15. Gabriela
Chapter 15
Gabriela
T he constant presence of Joaquín in my life has made this summer exponentially worse. I foolishly believed that graduating would finally free me from his torment, but fate had other plans. Everywhere I turn, his gaze follows me, filled with a toxic combination of hatred and uncontrolled desire. While he may have stopped bullying me like he did in school, I can’t shake off the unsettling feeling he evokes within me.
On one hand, I’m relieved that he seems to have let go of his anger. I have far too many problems to deal with right now, and entertaining his wrath is simply not an option. Juggling the responsibilities of being a mother and working has proven to be the most challenging endeavor of my life. It feels like an endless cycle without any breaks, unlike when my mom was still alive. Those occasional moments of respite are now nothing but a distant memory.
The strain of taking care of Mireya around the clock is overwhelming. It leaves me questioning whether I will ever have the opportunity to have my own children or even get married. Witnessing my parents’ relationship fall apart has tainted my perception of a future filled with love and stability. I fear I may never experience the joy of starting my own family, and the weight of that uncertainty is suffocating.
* * *
The college acceptance letter sits in front of me on the table, urging me to make a hard decision. To choose between caring for my sister and working at the daycare until she is in a full day school program or breaking down and finding respite care so I can further my education now and create a better future for us.
How can I trust some stranger to care for my sister while I am gone? The thought that I would be away from her for long periods of time scares me. I can trust that highly trained people who do this for a living would keep Mireya safe. At least that’s what my brain tells me. It’s my heart that tries to say otherwise.
But deep down, I know that I can’t let fear hold me back from pursuing my dreams. I have worked so hard to get to this point, and turning down this opportunity would be a disservice to myself and my sister. I have always been her protector, her caregiver, but now it’s time for me to think about our long-term future.
I remind myself that finding the right respite care provider is crucial. I would never entrust my sister’s well-being to just anyone. I would thoroughly research and vet potential caregivers, checking their qualifications, references, and experience. Interviewing them extensively, asking all the important questions to ensure they are capable and compassionate.
It’s difficult to imagine someone else taking care of Mireya, someone who doesn’t know her quirks, her likes and dislikes, as well as I do. But I have to believe that professionals who dedicate their lives to caring for children like Mireya have the skills and expertise to handle any situation that may arise.
I could reach out to other parents in the local autism group who have used respite care services and hear about their experiences. Their insights and recommendations could provide some reassurance and help me make an informed decision.
Ultimately, I must trust in the process and have faith in my own judgment. I need to remind myself that this decision is not just about me; it’s about creating a better future for both myself and my sister. By pursuing my education and securing a stable career, I can provide a better life for us, ensuring that Mireya receives the care and support she needs. She'll be five in January, then she will be in kindergarten.
It won’t be easy, and there will undoubtedly be moments of doubt and guilt. In the end, it’s about finding the right balance between caring for my sister and creating a better future for us both.
* * *
The house is quiet at midnight as I sit in front of my laptop, paying bills and balancing the bank account. My phone pings with notifications from the group chat with Cora and Nat. They are at some party, and they are giving me a play-by-play of everything that’s going on.
Cora: The asshole just showed up with Thiago.
Natalie: You know, he never hooks up with any of the girls that hit on him. It’s almost like he couldn’t fathom having one of them touch him. Come to think of it, I don’t think I have ever seen him with another girl.
What are you getting at?
Cora: Don’t play dumb. You know what she means.
Cora: He may be a cabrón, but it seems like he’s devoted to only one girl. You.
Don’t even start.
Natalie: It’s true. Shit, he’s looking right at us.
Cora: Aw, he looks sad. Probably wondering where you are.
Good. Just ignore him.
Okay, I’m heading to bed. Talk to you guys later.
They text me goodnight. I shut off the laptop and put everything away so Reya can’t get a hold of it in the morning. Quickly, I clean the living room and then head back to bed. My phone vibrated in my pocket just as I entered my bedroom. The notification bar reads "Unknown,” I roll my eyes and I can’t help but think stalker has horrible timing.
?Qué hace mi reina esta noche?
Still with the “Reina” stuff.
You are. Mine and only mine.
Si tuviera un rey, no me dejaría hacer todo esto sola. Y estoy tan jodidamente sola.
…
Those three dots move across the screen for what feels like forever. I crawl under the covers and look around my bedroom, the same room I’ve been in since we moved into this house. I haven’t had it in me to move into mom’s room. Part of me still feels like she is going to come home at any minute, shower, and go to sleep.
But I know that she isn’t coming home.
The phone vibrates. I swipe up and read the single sentence.
Would you let me take care of you?
I let out a small laugh. He has to be joking or living in a land of delusion.
I don’t even know who you are. ?Por qué quieres cuidarme?
I never knew what true hunger felt like until I tasted your skin that night at the dance. I have been craving you every single day since. You can doubt what I’m about to say, all you want, but I can promise you it will happen. I’m gonna marry you, Gabriela. One day, when everything is okay. I’m gonna take care of you and your sister.
Closing my eyes, I remember that night at the dance. I try to think about who he could have been, and it’s as if I can almost feel him against my skin. How hard he felt against me, unlike Issac. The thought of him has me wet, and I swear I’m going to go to hell for slipping my hand under my sweats. I let out a soft moan as my fingers make contact with my clit. The vibration from my phone draws my attention back to him.
Reina? You still there?
When I think of the stalker, all I see is Joaquín. I imagine it’s him pressed against me, his mouth on my neck. I gently press my fingers inside my pussy to gather my arousal, and it only takes the lightest pressure on my clit to have me bucking against my fingers, wanting more. Needing more.
Needing him. Wanting him. Even with the hate that burns in his eyes when he looks at me. I would take it all just to have him inside of me.
The pressure builds, and I chase the release, leaving stalker on read. “Oh god,” I moan, my fingers making tight fast circles making me turn my head to muffle the sound of my orgasm in the pillows. The waves of pleasure ebb and flow as my thighs twitch, I slow my fingers, lying there completely sated. Well not completely . Withdrawing my hand, my fingers glisten with my release, and I stare at them.
I pick my phone up and take a picture and send it to him.
Tu “Reina” te necesitaba. Pero elegiste esconderte de ella. Sé un rey y deja de esconderte.