Chapter 43
Everyone at school today was talking about how Finley and Alice are dating now. They were holding hands and stuff during lunch and all the girls were squealing about how cute it was but I don’t really get it. I personally found it more nauseating than anything else.
Finley is the captain of the soccer team and I think maybe that’s why Alice likes him.
Because he has no other redeeming qualities as far as I can tell.
And his family is really rich which I guess is really important to her because her family is also really rich and so now there are two cottages they can go to during holidays.
Me and Mom didn’t really have our own house before Mr. Cloutier hired her.
We were living with my aunt because Mom was having a hard time finding a job for a while because of her disclecsia and she used to cry about it a lot.
Now we live on their estate in our own house.
It’s really really nice, but I guess it’s not the same.
I’ve heard other kids talk about it and it’s not always nice things. But I don’t care.
I scored number one in our class again. If I want to be rich, I’ll just do it when I grow up and start my gaming company. I doubt it’s hard. Most of the people I’ve met with money are really stupid.
Update: I told Mom about my decision to be rich when I’m older and she told me I’m not allowed to call people stupid anymore.
Alice
I should have known better.
Maybe I’d been delusional, thinking we could talk our way through this with my family and ride off into the sunset as though none of the bad stuff ever even happened.
Perhaps I should have understood that no amount of planning or strategizing could accomplish the only thing that could truly fix this: turning back time.
Sometimes, you had to recognize that you were fighting a losing battle and call it, because deep down, you knew how pointless it would be to keep going.
Moronic, even. Self-sabotaging. Unhealthy.
Foolish. And the biggest favor you could do—for both yourself and everyone else involved—was to call it.
Knowing when to end things was a major part of growing up. And as much fun as we’d had revisiting some of those memories over the last two months, we weren’t kids anymore.
“Oops, sorry.” I eased back the ice pack when Dominic winced, my lips jerking into a small smile. “Big baby.”
He didn’t laugh. Didn’t lift his chin or look at me.
He hadn’t been able to meet my eyes since we’d left the hospital parking lot. We’d driven to my place in dense silence, and he hadn’t exited the car until I’d explicitly asked him to come up.
Now he was sitting on my couch, head hung, waiting for me to do the inevitable.
I scootched forward on the coffee table, my knees tucked comfortably between his as I gently pressed the ice pack to his jaw again. “Should we go visit Rosie tomorrow? The weather’s supposed to cool down a bit; I wouldn’t mind taking her for a walk down by the lake.”
That didn’t work either.
If anything, his head dipped even lower, which meant my arm had to bend at a somewhat awkward angle to keep the ice where it was. I sighed, but just as I was about to let my hand drop, I felt it.
At first, I thought it was from the melting frost coating the ice pack. My palm was already wet, so I had no reason to question the source. My hesitation was pure instinct.
I remained still, a heaviness settling deep in my chest. Without a word, I placed the ice pack on the table and wiped my palm over my sweatpants. The best thing to do in this instance was to leave him alone, give him his space. I knew him well enough to understand he’d consider it a mercy.
Sure enough, he let out a relieved breath when I stood up.
Had I been a better, more considerate person, I’d have shown him the mercy and privacy he so clearly wanted. But I wasn’t. I was selfish. Spoiled. And unreasonably stubborn.
So, instead, I slid my arms over his shoulders and gently settled on his lap. He stiffened, refusing to reciprocate the touch, because it wasn’t what he wanted.
He didn’t want me to reach for him, slip my palm over his cheek, and gingerly guide his face toward me. He loathed every second of it. His muscles were tense under my touch, his wet lashes cast downward, his jaw set. He continued to keep his hands to himself.
But I was too selfish a person to stop. Vile and self-centered as he’d once called me. And as far as I was concerned, this, like everything else, was about me. So I leaned forward and brushed a small kiss over his cheek, because I wanted to, and I knew it would make me feel better.
I might as well have spat on him.
His eyes shut, his throat working harder, brows pulled together in full concentration. One lone tear managed to squeeze through the tight vise of his self-control, and I didn’t think he’d ever hated himself more.
