14. Joaquín
Chapter 14
Joaquín
T his graduation ceremony is dragging on way longer than it needs to. I sit there with my diploma in hand, waiting for Gabriela to walk across the stage to get hers, and I’ve contemplated booing her, but I think cornering her afterwards where I can have her all to myself is a much better plan. I watched her when she arrived, leaving her sister with a much older woman that looked nothing like her. It couldn’t have been her mother, maybe a grandmother.
Neither of her parents came to see her graduate. A part of me feels sad for her. At least my dad could get the evening off to be here. I didn’t even invite my mother, and who knows if my dad tried to reach out to her to let her know?
I overheard Gabriela when she was talking to her friends letting them know she wouldn’t be at the all-night graduation party tonight. Not gonna lie, that upset me. I wanted the opportunity to get her alone there. What I would have done, I’m not sure. Not like I was just gonna let all of this be forgotten, nor would she just forgive me, but I think taking some frustration out on each other would have been a fun way to work through some of it.
“Gabriela Alejandra Ruíz,” the vice principal, speaks into the microphone, and a barrage of students clap for her. I look behind me, and I catch Thiago clapping for her. I narrow my eyes at him, and he just shakes his head.
What the fuck? I swear he is going soft because of Cora. Who’s side is he even on?
The ceremony comes to an end, finally. We throw our caps, and I practically sprint to the back, zeroing in on where Gabriela is. I grab hold of her arm and drag her toward the bleachers. Once we are out of sight, I push her against the cement wall, boxing her in with my body. Gabriela’s throat goes taut as she looks up at me.
“What the fuck do you want, Joaquín? I need to get back to my sister.” She tries to push me back, but my feet are firmly planted; there’s no moving me.
“I heard you're not going to the party tonight because of your sister. What? Your parents couldn’t be bothered enough to take the night off to come see you graduate or take care of their own kid? To let you out for a night to have a little fun.” I sneer, bringing my hand up to push back a piece of hair that has fallen from her bun. She smacks my hand away.
Gabriela’s eyes fill with tears as her lower lip quakes. “You fucking asshole,” she whispers. “My mom died at the beginning of the school year. A drunk driver hit her on her way to work.” Gabriela sucked in a breath and fought to continue to speak through the sobs. “I’ve been raising my sister by myself. My piece of shit dad relinquished his rights to make me her guardian. So while you and your stupid,” she slams her fist into my chest, “fucking friends have been making my life a living hell; I’ve been trying to raise her, keep my grades up, and work to provide for her. By myself.”
I pull back, stunned, feeling a wave of guilt wash over me. I had no idea about what Gabriela was going through. “He just left you to deal with it by yourself.” I choke out the words, the remorse I feel, thinking about her alone taking care of her sister. “Why didn’t you tell anyone?”
Tears continue to stream down Gabriela’s face as she looks at me, the anger and pain in her eyes. “The school knew. My friends knew. I had enough of my life being blasted all around the school, so I made everyone promise to keep it to themselves. Looks like they didn’t tell anyone. No thanks to you and your little dickwad friends, the student body already had an image of the type of person I was, why add to it.”
“My mom left because of your dad. I have every right to be pissed off.” I push her back into the wall. My heart beats against my chest, and I feel like I can’t get enough oxygen. She’s so fucking close…if I could just put everything aside… all the hurt. I’d kiss her so softly to tell her I’m sorry for her mom dying. For her being alone in raising her sister.
But I can’t.
Gabriela’s expression softens slightly, but the hurt is still evident. “ At them . You have every right to be mad at them, Joaquín. Just like I am.”
I grab her by the throat and whisper just low enough to where she can’t hear me over the commotion of the graduation celebrations. “ Odio cuánto te deseo (I hate how much I want you.)” I want to smash my lips against hers so I can taste her. Even if it’s just this once. But I don’t. I drop my hand from her throat and move back, staring at her instead.
She pushes past me, heading back towards the graduation ceremony. I stand there, momentarily feeling the shame, regret, and a newfound understanding of the pain I’ve caused. I know I can’t undo the damage I’ve done, and I’m not sure that I want to. Coming out from under the bleachers, I watch her cut across the field and scoop up her sister and make her way to the exit.
I pull out my phone and see the text messages from Nate and Thiago, wondering where I am. I shoot a text to our group chat.
Did you guys know her mother died?
Nate: Who’s mom?
Thiago: Cora told me. Said If I said anything to you, she’d stop seeing me. I didn’t think you’d care, anyway.
Nate: Gabby’s mom?
Eight fucking months ago. Why didn’t you fucking tell me?
Thiago: What would it have changed if you knew? You’ve got some weird love/hate shit going on with her. News flash, she fucking liked you, carnal. You fucked up. Me telling you her mom died wouldn’t have done anything. You still would have fucked with her.
I take a moment to let his words sink in. She fucking liked you.
I’ll see you guys tomorrow.
Nate: Aw, come on, dude. The party. Let’s get some chick to suck your dick, and you’ll forget about her. You’ll feel better.
I could never forget about her. The only person who will ever have all of me is her.
Putting my phone back in my pocket, I head off to find my dad. Despite my anger, a part of me is reluctant to let go of it. I look at her and I see my mother leaving me. I see her dad being the reason she left. But I also see the girl that I have had a crush on since the third grade. The girl I jerk off to, because she is the only girl that’s ever gotten me hard. Gabriela is the girl I would have done anything to be with. I would do anything to be with. But the hate, even though I know it’s misguided, makes me want to hurt her.
Why did our parents have to fuck things up?