18. Joaquín
Chapter 18
Joaquín
Fall Semester - October
G abriela is everywhere I turn on campus, and it’s driving me insane. I haven’t approached her since the beach—I cut all contact, thinking that if I avoided her, I could just move on. Three months of no contact, not even as the stalker. The universe decided for me that would not be happening, putting her in nearly all of my classes. Torturing me with the person I crave above all else. Gabriela is still all I see, all I want.
I’ve missed her so much. Even if it's me being mean to her. I miss her.
Thiago says I’m obsessed, and honestly, I’m not sure if obsession even captures the intensity of the emotions I feel when I look at her. The marrow within my bones needs her—the blood that flows through my veins calls out to her, like it knows that she’s supposed to be mine. Part of me believes she feels it too, judging by how her eyes consistently meet mine. How she will give me a small smile, hoping I’ll do the same in return.
God, how I want to. The lingering hate prevents me from just picking her up, and fucking her against the wall. From kissing her until we both need to come up for air to having her lay in my arms all night long.
Thiago joins me at the back of the lecture hall for English, and I can hear the excitement in his voice as he tells me all about his most recent date with Cora, but my mind is too preoccupied to focus on his words. Gabriela and Cora enter the hall, and immediately Cora waves enthusiastically to Thiago, a wide smile on her face. Gabriela’s eyes meet mine, and I can see the tension building within her. With a deep breath, she allows her best friend to pull her up the stairs, their footsteps echoing through the room.
My heart races as Gabriela’s gaze lingers on mine—this intensity between us is undeniable. It’s as if there is an unspoken connection, a magnetic pull that draws us together. It’s hate and lust, all muddled together, and the love I have for her that burns my soul is desperately trying to dominate over all other feelings.
She consumes me.
I try to focus on Thiago’s words about his date with Cora and how his weekend went, but my mind keeps wandering back to Gabriela. Every fiber of my being longs for her, for her touch, attention, fucking anything.
As Gabriela and Cora climb the stairs, I can’t help but pay close attention to everything she does. There’s tension in her smile—desire and uncertainty. It’s like she’s fighting the same battle within herself, torn between what she wants and what she thinks is right.
The girls situate themselves in the seats in front of Thiago and me, pulling out their laptops to take notes. Before the professor starts her lecture, Cora spins around to flirt with Thiago.
“So, are we still planning to go to the Halloween party next weekend? I hear it’s supposed to be epic! Gabriela was able to get Mireya’s respite worker to take a night shift so she could go.”
My ears perk up at that little piece of information, and even though I wasn’t planning to go to this party, I am now. It’s the perfect opportunity to insert myself back into her life. Thiago looks over at Gabriela and gives her a friendly smile.
“That’s awesome. I bet it’ll be nice to let loose and have some fun.”
Her response is a silent nod, agreeing with him without uttering a single word. It’s like she doesn’t want to speak around me. Is she afraid that if she does I’ll be cruel to her? Right now there is nothing I want more than to hear the sound of her voice. Three months of silence and kind smiles, but no actual words.
It’s torture.
It makes me wonder if she’s doing it on purpose.
After an hour and a half of a boring lecture, everyone gathers their things and heads out of the hall. Cora and Gabriela take off after saying goodbye to Thiago, and once she’s far enough away, I take out my phone and send her a text from the fake number.
?Por qué mi reina está tan silenciosa?
Sitting down at one of the numerous tables in this quad, I watch as she pulls her phone out of her back pocket and opens the message. I smirk and shove my phone in my jacket pocket. Book in hand, I lean back in the uncomfortable chair and attempt to read Bless Me, Ultima . Gabriela stares at her phone, and her fingers fly across the screen. My phone vibrates in my pocket, and I pull it back out, pulling up our message thread.
Three months? You left me on read for three fucking months, and now you wanna know why I’m the silent one? Como dije antes, no eres mi rey.
She missed me, too.
I quickly typed a reply, hitting send.
Lo siento, Riena. Here is where you’re wrong, though: Siempre seré tu rey.
I hit send, and I looked up to see Gabriela staring right at me, her expression of confusion and possibly even a hint of anger. Fuck, did she see me respond to the message? No. My book is hiding my phone from view. She couldn’t have. Gabriela knowing it’s been me all along would make things difficult.
I do the only thing I can think of to deter her. I raise my middle finger, hardening my gaze, which makes her cheeks flush. Watching her turn and head to the parking lot has me packing my shit in my bag, sprinting after her. I want to know where she lives, and part of me wants to make sure she and the little one are safe. Safe from everyone but me.
* * *
Minutes seem to stretch into hours as I sit in my truck across the street and a house down from theirs. The night sky is pitch black tonight, with ominous clouds hanging and just enough of a chill in the air to need a sweatshirt. How long am I going to sit here and just watch the house like a fucking psychopath? Just as doubt starts to creep in, my phone buzzes with a notification. It’s Gabriela. My heart sits in my throat as I unlock my phone and open the message.
Goodnight. Please don’t ignore me anymore.
Dios, eso suena desesperado. Olvídalo.
Pronto. Pronto tendrás todo de mí.
