” I remind him with a shrug. “So it’s not that.”
His troubled eyes narrow. “Are those tests always right?”
Honestly, I have no idea. “Well, either way, it’s been a long time since my last period. Maybe I should go to the doctor.”
“I want to go with you.” It comes out all at once, almost a single word. “There’s still a chance you’re pregnant. The test could’ve been wrong. I want to be there with you.”
And I want nothing more in the whole world than to have him by my side. He’ll never know how much it means to hear that. It gives me the courage to stand on my feet and, after running up to get changed and brush my teeth, head down to Dad’s office. I still feel a little queasy, but I’m pretty sure I vomited up every ounce of what was in my stomach.
Could I be pregnant? The possibility makes my pulse race as I approach the open door. Good. He’s not busy. He might be in a decent mood.
And he seems to be, giving me his full attention when I walk in instead of only glancing my way before going back to his work. “Good morning. You look a little green. Are you feeling all right?”
It’s not like him to be that observant, which tells me I must look like hell. But right now, it feels like that’s a good thing. “Have a big favor to ask you.”
Groaning, he says, “Exactly what a father wants to hear first thing in the morning.”
“It’s not a big deal or anything. But I need to make an appointment with the doctor.”
“Are you sick? Is there something you’re not telling me?” He’s already halfway out of his chair, looking either ready to kill somebody or buy a new hospital wing to make sure I’m taken care of.
“I’m not sick. But…” I mean, I don’t want to lie. And considering I’m about to ask permission to take Ren with me, he needs to understand the subtext here. Why this is so important. “Don’t freak out. I thought I might be for a little while, but I took a test, and it said I wasn’t. But I just got sick out of nowhere, and… I don’t want to get too personal, but…” All the words come rushing out at once. I don’t even think they make sense or explain what is going on. Thankfully, Dad helps me out.
He holds up a hand, sinking back into his chair with a thump. “Are you telling me what I think you’re telling me?”
“I might be pregnant,” I whisper, trembling. “It would’ve happened when we were at that cabin. I swear, I wasn’t trying to keep a secret. I really didn’t think I was. But maybe I should go. And I want him to go with me. He has the right to be there if it turns out I really am pregnant.”
He closes his eyes, rubbing his temples in circles. I know better than to push my luck, so I stand here and wait for him to speak instead of demanding he give me an answer right away. “Obviously, this is not the time to go into specifics of what this could mean,” Dad murmurs. “What matters now is getting you the care you may need. And I have to agree with you. If you are going to have a baby, Ren deserves to be there with you. That is why he’ll go with you, but you’ll have two guards. No arguments.”
“I’m not arguing.” Honestly, I didn’t expect him to give in that easily. I’m already calling the gynecologist before I’ve left the room, and soon Ren and I are sitting in the backseat of an SUV, holding hands, both of us too nervous to say much of anything. But it’s a good kind of nerves. I can feel it. I can see it in the way he smiles whenever I catch his eye. I was so scared about how he would react when he found out, wasn’t I? But he’s come such a long way since we came back, too.
I’m sure the doctor has seen plenty of girls like me: young, a little scared, completely clueless. All it takes is me peeing in a cup, which I hand over to one of the nurses before heading back into the exam room where Ren is waiting. He offers a hopeful little smile that reminds me everything’s going to be okay, no matter what the result is. I know I have him. That’s all I’ve ever wanted.
Still, my heart catches, and I forget to breathe when the door opens, and the doctor steps in. “Scarlet, the test came back positive. You’re pregnant.”
It’s like the world stops turning for a second. I’m pregnant. I’m really pregnant, the doctor said so. “Oh, my god.” There are tears in my eyes when I turn to Ren, whose mouth is hanging open. He must see how anxious I am to hear his feelings because he is quick to pull me close for a tight hug. He’s happy. Oh, thank you, God.
After a brief exam, I lie back on the table while she pulls out the ultrasound equipment. It seems like everything’s happening so fast—just a couple of hours ago I woke up thinking this was an ordinary day. Now, there’s gel being squirted on my stomach so the three of us can get a look at what’s growing inside me. Our baby.
“There we are.” The doctor is smiling from ear to ear as she moves the wand over my stomach. “There’s your baby. Hear the heartbeat?” For a second there, I thought it was my own heart I was hearing.
All I can do is stare at the screen in wonder with Ren’s hand clutching mine while the doctor taps a keyboard and takes notes. “Based on the measurements here, it looks like you’re around nine weeks along. Still plenty of time to go, but you and baby seem healthy. Congratulations.”
Finally, I’m able to tear my gaze away from the image on the screen so I can look at Ren. He’s still staring, his face full of wonder as he gazes at what we created together.
“Congratulations,” I whisper, squeezing his hand.
All he does is beam and release a tiny laugh. It’s the happiest I’ve ever heard him.