I’d have left him alone then, if only I weren’t such a terrible human being. Instead, I brushed the tear away with my thumb. Pressed my lips over that same spot.
“Alice.” His voice cracked over the plea. “Don’t. Please.”
“Why?”
“You know why.”
“What?” I swiped away another tear. It was impressive how the two had managed to escape. I didn’t think his eyelids could squeeze any tighter. I leaned in to kiss one of them. Selfishly. “You wanna break up?”
In response, he made the ultimate sacrifice and opened his eyes just to glare at me.
I smiled back. “Hi.”
“If you think this is making me feel better, it’s not.”
“I don’t think that,” I assured him. “It’s making me feel better, though, and that’s really the only thing that matters.”
“Not funny.”
“Wasn’t meant to be.”
His jaw strained, his glare turning lethal as another tear streamed down his perfect face. Of course, he was a pretty crier. How very irksome of him. “You don’t need to do all this. I’d rather you rip it off like a Band-Aid.”
“That would be the least painful way to go about it,” I agreed. “But the timing isn’t great, so we’ll need to hold off for a bit.”
His forehead pinched. “What?”
“I did a thing.”
His gaze flicked over my face questioningly.
With a sigh, I nabbed my phone from the table and tapped the screen. “I was waiting to surprise you with it in person once it was all done, but here.”
Dominic squinted at the email chain, and I watched with a grotesque amount of satisfaction as his expression slowly transformed. First into dumbstruck bewilderment. Then into sheer astonishment and awe. He gaped at me. “Are you serious?”
I grinned, tempted to flip my hair back and toot the hell out of my own horn.
Around three weeks ago, I’d woken up extra early, nabbed Dominic’s car keys while he was still snoozing, picked up a box of macarons from Jamie’s favorite French pastry shop, and driven to my parents’ old house in Rosedale.
I’d already chatted with the new owners—a darling Lebanese couple in their fifties who were enjoying their early, child-free retirement by rescuing more animals from shelters and mills than I could count—after tracking down their number from our old real estate agent, so they’d been expecting me.
The rest had been easy.
As luck would have it, their staff had taken great care of Rosie’s old garden. Most of the layout hadn’t changed, and while a few of the bushes had been replaced with other plants, the vast majority of them were the same ones Rosie had grown from seed.
“You said you wanted to keep a piece of her,” I murmured, brushing my nails through his hair.
“And since I ruined your replica, I thought I’d make up for it by getting you the original.
They agreed to let me have it after I told them what had happened, and I promised I’d have a new garden planted for them within a month.
This way, you’ll get to have the real thing, Dom.
They’re her decorations and her flowers.
The ones she picked out and tended to herself. I’ve already scheduled a team of—”
The kiss I was awarded was so deep and visceral that I grew very lightheaded, very quickly. He cradled the back of my head and clung to me like I was the sole distinction between life and death, his lips moving against mine with reckless torment.
“I love you,” he breathed when we finally separated.
“Just in case it wasn’t already painfully obvious, I’m so in love with you it borders on a sick addiction.
I’ve loved you since the very first time you compared my hair to that of a shaggy barn animal, and I will continue to love you well after the day you finally realize your brother’s right.
I don’t deserve you, Alice. I don’t. You have no fucking idea how sorry I am, and I’m not going to waste your time telling you about it because it’s never going to be enough. ”
He cupped my face, stroking my cheekbone with his thumb. “And I’m also not going to make you choose between me and your family. I’m just not. I love you too much to put you through that, so just—”
“I love you, too.”
I may as well have called upon the gods to strike him with lightning, he stilled with such intense shock.
Cute.
Grinning, I continued to toy with his soft hair, twisting on his lap so I could straddle him. I was getting very used to this position. My legs almost preferred it now.
“I loved you back then, too, you know,” I cooed. “When you gave me that letter. I know I kind of alluded to it already, but I don’t think you realize how far gone I really was. I loved you so much that I couldn’t think too hard about it, because it felt like my heart would burst in my chest.”