All the lights in the house go out, and I wait an excruciating amount of time more before I actually get out of the truck. With my black skull face balaclava on and hood up, I check the surroundings. The street is dead silent, and the thudding of my black sneakers echoes on the street as I sprint across. Once I’m on their porch, I notice they don’t have any cameras, which I am grateful for at the moment. On the other hand, they need one—at least one of those doorbell ones. My girls need to be safe. I scan the entire porch in search of any potential hiding spot for a hide-a-key. Directing my attention towards a group of planters, I roll my eyes, hoping she isn’t this predictable. Sure enough, underneath the largest one is the silver key.
“Fuck.” I mumble, shaking my head as I slide the key into the deadbolt and then doorknob and turn. She needs to be smarter about shit like this. I mean, look how easily I’m getting into the house. What if it was someone who wanted to rob them or sexually assault her? Or Mireya, that thought alone makes my heart rate go up. The moment I step into her home, I am immediately hit with the intoxicating scent of Gabriela. As quietly as I can, I close the door, then turn to take in the state of the house.
Toys are all over the living room, and I don’t know why, but it makes me smile. I carefully navigate through the scattered toys, making sure not to make any noise that could potentially wake anyone up. The house is eerily quiet, amplifying the sound of my racing heartbeat.
The dim light from the moon filters through the curtains, casting shadows across the room. I can’t help but notice the personal touches that adorn the walls—family photos, artwork, and memories. It’s as if I’m peering into a world that is not my own, a world that I have no right to be a part of.
All I have ever brought her is pain.
In the back of my mind, a singular thought nags at me. All Gabriela is to me is a reminder of my mother abandoning me. I make my way towards the darkened hallway. Each creak of my footsteps on the hardwood floor sends a shiver down my spine, heightening my awareness of the risk I am taking. But my obsession with Gabriela has clouded my judgment, overpowering any rational thoughts.
As I reach the first door on my left, I see the door is open, and it’s just a bathroom. To my right, another door, this one, closed. I turn the knob and peer inside to find her little sister asleep in a tent-covered bed. My heart skips a beat, knowing that Gabriela must be just a few steps away from me in another room.
I approach the second to last door, my hand trembling as I turn the doorknob. Slowly, I push the door open, revealing a room that is both familiar and foreign to me. The soft glow of a nightlight illuminates the space, revealing a neatly made bed and a few boxes of clothes and other items. Moving closer, I look into one of the boxes—scrubs. My heart sank as the realization hit me—these things must have belonged to their mother.
I pause there for a moment, taking in the room and absorbing the atmosphere. It gives off a sense of holiness, a sanctuary that embodies the core of their mother. I resist the urge to touch anything, afraid of disturbing the delicate balance of her personal things.
My eyes shift to the last door in the hallway. No light comes from under the door, so I can only hope that she’s actually asleep. I close the door to the room behind me and turn and come face to face with Gabriela’s door. Pressing my ear to the door, I listen for any movement. When I’m satisfied she’s asleep, I open the door to her room, and my eyes fall to her sleeping half-naked body in the king-sized bed.
The bed where I should be sleeping with her.
No, stop it. Stop thinking she would even for a second consider willingly inviting you into her bed.
I stand there for a moment, taking in Gabriela’s serene expression, overwhelmed by conflicting feelings of affection and remorse. She looks so vulnerable, unaware of the intrusion in her life that I am about to become again. The moonlight from the large double windows next to the bed cast a soft glow on her features, accentuating her beauty. It’s in these moments that my obsession with her feels twisted and wrong.
I take a step closer, my footsteps barely making a sound on the carpeted floor. I resist the urge to touch her, to trace my fingers along the contours of her face, to see if her skin is as soft as I have dreamt it to be. This invasion of her personal space is already crossing boundaries that should never be crossed. But I can’t help myself.
My back connects with the wall across from her bed, and I continue to watch her sleep. Memories of my mother abandoning me flood my mind. Gabriela’s presence serves as a constant reminder of that pain, yet I can’t seem to let go. The need to possess her, to make her mine, consumes me.
A tear falls from my eye, and I allow it to fall, shifting my gaze away from Gabriela. I scan her room, taking in the contents of her space and getting to know her in a way I never could. Posters and pictures adorn the walls, capturing special moments of her life. It’s as if I’m glimpsing into a world I have never been a part of.
You should leave, Quín. She could wake up and catch you. Breaking and entering won’t look good on a job application. Pretty sure it will get you kicked out of school too.
The sad part is I almost want her to wake up and catch me. Just so we can confront each other privately. Maybe we could work through all the bullshit and then at the end of it we’d be able to move on.
My obsession with her is overpowering any rational thoughts or moral compass. I take a step closer to Gabriela’s bed, my heart pounding in my chest. The temptation to touch her, to wake from what seems to be a restful night's sleep and claim her as mine, is overwhelming.
She is mine. I’ll make sure of it.
With a heavy silent sigh, I turn away from Gabriela’s sleeping form and quietly exit her room, leaving the door ajar. As I slip out of the front door and into the silent street, I can’t help but feel a pull to go back to her. To strip myself bare and crawl under the covers with her. I may have left her physically untouched, but the emotional scars I’ve left behind are immeasurable. I climb back into the truck with the darkness surrounding me and drive away.