His eyes glazed over as they drooped to my mouth, trying to soak in every word.
“Today wasn’t great,” I admitted softly.
“Adrien overreacted. What he did was wrong, and I know him well enough to know he’ll regret it soon enough.
That’s not to say this is going to be easy, but to me, it’s worth the fight.
I love you. Really, I do. Rachel was wrong about us.
We’re not poison, Dominic. We’re fucking magic.
And as far as I’m concerned, this isn’t over until we say it’s over. And I’m not saying it is… are you?”
He studied me, his muscles slowly releasing some of their tension, the stubborn golden spark returning to his eyes.
“No. I’m not.”
“Good.” I smiled. “You know what I think we should do next?”
“Bring out the whiteboard again?”
My grin widened. “Yes, eventually. Not this second, though.” I kissed him once. “I’m sorry you had a bad day. Will you let me take care of you like you took care of me? Just until you feel better.”
It was only fair.
He opened his mouth to argue, but I interrupted him with another sweet kiss.
“Let me make my case before you say no,” I murmured, nibbling on his bottom lip.
“I’ll wear the cobalt-blue bikini as my uniform.
You’ll meet me in the shower in five minutes, where I’ll dote on you the same way you doted on me.
I’ll suck you off until you’re drooling and cross-eyed, then let you take me to bed and use me any which way you like.
I’ll cook you breakfast, lunch, and dinner.
Hand-feed you your favorite snacks. Light up a few candles, and give you a few massages to help you release the tension… how does all that sound?”
A pleased sound rumbled in his throat. “What about your family?”
“We’ll figure it out once you’re feeling better. I need to take care of my man first.”
He shuddered at that, melting into putty before my eyes. “Can you tell me you love me again?”
“I love you.” I licked his lower lip, then nipped at it. “I love you so much I don’t know what to do with myself.”
He groaned, closing his eyes. “Can you say it while sucking me off, too?”
“Hell yeah, I can. Do we have a deal?”
His throat worked for a beat. “I don’t think I could say no to that even if I wanted to.”
“Good.” I peeled away, grinning. “Five minutes?”
“Four.”
We ran into my room, fingers interlinked.
I made good on almost every promise, taking my time as I shampooed his hair and soaped down his glorious body.
Then I got to my knees and teased his cock with my lips, tongue, and a sugar-sweet string of “I love yous” until it wept for me, begging for mercy.
I massaged his balls, sucked and licked him to incoherent oblivion, and moaned with victory when he lost control and shot down my throat.
Then I dragged him to bed. Coaxed him into taking a nap while I cooked one of his favorite dinners.
He was still in his bathrobe, groggy with sleep, when I settled back on his lap and poured us both a generous glass of wine.
We giggled while we ate, murmuring sweet nothings against each other’s lips.
I trailed nibbling kisses over his cheek, his jaw, his neck until he was rosy-drunk on wine, food, and my affection, and so relaxed that he almost fell asleep when I gave him the massage he’d been promised.
But he maintained just enough energy to roll over and pull me to him so he could stuff his face into my breasts while we cuddled.
“I love you,” I murmured, twirling one of his curls around my finger. He groaned, muttering something entirely nonsensical into my skin. Two minutes later, he gave a soft snore, and I closed my eyes, smiling as I mentally planned out the next few days.
Tomorrow, I’d surprise him with breakfast in bed—pancakes with dark chocolate chunks, blackberries, and whipped cream. Then I’d open my laptop, show him the website I’d found, and let him pick out whatever slutty costumes he wanted to see me wear while I gently stroked him with my hand.
I’d have him put his head on my lap while I read to him.
We’d go for a walk. Maybe visit the racetrack again.
Spend more time in bed.
On day three, we’d drive out to see Rosie, have dinner at a nearby vineyard, and spend the night at the hotel he’d told me about.
But, evidently, all of that needed to wait. Because when I drifted awake at 5:45 the next morning, the bed was empty, and Dominic was gone.
Smiling, I turned over and closed my eyes again.
That didn’t take long.